Lunch was kind of awkward but once Justin realized why there was so much tension in the air, he started talking about our CMA performance. Once we all were hurling ideas at one another the stress seemed to melt away.

Garth had some great ideas for the performance. I am so glad to work with him. That's how you become better. By taking the advice and sometimes criticism of those who have come before you. I am so excited and so humbled.  

Growing up with J and Josh kind of spoiled me as far as my career goes. I never became famous because of my friendship with either of them. Of course, it didn't hurt to have two very famous best friends at my disposal when I needed help writing or producing songs. It wasn't always the easiest to get ahold of them though. Justin runs so many different businesses that most of the time he is lucky if he gets two days off a month. JC has always moved his schedule around for me if need be. Like I said, I am pretty spoiled.

But what I am known for is my writing ability. I even helped a few of Justin's artists with some of their material.  It wasn't until I started dating Josh, that I ever thought I'd have the courage to go out on stage and sing my own songs. It just never occured to me I could pull the performances off. I didn't like that kind of attention. Well, back then I didn't. Now, I am used to it for the most part.  

Once you have a four year relationship in the spotlight, cameras flashing everywhere, reporters constantly calling. stalkerazzi camped outside of your home, it all becomes very generic. I shouldn't say I've gotten used to it. I don't think anyone really can. But I've run the gamut on it, and I have learned to deal with that facet of being a celebrity.

All I know is my marriage is going to fail if I don’t sit down and talk this all out with Josh. And I won’t let my own selfishness cause that to happen. Craig is a wonderful guy. He has taken care of me. He loves me. And I am very grateful to him for putting up with me through all the mess and heartache. 

How are you supposed to tell the love of your life that you are marrying another man? And more importantly, how do you tell them via telephone? I wasn’t prepared to do either of the two.

But if I was going to muster up the courage and strength to tell him the truth, the entire truth, then it needed to be done face to face. I at least owed him that.

Just not today. We need to get this work done. And I need to finish this song once and for all because I don’t know how much longer I can stand to see this look on his face. Every time I sing this song, he looks like I am breaking more of his heart. And that I can’t live with anymore. That it is my fault he is this miserable on the inside. The professional in him is only keeping it together for appearances.

I watch him slide his hands over the top of his legs and I gasp for air. What can I say? He still renders me breathless without even trying. He turns his head toward me, knowing such a simple act still gathers my attention. He winks at me. Then he sings part of the melody him and J have been working on the past four days.

I’ll be taking up your time 

Till the day I make you realize

That for you there could be no one else

I just gotta have you for myself (For myself)

Baby I will take good care of you

No matter what it is you’re going through-ohh

I’ll be there for you when you’re in need

Baby, believe in me  

Am…Am I drooling?  Their voices have a way of taking me with them. I just close my eyes and follow the harmony into a dreamlike state. Until they stop and I come back to my senses. That is when I realize everyone in the room is now staring at me.

“Cal…Cal….EARTH TO CAL!” J is looking at me with a puzzled look on his face. He wants to laugh, but I think he might also be really concerned. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Just…I..was..jus…” I trail off.

“Needin a bib girl? HA! Don’t worry…..” Justin walks over and hands me several napkins. I stand up and wipe myself off as casually as I can, then walk over to the trash barrel and throw them away.

“I gotcha covered front AND back! Damn…I’ve always loved your ass in skirts. Seriously, you should just wear skirts all the time and not bother with the rest of this. It doesn’t do your body justice.” 

“JC, man, you get a look at your girl? She’s all…..

”Apple Bottom Jeans…boots with the fur

The whole club was lookin at HER!"

“Really, J, must you? I know what her ass looks like TRUST ME.” He smiles at me boyishly.  “And for the record, she’s not so much my girl anymore, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“So..that’s a beautiful song. When did you guys write it?” I'm trying to change the subject as quickly as possible before it ends badly. 

“And enough comments about my ass. I know what it looks like; it’s with me every day.”

“Not today it’s not. You left him back home! Ohhhh!”  Justin laughs and looks over JC, not expecting to see him with such a sad face.

“Sorry man. It was A LOT funnier in my head.”

“Try and keep it to a minimum, ya know..my ego’s bruised enough,” Josh sighs.

"Stop being such a bitch...man..and let's get this done already." Justin throws a cd case at him, and Josh manages to catch it in between his two fingers.

"Alright bro, let's getter done, as they say." JC starts up the back beat and just like that, everything is fading back into normalcy. Kind of.

I don’t know how this happens. It’s amazing to me just how long we have all known each other. And the shit we will put up with from one another.  Especially JT and I.  

Everything that has happened between all of us the past two and a half decades has been a roller coaster ride. Sometimes good, sometimes scary, always ups and downs, but it always seems to come back to just the three of us. And sometimes there's Trish and Trace around to reign us all in. As if that ever works. HA! 

Justin and I met when we were in the third grade. Funny story how that happened. It still amazes me to this day. See, I went to private day care when I was younger because my mother had to work to support the two of us.

And that is where I met Tricia Whitley. We were inseparable ever since I tried stealing her blanket at nap time. And I have loved every crazy, scary, and hilarious moment.

As a matter of fact, I can’t honestly remember a single day of elementary school, junior high, or high school, without her being there. Tricia is hilarious. She has one of those infectious laughs that can be inviting, but overly obnoxious at the same time. Picture a 5’4 petite blonde, with Justin’s eyes and a bad boy attitude. That’s Trish.

Did I mention she was Justin’s cousin? Yeah, that’s how all of this started. One summer I was asked by Tricia’s dad if I could come with them out to Tennessee for a few weeks. My mom was a little skeptical, but Tom assured her we would be supervised the entire trip. They had enough relatives out in Millington to herd an entire cattle prod.  And Trish and I must have jumped up and down for at least four hours until she finally gave in and said yes. So I was off to spend six weeks with my best friend in the sticks of Tennessee.

I met Justin the first day we landed. His mom, Lynn, picked us up at the airport in Memphis. He was so different back then.  A little pale faced boy with gorgeous blue eyes and skinned knees. I admit, as young as we were, every girl within a 10 mile radius had a crush on him.

Trace Ayala, his best friend to this day, was always the opposite of him. Trace came up with all the ideas of what we should do, the kind of trouble we could find, and what pranks we could pull. Matter of fact, Trace is the reason that we are still not allowed to camp overnight at the state forest along Tennessee River. Don’t even ask. I’ll suffice it to say it involved an air mattress, a tow rope, and a very wet and not so happy Trish. But it WAS funny. Hilarious. She can laugh at it now, but it’s still a sore subject between her and Trace. The weirdest thing is that we have all managed to stay friends ever since that summer.

And Justin was so annoying back then. All he ever did was sing. Everywhere we went. We would sing along too sometimes of course. But I mean he knew the words to Judd’s songs at the age of eight. Who knows that? At the age of eight? How does a little kid in ripped bibballs and cowboy boots know how to sing that caliber of songs?

Since that summer, JT, Trace, Trish, and I have all been best friends. In fact, I spent about every waking moment I wasn’t in school, out in Millington with Trish and her family. “Our Family.”

While he was on the show he met a lot of other kids. I mean obviously he was going to; it was an incredibly popular show. That is where he met my current ex-fiancée JC Chasez.

After the Mickey Mouse Club ended, JC moved to Millington with Justin and the family for a bit. That is when I met him. I was ten years old and I remember that day perfectly.

We were making brownies with Momma Lynn for Trish’s birthday. She always let us lick the spoon and bowl when she was done. Josh took his brownie-battered wooden spoon and slapped me on the cheek. Ever since that day I have been in love with him. Two best friends in love with their friendship. At times it’s been more, and as of lately, it’s been a lot less. But something always makes us gravitate towards one another. No matter how close or how far away, or what is going on in our lives, someplace deep down, we have come to realize, that we are kindred spirits. Through breakups, makeups, and our entire engagement. Right up until the falling out and I walked away all we have known since we were kids is each other.

“Callie…will you tell ya boy that we just wanna hit it once and in the morning you’ll go back to being you, and I’ll go back to being single. It’s no big deal, really.” Justin’s semi-joking with me now.  Still I take advantage and fire back a little.

“Yeah, J, funny enough I’ve heard that about you. And well, my momma taught me never to put small things in my mouth. Sorry, hun can’t help you out.” I rub his head playfully and he jumps away from me.  

“OUCH!  That hurt girl! You’ve been hangin around us too long. And darlin’ you don’t know what you’re missing. Baby, I would love you like a New England snowstorm.  I’ll be giving ya 8-10 inches, and you’d be laid up in bed for 3 to 4 days!”    

We couldn’t help but laugh at ourselves. I had to give him credit. It was a great line.  “J…quit trying to mack on Cal for five seconds and come help me finish this. We’ve been here all damn day man.”  Josh was trying to remain calm but I could see he was starting to get pissed with Justin’s antics. I mouthed, “It’s okay,” to him, under my breath. Hoping it might cool him off a little.   

I have to admit that it has been kind of nice having my boys back. Even if it’s only going to be temporary.

Garth had to head back to the hotel and spend some much needed time with his girls and his wife. Ever since we started this project none of us have had any time for anyone except each other.  

It'll be alright though. We will do the CMA performance, then the album will drop, we will have television and radio interviews, a few press junkets, and then an eight month tour.

Eight months.

Then I am free to have some down time. I know it seems like a long time but when you have to schedule dentist appointments 14 months in advance because you never have time, then you will understand why eight months is a very short time frame. 

I am just not so sure how I am going to keep it all together for this long. Especially since we might be touring together for Garth's farewell.  

Sigh.

It might be a long eight months after all.

~Selfish~ Song By Nsync