18: You Lost You
I am done
Smoking gun
“Scarlett, you haven’t spoken to me all week. You have to say something.”
Turning from the beautiful bouquet of flowers she’d just received as she returned from dress rehearsal, she found Justin standing in the threshold of her dressing room. He looked the same as always “ his short brown hair and beard trimmed just less than to perfection, his red and blue plaid shirt clung to his thin but muscular torso, jeans just the right amount of loose versus tight “ but still, to her, he looked like a complete stranger. Immediately, she wanted to run out of there.
But he was right, aside from a few Thank You’s and You’re Welcomes when their paths crossed there at 30 Rock, where they were required to be courteous to one another in front of others, Scarlett had said nothing to him. Mainly because she had nothing to say.
We’ve lost it all
The love is gone
“What do you want me to say, Justin?”
“Anything.” He came further into the room, closing the door behind him. “Yell, scream, cry, whatever. But anything is better than nothing.”
“I have nothing.”
“You don’t feel anything.”
“I feel a lot of things. But you really don’t want to hear them right now.”
“I do,” he beseeched, moving closer to her.
She backed away, not wanting him to touch her. “Neither one of us have time for this right now, and you are not about to ambush me half an hour before I have to do an hour and a half of live television. Get out.”
“I’ll go. Just talk to me and I’ll go.”
“I just did!” she tried not to shout. “And the fact that, not only did you cheat on me, but you are now trying to make me discuss it, is completely unbelievable. The least I should get is the timeline to deal with this on my own terms.”
“Keep going.”
“Get out, Justin.” She stalked over to the door, opening it for him. “Please.”
“You have to--.”
“I don’t have to do shit,” she barked. “If I have to say it again, I’m calling security.”
“They’re not gonna kick me out of here, come on.”
“They will if their host threatens to walk.”
“Fine,” he held up his hands, defeated. “I wanted to clear some air between us before we go on national TV, but that’s fine. We’ll just…”
“We don’t have to like each other to do a few scenes together,” she cut him off. “That’s why it’s called acting.”
“You’re right.”
“Get out.”
“I’m sorry, Scarlett.”
“Noted.”
Once he finally left the room, she shut the door behind him and leaned against it, feeling like she actually needed it for support. Having to spend the last portion of the week with him was inescapably difficult, but it seemed that he knew she needed a bit of space and kept his distance. So she couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt so compelled to make her talk to him on the most inconvenient day of them all.
SNL was no light commitment. It took a steady stream of focus to belt out a live show with only a few days to pull it off, but she was getting through it. Even with Justin scheduled to guest star, the chaos of live sketch comedy had actually been a welcome distraction. Until that moment, of course, where Justin just had to walk in there with his flowers and follies on display, causing her to actually think about their looming situation.
And even though she had promised herself she wouldn’t cry that day, much less, just a few minutes before show time, she just couldn’t help it. Seeing him made her think of him with Zooey, and, well… that hurt.
She has won
Now it’s no fun
We’ve lost it all
The love is gone
“Ladies and gentlemen, Scarlett Johansson!”
As the audience cheered loudly, Scarlett took the stage in a hip-hugging black cocktail dress, a beautiful contrast to her shoulder length blonde hair, curled and coiffed to perfection. All smiles, she stood before the live studio audience and waited for the music and applause to die down.
“Thank you, thank you so much. Hello, everyone! Hello,” she was grinning from ear to ear. “I have to say I am so excited to be here! I’m so glad to be back in New York,” she began to another round of audience cheers. “I mean, I’m from New York, I grew up in the city, and this is my fourth time hosting SNL, so I really feel like this is, like, this is home, you know?
I mean, I’ve been all over the world, people answering to my every whim and treating me like royalty left and right, but here? I really, really feel comfortable here. It’s like that place where you can come and everybody knows your name. They treat me like… just like everyone else, and I really enjoy that.”
Just then, one of the SNL players, Jason Sudeikis entered the scene, stage left. “Scarlett!” he ran up to her happily. “Hi.”
“Hi, James! H-h-how’s it going?”
“Umm. It’s actually… it’s Jason,” he corrected her timidly.
“Huh?”
“No, nothing. I am James. Hello.”
“Hi,” she grinned politely. “What can I, can I help you with something?”
“Well the umm, they just told us you have a package waiting downstairs. Apparently your new bed is here?”
“Oh, my god. They got it here so quickly!” As an aside to the audience, she informed them, “I just ordered this gorgeous California king for my dressing room. I mean, there was no way I would’ve felt at home without it.”
“Well, the delivery guys were trying to get it on the elevator, but it didn’t fit, so they just left it downstairs.”
“Oh. Well… wow. I have no idea how I’m gonna get it up here.”
“I was just gonna ask, do you mind if I haul it up the steps for you? Would that be okay?” He was smiling at her, clearly very wildly infatuated and willing to do anything for her. “Would you be willing to let me do that?”
“Umm… I guess so,” she nodded, looking out to the crowd. “But be careful, I do not want any dirty footprints rubbing off on my mattress, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah, I won’t even let it touch the floor.”
“Well thanks, James! I really appreciate that.”
The audience laughed as Jason enthusiastically ran off, and then Andy Samberg came up next. “Hey, Scarlett,” he greeted, his childlike grin displaying his adoration.
“Hey, Danny, how are you?”
“I’m Danny,” he confirmed with a giggle.
“You’re Danny. Danny… Arenberg, right?”
“That is totally right.”
“So what’s up? You ready for the show tonight?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But just one thing.”
“Okay.”
“Well you know how our dressing rooms were next to each other and everything, right?”
“Oh, was that you who had to give up their room so I could have a kitchen added to mine?”
“That’s me,” he nodded goofily. “Which is totttally fine, I was just wondering, would you mind if I used that space behind your new refrigerator for my wardrobe? I promise I won’t be any trouble.”
“Well…I don’t know. I mean, do you really need it?”
“I do. It was in the hallway, but when you got that big flat screen installed, they told me it was a safety hazard for me and my clothes to stay out there.”
“Oh. Well if you really need it, you can move your clothes in there. But just the clothes.”
“Just the clothes. Of course.”
More laughter ensued as he skipped off the stage, and Scarlett went on with her monologue. “As I was saying, this place is just great. I don’t get any of that ‘star treatment,’ I’m just one of the crew, and it’s just like a second home to me.”
“Yo, Scarlett!”
Big cheers and applause erupted when the camera panned to Justin at the back of the studio, dressed as a homely version of himself in torn jeans and a shirt with dirty handprints all over it, while toting a mostly empty package of bread.
“J-J-Justin,” she frowned, watching him walk towards her. “What are you doing here, babe?”
He made it to the front of the crowd, taking the stage with her and holding up what was left of his bread loaf. “I’ve got a better question for ya. When are you coming home?!”
“What is that?”
“It’s what I’ve been eating since you’ve been gone!”
“All you’ve eaten is bread?”
“Yes. No one has been home to cook for me in I don’t know how long. I’m going to die, Scarlett. I’m going to die on bread and beer.”
“Well I’m sorry! I’ve been here working, I haven’t had time to do much else, I guess.” She moved in closer, prepared to hug him, until she got a whiff of his clothing. “God, Justin, what is that smell?”
“Oh, I… umm…” he looked down at the floor in embarrassment. “Well you’re the one that hasn’t done laundry in ages! Your disgust is not needed or appreciated.”
“I’m sorry, babe. I am so sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how long I’ve been gone.”
“Our dog has a dressing room here!”
As the audience finished laughing, she apologized seriously as her monologue came to a close. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m gonna come home as soon as all of this is over.”
“You will?”
“I will,” she nodded. “But just… move over there? I don’t wanna smell like you the rest of the night.” She watched him move out of the frame before finishing up to more laughter and applause. “You guys, we have a great show tonight! Christina Aguilera is here! So stick around, we’ll be right back!”
______________________
They were halfway through the show and things had gone off without any major glitches to report. People were still laughing, Scarlett hadn’t flubbed any of her lines, and she was much too busy hosting to think about the fact that she had to share the stage with her philandering husband not once, but twice.
But now, she had a bit of a lull in her hosting duties as Christina Aguilera took the stage for the first time, which would then be followed by Weekend Update. Exhausted from the day, she returned to her dressing room, hoping to get some quiet time, but when she walked in to see Justin on her couch, she knew that wouldn’t happen.
“What are you doing here,” she demanded, slamming the door behind her. “I know you’re not this stupid.”
“Scarlett, we have to get past this. We can’t be around all these people, faking our marriage forever.”
“You’ve sure as hell been doing a pretty good job at it.”
“I wasn’t faking it.”
“You lied. Repeatedly. You fell in love with someone else, Justin!”
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn’t keep your hands to yourself
“I didn’t mean to, I swear to god.”
“So you accidentally fell in love with her. That makes a lot of sense,” she nodded angrily. “I’m not sure how that happens, but knowing you, I am not at all surprised that you could find a way.”
“I’m saying… I mean, we met, and… we talked a few times, and suddenly, I found myself thinking about her when I shouldn’t have been. And…”
“Spare me, Justin.”
“I’m trying to help you understand this. I’m trying to help me understand this, I guess.”
“You embarrassed me,” she noted sadly. “You let me speak to her over and over again. The two of you probably laughing at me behind my back. Why would you… I thought you had more respect for me than that.”
I feel like our world’s been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
“I didn’t know she was talking to you. I mean…. I knew you had talked, but I didn’t know what was said. I still don’t.”
“That makes it better.”
“I’m sorry, Scarlett.”
She only stared at him for what felt like forever before she felt the need to shout at him. “SIX MONTHS, JUSTIN! You couldn’t even do this for six months!”
“It’s not because I don’t love you, though. I am completely in love with you,” he made an attempt to defend his senselessness. “I just… I mean, we clicked. And I know I shouldn’t have even put myself in a position where we had the chance to, but… I did.”
“And I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out what the fuck I did to push you away. You had me thinking there was something wrong with ME.”
“I never meant to do that.”
“You fucked up.”
“I fucked up,” he agreed sullenly. “I wish I hadn’t.”
“I wish you hadn’t, but you did, and now, I just feel so… so violated. I fucking hate you right now, Justin.”
It killed him to hear her say that. “I’m so sorry.”
“I am so sick of hearing you apologize. Just stop it, just stop it,” she frowned as tears went crashing down her face. “I can’t do this with you.”
“I don’t know what else to say.”
“Which is why you should stop trying to make me talk to you! I don’t want to talk to you!”
“You have to talk to me, Scar. We have to make this right.”
“WE don’t have to do anything, because you did this. YOU did it,” she was almost sobbing. “YOU met that girl, YOU decided to pursue whatever the fuck you were feeling, YOU ruined our marriage. Our fucking six-month-old marriage, our seven years together, YOU ruined it.”
We found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
“I know you’re angry,” he began to tear up as well. “And I--.”
“I am not angry, I am in pain!” she cried, clutching her heart. “And it’s because of YOU! You, who were supposed to love me more than anything. You were supposed to protect me from this kind of shit! You were supposed to be better than this.”
“I’m not,” he shook his head, “as much as I wish I was. I’m not. I’m just as confused and fucked up as anyone. I’m not perfect, Scarlett.”“
“But you expect me to be.”
“Never.”
“You do, Justin. It’s like you want me to be your arm candy, you want me because it looks right.”
“Scarlett, I never wanted anything perfect. Sometimes, I want to yell and scream, I want you to feel like punching me in the face--.”
“I feel like you punched me in the face,” she countered.
“But it was never ever my intent to get caught up in this. I never wanted to hurt you.” He took a deep breath and stared at her as if he’d never see her again. “I just… I stumbled. I did something I never thought I would ever even be tempted to do. But… this is my first time through this life and I’m not gonna do everything right. I wasn’t equipped with the tools to handle this. I mean, at first glance, it was something that seemed better to me than what I already had. And I was thinking too much of myself and too little of anyone else. Especially you. And for that, I am sorry.”
Now I know you’re sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you’ll regret it, but it’s too late
How can I ever trust you again?
“Maybe I was gone too long. Maybe I wasn’t quirky enough or exciting enough to hold your attention--.”
“No.”
“Do you hate me?”
“Oh my god, of course not, Scarlett. I love you.”
“It doesn’t feel like it…”
He made a motion to take her hand into his, but she stopped him.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Scarlett”.”
“Listen, when we got married, you told me that you would be honest with me, no matter how much it hurt, and so, I’m gonna do the same for you.” She inhaled sharply and wiped her eyes of all the makeup that had run with her tears. “What sucks most about this is that you took away my best friend. When something bad happens, you’re the one I wanna talk to, and now… God, I can’t even look at you.”
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn’t keep your hands to yourself
“Please. Don’t say that.”
“I’m being honest. I can’t look at you. I need… you to go,” she whispered, her hands perched on her stomach, feeling a dull, aching pain there. “This hurts. It hurts too much.”
I feel like our world’s been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life’s been changed
“But how can I make it better? What can I do?”
“You can’t do anything, Justin.”
Babe, you lost me
______________________
“Em, look at this,” Zooey proclaimed suddenly, passing her computer to her bedridden sister. “Read that story.”
“Scarlett and Justin on the rocks?” she read the headline of the news story out loud and then rolled her eyes at her younger sibling. “Zooey, what the fuck is this?”
“Read it!”
Rumors have been swirling around one of Hollywood’s biggest couples over a couple of tiny little things. The very talented and beautiful Scarlett Johansson hosted the Saturday night institution, Saturday Night Live this weekend with musical guest Christina Aguilera. But it was who did and then did not appear that’s got everyone buzzing.
Pop superstar Justin Timberlake, Scarlett’s husband of approximately six months, made not one, but two appearances on the show, including a cameo in the opening monologue, as well as a hilarious skit where the duo sold porcelain fountains. But just an hour later, at the end of the show, Scarlett seemed to purposely leave out her husband’s name when thanking the special guests. On top of that, Mrs. Timberlake’s wedding ring had been noticeably absent. Of course, she could have just taken it off after the monologue for acting purposes, but the fact that Mr. Timberlake was also missing from the end credits lineup was pretty glaring.
Sources say that the couple was heard shouting while the show was in progress and that he was a no-show for the After Party as well. No one knows exactly what might have caused this rift, but it may be big if they couldn’t even put up a front for the cameras. As we all know, time will soon tell.
As Emile finished reading the article, she shut the computer and glanced back at Zooey. “What the hell is this?”
“That’s crazy, isn’t it?”
“Who knows if it’s true.”
“Well she clearly didn’t thank him at the end of the show,” Zooey rationalized. “And she wasn’t wearing her ring.”
“Why do you seem giddy about this?”
“I’m not giddy. I’m just... anxious, I guess. It’s weird.”
“You fucking bitch, you are hoping they broke up!”
“I am not!”
“Why else would you be scouring the internet for stories about them when you’re sitting here waiting to meet your nephew?”
“Well what would you rather me do, Em? Just sit here and stare at the walls? You’re the one who doesn’t want them to wake him, so when they finally bring him from the nursery, I will be all over him,” she smiled.
Emile only shook her head, as she was already annoyed at Zooey for missing the entire birth. “Priorities. You have none.”
“I resent that!”
“Resent it all the fuck you want, bitch. I tell you I’m in labor and you tell me you have a meeting with Judd Apatow. Who does that!”
“You said you didn’t mind!”
“I’ve always been there for you, Zooey.”
“And I’ve always been there for you! I’m here!”
“Yesterday was when it mattered.”
“I was all the way across the country! What was I supposed to do? Cancel what could have possibly been the biggest meeting of my professional life so I could hop on a plane in the very off chance that I would arrive before the baby got here? Come on, Em.”
“That is precisely what you were supposed to do, you selfish cunt. You were supposed to climb out of your married boyfriend’s bed to come see your nephew being born. I don’t care if you were in Transyl-fucking-vania. You should have been willing to move mountains to get here.”
“I wasn’t with Justin! Clearly, he’s here in New York, so…”
“So the fuck what. If he had been in LA, I’m sure he would’ve been the reason.”
Defeated, she looked at her sister guiltily. “I’m sorry.”
“I thought this relationship with a pop star was gonna be good for you, but it’s not. You’re losing yourself, Zooey, and I don’t like it.”
“What do you want me to say?” Zooey began to yell. “I fucked up! I’m sorry. I don’t need a lecture.”
“When you act like a child, you deserve a lecture.”
“I didn’t come here for this.”
“I know. And I didn’t want you here for this, but I’m sitting here looking at you and I’m realizing that I have no fucking clue who you are anymore.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You’re being petulant,” she shot back. “Be my sister again, Zo. I miss you.”
Rolling her eyes at Emile’s antics, she ignored the fact that she had yet to see her nephew and began to gather her things.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving until you decide to stop being a psycho.” Throwing her laptop bag over her shoulder, and clutching her clutch, she started to walk away as quickly as her Louboutins would carry her.
“Zooey, get back here!” Emile yelled. When she saw that she was ignored, she snatched the IV out of her hand, and waddled over to her bathroom, in pain, in order to grab her robe and run after her immature sister. Finding her a few yards down the hallway, she called her name again. “Zooey, don’t make me start embarrassing you.”
“Take some meds and calm down,” Zooey called back dismissively. “I’ll come by tomorrow.”
“You going to see your boyfriend, Justin Timberlake?” she shouted.
“Emile, stop it,” she pleaded quietly, walking back towards her and her humiliating statement. “We obviously can’t talk right now, why are you doing this?”
“You leave now, I will never speak to you again.”
“Come on.”
“I’m so serious. You walking around acting like hot shit is not working for me. Not when you’re fuckin’ someone else’s husband and getting more money and job opportunities because the someone else’s husband you’re fuckin’ is famous. You fuckin’ prostitute. “
“You’re being evil,” Zooey inserted when her sister’s words began to hit a little too close to home.
“No, I’m introducing you to some honesty, because clearly, your ass is in dire need of some. And for the record, I cannot tell you how much I looked forward to you being here when my son was born. Yeah, he came a little early, but you didn’t even TRY, Zooey. You didn’t even fuckin’ try to get here in time, and that hurt. You cut me deep, bitch.”
A lone tear slid down Emile’s face, which shocked the hell out of Zooey, because she was quite sure that her sister hadn’t shed a tear since their parents announced their divorce over a decade before. “I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t know.”
“Well you know now, and you’re still being a bitch,” she shook her head. “So if you walk out of here, it’ll be a long, long time before I forgive you. I’ve ALWAYS had your back, and I’m gonna be the only one there for you when he goes back to his wife “ which he inevitably will do “ so you think about what the fuck you’re walking out on.”
The two of them stared at one another for what felt like forever. Probably the most powerful, most intense, most honest moment of their relationship, and they’d had plenty of them before. In that moment, Zooey loved and hated her sister.
“You don’t mean this, Em. At least, I hope you don’t mean any of it. So… I’m gonna go,” she decided, much to Emile’s disappointment. “And please know that I’m going because I really can’t even look at you right now, and I don’t want to meet my nephew this way.” She turned to walk away, but not before Emile could get in one more dig.
“Enjoy going home alone, you homewrecking bitch.”
“Fuck you,” Zooey shouted back.
I feel like our world’s been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
Lyrics: “You Lost Me” “ Christina Aguilera (Bionic)
Author's Chapter Notes:
I honestly don't even have an excuse lol. If you're still here, all I can say is that I truly, truly appreciate it.
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