“Christian,” I said trembling. I could hear NSYNC’s collective gasp while Christian ran to me and picked me up, squeezed me and spun me in tight circled. As if I weren’t nauseated enough.
As soon as he put me down I swirled around to face Chris. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he said and collapsed into the chair that JC had just that moment vacated.
“I’m sorry.”
He looked me dead in the eyes. “Just tell me why,” he pleaded. “I don’t get it. Last night we were feeling each other ..”
“I know we were. And I care about you Chris but I just realized that I’m in love with Christian. Even though I love you and care about you, it doesn’t match what I feel for him. I know that even if I were to be with you, you would always be second place in my heart. Runner up. That’s not fair to you. You deserve a girl who will love you as much as you love her. You’ll find her one day, I promise.” I wiped a tear from his cheek. “and when you do…” I took off the chain with Chris’s ring attached and placed it in his hand. “When you do, give this to her for me.”
I heard a knock on the door and Johnny’s voice came booming through. “What the hell are you guys doing in there? Meet and Greet’s, Soundcheck. I wanna see you all out here in less than 4 minutes. HURRY UP!”
There it was, I’d done it; but now I had Christian and Chris’s make-up to do. My battle wasn’t over yet but with the hardest part of out the way, I got my brush and went to work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes, I look back on that day and wonder, if I had it to do over again, would I make the same choice? The answer is a resounding yes.
You see, had I said yes to Chris then, I wouldn’t be here at his wedding, listening to Justin make his speech. I wouldn’t be engaged to the love of my life and Chris may have never met his.
I’m not going to stand here in front of you and tell you that I knew from the beginning that I’d made the right choice. I’m not going to say I knew that I wouldn’t regret my decision because I had no clue what my future would hold. And I certainly didn’t know until now, how much I held in my hands that day in the venue. It’s scary to think of, but great to remember.
I looked around at all of the smiling faces and smiled myself. The morning was so beautiful. I was so glad that Hannah, Chris’s new wife had decided to have their wedding outside. Christian squeezed my hands as they called up the former members of NSYNC to the front of the skillfully, specially carved alter. They’d decided to perform again for everyone. For old time sakes I guess.
Regina tapped me on the shoulder and I looked back at her. “Christopher Alan…so cute,” she reminded me.
I smiled. Christopher Alan. When was the last time someone called him that? Ever since NSYNC broke up he’s gone by Topher. Sure I thought it was stupid but he needed a change.
Chris picked up the microphone as music played behind him. “First, I’d like to thank everyone for coming. You all mean a lot to me. I mean that,” he looked at me and winked. “Now, without further ado, for one day only, NSYNC is going to sing a song for you. And it goes a little something like this.”
I recognized this song. I looked at Christian and the look in his eye revealed its identity. “Christian, you didn’t!”
“I did.”
The song was one of their old ones off of the On The Line soundtrack called ‘Don’t Look Down’. It had always been my favorite but at least this time I knew that it was for Hannah and not for me. I smiled and listened to them sing the rest of the song. They got a standing ovation at the end but they weren’t through yet.
“Before we go,” Lance said, “we’ve got to do this one.” He looked at his former bandmates and best friends. “Can we do it?” he asked them. They all nodded. “All right. This is the LAST time we do this cause, we’ll probably all have heart attacks before we’re done.”
Everyone laughed, wondering what this song would be. Lance nodded to the band and the beginning of ‘Pop’. Everyone laughed and cheered as they nailed each and every one of their dance steps, in more sync than I’ve ever seen them. When it was over another standing ovation was in order and pictures were even taken of them in their last “boy band” pose. I’d seen enough of those to never forget what they looked like as NSYNC so instead Christian and I decided to just get going. We’d catch up with Chris later. It wasn’t like he didn’t come over every Friday night to hang out with us anyway.
I opened my program again once I was in the limo and what should float freely to the ground but a small white envelope, scented in Romance Men. “This can’t be happening,” I said softly to myself and opened it subtly. Inside was a note. From Chris I assumed.
My dearest Abigail, So we made it. Through all of the crap, all of the hurt, all of the pain and look at us now. Two grown individuals, starting their own lives. I never said thank you for doing what you did and I’m sorry. I know now why you chose Christian over me and although I’ve already shown my feelings, I just wanted to say them officially. You made the right choice. I was selfish and I didn’t deserve to get you that way. You’ve made the more of a man and I thank you for it. There aren’t enough words in all of the languages in the world that can express how much you mean to me but before you go, listen to NSYNC’s CD’s and think of how many songs can/do apply to you. You’ll be surprised.
Well I guess that’s all I have to say. Take care and make sure Christian is good to you. I love you girl. See you Friday.
A wink and a hug,
Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick
THE END
Completed
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