If I had to tell you in my own words, how I felt during that phone conversation, I don’t think all the pages in the world, would be enough. Right now I’m trying really hard to remain calm about the whole situation. Every time I am reminded of that time in my life, our life, I get really bitchy. (A little more bitchier than usual, I should say.)

Can you believe the nerve of that bitch? She actually had the balls to not only send me photos but have the guts to call me as well, to tell me all the shit she did. I must be honest with you and say that at first, I didn’t believe a single word she said and maybe I should have stuck to that feeling. But this was Jessica, the cheer-whore, why would she be telling the truth about anything? True, she did sleep with my man, (God, that makes me want to go postal, every time I say it.) but the whole pregnancy thing was a load of shit. She was pregnant, but by Jeremy she was not. Of course, that doesn’t justify what Jeremy still did. He slept with her, which I later found out, had been only once. (So he didn’t lie there.)

The photos were taken a weekend I was with Justin and Trace in Vegas for Joey’s show, Rent. He told me everything that happened that night, and everything that didn’t happen after that. She apparently seduced him while he was ‘drunk’ and then when he passed out she’d taken the pictures. THE BITCH!!! I don’t usually go for the whole ‘I was drunk, and didn’t know what I was doing’ spiel but I believed Jeremy. I know, I know, you hate him now and you once again think I’m an idiot. But I honestly think he was being genuine when he told me about it. And just so you know, that was the last time I spoke to him. Are you proud of me? No? Well whatever, I don’t know who you are anyway. (I told you I get real bitchy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Unfortunately, lets get back to the tramp, Jessica. She’s a fucking plague, I swear to you. When we were twelve, she attempted taking Jeremy from me. (That sounds possessive, doesn’t it? But I was with the guy for over ten years, I think I’ve earned the right to call him mine.) During the yearly pep rally, (not the one where Mr. Richards fell into the pool) at our school, I got sick from eating a pastelillo too quickly (It’s this turnover thingy, filled with ground meat. It’s a Puertoriquen thing.) and I couldn’t participate in the cheering. In comes Ms. Jessica, taking my place in the line, which meant she would walk Jeremy Owens, captain of the football team, out onto the gym.

To make a long story short, the little twelve-year-old bitch, planted a kiss on an unexpected twelve-year-old Jeremy. In front of the whole school, the nerve of the bitch. (She got detention for that.) Needless to say I was pissed when my squad told me. (They rushed to my house after the rally.) The day after that, was the first time I ever got physical with anyone. I may be short but I can pack a mean punch when tempted. Ask Jessica, Justin and Trace. (Notice I said, it was the first time.)

Lynn went a little crazy with the four-letter word, didn’t she? Don’t think she’s vulgar or anything, she’s just telling the story how we’ve told it to her. (Don’t act like you didn’t get all hyped up when you read it, either.)

You’re asking yourself, what must have been going through my head when Jeremy walked in, huh? Homicidal. Angry. Dirty. But most intensely, betrayed. How could someone you love with all your heart, hurt you that way? How can someone claim they love you, betray you that way? It hurt, I’m not going to lie just because I’ve found true love now. I wanted to die, I was in a state of shock. Because of it, the trauma that it truly caused me, I did some stupid things after that revelation. (You’ll see.) Do I regret them? Honestly, no. I learned a lot, about Jeremy, about Justin and about myself during that month. I learned that Jeremy had loved me, but I hadn’t loved him back. It took me years to be with him, and a month not being with him, to realize that.

The most important lesson I learned after the break up was, to listen closely to my heart. I grew into adulthood not realizing that I was ignoring my heart. I loved Jeremy with my brain, if that makes sense. I held Jeremy up high, on a pedestal over my head, so that he could block my view of what was over him, what had always been beyond him. Justin.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that Justin and I came together in the most magical, romantic and amazing way. It took hard work, harsh words and bad feelings to accomplish what we are now. (He can be really mean. And me, well I’m a bitch!!)

Does my song make sense to you now? Do you picture Jeremy and I, when you listen to that song? It’s pretty clear where the inspiration for that song came, huh?

Just to feed your curiosity, I never did cry for anything that related to Jeremy. I hadn’t realized until he said those words to me. I’m not one to cry much, sue me. Yes, I can recall crying a little bit about Justin, or with him at times. But damn if it didn’t hurt when he left to Orlando, or when he left to Europe. Damn if I wasn’t happy when he got a record deal. Or hurt when the fat bastard himself, Lou Pearlman, was suing him. Or proud when he sold a million albums in a single day. Even prouder when he got a solo deal. Honored to be his best friend when he won a Grammy. So I’ve cried a little bit, big fucking deal!! (You’ve seen homeboy’s face, he makes you want to weep with how beautiful he is. Don’t lie.)

And what the hell was Jeremy talking about? That’s what I was thinking when he said ‘You’ve been cheating me since the day we met’. Honestly what was he talking about? I was so clueless, it’s fucking, I mean freaking, (Justin just gave me a dirty look because I cursed. He needs to get back to that fourth slice of pizza he has in his hand. Punk!!) ridiculous, now that I think about it. I was so confused and shocked, I didn’t understand or catch on to what he was trying to say. All I heard was, ‘I cheated on you with Jessica, the cheer-whore’ as he spoke. I was out of my head, it was like I was stuck in a scene from Model Behavior, (Be honest with yourself, if not with me, that movie sucked ass. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes I think Justin forgets that I am the love of his life because right now, he’s giving me the finger.) with all the horrible acting. I didn’t know if I wanted to kill Jeremy or pity him. What would you have done? Kick his ass, right? Well for your entertainment only, let’s just say that ‘Oh yes, there will be blood.’ (Can I get sued for using a line from the movie, Saw II? I hope not, because I just did.)

Before you scrunch your nose up about the whole bed thing, let me explain. That particular pattern started when I last saw my bastard father. (He came to Millington to let my mother know that he was getting married. To a fucking twenty-year old!! Yes, I have issues letting go.) We were six, and I agree that at twenty-four, a girl sandwiched between two grown men, one being her cousin, isn’t normal. (I never claimed to be completely normal, so don’t talk shit.) And yes, on those rare occasions when one of us is going through a rough spot, we find ourselves sleeping together. (Although I snuggle up to one, more than the other. A lot more.) We find that when one of us isn’t doing too well (has to be something serious, we don’t just do it for fun), sleep brings peace and clearance. Even if it’s just for an hour or two, we wake up with solutions in our heads. It’s creepy, I understand, but it’s just us. Justin, Trace and I. (They are going to kick my ass for sharing this with you, by the way. You owe me.) We have a bond that can never be broken, (I sound like 50cent in A Baltimore Love Thing, don’t I?) a bond beyond what you could ever imagine. I truly wish and hope you someday share that kind of bond with someone. Whether it’s your best friend, your mother, your father, your sister or brother, your cousin, anyone. The feeling is truly fulfilling and I pity the person that hasn’t found that yet.

Why did I clearly avoid telling Justin and Trace about Jeremy? I was simply in shock. I thought that if I hoped on a plane to see my best friends, everything would disappear. I didn’t want to burden them with what was happening in my life, my life apart from them. Although I guess showing up in New York, doing our ‘I’m upset, come hold me’ routine, blew that plan out of the water. I’m not saying that I am a burden to them, (although they constantly say I’m a pain in their ass.) but showing up out of nowhere, clued them in. Smart boys, huh?

Quick note before I continue, yes ladies, Jc can be a perv sometimes. (Had to throw that in there. You love it!!) Just so you know, he’s coming over later tonight, to hang out and possibly go swimming.

My cousin, my short (for a guy) cousin, can be pretty intimidating. He’s a little Puertoriquen man, what else can I say? So, when he yells, I admit, I pay attention. He gets it from his father, my Tio. Does that mean I do what he says when he’s yelling? Hell no! But it’s pretty intimidating, nonetheless.

Hold on one second.

Sorry, I had to go take my cell phone from Justin. He likes to download stupid ass songs that I hate and then link them to his numbers. I have this ongoing list of songs that he has downloaded. I’ve deleted them and yet somehow, someway they reappear. Like that Mario song. He knows I hate that guy, with his big ass nose, and his Usher-esk wannabe moves. But I have to give him (Justin, not Mario) props for trying. The lyrics to that song were pretty straightforward. (But you know me. Clueless, Jojo.)

Don’t you wish I had walked in on that conversation the boys were having, a little earlier? Maybe I would have picked up something. A fucking clue, maybe!! Yeah, yeah, I cursed again. (This is me giving Justin my infamous finger.)

How come guys can have potty mouths and girls can’t? That’s sexist. So fuck that!! I’m going to talk like a sailor for five minutes and just to piss Justin off more, I’ll wave my two fingers in the air. (He’s very fond of using his, why can’t I be fond of mine?)

You didn’t cry during this track, did you? I hope not because there are tears to be shed pretty soon. Life’s a bitch!!

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Get The Move On (Remix #2)

I didn’t know the details about, the conversation Amanda had with Jessica until I read this track. For one, Amanda isn’t very composed when she talks about Jessica, so I try not to ask. (Who by the way, you know. You just don’t know it yet.) And second, I just don’t like hearing about the way Mr. Owens talked to Jojo that day. (I’m a big sap when it comes to her. If her feelings are hurt, then so are mine.)

Can you believe the way he felt? I mean if he felt like I was somehow taking Jojo away, why didn’t he say something sooner? Why did he wait thirteen years?  I was one of his boys, (although the comment about me meaning nothing, was fucked up!!) and yet he felt like I was scheming on him? You don’t believe that do you? I never once tried anything, romantically with Amanda because of respect for him. (and because I was a pussy about how Amanda would react, had she known.)

Now, as far as the cheating went, that had nothing to do with me. That was his dick he used, not mine. And with Jessica, the cheer-whore? (She’s a big influence on me. Amanda not Jessica, for god sakes, do you think I’m crazy?) She doesn’t even compare to Jojo. First of all she’s too tall, I don’t really care for extremely tall girls. Yeah I know, Cameron was tall but I already told you the deal with her. Her blond hair is too blond, does that make sense? Let’s just say that Jessica is NOWHERE near the hotness scale, as Amanda. And I ain’t just saying that because she’s mine (yeah, I said it. And what?!!) but because she was voted one of the TOP 100 Sexiest People, as well.

While Amanda figured out that she needed to pay close attention to her heart, I was telling mine to shut the hell up. Seriously, I was scared out of my ass about speaking to her. It’s a scary thing to sit your best friend down and tell them that you’re in love with them. You try it, see how it feels.

She’s not lying when she tells you that our ‘coming’ together wasn’t pretty. I said some things that I’m still trying to make up to her. And she said some, no make that A LOT of things that made her be, well how can I say this? A BITCH? (I’m so not getting laid, later. Fuck!!) Things got a little hectic and mean, for lack of a better word, before they got us to this present point in our lives. (You’ll see.)

Isn’t the song, hot? I remember when we were in the studio and we recorded Leave, she was really pissed. She didn’t even take anything into the booth with her. She just went in there and when she came out, she didn’t speak to any of us. It was kind of eerie, now that I think about it. Either way I like that song. (Yes, for the obvious reasons.)

Have I told you that Amanda loves me? She does. A LOT. I know I shouldn’t be bragging about the whole crying thing, but it tickles me. The fact that she can only find tears for me, it warms your heart, doesn’t it?

She told you about the bed thing? Ohh, I might get laid after all, she owes me now. And no, I don’t enjoy being in the same bed with Trace. Like Amanda said, it’s what we do when we’re going to a tough time. No sexual activities, dude. (At least not when Trace is with us.)

Do I appreciate the fact that Amanda kept us in the dark that day? Of course not, but can you blame her? We (meaning Trace and I) probably would have hoped on a plane to Atlanta to whoop Jeremy’s ass. Things wouldn’t have been pretty. Jeremy is a big guy and all but I would have put my money on Trace, still would actually. With the way Trace itches (yes, still) to smash Jeremy’s face, one of us would of ended up in jail and Access Hollywood the next day.

If I catch Jc looking at Jo like he wants to swallow her up, I’m committing a crime. (I know he only does it to get a rise out of me, but one of these days I’m gonna rise something alright. My fist to his skinny face!) Only I can look at her that way. (She’s so fly.)

It’s true by the way, Trace is a pretty intimidating dude. With everyone outside the circle, that is. Amanda and I know him for the little teddy bear he is. (He’s such a pussy!)

Shhh…..

Don’t tell her anything but I just snatched her phone up again. One more song and her memory should be to the max. Should I go with Love by Keisha Cole or my personal favorite, Candy Shop by 50cent? (Maybe I can squeeze both of them in there if I get rid of, Like I Love You, I’m sick of that song anyway.)

Doesn’t Jojo curse too much? I tell her that it’s not very ladylike and what does she do? Shows me that pretty ass manicured finger. You can’ tell her anything!! I’m not the only one that has ever told her she curses too much, either. Trace is about the only one that will sit there and have a conversation where foul language is used every five words. Even Jeremy used to tell her not to curse so much. Guess the duty was handed over to me. (I‘ll take it though, as long as it means I have her.)

Were you happy when you read this track? Not that the situation was funny or anything but did you at least crack a smile in my favor? (You know you did. You’re smiling right now, aren’t you?)

I think C just got here. I must go pretend to be a good host, while I watch people hang around my white couches. (They weren’t cheap. I must protect them.) I think I hear Chris and Joey too. Must be hang out night. I bet you it was Jojo who invited them all over for another pool party. I give it an hour before Lance shows up, (he’s in town this week) and then we have a house full. I just got that rug (white) cleaned, too. Anyways, I’m gone. Timberlake, OUT!! (Ryan Seacrest is so gay!!)

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Get The Fuck Out (Remix # 3)

What is going on, my friend? Before I even start talking to you, you must know that I’m a bit inebriated. So if I say some things that might seem a little foul to you. Please excuse me.

Fuck Jeremy!!!

Okay sorry, I had to get that out there, in the open. Which was probably unnecessary since you know how I feel about the son of a bitch already.

Back to the business at hand.

Jeremy is dead!! No wait, that wasn’t it.

I still can’t believe he cheated on my gorgeous cousin. Fucking Asshole!! What the fuck was he thinking? Figures that guys who look like him (pretty boys) who have girlfriends that look like Manda can’t keep their dicks in their pants. I know you’re rolling your eyes, right now and I don’t give a shit.

I’ve never been the one the girls consider ‘hot’ and don’t go feeling sorry for me. Let me finish. I’ve been the short, brother-type dude since I realized girls were my purpose in life. But I’ve never had a lack of girls, women entering my life. I’m a pimp, believe that. But it irks me that guys like fuck-face (Jeremy) and Justin, who women drop at their feet have such drama with women. They can have all the women in the world, yet they always fuck things up. Jeremy fucked up in the most crucial way, he cheated. Justin fucks up because he falls deeply, when he’s in love. On the other hand there’s me. Like I said I don’t have a problem getting women, at all. But the women I have had in my life, (there’s been many, I told you I’m a pimp) know one thing. I don’t give a fuck!! If you do something to piss me off, I’m telling you about it. If you give me lip about it, you’re cut off. Booty calls and all. I don’t deal with drama, very well. I like things straight up, even if they might somehow hurt my feelings or the other person’s. (Yeah, I have feelings. Lift your jaw off the ground.) I think every guy should be that way. Avoid drama as much as you can because when the right girl comes along, you’ll be up to you fucking neck in drama. Ask Justin.

I hate that song!! Yeah, it’s my cousin singing it but it’s been used against me, one to many time. There was this one girl I dated (fucked), for a while, Elisha. You know The Girl Next Door, anyway she fucking flipped on me one day because I was out with some other girl (I forget her name). Well suck my dick!!! I didn’t know she wanted us to be ‘exclusive’. Point of the story? She thought she could play that song while I picked up my shit from her apartment. (a box of condoms, a few t-shirts and jeans) She learned how quickly I could flip, that day. Needless to say, I still fuck her, once in a while. I told you I was a pimp.

Look I’m not going to get into details about what a shitty time I had dealing Justin and Amanda’s shit.

Hey!! I’m sorry for interrupting but, yes he will tell you. You agreed, dirtball!! Do it!!

Alright, alright. My cousin can be soo irritating.

Where can I start? Have I told you that it sucked? Have I told you that I felt like a fucking trapped Lion? (I know you want to say mouse, but fuck you!!) I wanted to go up to Manda and just tell her to give it up, tell her that she knew she loved Justin. I wanted to kick Justin’s ass for picking me, to tell his secret to. Because I had to be the one that he went to every time he felt crushed. That was a lot being that fuck-face and Manda were always with us.

I remember this one time, at band camp. No I’m fuckin’ with ya. What was I saying? Ohh, yeah, this one (of many) time that we were in Paris, was probably the worst. Fuck-face and Manda, seemed to be taking in the whole ‘Love is Grand in Paris’ in, while Justin wanted to commit suicide. We got really fucked up that week. What do you want me to say? I was being ‘there’ for him, so if he drank every type of alcohol there was to man, I followed suit. I’m his boy, what else did you want me to do? Although I didn’t agree, Justin had respect for Jeremy, and because of it, he was miserable.

I can understand the loyalty thing because well, I was loyal to Justin myself. But I hated the fact that Justin thought about fuck-face’s feelings throughout all of this. Yes I understand that they were friends, (fucker!!) but Justin loved Manda, why not sacrifice?  Jeremy turned out to be the jerk, I’ve always said he was in the long run, which meant Justin should have listened to me. (I’m a smart pimp.)

I’m still pissed that we (Justin and I ) had to wait till the following day, to find out what had gone down. But it made the next day all that much better. (I’m having a fucking orgasm as I remember that day.)

Let me just say that the short comments, are getting old. I’m short, big fucking deal!! I have a big dick, though, so you can suck it!!!

Oh shit!! I think Manda just pushed Jc in the pool, again. There goes another Sidekick, she has to pay for. She’s crazy!! I’m out. Peace.