Jordan was enjoying a night out with her friends Jimmy, Mallory, and Rachael at the local Dairy Queen. It was around ten thirty on a windy Saturday night, and Jordan couldn’t have been happier to get away from the stress of the day with her friends and some decent soft serve. The girls ordered banana splits while Jimmy stuck with the simple vanilla cone. Now they were seated comfortably at an empty table outside, dwindling down from the idle teenage conversations, and sat enjoying the sound of the wind blow through the trees.
Her week had been hellish, home life mixed with tons of homework, trying to figure out what type of college she wanted to go to. Her plate was already full and everything else was piling onto it. It was becoming hard to bear.
Jordan swirled around the syrup, sprinkles, and the little bit of melted ice cream left in the bottom of her plastic bowl.
“I think my parents are going to get a divorce,” she blurted into the still night, pushing her bowl away no longer having an appetite. The silent group turned to her, shock signaling on their young faces, but they didn’t say anything. “I really think they might.”
She had felt this way for some time, and to actually get it out in the open lessened the strain on her brain, the tightening of her chest.
“What?” Jimmy asked, slightly dumbfounded. “What makes you think that?”
“They argue all the time, and when they’re not arguing then they’re just not speaking. My dad …he leaves in the middle of the night and doesn’t come back for three or four days. My mom is constantly at work or at home crying her eyes out. I don’t see how it can last much longer this way,” she explained gloomily, sighing.
Jordan’s parents were the typical southern couple that other couples aspired to be. They were high school sweet hearts, married after college, and lived happily ever after raising their children. Or at least that’s how it used to be. Her dad got a snazzy promotion that meant more money in turn for longer nights at the office. Her parents were arguing every other night because of it. It’d usually end with one of them apologizing to the other, but it would fire right back up the next week. It was a continuous circle that never seemed to stop and hasn’t stopped since it started.
“They’re always so nice and seem to work so well together. Whenever I’m at your house it doesn’t seem like they have any problems,” Mallory mentioned optimistically. “Maybe it’s just a phase they’re going through. Like a mid life crisis or something. Adults do that sometimes.”
Mallory and Jordan had been inseparable since the third grade. They went through everything together, their first period, their first crush, their first heart break. Mallory had no doubt that this would be another thing to add on the list of things they’d defeat together.
“I don’t think so,” Jordan disagreed. “They’re not the same people when they’re together anymore. It’s like they bring the worst out of each other, and it’s supposed to be the exact opposite, it used to be. And of course they’re going to act like that when other people are around. They surely don’t want to be the talk of the town.”
“It could get better,” Jimmy offered enthusiastically.
“Yeah …it could,” Rachael inserted.
Jordan shook her head pitifully, feeling sorry for herself. She knew her friends didn’t want her to worry, but she did worry about it. The only thing she could do was worry about it when she was constantly surrounded by it. It was getting so bad that she didn’t want to be home most of the time, and that used to be the total opposite. She was one of the few teenagers that loved spending time with their parents. In her mind her parents were the coolest. They always took her on fun trips, they always cared about what she was going through, and they always spent time doing things she enjoyed doing and never forced her to do the stuff she didn’t.
“I’ve always had my parents together …the thought of that changing now makes me physically sick to my stomach.”
“Hey,” Rachael turned towards her, placing her hand on her knee, rubbing it back and forth. “It’s not so bad when it comes down to it. Justin’s parents are divorced. And sure it’s hard on him sometimes, but they get along so much better now. It really was for the best.”
Rachael was of course referring to her infamous cousin that Jordan has spoken to days earlier. And although Jordan had visibly winced at the mention of Justin, no one took much notice. She had no clue how they were related, and not only that but they were pretty close. Rachael was popular on her own accord, but she acted nothing like Justin, and wasn’t ashamed to be seen with anyone who wasn’t deemed popular by the masses. She was infinitely cooler than her cousin, and Jordan cared about her a lot.
“But I don’t want that. I don’t want to coexist with them, and have to go back and forth from his house to her house. I don’t want to intercept conversations for them because they don’t know how to communicate on their own. It’s seriously not something I can picture myself being okay with.”
“Nobody wants that,” Mallory spoke gently. “We always want our parents to stay together, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way.”
Mallory’s parents were never married, but they were together for much of Mallory’s childhood. Unfortunately her dad couldn’t keep his hands to himself and her mom got sick of being at the brunt of his literal punch lines. They left him a month before she turned thirteen and never looked back. She had no communication with him at all, and even though he abused her mom and she knew that she should hate him, she didn’t.
“I feel like it’s my fault,” she told them, tensing up at the thought. “It has to be my fault. I must’ve done something.”
“Don’t do that,” Rachael shook her head vehemently. “Don’t blame yourself for anything. Justin did that, too. It wasn’t his fault then and it’s not your fault now.”
“She’s right,” Mallory stared at her friend. “You said so yourself “ your dad is away a lot. And the promotion was a big change …maybe that’s all it is.”
“And whatever it is, they have to figure it out on your own. You can’t stress yourself out over this,” Rachael said.
Jimmy watched closely to Jordan’s body language, and he knew she would break pretty soon. She had never been the one to break down in front of a group of people, not even in front of him, and he would be damned if he allowed her to do it tonight.
“Can I talk to Jordan alone for a second?” He asked the two girls sweetly, giving them a look that told them everything.
They caught on pretty quickly, excusing themselves to go use the restroom inside of the restaurant.
“I don’t know, Jimmy. Maybe people just don’t stay together anymore. You always hear about this kid’s parents splitting up, or this other kid going through something similar, but you never think it could be you.”
Jimmy scooted closer to Jordan, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She tensed up from the contact, but it didn’t move him. “Don’t blame yourself, Jordan. You didn’t do anything; it’s really not your fault. Maybe they’ll get over this, and you know what, maybe they won’t. But you can’t sit around here depressed thinking they might.”
Jordan zipped up her green hoodie, instantly feeling colder than she had before, hugging herself away from the wind and trying to block the thoughts inside of her head. She bit her lip hard, feeling it tremble, knowing the last thing she wanted to do was cry over something that was only a theory and hadn’t proved true yet. She always viewed crying as a weakness, because up until now she had very little to cry about, her life had been pretty good.
“I love them, Jimmy,” she proclaimed. “I love my parents …I love them together. I don’t want them to break up, or get a divorce, or some other stupid shit. I don’t see how you handled it.”
Jimmy’s parents had divorced when he was ten. He was a lot younger, which was probably why it was easier to accept than if he had been Jordan’s age, but it still hurt to some degree.”
“You handle things just fine when you have no other choice. It wasn’t something I wanted, and if they could get back together today …I’d love it.”
“So then you see where I’m coming from.”
“Of course I do. But you do know that if they did decide to get a divorce that you’d have to come to terms with it, and there would be nothing you could do about it.”
“But maybe I could talk to them …make them see.”
“Jordan, there is no amount of planning, or plotting, or talking that would change their minds if that’s what they really felt like they needed to do. The only thing you can do is find a way to not resent them, and most importantly you’ll have to find a way to live with it. It won’t be easy, and it’ll be a hard adjustment, but you can do it. And believe it or not life does go on.”
“I just don’t get how two people who claim they love each other can be this fucking selfish! How can they not remember how much they care about each other?” The tears that she had tried so hard to stop were spilling down her chubby cheeks. She sniffled quietly, trying to wipe them away as fast as they fell, but she couldn’t get them all.
“It’s okay to cry,” Jimmy encouraged. His grip on her shoulder tightened, he rubbed her upper arm in the way that only he could. “It’s okay.”
“And I feel so stupid,” she licked her lips, tasting the salt from her tears. “I’m crying over something that hasn’t even happened yet. But you should hear them, Jim. You don’t say the shit that they say to each other when you still love someone. It’s only a matter of time.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s only a matter of time,” she repeated more firmly.
“Like Mallory said before, maybe it’s something they’re going through. Maybe it’s not. You don’t need to concern yourself with it until you get there. Don’t jump to conclusions just because it sounds bad right now.”
“I hope y’all are right,” she coughed. Still wiping the tears that were falling, even though she felt slight better, it was going to weigh down on her until she got to the bottom of it. “I really don’t want to have to deal with it.”
“Even on the off chance that you might, think of it this way: you’ll have two bedrooms, two TVs, and two parents trying very hard to make it up to you.”
Jordan laughed into a few hiccups, making Jimmy smile adoringly. She quickly embraced him into a tight hug. “I don’t know what I do without you,” she professed into his shoulder. His hand found its way into her thick hair, running his fingers through it.
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” he closed his eyes tightly, sniffing her hair lightly. She always had the most awesome scent, vanilla and strawberries, or maybe some other fruit, but definitely always vanilla. It was so intoxicating.
She pulled back, but stayed cradled in his arms. “You’ll never have to worry about that one. We’ll always be friends.”
Friends.
The word echoed through Jimmy’s brain, taunting him. The truth of the matter was that Jimmy didn’t want to be condemned as Jordan’s friend. He loved her on a deeper level that even he couldn’t understand, so how could he make her understand it? He was harboring feelings for years, too cowardly to admit them, and he knew in his heart that Jordan wouldn’t accept him in that way. He wasn’t sure what her type was, her relationships limited to only a few, but he knew for sure that it couldn’t be him.
“Where’d you go?” She flashed her hand in front of his face, her doe eyes staring up at him curiously. “You zoned out.”
“Oh,” he chuckled uncomfortably. “I was just thinking …”
“About?”
“You don’t want to know …trust me,” he warned.
“Okay, now I really want to know,” she pushed.
“You really don’t,” he tried easing out of her arms, but she held on tighter.
“What’s wrong?” Jordan frowned, tilting her head to the side.
“It’s nothing.”
“But it’s obviously something. You’re acting weird now. Tell me what you were thinking about.”
“You don’t want to know,” he kept repeating, but she didn’t understand.
“Well, I don’t want to tell you,” he reconsidered.
“You know as well that I do that I’m not going to give up until you give in. So, what’s the big deal?”
“Jordan …” Jimmy whined.
“Jimmy …” she mocked in the same tone.
He stared in her eyes, getting lost in the different shades of dark brown and light brown. His eyes shifted downward over her buttoned nose and her extremely pouty lips. He found her so undeniably gorgeous, and he was getting lost in the imagination that his mind was trying to conceive. The thought that maybe she could feel the same way, that he would never know what she felt about him if he didn’t let it out. Dairy Queen wasn’t exactly the location, and this wasn’t how he wanted to tell her, but maybe it wasn’t supposed to be perfect. Her reaction would e the same anywhere so it didn’t matter.
Just say it. Tell her, get it over with, so she can laugh at you and you can hopefully disappear into a black hole.
“This is embarrassing,” his voice cracked.
“Stop it,” she placed her hand over his that was on his leg. “We don’t get embarrassed with each other.”
“We also don’t tell each other stuff like this.”
“If you don’t tell me I’m going to punch you in the face. Stop being so weird and just say it!”
He couldn’t help but laugh. She had the most adoring way of making any situation funny. Jordan was that damn charming.
“Okay,” he breathed out. “If I tell you this, which I have no choice since you’re threatening to harm me,” he laughed. “Then you have to promise that it won’t get weird. And it won’t affect us. I really don’t want to tell you this and then you get fucking shifty on me.”
“Stop trying to confuse me and just tell me it.”
“I’m not trying to confuse you.”
“Jimmy Marshall Harris …” she started sternly.
“Okay, okay!” He gave up. “Jordan …I. Have you ever,” he stopped. “Do you ever think that …” his voice trailed off. Jordan noticed that his focus wasn’t on her anymore, but on something behind her.
“Hey guys,” Justin interrupted uncertainly, walking up to their table. Jimmy looked relieved, breathing out deeply. He knew that it must’ve been a sign. He wasn’t supposed to tell her, not here, not yet. Jordan wasn’t as thrilled, staring menacingly at the interrupter. “What’s up?”
“Not much. What’s up with you?” Jimmy asked nicely.
“Actually, if you must know we were in the middle of something,” Jordan responded back curtly.
“I’d really like to talk to you alone if I could.”
“Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Jimmy, or you don’t need to say it,” she crossed her arms stubbornly.
It wouldn’t be easy, but Justin was determined to get back into her good graces. He stared long and hard at her, mostly admiring her appearance, before giving Jimmy a pleading glance.
“Actually …I’m going to see what’s up with Rachael and Mallory.”
“Jimmy”! Jordan sneered at him wide eyed; she couldn’t believe he was trying to abandon her with this guy. “You’re not leaving.”
“I’m not gonna be far. Just over there,” he pointed at his car, “Until you’re ready.”
“You’re just doing this so you don’t have to tell me what we were talking about!”
“I’ll be back,” he reassured her with a smile, leaving the two of them alone.
Jordan sat there quietly, while Justin pondered his plan of attack. Leaving her the way he did a few days earlier obviously had changed her attitude, she wasn’t the same person he introduced himself to.
“Why don’t you dress like this at school?” He referred to her denim skirt, tank top and hoodie combination. She wore jeans, shorts, and shirts but nothing as cute as what she was wearing tonight.
She raised her eyebrow at him, “Because I’m going to school to learn. Not to be in a fashion contest.”
“I wasn’t trying to offend you,” he refuted.
“Too late for that.”
The awkward conversation dissipated into silence. It wasn’t going the way that he had planned. He wasn’t used to working for someone’s respect, but he didn’t mind it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, really.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Just hanging out, same as you,” he shrugged.
“Waiting for your friends?”
“Yeah,” he answered quickly, not wanting to get on the subject of his friends. “Listen about the other day --,”
“You probably shouldn’t stand so close then, wouldn’t want them to think you’re talking to me,” she chastised childishly.
Justin frowned deeply at her pretension. He didn’t want her to think he was like that, although part of him was exactly like that, but not the part of him that wanted to get to know her better.
“Don’t do that please.”
“Don’t do what?” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Tell it like it is? Do you not like honesty? I know that’s not high on you or your friend’s priority list. People go around kissing your ass everyday, so you’re probably not used to it. Anyway, we both know what’s going to happen when they get here, so …”
“I was acting stupid the other day. I’m really sorry about it, but you don’t have to treat me this way.”
“Psh, don’t act like I gave it another thought,” she rolled her eyes, turning a little to show that she didn’t really want to have this conversation or any conversation with him.
Her feistiness proved otherwise. Jordan had given it a second thought, third, and even a fourth thought. She let her hormones get the best of her, and forgot just what type of person Justin was. But thankfully Justin proved what kind of doucebag he really was. Concerned only with the reputation of his peers and nothing else, she didn’t need someone like that in her life.
“I really didn’t mean to walk away from you like that. But you know how people at school are,” he explained lamely. “They feel like people like you and me shouldn’t talk and I fall into it. And it’s stupid “ I don’t know.”
Jordan looked him over, and it pissed her off even more that she couldn’t look at him without getting butterflies in his stomach. Dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a plaid buttoned down shirt, but unlike Jimmy he wore it ten times better. She hated how gorgeous he was, and if she could put a paper bag over his head it’d be easier for her to be a bitch towards him.
“You’re right it is stupid.”
“It’s so stupid.”
Jordan rolled her eyes again. “Admitting that it’s stupid doesn’t make you any less stupid for falling into the shit.”
“You’re right …”
“What is this about anyway? What’s your game?”
“My game?” His forehead creased in confusion.
“You never used to talk to me; you’ve never tried to talk to me. So, what’s this new found infatuation with me?”
“I’m not infatuated with you,” he scoffed.
“Then what is it! Because every single time I turn around lately here you are.”
“I didn’t even know you were going to be here!”
“You’re boring me, Justin. Just get to whatever pointless point you’re here to make so I can leave.”
“I really didn’t know you were going to be here. And then I bumped into Rachael and she told me about your parents …”
“She what?” She whipped her head up to look at him.
“Yeah, she told me.”
“Your cousin has a big ass mouth,” Jordan shook her head disapprovingly. If she wanted Justin to know, she would’ve told him.
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “She can’t keep anything to herself. But she was telling me about how your parents are arguin’ and shit and what you think about it. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been there, so if you need someone to talk to …”
Justin didn’t know why, but he always felt so nervous around this girl. His infatuation wasn’t “new found” as Jordan had put it, as a matter of fact he had always had his eyes on her, but could never tell her. Was afraid to tell her, didn’t know what she would think, what everyone else would think. So he settled for watching her from afar, always wanting to strike up a conversation, or invite her out somewhere, but he never could get the nerve to do it. But it was his last year of high school and he’d be damned if he missed his chance completely. He didn’t want to look back on this time and think of her as the one that got away.
“I know you feel like you’re providing some sort of service by coming here and trying to relate to me, but we don’t relate in any way. We’re two totally different people, going through two totally different things. So as much as I appreciate your help, no thanks.”
“I don’t feel like I’m servicing you. I just wanted to help.”
“Okay then …” she replied smartly.
“Why do you hate me so much?”
“I hate you?” She laughed incredulously. Jordan couldn’t believe he had the audacity to ask that question as if she were the one that had put so much distance between them.
“Yeah …I’m trying to, I dunno; get to know you or something and you’re acting like I’m such a fucking bother.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware that I was the one ignoring you for the past thirteen years,” she said sarcastically.
“I haven’t been ignoring you,” he replied, his head falling down in shame.
“Yeah, you have Justin,” she stood up from the table to stand right in front of him. He was several inches taller than her, but that didn’t intimidate Jordan in the least. “You are like every other brainwashed kid that goes to our school. Y’all think you’re way too good to hang around anyone that doesn’t fall into your category of whatever the hell you think is cool. You ignore me for thirteen years and I’m supposed to be happy, or feel lucky that you’ve taken some unknown interest in me?”
“But I haven’t suddenly taken an interest in you!”
“Then what is it!” She shouted, completely frustrated with him. “Because I don’t understand why you “want to get to know “,” she suddenly stopped talking, realization hitting her hard. She took a few steps away from him, glaring at him. “I get it,” she placed her hands on her hips, laughing and staring at the ground.
Justin was confused. “You get what?”
“Y’all are …wow …y’all are fucking clever.”
“What? Jordan, I don’t get …”
“You almost had me. Coming up to me out of nowhere like you actually gave a damn about my existence, and then now like you care about how I feel about anything. Really clever,” she continued laughing bitterly.
“Jordan, what the hell are you talking about!?” He was getting annoyed and irritated. She was talking around in riddles that he didn’t understand.
“Justin, do me and favor and leave me alone. I don’t feel like being a pawn in your little games.”
“I still don’t,” he shook his head, running his head through the short curls on top of his head. He tried to understand what she meant, but she wasn’t making any sense. “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t get what you mean.”
“You’re trying to play me!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up as if it should’ve been obvious. “Your little friends obviously put you up to this.”
“Wh-what?”
“Oh, Justin, please! Give the little act up. I’m onto it and it’s not funny. You lose.”
“Now you wait just a second, nobody put me up to anything.”
“Sure. You’re going to tell me that you haven’t looked at me once in the whole time we’ve gone to school together, and I’m supposed to believe you want to be my friend? Or whatever the hell you’re trying to do. Whatever it is “ I’m not falling for it.”
“I don’t know what you think about me, or I guess maybe I do since you’re being so vocal on your dislike for me, but I would never do that to someone.”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” she nodded. “Of course you wouldn’t. You’d just ignore them like they’re not alive, that’s even better.”
“Jordan …”
The sound of a car and the bright lights that entered the parking lot halted Justin from saying another word. Hooting and hollering filled the once peaceful air by the passengers in the car. Jordan watched as Justin indiscreetly took several huge steps away from her, he stared at the car that he knew his best friend Trace was driving. Jordan couldn’t help but feel saddened by the space he created between them.
“You are so full of shit,” she spat, disgusted.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he backed away towards the car waiting for him.
“You’re right. You are so sorry,” she shook her head. “Keep walking away, Justin!” She yelled loud enough for his friends to hear as well. “There are only so many times I’ll let you walk away from me before I completely ignore you.”
Justin kept walking, he pretended to ignore the words that floated through the dark night, but every word penetrated him deeply, painfully. He wanted to get to know her, but she wasn’t exactly making it easy to do, and he couldn’t tell his friends. But not because he was ashamed “ they wouldn’t understand!
He got in the car, shut the door, and watched out of the window as Jordan stomped off to join Rachael and the rest of her friends.
He immediately wondered if he was leaving with the wrong people.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hello! I'm off to work and thought that I'd post this first. I'm pretty pleased with it so hope you guys enjoy it. Should be starting on the next chapter soon. Thanks for the reviews. :)
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