June 2005
Shelby Forest, Tennessee
4am

It had been two long exhausting months since she’d been able to relax. Her life had been shaken first by the betrayal of her boyfriend then shaken up entirely in a different way; by the world she’d opted to become part of. The world that she’d only seen through the eyes of her best friend. The world of musicians.

She’d been on the telephone with her now co-manager, Johnny Wright, for what seemed like an eternety before he’d sent her life in a spinning rollercoaster. For an entire month, she didn’t know what the outside world looked like. She was going from studio to studio almost everyday, recording bits and pieces to songs; she didn’t know she possessed the ability to write.

The entire experience was overwhelming yet it was everything she’d imagine it would be. Watching her best friend do exactly the same thing for so long hadn’t come close to actually doing what he did. She admired her best friend even more now that she knew first hand what the process of becoming a star entitled.

She learned to become proud of herself and her ability to sit with her best friend and explored the endless possibilities for a song. However, she was proud of her best friends the most. Her best friends who put their lives on hold to be by her side, to become her mentors through the process.

Justin was the one that stayed in the studio all night with her. He was the one that painted scenarios for her to base songs out of. He was the one that coached her through rough notes in a song that she wrote, yet couldn’t sing properly. He was her teacher, her role model.

Trace had been the one at her disposal. The one that she could call in the middle of the night just to tell him how awesome she thought recording an album was. He was the one that brought her coffee or food whenever she so much as thought she wanted some. He was there to serve her, yet making her laugh when he complained about her constant abuse.

Two months of none stop work was about all she could have taken though and after those endless days, a trip home offered by Justin was what the doctor ordered in her book.

As she walked next to Lonnie, breathing in the Tennessee air she felt completely relaxed. The airport was eerily quiet as they entered but that had been the plan from the beginning. Arriving on a private plane in the middle of the day at Memphis International Airport wasn’t something Justin enjoyed. The constant arrivals of private jets containing country music artists, tipped off paparazzi he didn’t want to deal with. The weekend was for her, he’d said and having a thousand cameras in his face would surely ruin the weekend.

“Have I mentioned that I’m tired?” Amanda asked Lonnie as they walked toward the front entrance of the airport, where Mike waited with a car.

“Have I told you to be quiet fifty million times?” Justin asked from the other side of her.

“Have I mentioned to you, Lonnie, that Justin is being a prick?” Amanda asked Lonnie with a grin.

“You have mentioned that actually,” Lonnie chuckled.

“You’re not supposed to be talking to her,” Justin warned Lonnie with an evil glare. “Traitor.”

“Have I mentioned that,”

“I swear to God, Jo. If you don’t shut up I’m getting on that plane and you can forget about this weekend.” Justin said as they walked toward the awaiting SUV.

“How can I forget something I don’t know anything about, genius?” Amanda said smacking Justin upside the head as she climbed onto the large vehicle.

“Speaking of geniuses, that wasn’t so smart. I’m not accustomed to hitting girls but I can hit you and I will,” Justin said while reaching over Lonnie’s shoulder to smack her on the head.

“Ohh you’re paying for that, homeboy.” Amanda promised as she leaned over to the front of the car to slide a cd into the car’s stereo system. “Hey Mike, have I mentioned that I recorded an album?”

“Half an album,” Justin volunteered from the back of the darkened vehicle.

“It’s almost done, Mike. Don’t listen to butthead back there,” Amanda said with a wave of her hand, as the car started moving.

“What did you just put in my stereo?” Mike asked eyeing her through the rearview mirror.

“That’s my stereo, by the way.” Justin said from the back, where he laid across the seat, eyes closed.

“Skip to track four I keep hearing this voice speaking from out of nowhere,” Amanda joked. “It needs to shut the hell up.”

“Don’t do it, Mike!” Justin said from the back. “If I have to hear that song one more time I’ll have to kill myself.”

“Play it, Mike,” both Lonnie and Amanda said in unison causing them to burst into a fit of giggles.

“You play that song, you’re fired, Mike,” Justin said with authority.

“Don’t listen to him, Mike. You can work for me. Play the song,” Amanda said with a laugh after giving Justin a smirk.

“I pay better, Mike,” Justin said now sitting upright, deciding that a nap during the ride home wasn’t happening.

“These two are quite chipper, aren’t they?” Mike asked Lonnie, who’d chosen to lean his head against the passenger door’s window for a nap.

“It’s the time zones. Messes with their heads,” Lonnie said with a chuckle.

“I’m not chipper, I’m annoyed,” Justin said.

“Ahh, who’s annoying you, Justin?” Amanda asked with a smirk only to receive a bored look from Justin.

“Oh god,” Justin said covering his ears as Mike turned the volume up on the stereo and Weak from SWV started playing.

“You know it’s funny that you’re finding this song annoying since you were the one that suggested I redo it, Einstein!”

“I said redo the song not burn it into my skull, Jo. I can sing and play every single key on that thing.”

“Good, cause you’re producing it.” Amanda said with a laugh.

“Boy it’s something I can’t explainnnnnnnn,” Justin sang off key causing the group to laugh, “It’s too early for that shit, or late or whatever.”

“Tell me what we are doing this weekend and I’ll stop annoying you with this song,” Amanda said kneeling on her seat to face him.

“It’s a surprise, Jo,” Justin said for the hundredth time since they’d boarded in Los Angeles.

“There’s not much to do in Shelby, Justin,” Amanda said with a yawn.

“Are you really that curious or is your need to annoy me based on another reason?” Justin asked with a raised brow.

“Oh no strictly cause I’m curious,” she laughed.

“Put it this way, Jo. You’ll remember this trip,” Justin said with a yawn of his own.

“I remember every trip, homeboy,”

“So then this one shouldn’t be any different,” Justin shrugged. “God, I can’t wait to go to bed.”

“Me either,” Amanda said stretching. “You think we should have gotten some sleep before leaving the studio after twelve hours?”

“Thirteen,” added Lonnie from the front seat. “Now shut up and go to sleep. Both of you.”

“You’re fired,” Justin said causing Amanda to chuckle lightly before she lay on her seat.

----------------------------

Next Day
3pm

Amanda was reading the local paper when Justin came into the kitchen grumbling something incoherent. Looking up as he entered she smiled at his tired looking face before speaking. “Good morning, sunshine!”

“How the fuck are you up so early?” Justin said walking further into the kitchen only to receive a glare from his mother, who sat by the kitchen island enjoying a cup of coffee.

“Don’t curse, Justin,” Amanda mocked. “And it’s three in the afternoon, homeboy.”

“I know that, superstar. I’m wearing a watch,” Justin said waving his watch in her face before softly taking a long strand of hair and softly running his finger through the length of it. The gesture took Amanda by surprise but she continued reading her paper like it didn’t happen. “Got some cereal for me, momma?”

“You know you’re too grown to be having your momma serve you breakfast,” Amanda commented, eyes remaining on the sports section of the paper.

“And you’re too young to be in grown folks business,” Justin mocked as his mother placed a bowl of cereal in front of him. “What are you doing over here anyway? What part of don’t call me I’ll call you, didn’t you understand?”

“Are you two going to get along this weekend? Because frankly I’m scared to leave.” Lynn said with a chuckle.

“Oh your son should be scared, Aunt Lynn. You should have no worries. You and mom have a wonderful time. I’ll be fine,” Amanda said sweetly.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Lynn said with a laugh grabbing her purse from the counter. “Call me if you need me,” she said to Justin before placing a kiss on his forehead.

“I won’t,” Justin said only to receive a smack on the head from his mother.

“Try not to kill him, Amanda. Have fun,” Lynn said before kissing her forehead as well.

“I’ll try,” Amanda joked. “No promises, though.”

“Whatever,” Justin said finishing off his bowl of cereal.

“Had enough, you pig?” Amanda asked as Lynn walked out of the kitchen and outside to meet with her own mother.

“No,” Justin said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to annoy her.

“Eww,” Amanda said with a scrunched up nose.

“Go do you hair so we can go,” Justin ordered.

“What do you mean, go do my hair? What’s wrong with my hair?” Amanda asked running her fingers through her perfect hair. Looking up at Justin who sat across the table, she noticed the grin on his face. “You’re so lucky I love you. For real.”

“I can’t help that. It’s just the way it is,” Justin laughed as she stood and left the kitchen. Following her out the door he noticed, she’d grabbed a cd from the table in the foyer. “Oh hell no, you are not playing that all day!!”

“And that cd player of yours in the ONLY car you have to use this weekend keeps getting jammed. It’s a shame!” she laughed as she ran toward the blue jeep.

“Come on, Jo!! I can’t hear this song again,” Justin said closing the house door behind him. “I’ll give you a thousand bucks.”

“Ohh come on, superstar. You can do better than that.” Amanda said as she climbed into the car. “A million and we call it a deal.”

“Ha!” Justin laughed sarcastically. “Funny.”

“Deal or no deal?”

“No deal.”

“Jamming the cd player it is.” Amanda said trying to insert the cd into the slot around Justin’s hand.

“You know what? Go ahead. Put it in.” Justin said with an evil smile on his face that Amanda didn’t notice as she skipped to track four on the disk. After a few attempts to play the song, the cd player jammed and wouldn’t spit out the cd or play it. The cd player was dead. “I told you not to play it.”

“Ohh, you’re good. You played me.”

“Yeah well at least the cd isn’t,” Justin laughed as he started the jeep and headed toward their first destination.

-----------------------

Shelby Forest Community Pool

“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble?” Amanda asked again as they walked toward the gated pool.

“No faith in me?” Justin questioned as they got closer to the pool.

“Of course I do, I just didn’t think you’d have access to this place.” Amanda said with a shrug.

“I have connection, Jo. You out of anyone, except for many Trace, should know that,” Justin said as he swung the usually locked gate opened for her. “Now I just hope that no one decides to come to the pool today.”

“It’s ninety-eight degrees outside, Justin. I don’t think this is a good idea. It was really sweet of you to take me to all our childhood hangouts, but I think the pool is out of the question,” Amanda said standing outside the gate he’d walked through.

“Just relax, Amanda. I asked to have the pool closed just for us. It’s not going to be a problem, trust me.” Justin said pulling her with him toward the pool. “There’s a suit for you in the jeep, unless you want to go ol’school and jump in with clothes.”

“I never jumped in with clothes on, you and Trace were the morons.” Amanda chuckled.

“Do you want the suit or not?” Justin said with a smirk.

“You didn’t bring a tricks bathing suit for me, did you?” Amanda said eyeing him with a disgusted look on her face.

“I don’t date tricks, Amanda. And I also don’t keep their bathing suits. There’s a new one in the bag on the back seat.

“How did you know what size to get?” Amanda questioned with a raised brow.

“Easy.”

“Easy? Explain, cause I’m half white but I’m also half puertoriquen so there’s a bit more on me to fill out a bathing suit.” Amanda chuckled.

“Jo, I’ve known your size since puberty,” Justin said with a wink. “I’ll go get it.”

“Oh really? Sometimes I really think you’re gay. Seriously.”

“I’m not gay, far from it as a matter of fact. I’m just a natural pimp, homegirl,” Justin said with a laugh as he headed toward the jeep.

After an hour of chasing each other in the pool like they did when they were kids, they decided to call it quits. Amanda raised herself onto the edge of the pool, her legs swinging gently in the water. Justin relaxed in an inflatable lounge chair, eyes closed as the sun beamed down on both of them.

“I talked to Jeremy yesterday,” Amanda suddenly reveals quietly.

“You did?” Justin asked shocked.

“I called him,” Amanda said softly. “I hate him, Justin.”

“What did he do to you, Jo?” Justin asked knowing what the cause of their break-up was. Wanting to hear it from her, he asked again. “What happened between you two?”

“I know you already know, Justin. You don’t have to pretend,” Amanda said with a smile. “I also heard about what Trace did to him. Have I mentioned I love my cousin?”

“It wasn’t as entertaining as you might think. I’ve never see Trace’s eyes look the way they did. It was pretty scary.”

“I wish I could have been there anyway,” Amanda chuckled.

“Why are you so scared to talk about how you’re feeling about the situation, Jo?” Justin asked sitting upright on the chair, careful not to turn over.

“That’s the thing, Justin. I don’t know. Why doesn’t it hurt? Why can’t I cry? Why is my anger toward him stronger than my love for him? I’m angry at myself for not feeling pain. Do you understand me? Because I can’t figure it out. I’ve tried and tried and I can’t do it. Why am I not hurting like you did with Britney?”

“I’m sorry, Jo, but I don’t know. Maybe you need more time to deal. My situation with Britney was terrible and I don’t wish it on anyone. I certainly don’t want you to feel it,” Justin said softly. “Maybe this is God’s way of helping you out. You’re a good person and maybe he doesn’t want you to feel pain. Maybe it’s a blessing, Jo.”

“That’s a good way of looking at it,” Amanda smiled. Splashing her legs a little, she laughed when Justin fell in the water from the movement. “Change of subject!”

“Thanks a lot, Jo. I was getting sympathetical and stuff,” Justin said when he resurfaced.
 

“Is that even a word?” Amanda laughed. After a few laughs, including words they’d made up during their younger years, Amanda smiled down at her friend. “Thank you for bringing me here, Justin,” Amanda said with a sigh. “It was fun.”

“This is your home, Amanda. I didn’t necessarily bring you here. We belong here. We always will.” Justin said opening his eyes to look at her.

“Thank you anyway. I needed this. A lot,” Amanda chuckled. “Are you going to tell me why Trace decided not to come at the last minute?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jo,” Justin said.

“Why not? He seemed pretty pissed off at you at the studio. It’s not like him, ya know.”

“He’ll be alright,” Justin said with a shrug.

“What happened? One minute you two are in a room talking then he’s leaving pissed off. Did you say something to him about Elisha again?”

“No, if he wants to keep playing with her feelings to protect his, then that’s on him, he’s a grown man.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” Justin said splashing water on his face.

“Liar. Something did happen. Tell me.”

“We just had a disagreement about something, Jo. No big deal. Can we change the subject? We’re supposed to be relaxing no talking about problems.”

“So there is a problem,” Amanda smirked. “What did you argue about?”

“We had a disagreement not an argument.”

“Just tell me, Justin,” Amanda said splashing water on his chest with her leg.

“He gave me an ultimatum.”

“About what?”

“Nothing.” Justin said avoiding the conversation.

“Bullshitter!”

“It’s nothing, Jo. Let it go,” Justin said splashing water at her white bikini top.

“So what exactly did he say?” Amanda asked not letting the subject rest.

“You’re still a pain in the ass, do you know that?” Justin said with a laugh.

“Yes, I do. Now tell me.”

“He basically said that I needed to grow up, bare it and say what I wanted to say. That or he would do it for me.” Justin said swimming under the water toward the other end of the pool. Coming up at the other end of the pool he was surprised to find Amanda sitting on the other end waiting for him. “Damn!!”

“I ran track for a couple years, Justin. I’m quick,” Amanda said splashing water with her legs. “So what is it that you have to grow up about, bare and say?”

“Do you remember the day that the pool first opened after it was remodeled?” Justin asked looking up at her.

“Umm, yeah. But you’re changing the subject, Justin.”

“So you remember that you had a cold and your mom didn’t let you come with us?”

“Yeah, I was so jealous that you and Trace were allowed to go,” Amanda chuckled. “You’re avoiding the real issue here.”

“You were pretty upset because we’d spent an entire month waiting for the construction to be over. Day after day we would stand across the street watching the men pour the concrete. It was a really long summer. But finally I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a huge banner hanging across the fence. I believe it said grand opening tomorrow. Anyway, I remember being so excited. Do you know why?”

“You were avoiding the topic?”

“Because you were miserable when the pool closed down. And when you and I were walking home from the ice cream parlor, with my mom and Paul, we saw that banner. You were so happy, do you remember that?”

“Yes,” Amanda said with a smile as she remembered. “You’re doing a really good job avoiding the subject here, Justin. But continue with your story.”

“I don’t expect you to remember but do you remember what you said to me?” Justin asked lifting himself out of the water to sit next to her with his legs in the water.

“I do remember,” Amanda said with a smile. “How do you remember all that? With that big head of yours, I guess you have a lot of memories too.”

“Do you remember what you said?” Justin asked again.

“I said that I was the happiest girl in the world. I had the pool back and I had you. I might have said I loved you too, I think.” Amanda chuckled.

“It was the first time you said it,” Justin stated getting up from the side of the pool. “Let’s go to the shade over there,” Justin said as he walked toward lounge chair on the other side of the pool, where a large tree provided a shade.

“Really? Why are you reminiscing about that?” Amanda asked with a raised brow as she followed him. Justin opted to stand over by the fence, his back turned toward her, while she stood there staring at him.

“That’s my ultimatum, Jo,” Justin said after a few minutes of silence.

“You have to say you love me?” Amanda chuckled. “That’s dumb, you tell me all the time. Even when you’re pushing me around. I’m not buying it. What really went down with Trace?”

“I’m telling you the truth, Jo,” Justin said turning to face her. A look of complete distress adorned his features as he looked at her. “Trace is pissed off because I’m scared to tell you how I feel.”

“How you feel about what?” Amanda chuckled, yet a terrifying look on her face as she looked at him.

“How I feel about you. How I’ve felt about you for years. How I still feel about you.” Justin said softly as he looked at her from where he stood by the fence.

“What?” Amanda asked all laughter drained from her being as she began to panic. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything,” Justin said looking up at the sky, trying to ignore the sound of his heart as it beat against his chest. Feeling like he was going to suffocate, he spoke the words he’s wanted to speak all his life. “I love you, Jo.”

“What?” Amanda whispered as she backed away from him.

“Jesus!! I didn’t want to tell you this way. I didn’t think I’d have to tell you at a pool out of all places. I wish I could have planned this better. I wish you’d stop looking at me that way. Say something, Jo.” Justin begged. “I know this is probably not the type of relaxed weekend you wished for but I can’t keep this bottled up inside anymore. It’s killing me to love you this much, Jo. It hurts.”

“You wish you could have planned it better?” Amanda asked angrily. “You wish you could have planned a better way to tell me this? IS THERE SUCH A THING?!! What have you done, Justin? What are you doing right now?”

“I need you to know how I feel. You don’t have to say that you love me, I’m okay with that.” Justin said as a solitary tear slipped down his cheek before he wiped it off quickly.

“YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT!! Do you hear yourself right now? Do you realize what you’ve done?” Amanda said as she back away from him further. “Jesus!! You’ve ruined us.”

“What?!” Justin asked shocked at her words. “What we have as friends is beyond how I may feel about you, Amanda. I’m not trying to ruin anything between us.  I just needed you to know that I love,”

“SHUT UP!! DO NOT SAY THOSE WORDS TO ME!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Amanda said as tears started flowing down her cheeks. Her chest ached from the pain that she felt as she literally saw their friendship disappear before her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jo. Please don’t cry,” Justin said walking toward her to embrace her.

“Don’t …you…dare…touch…ME!!” Amanda said in between her sobbing. “Don’t touch me!!!”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. Don’t you understand that? I would never hurt you,” Justin said as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“You already did, Justin. I don’t know you,” Amanda said looking up at him, venom in her voice. “Right now I wish I never met you. I wish for my life to start over so that I could live in complete ignorance of who you are.”

“You don’t mean that, Jo,” Justin said with a hurt expression on his face. “You can’t mean that. You can’t write me off like this. I can see it in your eyes; please don’t leave me, Amanda. You’re all I have.”

“You were all I had too, until you killed every good thing about us. You’ve ruined everything, Justin. I hate you for making me feel this way. Stay away from me.” Amanda said roughly wiping at her face.

“What?” Justin asked chocked up from his tears.

“I would wish that I’d never see you again, but I know that’s nearly impossible,” Amanda said angrily. “You’ve succeeded in making me both the happiest girl in the world and the saddest. You should be proud of yourself. I understand why hating someone is so easy now. Thank you.” Amanda said as she grabbed her shorts from the duffle bag on the picnic table by the gate, before walking out toward the street and disappearing behind the large trees in front of the pool.

“Oh God, what have I done?” Justin said looking toward the sky as tears fell from him eyes. “What did I do?”