“So Abby, you don’t think my skin is jacked up?” Chris said suddenly.
“What?”
“I can get rid if these blackheads?” He winked at me desperately, begging me to play along. Oh my gosh, he was saving my ass wasn’t he?
“Yeah. I can get rid of those,” I said and rubbed his blackheadless nose. Chris nodded and shook his legs as a sign or me to let him up. I dismounted his lap and smiled at Christian. “Hi babe,” I said and went to him with arms outstretched. He accepted my hug but subtly pulled away when I tried to kiss him. He looked at Chris once. “How’d you get in?”
“Abby,” he lied.
“But you’re supposed to be rehearsing with us. I thought they said you
were sick.”
Chris was at a loss for words, there was no way he could have expected such a question. It killed me to have to do this but..
“He is sick,” I covered. “He started feeling dizzy from standing so I told him to go ahead and sit down.”
“Well, why’d you lock the door,” he asked me in a hushed voice.
“The door locks when it closes.”
“No, I left the dead bolt out so that the door wouldn’t close and I didn’t take my key because I knew I’d be coming back in a few minutes.”
“So you just left me for anyone to spy on?”
“There’s no one else on this floor but us and NSYNC.”
“If you left your key then how’d you get in?”
“I went to the front desk.”
This was sounding weirder and weirder by the second. “Well babe, why didn’t you just knock?”
Christian looked away then and I saw his jaw clench. It seemed as though he didn’t want to give me an answer and that didn’t seem like such a bad idea, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it either. “Joey told me to be weary. I think I know why now.”
I looked at Chris for any sign of betrayal but found none. I looked to Christian again whose eyes were transfixed on Chris. There was something about them that frightened me. I didn’t want those skeptical eyes to turn on me. I wanted so badly to tell Christian that Chris had entered the room uninvited and kissed me. But how well would that go over with him? That still didn’t explain why I was on his lap. Hell, I didn’t even know why I’d chosen that position in the first place and I now wished I hadn’t.
“Blackheads?” he said abruptly. So abruptly in fact that it startled Chris and I a little and we jumped.
“Yes,” Chris answered.
There was another moment of silence while Christian let the situation ruminate. His eyes warmed up and he smiled. “I’m sorry. You’re probably embarrassed about that huh?”
Chris played along and ran a hand through his hair bashfully. “Yea, kinda.”
“Don’t worry chum it happens to the best of us. If you ever need to see Abby privately you’re more than welcome to come. Just say the word and I’ll go find something to do.”
What? What was Christian saying! I grabbed his ears and guided his face toward mine and shook my head shallowly in desperation. “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I’ll protect you.”
He pressed his lips against mine and let his tongue play with mine for a moment. Chris cleared his throat to make his uncomfort known. Christian pulled away and apologized to Chris for his thoughtlessness before grabbing his guitar and leaving.
I waited until the door had been shut for ten seconds before beginning my tirade. I went on for what must have been a half hour. Telling him never to speak to me again, it was too close and Christian could have seen something he wasn’t supposed to and how I hated lying to my boyfriend because he never lies to me…everything I was thinking. The words were like honey, they flowed from my mouth thick, and with no let up. No spaces, no commas, just words and exclamation points. I can’t even remember exactly what I said to him, I only remember what he said after I was through.
I sat on the bed, spent from all of the yelling and crying and cursing I’d just done. Chris stood still while I rubbed my tear filled eyes and kept mumbling under my breath. Finally he moved. He glided over to the bedside and stood before me, saying nothing. I looked up at him, my eyes red and bloodshot. It was amazing that he could stand there so motionless and stately after having been verbally derogated for close to 30 minutes. He knelt down in front of me.
“I don’t want him to leave me, Chris. I don’t want you and I never will. I only want him.” Left over words from my acrimonious harangue.
He let out a short breath of air and then caught it again. I could see his eyes begin to gloss with the beginnings of tears and immediately wished I could renege on what I’d just said.
“I wish you would kiss me like that,” he whimpered. “It’s always the pretty ones that get to choose.”
“Get to choose?”
“The girl of their dreams.”
“I…’m not sure I get what you mean.”
“Guys like Christian and Justin, they can get any girl their heart desires. But me, I don’t WANT just any girl, I want you. And so because I don’t have blonde hair, or stand in the front when we go to photo shoots or, get asked the most questions or sing the most in the band, I can’t have you? I wonder who you’d be with if we were all just regular guys working at BK.”
“I wouldn’t be with any of you, as old as you two are and working at BK?”
“Yet you say you love him. So I guess your love doesn’t transfer through.”
“Well-“
“But the difference with me is, I would love you no matter who you were. If you were a pauper on the street, I’d love you. If you were a producer in L.A., I’d love you, Black? I’d love you. Asian, I’d love you. Crazy, I’d love you. Sane - I love you.” His eyes searched for understanding in mine. “Can you say the same for Christian?”
A knock came on the door and Chris shot to his feet. “I’d better go,” he said softly. He walked over to the door and opened it.
“Chris?” Lance asked and looked beyond his friend and further into the room. “What’s - “
That’s all I got to hear before Chris closed the door to talk with Lance alone. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. And to think, the conversation Chris was about to have would change my life forever.
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