Atlanta
March 2005
4:36pm

Amanda paced the floor of her apartment, telephone attached to her ear. Her temper rising as she listened carefully to the words being spoken to her on the other end of the line. Her heart ached and her head was spinning. Her ears were on fire, not only because of the words that were being spoken but because the anger that she felt was beyond anything she’d ever felt.

As she listened closely to every detail the person on the other end spoke, she fisted the sofa’s throw pillow in her right hand. She felt as if she was in the twighlight zone and couldn’t escape. She couldn’t believe that it was happening to her. The one thing she swore she would never cause on anyone, was happening to her. Her heart was broken. Complete and absolute heartbreak.

“And it took you this long to confess to this?” Amanda questioned, calmly.

“My intentions weren’t to hurt you, Amanda. You have to believe that.” The person on the other end said, clearly sobbing.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Amanda hissed. “You always were the type, but you know what? I can’t blame you. I’m honestly congratulating you. You’ve gotten what you’ve wanted all along.”

“I never set out for this to happen. But it did, and I can’t do anything about it now. All I can do is tell you what’s going on, what’s been going on for a very long time,” The person said. “You need to let the past go, Amanda. We were kids back then.”

“Yet, here we are in the same situation. Only multiply it by a thousand and we get what we have now.” Amanda’s voice raised, and she regretted that she’d let the person hear her anger.

“You know I thought you would understand. That you would be a little more considerate, considering the consequences.”

“Considerate? You’re fucking kidding me right now. We’ve been on the phone for two hours talking about how you’re sleeping with my boyfriend. My boyfriend of thirteen years. And you’re telling me I should be more considerate? Did you get an education? Do you understand that you shouldn’t sleep with thy neighbors husband?”

“He’s not your husband.” The woman retorted.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HE IS AND ISN’T!! I know what he is. You have no right!! You’ve never had the right!! Not when you were twelve and you pushed yourself on him. Not now, at twenty-four when you’re fucking pregnant by my man!!”

“Your man apparently isn’t satisfied, Amanda.” Jessica said, the sobbing vanished, and venom back to its originality.

“Well he wouldn’t, would he? I don’t bring the entire ESPN staff to bed with me every night.” Amanda chuckled bitterly. “How does it feel to get my sloppy seconds, Jessica? Now wait, you’ve always tasted that, haven’t you?”

“Grow up, Amanda!! Jeremy has been wasting his time and life with you. All you’ve done all your life is follow Justin Timberlake around like a fucking puppy.”

“SHUT UP, BITCH!!!! You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” If Amanda was anywhere near the woman, she’d kill her for bringing her best friend into the conversation.

“I’m not shutting up. It’s the fucking truth!! You’ve been stringing Jeremy around for years, all to safe face in front of Justin.”

“WHAT?” Amanda was on the brink of committing homicide. Pregnant or not, she was going to kill the woman with her bare hands. “You don’t know shit about Justin, so keep his name out of your dirty mouth!!”

“Jesus, even now you’re preferring Justin over Jeremy. That is why he came to me. That is why I’m carrying his child. That is why he should be with me.”

“You’re seriously out of your god damn mind. What the fuck are you saying right now? Is Jeremy there with you? Is he telling you all this babble shit?” Amanda laughed genuinely. It was hysterical, the words out of the woman’s mouth were what she’d like to call classic comedy.

“Jeremy isn’t speaking to me, right now. He’ll come around though. He’s going to be a father whether he likes it or not.”

“Oh, so this is our own little secret? Let me guess. He doesn’t want anything to do with you? Poor fucking baby, no pun intended. Tell me, how does it feel to have a bastard child on the way? Pretty fucking fantastic I hope.”

“FUCK YOU, AMANDA!!”

“No, fuck you, JESSICA!! Fuck you and your schemes. Fuck you and Jeremy. Fuck you and your bastard fucking kid.” Amanda yelled. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, BITCH. I PROMISE!!” she said lastly before launching the cordless phone across the room, where is crashed against the large picture of herself and Jeremy on the wall, causing it to crash to the floor. The sound of glass shattering around her, didn’t make her flinch, instead her anger rose to a higher extent.

Her cell phone rang, once again throughout the spacious loft apartment. As the melody of  Mario’s Let Me Love You played over and over again, she sat at the kitchen’s table, ignoring the device. At the moment she didn’t care that her best friend was calling her. All she could do was sit there, her face hard as stone, her veins clearly bulging from her head. She didn’t want to speak to anyone on the phone. She wanted to sit there and wait for her boyfriend, the one laying on a bed naked. The one asleep on the photographs in front of her. The one laying on a bed that wasn’t hers. The man that she’d loved for fifteen years of his life, the man that she’d hate for the rest of hers.

Her cell phone finally stopped ringing an hour later. She knew the voicemail box was probably filled to capacity. Her anger was so irate that she didn’t care that both her house phone and her cell phone had been ringing continuously. The last of her worries was if her best friend was worried that she didn’t answer the phones. She thanked God, both her best friends were in New York that weekend because neither one had seen her that angry. She herself had never experienced such anger, such betrayal, and such hurt. She couldn’t cry though, which surprised her even more than her overwhelming feeling of anger. She couldn’t cry and she doubted she would. She almost wished she could cry, so that she’d let some of the anger out.

But she just couldn’t bring herself to cry, crying was a sign of weakness. A sign of weakness that she thought she’d possessed for Jeremy.

At a quarter past six, the door handle to the door jiggled, signaling the arrival of her boyfriend. Her soon to be ex. Her enemy.

She flipped the photos, express mailed from Jessica, over on the table. She sat there, watching as he entered the loft, carefree as one can be. No sign of betrayal to his demeanor. Her Jeremy, her love.

“Hey, babe. I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro today.” Jeremy said cheerfully, throwing his suit jacket on the sofa’s backrest and loosening his tie.

“Change of plans.” Amanda said coolly.

“What happened? I know you were looking forward to hanging out with her.” he said walking toward her, leaning down to kiss her lips, only to receive a cheek as she turned her face. Eyeing the turned photos on the table, he asked, “What’s the matter?”

“I’ve been waiting all day for you.” Amanda said getting up, tempted to brush the trace of his lips off her cheek as she walked to the living room area of the loft. “So why don’t you come and sit and talk to me?”

“What’s going on, babe?”

“Tell me how we’re gonna be together forever.”

“What’s going on, babe? You’re acting weird? Is everything alright with Trace and Justin? Is your mom alright? I know you said she hasn’t been feeling well.” Jeremy said sitting on the couch across from where she stood.

“You know that at night when you’re working late, I hold on to your pillow tight and think about how you promise me forever.” Amanda said softly as she paced the living room.

“It’s a promise I intend to keep, babe.” Jeremy said getting up from the couch and approaching her. Her arm extended out, touching his chest, keeping him a distance from her. “What’s wrong? Why are you acting like you just saw a ghost or something?”

“You know I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way. Now that you’re here, though, all I want is just a chance, and opportunity to say something.”

“You’re really scaring me here, Amanda.” Jeremy said confused.

“Why are you looking so confused? I’m the one that didn’t know the truth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“How could you be so cold? Going behind my back.” she cringed at the thought, “Maybe I’m the one to blame, for thinking that you could be it for me.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Jeremy asked with furrowed brows. “What the hell?”

“Get out.” Amanda hissed softly.

“What?” Jeremy asked in shock. “What is wrong with you? What are you doing right now?”

“Get out!! Leave!! Right now. It’s the end of you and me. It’s over!!”

“How can you say that?” Jeremy asked frustrated, hurt in his eyes as he realized what had happened. Walking over to the kitchen, he flipped over the photos. “FUCK!!! She didn’t do this.”

“No,  she didn’t. You did.” Amanda said from across the room.

“You’re leaving me? Over pictures? You’re not going to let me explain anything?”

“I think I’ve heard enough, Jeremy. I think congratulations are in order, you’re going to be a daddy, huh?”

“She’s lying Amanda. You have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to believe a word that comes out of your mouth, Jeremy.” Amanda spat angrily. “My heart is breaking, with every word I’m saying. Believe that. To think that I gave up everything I had, for something that just wouldn’t last in the long run.”

“Your heart is breaking?” Jeremy questioned, anger rising from him as well. “You’re not even crying, Amanda.”

“I refuse to cry. No tears will fall from my eyes. Not for you, not anymore.”

“Not anymore?” Jeremy asked angrily. “You’ve never shed a tear for me. NOT ONCE!!”

“That’s a fucking lie, you asshole!!”

“You’re right I am an asshole. I did fuck Jessica. What do you want me to say? That I don’t love you? I can’t do that because I loved you since forever, I still do, yet I can’t even get a few tears as you kick me to the fucking curb. I think I deserve at least that. But you’ve never truly loved me, Amanda. It’s all been a fucking joke. All our lives. My mother was right.”

“FUCK YOU, JEREMY!!!”

“No, tell me, Amanda!! Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that you’ve shed a measly fucking tear for me, when I’ve shed plenty for you. TELL ME!!”

“Don’t you dare try to justify yourself, Owens. You’re a piece of shit and if I ever shed a tear for you, I was truly out of my fucking skull. I hope you rot in hell for this.”

“You’re right, maybe I will rot in hell, Amanda. But at least I know my feelings for you are genuine. You’re really quick to drop me like a bad fucking habit, that just proves to me how much you don’t love me.”

“You don’t know half of what love is, Jeremy. I was really blind to that fact, but now I see. I see you for the piece of fucking scum you are. I hate the day I met you. I hate the loyalty I had toward my two best friends, because of it, I had to cross that damn street. These past seventeen years have been a complete waste of my time and my friends time.”

“Your friends? You’re fucking leaving me and you’re talking about your friends? Are you talking about Justin? Justin Timberlake, the very fucking existence of Amanda Reyes? Is that who you’re fucking talking about?”

“Don’t talk about Justin like he’s just part of my fucking life. He’s going to hate you for what you did to me. You’ll end up with no job, no friends, no fucking life before it’s over with. Do you hear me? Do you understand that you’re fucking done? DO YOU?!!!”

“Don’t fucking threatened me, Amanda!! I’ve never needed Justin Timberlake. And the only reason he has been in my fucking life this long is because you’ve been a part of it. He’s not my best friend. He’s merely a fucking shadow I’ve had over my shoulder since I was eight fucking years old. Yeah, that’s right. Don’t look at me as if you’re shocked, Justin Timberlake means nothing to me, not when you’re leaving me for him. Not when you’ve shed multiple tears for him all these years, yet I’ve never once seen you do it for anyone else. NOT EVER!!!”

“WHAT?? You’re not only a fucking cheat but fucking crazy as well? I can’t fucking believe my ears right now.” Amanda grunted. “Get your shit and get out, Jeremy.”

“Just like that?” Jeremy asked. “I don’t get the chance to say anything?”

“You’ve had seventeen years of my life. You’re no longer worthy of my time.”

“Well that’s really sad, Amanda. I’m sorry you feel our relationship ends here. It truly saddens me.” Jeremy said as a solitary tear made it’s way down his cheek.

“Don’t you dare.” Amanda warned. “Don’t you dare cry for me.”

“Amanda, I’ve been crying for you, for years. You’ve never noticed because he’s always there. You don’t see anyone but him.” Jeremy said as he stood in the kitchen. “I admit I cheated on you, once, Amanda. ONCE. You’ve been cheating me since the day we met.”

“GET OUT!!” Amanda yelled. “DON’T EVER, SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND ME AGAIN!!” she yelled as she opened the door to the apartment, waiting for him to leave.

“If that’s what you really want, Amanda. I’ll leave, but just remember,” Jeremy said as he grabbed his jacket from the sofa, walking toward the door where she stood, tears clearly running down his cheeks. Leaning down to her ear, “I’ve loved you since the day you crossed that street,” then he kissed her cheek softly, her eyes shutting, as if in pain, “take care of yourself.” he whispered before walking out of the door. Out of their apartment, out of her life.
--------

New York City
3am

She walked down the hotel’s hall, her eyes heavy with sleep. The flight had seemed to take ages and she couldn’t wait to lay in bed and close her eyes. She was in a state of shock, couldn’t cope with the fact that she was in the situation she was in.
Waving a silence goodbye to the guard walking with her, outside the door, she entered the room he’d opened with his key card.

Walking into the darkened room, she adjusted her vision in order to see one of her friends, laying face down on the large king-sized bed, asleep. Knowing that an adjacent door was somewhere in the room, connecting to the room next door, she followed the wall with her eyes. Walking carefully over one of the duffel bag, she was sure was full of new clothing and tennis shoes, she found the door. Knocking on the door three times, she waited for any sign of life from the other side. Hearing the sheets on the other side ruffle, she made her way to the king-sized bed. Taking her own tennis shoes off, she climbed onto the bed carefully. The weight of her body shifted the bed, its occupant lifted the comforter off the bed, so that she could climb in, his eyes still closed. As she got comfortable in the middle of the bed, his arm automatically wrapped around her mid section, as the adjacent door opened.

The new occupant entered the room, tripping over the mentioned duffle bag and mumbling something incoherent, making her smile for the first time in hours. The occupant climbed into bed, eyes closed, arm draped over her mid section as well. Neither said a word, falling into deep sleep. Each knowing that when they woke up, something would be wrong but until then, they were going to sleep. All three of them on a king-sized bed, the two males’ arm draped over her tiny mid section, as they slept.

----------
12 noon

“No one has a camera?”

“No!!” she whispered as they all looked over the two men, asleep on the bed. The taller of the two becoming a makeshift pillow for the other.

“Don’t wake them up, I’m going to get the camera in my room.” he said, starting to walk toward the hotel room door.

“Chris!! Don’t.” Amanda said stopping him, a giggle she couldn’t resist around the man, escaping her mouth. “They will kill you.”

“You’re ruining all the fun, Amanda.” Jc whispered from next to her with a grunt as they walked over to Trace’s hotel room.

“This is my fault, I shouldn’t have let you guys in.” Amanda whispered before returning to the newspaper, she’d been reading when the two had knocked on the door.

“What are you doing here anyway? I thought this was a guy’s weekend?” Chris questioned.

“I AM one of the guys, short man.” Amanda said continuing her scanning of the paper, knees up to her chest.

“Not really, no.” Jc said eyeing her bare thighs, to the over-sized basketball shorts she’d found to wear out of one of Justin’s duffle bags.

“Stop checking me out, C. It’s like my brother doing it.” Amanda cringed, her eyes never leaving her paper.

“You don’t have a brother.” Chris stated.

“Thanks for reminding me, Chris.” Amanda said with a raised middle finger. “What are the plans for today, boys?”

“We’re supposed to meet these two lovebirds at two, but Lonnie told us you were here so we came over early. Do you want to ditch them? Let’s go out without them.”  Chris said with wide eyes, excitedly.

“You need to stop messing with those two, they are gonna gang up on you again and I won’t guarantee I’ll be there to save your ass like last night.” Jc said with a laugh, grabbing the entertainment section of the paper Amanda had, and sitting next to her on the couch.

“What did you do?” Amanda asked Chris curiously.

“Nothing.” Chris said innocently.

“What did you do?” Amanda asked, dropping her paper and focusing her attention on Chris, who sat across her and Jc, on the recliner.

“It was nothing.” he repeated.

“Trace was kicking his ass, then Justin was going to kick his ass because he wanted to kick Trace’s ass back. It was all too confusing. All I know is that Chris was underneath both of them, gasping for air. I had to step in.” Jc explained with a shrug.

“Is that what you guys do? That’s what the whole guys weekend is about?” Amanda asked. “Morons.”

“Who you calling a moron?” came a mumble from the adjacent door. Justin stood there, bare-chested, a pair of basketball shorts matching the ones Amanda wore, hanging low on his firm waist.

“Good morning, sunshine!!” Chris said loudly and cheerfully. “Or afternoon. Either way, you’re my sunshine.”

“Buzz off, Chris.” Justin said squeezing himself on the couch, next to Amanda, removing Jc with his long legs, to lay his head on her shoulder.

“Did you brush your teeth? Don’t be coming over here, all stank and stuff.” Amanda said giving him a shove.

“What are you two doing here?” Justin questioned his two friends, ignoring the fact that Amanda was trying to pretend like she was supposed to be there. “We’re supposed to meet at two, aren’t we?”

“What? We can’t come early? Besides, Lonnie said there was a hot girl in the room, we had to come check it out.” Chris said with a shrug. “Too bad he was messing with us, it was only Amanda.”

“Who let you in here?” Trace asked coming out of the other room. “What are you all doing in my room?”

“Well being that you were sucking face with Justin, next door. We just came in here to give you some privacy.” Chris joked.

“Where’s the camera?” Trace asked with wide eyes. “I’ll kick your ass again, Chris. Don’t play with me.” he warned.

“Ohh shut up.” Chris retorted. “I ain’t skurred.”

“Guys, chill out.” Amanda intervened from behind the sports section of the paper, she and Justin had been looking at while the other two babbled.

“Does anyone want to go down to eat? I’m starving.” Jc asked putting his paper down on the coffee table, in the makeshift living space of the room.

“We’ll meet you down there.” Justin said, “Chris, go with Jc.”

“Alright, alright. I get the hint.” Chris said, “When you guy’s need advice, see if I’ll stick around.”

“I don’t ever need your advice, old man.” Trace joked.

“We’re heading down before Chris gets his ass whooped again.” Jc said smacking Chris upside the head.

“Bye, boys!!” Amanda said with a wave, a barely there smile on her lips.

“Bye, girls!!” Chris said with a cheerful voice as he followed Jc out of the room.

“He’s so gay!” Trace commented as he sat on the recliner, Chris had been occupying.

“Well, you two were kind of cozy, in there. He was going to take a picture but I didn’t let him. You guys owe me.” Amanda joked, only the smile she directed toward her two best friends, didn’t reach her eyes. “What are the plans today?”

“What are you doing in New York, Manda?” Trace asked, ignoring her question.

“Just hanging out,” Amanda shrugged. “What are we doing today, boys?”

“Jo?”

“Justin.” Amanda said in bored tone.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro this weekend.” Justin said.

“She couldn’t make it,” Amanda said. “So I came over here.”

“At the crack of dawn?” Trace asked with a raised brow.

“What’s the big deal, guys. It’s not the first time I crash your party.” Amanda said annoyed. “Do you guys want me to leave?”

“We didn’t say that, Manda,” Trace said. “Where’s Jeremy?”

“He’s in Atlanta. Why?” Amanda said casually.

“Why are you flying to New York in the middle of the night, Jojo?” Justin inquired.

“What’s with the questions?” Amanda snapped, standing from the couch. “I’ll just leave, if this is what I came for.”

“Sit the hell down, Manda!” Trace snapped back. “You’re here because something happened. Don’t say it’s nothing because well, we’ll know it’s a lie. You came to us last night and now you’re acting as if everything is alright. I’m going to ask again. What is going on?”

“Nothing, Trace.” Amanda said with a roll of her eyes. “I haven’t seen you guys in two weeks, I thought I’d come see you guys.”

“At the crack of dawn?” Justin questioned this time.

“Yeah, at the crack of dawn. That was the only flight available.”

“Are you sure?” Trace asked.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Amanda huffed. “I’m going to go shower so that we can go shopping.”

“We were going to go see a Knicks game, Jo.” Justin said.

“So I’ll go shopping by myself then.”

“You just said you wanted to see us, but you’re going shopping by yourself?” Trace asked.

“You guys are really starting to piss me off.”

“You’re really pissin me off, Jo.” Justin said annoyed.

“What do you want me to say?”

“What are you doing here? Try answering that, for starters.” Trace said. “You never get us to sleep with you if nothing’s wrong. You’ve done it since you were five years old. There’s always something behind it.”

“So I can’t need you guys, now? I can’t miss you, once in a while?”

“You can need and miss us all you want. You know that. The reason for needing us is what we need to know.” Justin said, worry clearly evident in his voice. “You weren’t answering you phones yesterday.”

“I was out all day and forgot my cell phone. Everything is fine. I swear to you.” Amanda said. “Can we go shopping instead of the game? I really need to go shopping in New York. I haven’t done it in a while and I’m craving it.”

“I went shopping yesterday,” Justin said eyeing her attire. “I can see you found some of the things I bought.”

“I’ll go with you. I didn’t go yesterday.” Trace offered. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, dirtball. Stop asking.” Amanda laughed, but her eyes showed no sign of happiness. “You’re going to the game, homeboy?”

“I have to make a few phone calls. I think we should go home tonight.” Justin said eyeing Trace, who shook his head in agreement.

“Already? I just got here.” Amanda huffed. “I’m coming to Florida with you guys too.” she said as she walked into Justin’s hotel room where her over-night bag lay next to Justin’s multiple ones.

“Something’s up.” Trace stated a few minutes after.

“Definitely.” Justin said with a sigh. “I have a feeling, I am somehow involved.”

“Why do you said that?” Trace asked as they heard the shower running in the other room.

“Jeremy hasn’t answered my calls in a week. Amanda didn’t answer her phone yesterday, and I don’t care that she said she left it home. She never leaves without her cell phone. You know that.” he said. “Now she comes here in the middle of the night, does the ‘I’m upset, come hold me routine’, and it’s not right. If he said something to her about me, I’m going to kick his ass.”

“What could he have told her, Justin?” Trace asked frustrated with dealing with Justin’s inability to speak up about his feelings. “You haven’t told anyone but me and Aunt Lynn about your issues. He just suspects, he couldn’t have said anything ,too drastic, to make her hop on a plane.”

“Alright, you’re right. I’m just a bit paranoid. And stop calling my feelings an issue, T.” Justin said rubbing his head.

“Why don’t we just get a flight to Atlanta and see how she feels about that. She doesn’t seem to want to be in Atlanta right now. And in all honesty I’m hoping she tells me, Jeremy laid a pinky on her while they argued, so I can whoop his ass. Cause you know this is what this is all about, his fucking mouth, and not thinking before speaking.”

“Jesus, T!! Don’t say that.” Justin looked at him wide-eyed, at the mention of Jeremy getting physical with her. “Jeremy’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that, he loves her.”

“Yeah well, I can only pray and wait for the time when I get to bash his pretty face in.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yeah maybe but you’re making me crazier with this whole shit. You need to grow some balls and talk to her. I can’t be trapped in the middle of all this shit. I’m telling you that I think it won’t be as big of deal as you’re making it out to be. You need to talk to her, Bro.”

“Talk to who?” Amanda asked coming into Trace’s room, towel wrapped around her.

“No one.” Justin answered quickly, his eyes diverting a half naked Amanda.

“Yeah right, homeboy. Who you trying to bed this time?”

“That was a quick shower.” Trace said interrupting the direction the conversation was going.

“I haven’t showered yet, dirtball. It takes me longer than five minutes to shower, unlike you. I forgot my hair tie.” Amanda said sticking her tongue out at her cousin before grabbing the hair tie off the dresser and leaving the room once again.

“Don’t ever look at my cousin like that in my presence again, perv.” Trace said pointing at Justin.

“She’s going to kill me, T.” Justin gasped. “She’s going to be the end of me. I swear to you.”

“You have some serious fucking issues.” Trace chuckled. “Schedule our flight, I’m going to go take my five minute shower.”