15: Boston in April
Against Justin’s better judgment, he agreed to accompany Zooey to her father’s wedding, and though there weren’t a ton of paparazzi in Boston, he still found himself hiding behind the guise of BU caps and hoodies so as to keep people off of his trail.
They arrived at Zooey’s father’s house in the Neighborhood Nine area of Cambridge, and Justin was elated to be met with a hugeish Mansard Victorian home. Typical of everything one would expect of Boston, he could only smile at it as they got out of their rental car.
“So this is where Zooey Levin grew up, huh?”
“Sort of,” she shrugged, popping the trunk so that he could pull out their luggage. “I was yanked out of here after the divorce.”
“Right,” he nodded, grabbing both of their small bags.
“It still feels like my home, though. This is where I come every Christmas.”
“It looks like home,” he decided, following her up the walkway to the front door. “Who’s here?”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to anyone but my dad.”
“And he knows I’m coming, right?”
“Stop worrying, dude. You know I wouldn’t put you in any uncomfortable situation.” Finding her keys, she let them into the house and yelled for anyone that would answer. “It’s Zooey!”
After a few seconds, there was a faint call back. “Zooey?”
“Dad?”
And not long thereafter, Zooey’s father appeared from behind the staircase, his thin face adorning a smile wide as ever. “Zooey!”
“Dad!” she jumped over to him, offering a big bear hug. She knocked his glasses off in the process, displaying just how much she had been yearning for the comfort of his embrace. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.
“I’ve missed you too,” he answered, beaming.
When she finally pulled away, she made sure to immediately introduce him to her companion. “I want you to meet someone.”
“Okay,” he picked up his frames from the wood floor and then approached Justin with a warm grin.
“Dad, this is Justin. Justin, this is my dad, Paul.”
“Nice to meet you,” Paul offered a handshake.
“My dad’s name is Paul too,” Justin noted returning the greeting. “Good to meet you, sir.”
“So my other daughter tells me you have this one completely smitten,” Paul proclaimed proudly, causing Justin to blush. “That’s a feat, if I know my Zooey.”
“Dad.”
“It’s true.”
“Is Em here already?” she wanted to clearly switch subjects.
“She and Kanye left to check into their hotel, but yes.”
“Oh, are we “ should we be staying in a hotel?” Justin asked Zooey. “I didn’t even think--.”
“Nonsense,” Paul intervened before Zooey could answer. “You’re staying here, and I won’t take No for an answer.”
“Thank you, sir. As much as I love Boston, and as many times as I’ve been here, I’ve never had the chance to stay in a real Boston home, so…”
“You make it here often?”
“I have. I’ve been here on tour several times, and just to visit. It’s honestly my favorite city in the States.”
“I see, I see. Very nice,” Paul clearly admired. “What kind of tours do you do?”
“Dad, he’s one of the biggest music artists on the planet,” she told her father as if it was common knowledge. And while it was to most people, Paul Levin was not one to keep up with popular culture. When Emile started dating Kanye, inimitably, the most infamous rapper in the world, Paul was equally as ignorant to his notoriety. He just didn’t pay attention to many of those things. He watched The Office regularly because of his baby girl, of course, but many of their references were lost on him, so she often had to fill him in. “He does concert tours.”
“Impressive,” he marveled, not really caring one way or another, so long as his daughter was happy. “Emile’s fiancé is a music artist as well. Do you know him? His name is Kanye West?”
“I think I’ve heard of him,” Justin grinned, a bit relieved to be in a place where he was absolutely unknown. “We might’ve crossed paths a few times.”
“I don’t know much about the rap music and popular music, but he is very, very talented.”
“He is,” he agreed.
“A bit of a loose cannon, I hear, but in my house, he is very nice. Very respectful.”
“That’s good to hear, dad,” Zooey inserted, bored. She knew her dad could go on and on if you let him. “So hey, where’s the new future Mrs. Levin?”
“She actually went out with her daughter for a spell, but they should be back soon.” He began to lead them towards the back rooms, offering to get them settled. “You guys wanna put your bags down and get settled in?”
“Yes, we do,” she answered for them. “I’m gonna show Justin around and stuff. All right?”
“That’s fine, that’s fine. If you need more room, you two can have the guest room and Kathryn’s daughter can take you or Em’s room,” he suggested, figuring the happy couple would want some extra space. “Whatever you want.”
“Thank you,” Justin supplied, picking up their bags again. “Again, I really, really appreciate it.”
“I thank you for being here,” Paul answered genuinely. “If you need anything, I’m down here, all right?”
“Thanks,” Zooey called back, already leading Justin up the carpeted steps towards the bedrooms.
They passed several family photos, some of which were beautifully done in black and white, and Justin couldn’t help but comment. “You guys looked happy.”
“What?” she turned back, oblivious to what he could have been referring to.
“This picture.” A much younger version of the Levin family “ their mom, Andrea, included “ was pictured on their front stoop, all seated on the steps, leaning against one another. Big smiles went all around. “You all looked happy.”
“We were,” she confirmed, but quickly moved on. “Come.”
They headed through and then settled into the guest room “ large master-bedroom-sized quarters, nicely open with bay windows and a king-sized bed for them. The pictures were all of places Paul had gone, including Sydney, Australia, and Moscow, Russia.
“Your dad seems cool as hell,” Justin proclaimed once they’d made it fully inside the room. “You’re lucky.”
“He is,” she agreed. “I am.”
“You think you’re gonna like this new wife?”
“I think so, yeah,” she sighed, plopping into the bed tiredly. “I hope so.”
“What will you do if you don’t?”
“Nothing,” she shrugged. She watched him take a seat next to her and motioned to pull off his cap. “No more hiding.”
He smirked at the thought. “I’m exhausted.”
“Me, too. I always am when I fly east.”
“Well that’s weird since it’d only be like four back home.”
“Listen, I can’t tell my body how to feel.”
“Your body is retarded.”
“I never said it wasn’t,” she chuckled, leaning on his shoulder. “But thanks for noticing.”
____________________
The Levin family “ Paul and Kathryn, as well as her 20-year-old daughter, Alicia; Emile and Kanye; and Zooey and Justin “ convened for dinner at the house in order for everyone to get acquainted. Throughout the dinner, Zooey decided that she liked Kathryn. For her father, anyway. She was a mild-mannered woman, pleasant and intelligent, and seemed genuine enough. She and her daughter seemed enthralled with Justin more than anything, but Zooey figured they couldn’t help it. It’s not everyday you end up eating dinner with a superstar. Add to that, Justin was devilishly charming, which she knew, firsthand, was impossible to resist.
And while Emile and Kanye seemed to be in their own world, as they usually were, they were nice enough to inform everyone that their nuptials would be taking place in November and that they were expecting a baby boy in May.
It was once plates were empty and being cleared from the table that Emile finally acknowledged the other guests and felt the need to address one in particular. “Justin.”
He turned to her, prepared for some breezy exchange, as usual. “Emile.”
“Come outside with me?”
He glanced at her fiancé for approval and then back at her. “Is everything okay?”
“Mhmm,” she nodded, attempting to stand. The two men on either side of her motioned to help her up, Justin wrapping his arm around her. “I’ll be back, babe,” she told Kanye.
“Don’t hurt ‘em,” he retorted ominously.
“Excuse us,” Justin told the remainder of the table, assisting Emile as she waddled towards the back door.
Zooey, who had been scraping plates in the kitchen, noticed them approaching and asked, “Where are you guys going?”
“For a walk,” Em called back, already halfway out the door. “He wants to see the neighborhood.”
It was fairly dark outside and the neighborhood wasn’t all that picturesque, but she didn’t question it. “Have him back by nine!”
“I’ll try!” she yelled back to her younger sister with a mischievous smile. Once they were outside, she interlocked her fingers with his and led him out of their backyard. She noted Justin’s apprehension and told him, “Don’t act like I’m trying to seduce you. I’m not.”
“I-I-I didn’t think you were.”
“Y-y-yes you did,” she retorted knowingly. “It’s fine. You’re not my type, though.”
“No shit,” he chuckled, still wary of where this was leading.
“So listen.”
“Listening.”
“You’re married.”
He smiled in spite of himself, already knowing where this was going. He hated that he seemed to constantly be having this discussion, but he deserved it, he figured. “I am.”
“And my sister is fragile.”
“You sure about that?” he chuckled, wondering if there was some other sister he was unaware of.
“I am,” she replied sadly, knowing her sister better than anyone. “She’s amazing, I know, and she puts up a strong front, but… she’s been through a lot, and I don’t think she knows how much you mean to her. I don’t think she’ll know how much you mean to her until you’re gone--.”
“I don’t plan to be gone…”
“Oh, so you do have a plan here. Is it to leave your bangin’ ass wife at some point?”
“No. Not… quite.”
“Is it to make my sister your mistress for the rest of her life?”
“No,” he frowned, never even considering that a possibility. “Of course not.”
“So then… you’re gonna have to get gone at some point,” Em rationalized for him, since he didn’t seem to want to think about it himself. “And as much as I know she likes you, I need you to not prolong this whole thing. Because I’m watching you hurt her, and… I can’t.”
“She’s a big girl, Em. I don’t think she needs you to protect her.”
“She does.”
They turned a corner where a group of teenagers were collected at the end of the block. “Can we… go this way?” he suggested the emptier end of the street.
“See what I mean? You’re afraid to even be seen here. With her.”
“That’s not because I don’t adore her completely, though.”
“I know this, man. But she needs someone “ she deserves someone “ that can be present. That can be there without conditions or reservations. Or the threat of a wife looming in the background.”
“You think I don’t know that?” he looked down to the ground, watching their feet as he strolled and she waddled down the sidewalk. “Emile, I wish I could give Zooey… everything. But… we both entered this knowing the risks involved. We came in knowing that we’d never be a hundred percent happy, or even fifty percent happy with the circumstances. And the outcome may be something that we end up hating, but right now? Today, this minute, and the next one? That’s all we know we’re guaranteed. And… we’re good with that.”
“She’s not.”
“She is!”
“She’s doing it because it’s you, dude.” She stopped in her tracks to look him in the eye, to plead with him not to hurt her sister. “She wouldn’t do this for anyone else, so I need you to not take advantage of whatever weakness you bring out in her. Just walk away, man.”
“You don’t think that would hurt a hell of a lot more than if we just let this play out.”
“What plays out is that you go back to your wife and she ends up alone.”
“What if that’s okay with her?”
“Zooey doesn’t always know what’s best for her.”
“And you do?” he smirked. “I know it’s not ideal, and I wish the circumstances were different, I really do. But they’re not. Even so, nothing you say will change the fact that right now? We’re all right. That’s all we have.”
Emile couldn’t resist rolling her eyes, as it seemed there was no getting through to him. “I can’t believe you came here,” she shook her head.
“If I’m being honest, I can’t either. But that tells you just how much I like her.”
“Or how stupid you are.”
“That, too.”
As she resumed their walk, she tried to think through all possible outcomes of her sister’s relationship. “Fine, I guess this conversation was pointless,” she conceded. “But… do me a favor?”
“Okay.”
“Protect her, okay?”
“I’ll do my best.”
____________________
Saturday morning, Zooey made sure to awake bright and early so that she could prepare for the day. She wanted to show Justin her city, the way she knew it, even if there was a forecast for rain, and there was a long list of places she wanted to take him. First on her list, mainly out of a guilty sense of obligation, was to her mom’s house.
“I have to confess, I’m kind of using you,” Zooey admitted as the two of them made their way into her mom’s swanky building.
“How so?” he smiled curiously.
“I’ve been avoiding facing my mom for a year now because she’s such a basic bitch. So I’m kind of hoping that you being here will soften the blow of all her bullshit.”
He’d heard stories from both Zooey and Emile about how bad their mother was, but he had to play devil’s advocate. “She cannot be that bad.”
“We shall soon see,” she shrugged, ringing the bell for her mother’s penthouse.
“Who is it?” she eventually came over the intercom, sounding annoyed, though she had to know that it was her daughter.
“Ma, it’s Zooey. And I have a guest, so don’t say anything ridiculous.”
Without any other words, she buzzed the two of them inside, where everything looked more like a posh hotel than an apartment building.
“What does your mom do again?” Justin asked, obviously commenting on the luxe surroundings.
“She spouts a bunch of bullshit.”
“Well shit. I take it she’s good at it.”
“Nobody better,” she confirmed, the two of them entering the elevator. They headed for the top floor and were greeted by Sam the doorman.
“Miss Levin,” he greeted her, “it’s been a long time.”
“Hi, Sam,” she grinned happily, greatly contrasting her actual mood. “I’ll try to stop by more often,” she promised.
“Hope so, hope so.”
“He used to walk me to my door when I came home from school,” she recalled for her companion. “My mom was never home, so he kinda looked out for me.”
“Aww, you were like a latchkey kid.”
“Something like that.” After heading down a long hallway, they found themselves at the last possible apartment on the floor. Zooey was annoyed that she still had to ring the bell when her mother obviously knew that they were on their way up. “Typical.”
“Be nice,” he reminded her, just as the door swung open.
“Good morning,” Zooey’s mother greeted the two of them rather professionally.
‘Andrea Emerson-Levin, PhD’ was the name that adorned her door, and she made sure to always look and play the part. She was an attractive woman, short in stature, milky brown skin, and curly black and gray hair, cut short. She was dressed to the nines for a Saturday morning, donning a cardigan and Capri pants, along with an expensive pair of loafers on her feet. By looking at her, you would never think she would be the type to have an affair, and certainly not with a younger man. But alas, she did, so many years ago, which was the beginning of the strain between her and her daughters.
“Hi,” Zooey greeted her squarely, making a weak attempt at offering a hug.
“Good to see you,” Andrea nodded, accepting the embrace.
“I want you to meet my friend, Justin,” she went on to introduce him before they even entered the apartment. “Justin, this is my mom, Andrea.”
“You can call me Ms. Emerson,” she nodded towards him.
“Uh… nice to meet you,” he tried to smile in reply, almost taken aback by her rigidity. “Umm. Zooey’s told me a lot about you.”
“Funny, she’s told me nothing about you. But I know who you are, young man. It’s a bit peculiar to see you here with my daughter, of all people,” she finally cracked a hint of a smile, “but I’m glad to have you.”
Zooey was frowning already. “Umm. Can we come in?”
“Of course,” she stepped back to allow them inside. “Make yourself at home.”
The place was done up just as one would expect, with neutral tones and expensive furniture, never feeling like much of a home in Zooey’s opinion. “So how have you been, ma?”
“I’ve been well,” she nodded, gesturing for them to take a seat on the pristine cream-colored couch. “What brings you two to Boston?”
Apparently, no one had bothered to tell Andrea about Paul’s impending wedding, as they had no idea how she would react, but it appeared that Zooey would have to be the one to break the news. “Well… ummm.”
“Stop saying, ‘Umm’,” she directed tersely. “I didn’t raise you to say, ‘Umm.’”
“Dad’s getting married,” she spat back at her, annoyed. “Tomorrow.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. To a woman he met six weeks ago.”
Andrea was obviously put off by the notion, her brown cheeks clearly flushing to a shade of pink. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. She’s a very nice woman, very personable. Nothing like you at all.”
“Zooey,” she snapped.
She shrugged in reply.
“Well. I’m certainly happy for him, I know he’s not someone that can stand to be alone for very long.”
“He was alone for seven years after the divorce.”
“Only due to his own pitiful coercion and feeling like he needed to wait until you girls were both out of the house.”
“Imagine that, putting your children before yourself.”
“Zooey, I never neglected you or anything you needed.”
“Yeah, it really mattered that I was dropped off at school in a Porsche. I didn’t need love or attention or anything like that.”
“Are you not living out your dreams right now? You’re a successful writer on a popular television show. I mean, you have your own Wikipedia page. Clearly, I did something right.”
“Because that’s the gauge for a healthy and happy human being, right? It’s all about accolades with you, never affection.”
“Success is certainly a good start,” she maintained. “I’m not going to let you convince me that being good at your job has been detrimental to you in any way.”
“Oh, now I’m good at my job? Let’s be clear about this “ you wanted me to do anything but be a writer,” Zooey reminded her heatedly. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I am who I am in spite of you.”
“Whatever the case may be…”
“You are fucking amazing.”
“Do not speak to me that way in my home.”
“Oh, is this a home? It looks like a furniture museum.” She turned to Justin and said, “Doesn’t it remind you of the MOCA Pacific Design Center?”
He tried his best not to react, but a small smile managed to escape.
“Your sarcasm isn’t necessary,” Andrea berated her. “And I don’t appreciate you coming here, dissecting my choices, when you’re sitting here with a married man.”
Justin, who’d been staring at the floor for much of their exchange, looked back up, his straight eyebrows raised, clearly shocked that she knew.
“Yes, I watch Entertainment Tonight,” she confirmed, reading his expression. “Not that I know your wife or your situation, but faithfully married men don’t tend to go on weekend getaways with other women.”
“Mom!”
“I’m just saying that people in cracked glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
She rose from the couch angrily, grabbing Justin’s arm to take him with her. “We’re leaving.”
“You’ve barely been here five minutes.”
“Right, you can’t hold your fucking tongue and be civil for five minutes. There is something appallingly wrong with you.”
“Zooey, you will not speak to me that way in my home,” she repeated more forcefully this time.
“Don’t worry, I’m leaving!” she assured her, storming towards the door. Justin, ever the Southern gentleman, wanted to at least say goodbye, but Zooey wouldn’t allow him. They were both in the hallway before either of them knew it, but she made sure to shout, “You selfish cunt!” before the door completely slammed.
He could feel her hand shaking in his as they headed for the elevators, and she was obviously on the verge of tears. “Hey.”
“I’m fine,” she wiped her face with her other hand. “I’m fine.”
“Stop,” he demanded, forcing her to pause and look at him. “It’s okay to cry if your mom pisses you off.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to keep walking. He wouldn’t allow it. “Justin, she’s not worth the time or the tears.”
Ignoring her denial, he pulled her into his arms and held on tightly, rubbing her back to console what she didn’t want to acknowledge was hurting. “Let your guard down.”
She tried so hard to hold them back, to not let her mother break her, but before she knew it, tears were flooding her face and she was sobbing. “I hate her,” she whispered to him sadly. “I hate her.”
He squeezed her a little tighter and assured her, “That’s okay, too.”
____________________
We’ll do it all, everything, on our own
We don’t need anything or anyone
Late that night, long after everyone had gone to bed in the Levin household, Zooey urged Justin to sneak out of the quiet house to take a walk with her. In their pajamas, comprised of sweats and t-shirts, the two of them scurried through the damp night and headed for Zooey’s old stomping grounds at Harvard.
“This is weird,” Justin chuckled, as they approached one of the main entrances to the majestic university.
“Why is this weird?”
“As much as I love this city, I’ve never been to this campus.”
“That’s not weird.”
“And I just finished shooting a movie where Harvard is basically the entire backdrop, and I still haven’t been here.”
“That’s a little weirder.”
“And Scarlett was honored last year as the Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year,” he went on, “and I still haven’t been here.”
“Yeah, why didn’t you come to that?”
“Before we knew she got it, I had already agreed to do a concert in Manila, so…”
“Priorities,” she nodded slowly, interlocking her arm with his.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring her up,” he suddenly recalled, knowing that it made her feel uncomfortable. “Force of habit.”
“It’s all right,” she shrugged sadly. “It’s not like I don’t know.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, I know it looks weird to other people for you to be here, for us to be… together, but as long as I get to spend this time with you… I just don’t give a shit. Whatever, y’know?”
“I know.” He placed a quick kiss on her lips, probably the first time since they’d been in Boston, and he felt a bit of a calm wash over him. “I know.”
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
She led him down a series of walkways until they reached a gate with an opening just wide enough for them to squeeze through. “Come.”
“Is this legal?”
“Well it’s not illegal,” she figured, not really knowing one way or another. “This is how me and my roommates used to sneak back onto campus after curfew.”
“You had a curfew?”
“Not, like, an official one. But when we had certain upcoming events at my dorm, it was ‘strongly encouraged’ by our house masters that we be in by a certain time.”
“That sounds like torture.”
“The price you pay for a good education.”
“This campus is huge,” he marveled as they came to a large yard that would eventually lead to the Eliot House, where Zooey resided for the better part of four years.
“This is a very small fraction of it.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Trust me, your experiences on the road are much more unique and inspiring.”
“To you, maybe. To me, this is… wow.”
When they reached the front of the house, she stopped to look up at the immense building, feeling very nostalgic in the moment. “I was the only black chick in this house for a looong time.”
“Half black,” he winked.
She took a seat on the cool, wet pavement and waited for him to join her. “I vehemently identify myself as black, actually.”
“Do you?”
She nodded. “I think, subconsciously, most of us just go by the one-drop rule. Or maybe society has molded that in us. I don’t know.”
“How Barack Obama of you.”
“It really is! I mean, we both grew up with our white parents “ well I grew up liking my white parent better,” she appended with a chuckle, “but I still call myself black when I’m filling out a form.”
“You want that affirmative action action,” he teased with a smile. “I peeped your game long ago, chick.”
“You’re an idiot,” she grinned, loving that she could have this conversation with him without even the slightest hint of discomfort.
I don’t quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They’re not enough
“Is it fun being black?” he wondered out loud.
“The funnest.”
“I bet.”
“Except when it’s difficult,” she noted. “Which is usually.”
“How so?”
“I mean, just being at this school, which is really a microcosm of this country, I learned a lot about exactly how far we haven’t come.”
“Was it bad?”
“Not bad,” she reasoned with herself. “And let me preface this by saying that I’m probably harder on myself than I should be as a black woman because I kind of do have the option to ‘pass.’ But… I mean, I know you could never understand this, but being a double minority, we definitely have it the hardest in this country.”
“You really don’t feel like there are advantages to being a black woman?”
“No. Obstacles a plenty, but advantages? Absolutely not. I have to work twice as hard as you do to prove myself equally as competent.” She leaned back so that her elbows propped her up against the ground and sighed. “You know, there’s like this poll online, with all these dating sites or whatever, and apparently, black women are the lowest on the totem poll for relationships.”
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
He thought about this sentiment for a long, long time and then finally looked over to her with a bit of sadness to him. “Well, in my opinion, you are the most beautiful creatures on the planet.”
Forget what we’re told before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
She had to resist the strong urge she had to start bawling. “You said that with such honesty…”
“I mean it.”
“It makes it all right that most of the world doesn’t agree with you.”
“They’re idiots.”
“You’re killing me.”
Let’s waste time chasing cars around our heads
I need your grace to remind me to find my own
“You have the greatest face in the entire world.” He said it as though it were fact. No emotion to it, no heft. It was completely unsentimental in tone, but that was what made it all the more impactful. It was a fact to him. “Those eyes. And your cute little freckles. And these lips…”
All that I am, all that I ever was
Is here is in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see
“I’m gonna cry.”
“Let’s laugh instead.”
I don’t know where, confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
She smiled a big smile, still in disbelief that it had been about six months since they met and he was still just as interesting to her as the first day. “I’m really, really happy you came with me.”
“So am I.”
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Lyrics: “Chasing Cars” “ Snow Patrol (Eyes Open)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy Valentine's Day, babes! -Ash
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