How old are you? At your age, don’t you feel tiny when someone reprimands you? I know I did. Johnny is the sweetest man you’d ever meet, right up until the moment where he becomes your manager. By that time, you only get to see the sweet man, occasionally. But I love him, he’s the best manager a person could have because let’s be honest here. Justin is no manager. He knows the industry and all that jazz, but so do I from being around it all my life, but Justin doesn’t do what Johnny does. Justin tags along, sort of, as I did with Nsync. It works, and I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is Johnny calling me on my bullshit. He’s tough!

Speaking of bullshit, it’s been a while since Lynn has been around. She claims she has other things to do and write, but tell me, what’s more important than the three of us. Nothing, that’s what. I love her though so I’m done talking negative about her.

But I’m sure you’re dying to hear negative things about me. This track is a bit tough for me. I realize I was over-reacting but damn, come on! Work with me here. I keep repeating myself to you, I know, but what was I supposed to do? I was scared, yes, I admit it, and there you have it. Terrified.

I was being a complete brat and to think that I was fooling anyone is incredible. I wasn’t even fooling myself, either, which is the kicker. I knew, I knew that whether I fought it or not that I would have to surrender at some point.

I loved Justin Timberlake.

And when I went back to my hotel suite, I cried my ass off. I was shaking and my stomach was in knots. What would happen if I threw all the scary feelings out the window? What if I stopped lying to myself? And more importantly, when would he kiss me again? Jesus, I felt that kiss in my toes. No lie. However, we’ll get to that in more details later.

So anyway, where was I? Oh, I was spending my nights at the Mondrian (if you’re even in the Los Angeles area, please check it out. It’s gorgeous.) and my days at the studio, where I wasted my time being a complete bitch to both Justin and Trace. I was miserable. I think everyone involved was. And although in my head I wished that I didn’t have to go into the studio with Justin and Trace, my heart said otherwise. I wanted to see them, I wanted to be around them, even if we were at each other’s throats ninety percent of the time. And the truth was, every time Justin would look at me, I felt like running toward him and telling him that I loved him too. But that was just in my head. Way, way, way back in my head.

So for being a bitch, I paid the consequences. Johnny shipped my ass to New York for a week, where I had to watch Danity Kane, do interview after interview. Talk about boring! If there is one thing I hate about this industry is having to answer the same questions over and over again. If I had it my way I would get all the journalists/reporters that wanted to interview me in one room, then I would have to answer questions about Justin, myself and my music, only once. But that’s just a dream. Blah.

I asked Lynn not to tell you guys that Justin and I have matching cars because of what you might think. You think it’s ridiculous right? Well it’s not really, all three of us had the same car. Justin’s was black, and I say was because he no longer has it, and he was the last person to get it. So it’s not like I wanted it cause he had it. I got mine as a college graduation gift, (Yeah, from Justin. Get over it! Don’t hate!) and Trace got his cause he was being a baby when he saw mine, so he bought one (Didn’t I tell you that Trace got dough). Trace’s is black, as well, but he has red interior so it looks different than Justin’s. And Justin got one as a gift from Johnny, so it wasn’t planned. Not too much. What can I say? We have good taste.
 
 
 

So you’re probably asking yourself what business grandma had being in the studio. And believe me, I asked myself that too. She had a lot of nerve. God, I can’t stand her. No, not because of who her ex is (Justin) but because I simply hate her. Till this day, when we run into her at events I have to turn the other way. She’s a bitch (I should talk) and I want to beat her ass every time. And don’t think I turn the other way to avoid her, I turn because Justin makes me. But one of these days, I swear she’s gonna catch me alone. And oh boy, I’m drooling at the thought.

So anyway, on to a better subject. Oh, lets’ talk about my assistant. What a dick! I love him to death but he gets on my last nerve. FYI: He’s in the room, and I had to say that.

Reading this track I have to give Justin credit for trying. I mean there was no hope for me at that time cause I had my mind set on ignoring the truth, but he did try. But then my dirtball cousin started to put shit in his head and then Justin had to go and get just a bitchy as me. Justin may be one of the most sought-out musicians and an idol to you guys, but believe me when I tell you that he’s a total bitch when he wants to be.

Ohh, let’s talk about the tracks Justin wrote. Those were interesting to say the least. Looking back at them now, I realize that he really loves me, he really, really does. I’m sorry I just had to throw that in there. I know you guys love him, and he loves you back but sometimes it kinda irks me. Just sometimes. Like when I get hate messages on myspace. I can’t help the fact that this man loves me, I can’t. Going to my myspace page and telling me to go fuck myself isn’t going to change that. Sorry.

Speaking of myspace, I need to log on more often. I haven’t done it in a long while. I’m afraid that if I start blogging I’ get addicted like Trace, and that’s not good. I have better things to do, like Justin for example. Ha!

I know you think I was a complete bitch to that photographer but I will have you know that he was fired. No, Trace had nothing to do with it, but apparently he’s not a very patient person and it caught up to him. I don’t know the full details about it but I know there were a few items thrown at his face. Ha ha!

So I need to cut this short but I know I promised to talk about the kiss. So what can I say, but WOW. Damn that boy just doesn’t know how good he is. Well he does, cause he has a big head, ya know how he is. But THAT to ME was the first time he kissed me. I know that I kissed him before but I was drunk, and I don’t remember it. Which is a damn shame because after that day at the studio, my curiosity was peaked. To think that I felt those lips and I was basically unconscious is a damn shame. I can’t describe the feeling of being kissed by Justin. I just can’t, I can sit here and tell you that it’s incredible, magical and out of this world, but none of those words do it  justice. It’s just WOW, that’s it.

I have to get going I have to meet Britney, Sean and the new baby for lunch. Justin should be getting in soon, he was picking up Rachel at the airport. You know her, his cousin. She’s coming to get her fitting for.. ohh what am I doing? I can’t tell you that.

Gotta go! Bye!