Jordan Williams hated this time of the day. It was the pivotal time between second to third period, where there was more time allotted for retrieving books, or just walking the halls aimlessly. More importantly it was the time that all the sports players graced the halls with their presents. She absolutely hated this time of the day.
There he was.
It always played in her mind like a slow motion movie. Justin Timberlake, the most popular senior in school, walked through the halls high fiving all the guys that wanted to be him, and hugged all the girls that probably wanted to fuck him – or at the very least be seen with him.
His long legs were covered in a loose pair of jeans; he was wearing his letterman jacket over a plain white t-shirt. His curls looked to have been freshly chopped; only curling a little at the top. He and his group of friends made their way down to her end of the hall, causing her to quickly recite her locker combination in her head, spinning the locker in its right ways, and hiding her head in her locker.
Jordan knew that Justin never noticed her, never even looked her way unless for some odd reason she was doing something embarrassing and his friends should happen to notice and point it out. But he never went out of his way to even glance at her, today was no different, and yesterday was no different. But still, every single day at the same exact time she would throw her head into her locker and wait for them to turn the corner to their next class.
“Aren’t you a little sick of this routine?”
Jordan turned to see one of her best friends, Jimmy Harris, staring at her amusingly – probably holding back a laugh. His brown hair was slicked back with an obscene amount of hair product, his glasses perched high on top of his nose, and his buttoned down plaid shirt hung closely to his gangly frame.
“What routine?” She asked, busying herself with fixing up the contents in her locker, and getting the books she needed for her next class.
“You do this every day, Jordan. You come to your locker, you see Justin and his goons and then your head’s in the locker.”
“I don’t do it everyday,” she mumbled to herself. But she did, every single day she did. And if Jimmy noticed, then there was a great chance that other people noticed. “It just so happens that when he’s coming down the halls …I need to get my books out.”
“That would make sense,” he nodded. “But that doesn’t quite explain why your heads so far in there that you might as well climb in there and close the door.”
“What do you want?” She turned, giving him a bored look. Jordan just wasn’t in the mood for his jokes. “Don’t you have someone else to annoy at this time?”
“No, just you, honey.”
“Fun.”
“But really, I don’t even know why you get like this. I’m not sure Justin Timberlake even knows you’re alive,” he admitted something so painfully obvious to her already. “You could probably walk right in front of him, and he’d just circle around you only because they haven’t mastered the art of walking right through us yet.”
Right as the sentence left his mouth, Justin walked past them, and Jordan couldn’t help but to discreetly stare at him from the corner of her eye. It was probably only her imagination, but she could’ve sworn he threw a look their way. But that never happens, so why would it happen now?
“I don’t know why I get like this, either,” she finally answered after she was sure Justin and his friends were out of ear shot. “I know he doesn’t notice me. He never has, he never will. And still …” she trailed off, glancing at the floor, feeling foolish.
“You can’t help it? It seems to be that way for a lot of girls,” Jimmy assured her, rubbing her upper arm soothingly. “You’re a female with hormones, and Justin’s not exactly an ugly guy …”
“I think you’ve succeeded in making me feel better and also admitting you may be slightly gay all at the same time,” she gave him a cute smile before turning to finish getting the rest of her books. She needed books for geometry and English.
“You’re so funny,” he deadpanned. “But I came to walk you to lunch,” he offered, grabbing her books for her.
“Thanks,” she smiled. “And only walking me? You’re not eating?”
“Nah,” he shook his head, following after her after she locked her locker and started walking towards the cafeteria. “I really need to be in study hall. I have a test coming up, and it’s really no joke.”
“Well, that sucks. Who else’s plate am I going to sneak food off of when they’re not looking?”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to find someone else to mooch off of.”
“I guess so.”
“Are you really likin’ Justin, though?” Jimmy pondered, his strong southern accent accentuating every word. Jordan had never cared about Justin walking through the halls, or anything that had to do with him or any of the jocks at school. But ever since senior year started, she had been acting really strange when it came to him.
“I don’t know!” She exasperated. “I mean, I’ve always had some sort of crush on him since preschool. But I’m a girl, and he’s a guy,” she rationalized. “That’s what happens when you have hormones and emotions and all the other bullshit that comes with being a female,” she laughed. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve just become very aware of him.”
Jimmy stared at her for a few moments without saying anything. He could tell that she was having an inner war with herself; almost like she was pained by the thought of liking him. He couldn’t lie if he admitted, even if only to himself, that he was disappointed by it.
“It’s normal,” he shrugged his lanky shoulders. “He’s popular, he’s tall, he has blue eyes …”
“Again with the gay,” Jordan snickered.
“Look, I’m trying to make you feel better,” he said seriously, but couldn’t help but crack a smile. “But it is normal. You just have to remind yourself of what type of guy Justin is, and what kind of people we are. He’s popular and you’re not. And if he did for some unknown reason finally show some sort of acknowledgement towards you …I’d find it weird.”
“Yeah …”
Jordan knew all of this, but still, the boy was fucking hot. There was no denying it. Justin wasn’t that cute of a kid or even a preteen, but his teenage days have been truly kind to him.
“And I’m really not saying all of this to break down any self esteem you may have. I’m just stating facts.”
“You’re right,” she granted.
“And Jordan,” he started as they rounded the corner and walked up to the double doors leading into the cafeteria.
“Yes?” Her light brown eyes looked up at him curiously.
“Don’t let this little crush nonsense go past my ears, because if his friends, hell even the girls found out this bit of information …”
“Yeah, I know,” she dismissed, not even wanting to share it with him. “They’d tear me apart.”
“Like a bunch of pit bulls fighting over the last piece of meat.” Jimmy handed back her books before offering her something else, “You’re a phenomenally awesome chick. You’ll just be phenomenally awesome for someone else.”
Jordan genuinely smiled at that. Jimmy knew just the right way to make her feel better, not only about herself but about any problem she was having.
“Thanks Jim,” she stood on her tippy toes to ruffle his hair, forgetting that it was matted down with gunk. She made a face, wiping the goo on her hands on her jeans. “That Chelsea is a lucky girl to have you,” she informed him.
Chelsea was just as “nerdy” as Jimmy was, maybe even more. They bonded over their love of chess and have had a successful relationship ever since.
“Thanks,” Jimmy blushed, looking down at his chucks, before looking back at his friend. “So, you’re gonna eat.” He said in more of a statement than a question.
“Yeah, I’m just gonna grab something quick in there and study outside. It’s really nice out today,” she referred to the exceptionally nice September day. It was cool enough for a jacket, but warm enough to where you didn’t need it if you didn’t want it. It was perfect.
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed. “Well, I’m gonna get down to study hall, but if I don’t see you later on I’ll give you a call tonight, okay?”
“Okay,” she wrapped her arms around him in a friendly hug. Jordan watched him jog down the halls before entering the cafeteria.
***
Justin really didn’t know what he was doing. He saw her walk in, grab a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water, then watched as she exited the cafeteria. Before he knew it he was following her outside, slow enough so she couldn’t sense him behind her, but fast enough to keep up with her.
Jordan was sitting on top of a picnic table in front of a big oak tree oblivious to pretty much everything around her. Justin looked around nervously, there weren’t a lot of people outside right now, anyone who mattered was in the cafeteria. Where he should’ve been. Yeah, he should definitely be in there with the rest of his friends, where he belonged.
Jordan was a loner, Justin knew this. But she wasn’t a loner because anyone shunned her out; it was of her own accord. She wanted to be. She loved having the friends that she did, and from his stand point it didn’t bother her that she wasn’t popular. She seemed shy. Every time he passed her in the halls she’d turn around, but maybe that’s just because she didn’t like him. He didn’t know, tried not to think of it too much. There were plenty of girls who did like him, and he didn’t have to wonder if they did. Not that he wondered that much at all about her.
But he could admit, in the solace of his own mind, that Jordan wasn’t an ugly girl. He’d even branch out even further to say she was quite pretty. She was bi-racial, so that in itself was kind of weird for a lot of people especially in Memphis, Tennessee. But that had just made her that much more exotic to him. He’d always had a thing for black girls, never really jumped on it, but he definitely did notice them. She had long thick black hair, caramel skin, and the sexiest pair of hazel brown eyes he’d ever seen.
Not that he thought about her appearance all that much, because he didn’t.
He turned around, fully intent on walking back inside and being with his friends. He shouldn’t be out there anyway. But he couldn’t get his legs to process what his mind was telling them. Instead he walked over and offered a, “Hi.”
Jordan was taken aback from Justin standing right in front of her, seemingly looking at her and not through her. “Hi …” She had to look behind her just to make sure he was indeed talking to her.
“You’re Jordan right?”
“Yeah …that’s me.”
“My name is Justin.”
“Yeah, I’m well aware of who you are. The whole school is.”
“Whatcha doing?” Justin stuffed his hands deep into his front pockets, rocking back and forth on the heel of his feet.
Jordan narrowed her eyes but answered politely, “Nothing.”
“Huh …” Justin looked around nervously, making sure no one was watching. “Why are you out here by yourself?”
“Um …I’m just getting some studying done,” she lifted up her notepad to show him the words scribbled on the paper. Justin took this opportunity to take a seat next to her, leaning over to look at her geometry book. “What are you doing out here?” Was the better question.
“Oh, uh,” he looked around, again, nervously. It was making Jordan self conscious, causing her to turn and observe her surroundings as well. He shook his head. “I just …wanted to see what you were up to.”
Jordan didn’t really know what to say to that, so she stayed quiet, glaring at him curiously. This was so weird and awkward. They had never said more than two words to each other, and now all of a sudden he wanted to “see what’s up”? Strange.
“I’m not bothering you, am I?” Justin suddenly wondered. She was studying after all. “I can leave.”
“No!” She answered hastily, and then blushed. “No, no, you’re not bothering me. It’s just that I don’t ever see you out here unless you’re with your friends.”
Justin grinned at her. “Okay, cool.”
“Cool,” she repeated.
“So… geometry? We don’t have a test today do we?”
“No …uh,” she laughed. “We don’t.”
“What’s funny?”
“This is just kind of strange,” she blurted out in a rare moment of honesty.
“What’s strange?”
“You’ve never even given me a second look. You never talk to me. I wasn’t even aware that you knew my name much less knew that we had classes together.”
“I’ve noticed you.”
“You have?”
“Yeah – I mean, why wouldn’t I?”
“You certainly don’t say anything.”
“Don’t take that the wrong way,” he apologized. “I’m just …I’m a busy guy. I hardly say anything to a lot of people.”
“Now we both know that’s not true,” she shifted her gaze down to her notebook, not wanting to notice how blue his eyes were at this moment.
“You must think I’m a jerk,” he laughed incredulously.
“It’s a safe assumption that all jocks are jerks.”
“I’m not like that,” Justin leaned down, trying to gain eye contact again. When she looked up he said, “I’m really not.”
“Sure,” she reconsidered. “Maybe not all of the time.”
Jordan couldn’t believe that she was having this conversation with Justin, of all people to have any type of conversations with. The whole exchange was slightly uncomfortable.
“So you’re friends with that Jimmy guy, right?” Justin decided to ask, not liking the way the conversation had turned.
“Yeah, Jimmy’s a really good friend of mine,” she replied.
“That’s cool. How good of a friend?”
“What?”
“Scratch that --,” he rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. “What’s the situation with you and him anyway?” He rephrased.
“The situation …?” Jordan still wasn’t following. And she couldn’t understand why the hell he was asking about Jimmy.
“Are y’all dating …I guess is what I’m trying to get at.”
“Are we dating?” Jordan laughed out loud. She was going to answer truthfully, but then decided to ask, “Why?”
“No real reason,” he lied. “Just curious.”
“Curious for what?”
“Just curious.”
“There’s always a reason for curiosity.”
“This is true,” was all he offered. “I see you and Jimmy together all the time, and I see the way he looks at you –,”
“The way he looks at me?” That caused her to laugh again. “He doesn’t look at me any kind of way.”
“Well, that’s up for debate,” he contested.
“He has a girlfriend,” she answered honestly. “Who isn’t me, if you didn’t catch that.”
Justin grinned. “I thought so, but I wasn’t for sure. Like I said, I see the way he looks at you.”
“And, again, I assure you that he doesn’t look at me any type of way.”
“Okay,” he threw up his hands in defense. “If you say so.”
Jordan checked the time on her watch, they had been talking for close to fifteen minutes, and she still hadn’t figured out what made him venture out this far to talk to her. She didn’t want to push him, he seemed nervous as it was to even be talking to her as simply as they were. Several times in between their conversation he would look around, and at first she didn’t know why, but when the bell rung and his head quickly darted up to see if anyone had walked out, she was catching on.
“Let me take a guess,” her voice brought his attention back to her. “You keep looking around like you don’t want to be caught talking to me. Your friends don’t know you’re out here. Do they?” She realized.
“What?” He dismissed the accusation. “My friends …they know where I’m at. And why does it matter if they do or don’t? They don’t run my life. It doesn’t matter who I talk to,” he lied, inconspicuously trying to keep tabs on who was walking out the school door.
“Look …” Jordan sighed. “If it’s going to be such a stab to your reputation to be seen conversing with me, maybe you should go.”
“Jordan, it’s not like that,” Jordan interjected. “I promise it’s not,” again, he was lying.
“Justin, you keep doing it.”
“But not because of you, it’s just …I have somewhere to be, and I don’t want to be late.”
She didn’t believe him, but she was making it clear to herself that it didn’t matter. She was giddy at the beginning of the conversation, because what girl wouldn’t be? But it was slowly becoming painfully clear that he was all of the things she knew he would be. And she didn’t like it.
“Well, maybe you should get to that then.”
“Jordan …”
“I have more studying to do, so if you don’t mind.”
Jordan appeared unaffected, but inside it was kind of killing her that she let herself get all hyped up for nothing.
Dejectedly, Justin hung his head, sighing. He didn’t want to leave the conversation in such a bad way, but lunch time was already over, and he had made a risk even coming out to talk to her. He’d have to figure out a way to talk to her somewhere safe, somewhere he couldn’t get caught. His friends …they just wouldn’t understand.
“I’ll talk to you later?” Justin stood up, jumping off the chair of the picnic table, staring at her expectantly. But when she only glanced at him without a word before returning back to her notebook, he knew that the conversation was over, and she had nothing left to add.
Jordan watched Justin make the long walk back into the school building.
And if he did for some unknown reason finally express some sort of acknowledgement towards you …I’d find it weird.
Jimmy was right. It was definitely weird.
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