Can you believe she’s letting us (Trace and I) do this by ourselves? She won’t admit it but I think the last track got a lot out of her and it hurts her. I don’t want her to hurt. Ever. She’s in the pool harassing Jc. She keeps telling him that coming around her, a pool and a Sidekick isn’t a good idea and that he should have learned his lesson last week. He’s laughing in her face because he says by the time her ‘jokes’ were over with she’d owned a stock at T-Mobile before she knew it. (She’d bought seven just this past month, to replaced C’s after she throws him in the pool.) she’s crazy, let me tell you. And just between you and me. I love it.

Anyway back to the matters at hand. Track eight.

I don’t know what to say really. After my discussion with Jeremy I felt somewhat frightened. No, not by Jeremy because he doesn’t scare me, physically. One thing that did scare me was the fact that he wasn’t there anymore. He was gone. Why was I scared? You do the math. Best friend loves girl, girl loves best friend’s other best friend. Pretty complicated arithmetic, don’t you think? Do you get how taking Jeremy out of that equation fucks with my head? This whole new world was opened up in front of my eyes. Amanda was single. I didn’t know what that was like, never being exposed to it in the past. She was never available for my taking, sort of speak. She’d always been with Jeremy and I was always with whomever had come close to portraying Amanda. But never, ever was the time when we were both single.

To be honest I don’t know that Amanda knows what it’s like to be single. To go month to month, dating anyone, or no one at all, just cause you don’t feel like it. No commitments. Kissing whomever you’d like. One night stands. (Despite what you might think or what Jeremy said, I don’t do one-night stands.) That’s being single. And until that month, I hadn’t realized that I hated being single. Why? Because I, as another single person, volunteered to show Amanda a single’s life. What a mistake that was. And believe me I’ve made lots. A particular one that comes to mind was this mistake (lie) I made by lying about something, that was a mistake I learned from, starts with a B and ends in a Y.

Showing Amanda what single people did was excruciatingly painful. I know I should have made her use my shoulder to cry on, instead of partying it up with her. I know that now but I didn’t know what else to do. She wouldn’t talk about Jeremy at all. Every time we brought it up, she’d pretend she didn’t know who we were talking about. quite annoying if you ask me. So to avoid telling her that I loved her (a lot ), and to keep her from throwing shit (anything she’d find. Books, magazines, water bottles, beer bottles, you name it.) every time we mentioned Jeremy, I pretended like I didn’t know who he was either. (Not so hard to do, by the way)

Hold on, Trace is coming.

You there? Good.

He came in here to tell me that Jojo said not to talk about the partying thing because Lynn is doing something with it. So I can’t tell you any more about that. Sorry. How did she know I was talking to you about that, anyway? She’s in a whole other part of the house. Can best friends be telepathic? How about a couple? Lovers? (You like when I say that, don’t you, lover?)

I know that you’re probably all giddy and happy that Trace punched the shit out Jeremy. (It was a pretty big punch, by the way. Jeremy had a black, purple, yellow, and greenish looking eye, for a while.) But I didn’t enjoy the ordeal like I know you did. It was kind of scary actually. Trace isn’t a violent guy, he doesn’t act that way. It was actually kid of sad to see him react that way because it involved me. I know you’re probably thinking, ‘This Justin guys is all about himself’ but when it comes to my friends, I do what I can to protect them from getting hurt. (These are my memoirs, by the way. Some of the time it’s going to have to be all about me.)

I know Trace wouldn’t have acted that way if Jeremy had been a little bit more civil toward me. I know that for a fact. But Jeremy was being the asshole that he is and Trace just lost it. I guess in the end, Trace and I are the same. We don’t like to see the other hurt in any way. We show it differently though, I am the shoulder to lean on, and he’s the short guy with an attitude, ready to tell someone off in my defense. You have to love him for that too, not just because you were hoping someone kicked Jeremy’s ass.

I guess you can’t completely blame Jeremy for the things he said. It was true that I was  (am) in love with his girl. (MY GIRL!!) He was right about having to deal with the fact all his life. I know I keep saying this but, what could I have done? I couldn’t help it. I loved her. I love her. I would die for her. I would give up sex for her. No, wait!! That’s not right. I take that back. I have given up sex with anyone else but her. that’s better.

I saw Jeremy the other day. He was at a basketball game I went to with Trace. He pretended that he didn’t see me. (Hard to do with Lonnie on my back) I have to admit that it kind of stung. I mean he was one of my best friends, shouldn’t it have stung to have him give me the cold shoulder? I think so. I didn’t let him know it stung, but it did nonetheless. What did Trace do? Nothing, he’s over it now. I think. Either that or he was seriously into Elisha, who was sitting next to him. I think it might have been the latter.

What does Jojo, mean? Well, wouldn’t you like to know. Not telling. Sorry. Perdon. No puedo. (My Spanish is so much better.)

Well I think it’s time I go join everyone in the pool. Lance is here, by the way. I told you she’d call everyone and they mommas. I better go before C, kills her. One of these days he’s going to call the cops on her for harassment. I swear. I have to keep them apart sometimes. They love pestering each other and then I get caught in the middle. My brother or my girl? You guess which one is always the first choice. (I love C, but I don’t have to sleep with him every night.)

Have I ever told you, you have an incredible knack for hearing people out? You do, you know. I like you. You just sit there and listen. I wish Trace and Jo would do that some times. All I ask is not to walk on the white carpeting when they’ve been out on the volleyball court. Is that such a big thing to ask?

I’m digressing again. I’m out of here. Til’ next time.

Love, Justin. (Have I mentioned I’m a pimp?)

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Why Does It Have To Be My Shoulder? (Remix #2)

Why me? Why did it have to be me? To have two best friends, who don’t listen. Two best friends that I’d do anything for. Two best friends, who piss me off so much that I loose my head. Two best friends who I love with all my heart. My two best friends who love each other with all their hearts, but use me as a safe net.

Don’t get me wrong, I am willingly their safety net. But I have to be myself at all times, which means talking shit about it. Do I make myself clear? Good.

You started reading this remix, anxious to hear about my thoughts about the whole Jeremy thing, huh? I really don’t have much to say about the situation. He had that shit coming for seventeen years and it was time someone gave it to him. Am I glad it was me? Hell yeah, to be completely honest. (J and Manda say I have to be) I don’t regret it and if I had to do it again, I probably wouldn’t have waited seventeen years. What triggered my reaction was Justin, actually. I was standing there pissed and Justin had this look of fucking shock across his face. All that kept running through my head was that Justin must have been in another world all together. Why he was letting Jeremy talk to him the way he was, was beyond me. My best friend, whom is usually outspoken just stood there, frozen. So I took it upon myself to take action. No one talks to my friend like he’s a piece of shit. No one. (Except my cousin, and me that is.)

I saw Jeremy the other day at a game. Justin thinks I didn’t see him but I did. He was across the stadium with his wannabe friends and I didn’t give a shit. Justin still thinks he has to protect me for some reason. He says Jeremy isn’t going to forget that I socked him one and he didn’t get his payback. I don’t give a shit, what is he going to do? If he didn’t try anything at the time, then he’s assed out. Why Justin thinks I’m somehow scared is beyond me. I think he says that shit just to piss me off. He knows that if Jeremy ever tried anything, it would be on. I don’t care how much taller he is, I’ll kick his ass. Don’t be laughing either. Try me.

I know I’m not supposed to talk to you about Manda’s partying but let me just tell you that when you find out about it, you might not like my cousin very much. Don’t be quick to judge though. Take it easy with her. Enough of this sentimental bullshit. I’ve been drinking and I tend to get lovey dovey. Which reminds me, did I tell you Elisha is coming over in a few minutes? No, I don’t think I did, I was busy talking about fuck-face. Yes, I do realize I’m in my twenties and I refer to another man (bastard) as fuck-face but who are you to judge? This beer is soo good right now. Want some? Wait, how old are you?

I’m going to go join the party now. This bitch, I mean Elisha, better get here soon. I might need a quickie or two. Nos Vemos.