Before I start this remix I just want you to know that I’m not an alcoholic. As I read and remembered those events, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I gave you the wrong impression. To clarify, let me just say that I only drink on occasion. Aren’t the Grammy’s an occasion? I think so. Don’t be judging me!!

Looking back at Justin’s display of self-pity, that night, disappoints me. But let me just go with the flow here. One thing at a time.

The bitter words shared between Justin and my lovely boyfriend, Jeremy hadn’t made much sense to me that night, but listening to them now, I should have caught on. (but I was drunk. Yes, I said it. Drunk.) Back then I basically thought they were immature and stupid. Still do actually. (Although I can’t stand one of them now)

My theory back then, on why those two found themselves in stupid arguments? JEALOUSY. On huge gigantic word isn’t it?

Before you agree with me, let me explain.

Jeremy Owens has gotten everything he’s ever wanted, except for one thing. He was the captain of his high school team, he had dated the captain of the cheerleading squad (That’s me, by the way.), he’d gotten a scholarship to USC and he’d become the star quarterback of the college’s football team.  He was a normal person. Paparazzi didn’t chase him down. He was able to take me anywhere he wanted at the spur of the moment. He was normal.

Justin on the other hand wasn’t normal. While Justin had sold millions of records worldwide, was dating America’s pop princess and could wipe his ass with hundred dollar bills (Seriously, he could, if he wanted to.), he wasn’t normal. He couldn’t take us somewhere without having it ‘arranged’. He was constantly in the public eye.

Do you see what I mean? Jeremy had a normal life, something Justin was secretly longing for. Justin was a star, a celebrity, something Jeremy hoped to accomplish in his football career. Do you see, now? Was my theory a loud of shit, or was it a good logic? How could I have been so right, yet so wrong in my theory? For a smart girl, I wasn’t then, huh? Jealousy was the cause, or should I say I was the cause?

I’ve convinced my cousin to say a few words to you about his take on this whole thing. Reason? Well, the more Lynn let’s you know, the guiltier I feel for dragging Trace into the tangled web we weaved. I can’t fathom the constant stress we must have caused him. In my defense, Justin started it!! (This is me, stomping my foot like a child.)

The memory of that day, when I saw Britney at the airport, (I later found out she was on her way to New Orleans, to promote Crossroads.) still makes me feel horrible. The fact that she knew something that I didn’t, something that had hurt her, hurts me as well. She was (is) a friend of mine and I’ve known her as long as Justin has, it really sucks how someone else’s feelings, and your own, can take friendships to a breaking point. I’ve since said that I was sorry but she insists that I shouldn’t apologize for something I didn’t have control over. (It still doesn’t make me feel any better, though.)

When Trace asked me if Britney had ‘said’ anything, I should have known something was up, but honestly, I had no idea. (Denial is a bitch, isn’t it?)

Those pictures of me with Britney and Felicia at the airport, did eventually make it on a tabloid. The caption under the picture read something along the lines of : Britney Spears appeared distraught as she took her entourage on a private flight to New Orleans. Sources tell us that the pop princess was headed to New Orleans to promote her new movie, Crossroads, after a split from Nsyncer’ Justin Timberlake.

Doesn’t it bug you that every picture or any article pops out the ‘sources tell us’ or ‘our sources say’? Let me tell you a little secret, there are no sources. There never has been. What there are plenty of are snitches. Snitches aren’t sources to celebrities, they are janitorial staff at a celebrity-infested hotel, and they are the pool boys, the pizza delivery guys. You get me? If you want to know a real ‘source’, here I am. You can’t get a better ‘source’ than me. (Really, I know this man you adore, from head to toe.)

Anyway, so yeah the ‘source’ didn’t say who I was, which I guess was good. I still argue with Justin that the ‘source’ that leaked his break-up with Britney was the maid outside the hotel room, where Justin and Britney had been arguing. He says I was too drunk that night to know that for sure, which is true, because Justin left the last party an hour before we did.  Maybe the maid was in the closet or something. Listening. Again I was drunk, excuse me.

I won’t even get into that last part of Lynn’s story because well, it’s bullshit. God I want to kick his ass for lying to me. But we’ll get to that later in the soundtrack, I guess.

I ended up recording that song that we sang to each other. As you can see, it’s the name of this track. I love that song. And why wouldn’t I? I wrote it. Back then I didn’t think it would have such a strong impact in my life.

Justin didn’t sing the full lyrics to that song, so I would like to take this opportunity to sing that verse to you again.

“And if it’s supposed to be, then we’re gonna be, no one can stop what’s destined, for you and me, who’s to say that we, won’t fall deep in love, it’s a very good chance because….”

The song then goes onto the chorus but go pick up the album and take a good listen. (Shameless Plug!!)

And ladies, yes, Justin Timberlake sings to his girl.

Justin, please remember what can happen to Timbersnake if you mention him again. (Good Lord, now you have me referring to it as ‘him’. You’ll pay for that)
 

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The Sad Song (Remix # 2)

I’m a bastard. I deserve to die. I know. Believe me I know.

What do you want me to say? Would you like me to tell you that all of the negative things you think about Britney, are acceptable? They’re not, so I can’t do that. I can’t tell you why I said what I said that day. I just couldn’t tell the truth. I couldn’t speak it, knowing that the moment I did, disaster would overtake my life. Not that making you (and the whole world) believe Britney cheated on me isn’t a form of disaster or anything, because it was. I can admit now and even then that I was a coward. If somehow I would have known then what I know now, maybe I would have told Amanda the truth. The truth that has haunted me for over two decades, the truth that I still thrive on today.

I’ve hurt not only Amanda and Britney with that lie, but you as well. I manipulated the situation and ran with it, all the way until I couldn’t take the lies anymore. (you’ll see in the following tracks, what I’m talking about.)

I’ve hurt Britney by making her out to be the ‘bad guy’, which couldn’t be farthest from the truth. Britney deserved and deserves better than that because she’s awesome. You know who the bad guy was? Yeah, me. I’m the one that put those hateful words in your mouth about her.

I’ve hurt Amanda because I didn’t trust her enough. I assumed the worst from her. (and rightfully so, wait till you listen to more tracks) I didn’t give her a chance to decided on her own what the outcome of my ‘truth’ would be.

I’ve hurt you , my fans, because I used you. I used you to sell a record. I used you for publicity, I gave you what you wanted to see, read and hear. All because I was too fucking afraid of the outcome of my ‘truth’.

I want to apologize for that, I realize that for some of my fans (even Britney fans, or Jojo fans) an apology now, is simply too late. But it’s all I got. I truly am sorry for what I did.

Lynn didn’t mention this but I wasn’t alone in my truth. There was someone who knew and understood, even supported me in my ‘truth’ (Besides Trace, who I told that night). She’s always known my truths, my lies and my bullshit. I was eight years old when I first told her about this particular truth we’re talking about. We have always made it a point to take some time to sit and talk. My schedule has been hectic since I was fourteen years old, so the talks varied from ten minutes on the phone to the rare weekends we get to spend together. When those rare occasions occur, we enjoy them, I enjoy them. On those occasions when it’s just us, I tell her my truths and she understands me and supports me. Amanda has been my truth since January thirty-first nineteen eighty-one, and I truly believe that. Only one person knew that, though. That person is responsible for giving me life. That person is who brought me into this world, to entertain you. My first best friend. My mother.

I realize that I truly am a momma’s boy but my mother is awesome and I can’t help it. (Just so you know, Lynn Harless, wasn’t so supportive of the Britney bashing. At all)

Speaking of support systems, I’d also like to take a moment to thank, Trace. For all the shit he’s had to endure. (Him and his cousin are sitting on the couch, both threatening to spill the beans again, so I HAVE to thank him.) All jokes aside though, that’s my boy, my partner, my brother, my best friends and I love that little man. I don’t know what I would do without his support. Probably be my own bitch. And I probably would have more beer in the fridge. (Okay, so I had to throw in a joke. God forbid I get all sappy and gay in regards to Trace.)

I started it, Amanda? No one asked you to be born, perfect, for me, so I beg to differ. (I’m stomping my foot back.) And you didn’t mind ‘him’ last night, did you?

She’s going to have me skinned. (I’ll just sing to her later, which always works.)

Love, Justin (again, I did that. I’m such a pimp.)

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The Fucked-up Song (Remix # 3)

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to sit here and recount the events in my two best friends’ lives, but they are making me. (I’m such a pussy when it comes them.)

I came over to watch a game. And no offense to you, really, but fuck this!!

They asked (made me) me to tell  about how shitty I felt, how caught in the middle I felt. So I’m going to try.

It was horrible.

I have my cousin, whom I love dearly, even though she’s making me do this. We grew up together in the same home but I’m sure she told you that.

And I have my best friend, my brother, my partner, who I don’t know if I could do without, Justin. (I’m not gay!!)

I remember that day when Justin told me about his feelings, like it was yesterday. I think I was in shock for a good hour before it dawned on me that, deep inside, I already knew. I think I had it twisted though.

Let me explain something to you. In my life, since I was born basically, I’ve known two facts. One, that I wasn’t going to be tall. And two, that Justin and Amanda would forever be in my life. So it was inevitable that Justin and Amanda would become one. (No pun intended. That’s kind of gross to think about.)

What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, I knew. Only I always thought that the first admission would come from Manda. Mainly because she needed to drop Shit-face as soon as possible. I didn’t the admission would come from Justin, nor did I think Manda was completely oblivious. She’s making me do this, so I’m going to talk shit. I think Manda knew how Justin felt but she was soo far up Asshole’s ass that she failed to realize it. There I said it. Fuck that!!

I don’t know if these two have told you about my feelings toward Jeremy, (a.k.a shit-face, a.k.a, pretty-fuck, a.k.a asshole, a.k.a shit-wad. You get the picture.) or lack thereof. I’ve known Jeremy basically all my life too, but it’s different with him. Everything changed in middle school, when I was the short kid and he wanted to be the ‘big’ man on the block.

God, I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this.

Fuck!! I hate these kind of things.

Jeremy and I became pretty close when Justin left. I guess I can’t deny that, although I do, all the time. As the years went on, I started seeing him for what he was. A wannabe.

I’ve never had a problem making friends, ever. Justin and I share the same trait, we’re cool.  (Don’t roll your eyes, if you’d ever met us, you’d know what I’m saying is true.) We don’t search out friends, they just fall into place because we are genuine, we don’t take any shit and people respect that.

Jeremy on the other hand, wasn’t one to make friends on his own. Did Manda and Justin tell you that, we (well, Manda did) had to cross that street to talk to him? That although he was playing with his stupid football, across the street, and he could see us on the other side, he didn’t make an attempt to befriend us. What a mistake we made, that day. At least I thought so, I introduced him to every single one of those kids in Millington. And what do I get? I get told I’m not good enough to play football, or basketball, or go to the arcade, by non other than Jeremy ‘I’m the big man on the block now’ Owens. He didn’t keep me from those friends I introduced him to because I already had Justin and Manda but being set aside for people that weren’t ‘there’ for him pissed me off.

When his father had abused him, verbally. I was there. When his mother didn’t let him do anything but play football. I was there. When he wanted someone to give another a Valentine’s card, because he couldn’t leave the house. I was there. When it was time to choose between a friend and a bunch of superficial friends, he chose  them instead. That is why, he will forever be an asshole to me.

I’m done talking about him.

So, yeah, I expected the admission to come from Manda. I don’t know why, I just did. Maybe because I know Justin just as well, and he wouldn’t speak on anything like that to Manda. He’s too wary of Manda’s opinion, he values it too much. If he would have admitted to her, that he felt the way he did and she flipped out, causing their friendship to deteriorate, he wouldn’t have made it. He would have been devastated, so that I guess was my deciding factor, Amanda would be the one.

Amanda has always been the one to keep us, the boys, in check. She’s out spoken and doesn’t really take shit, from us or anyone. If she feel like we did something wrong, she will let us know about it. Repeatedly. With her shoulder-length black hair, standing at five-foot-five, she can be pretty intimidating. She has these bright blue eyes that kind of hypnotize you, she’s beautiful. (Don’t be a pervert now, I’m not crushing on my cousin.)

I was so glad when everything got settled between my two friends. When everything came full circle, when things were back to normal. Although normal meant having to watch them make out when they thought no one was watching.  Did I tell you too much? I think I might have because those two are cursing at me. Oh well.

So maybe, just maybe this shit they are doing isn’t so bad. Maybe, and I mean maybe, I will talk to you again. You seem nice. You don’t say much and laugh at my jokes, so I guess you’re alright.

I’m going to go grab a beer out the fridge now. And commercials are over so I’m out.

Peace.