Justin

I turned toward the silver plated picture frame on the nightstand beside me and saw two faces staring back at me. I lifted the picture frame off the nightstand and held it against my chest. I whispered, “Happy Birthday Justin.” Yes it’s my birthday January 31. And it’s the worst damn birthday of my entire twenty four years.

I laid the frame back in its rightful place, though I didn’t want to let go off it. I needed to hold onto something. I needed something to hold me.

I tried to fall asleep, to forget everything that’s happened, but it was no use. I raked my fingers through the little amount of hair I had left, thinking I could scratch away this pain, but I couldn’t. I knew what I was getting myself into when we started this shit.

Two pairs of eyes stared back at me. The azure eyes belonging to me, the big brown ones full of innocence belonging to her.

Her face was clear now as if I was looking at her for the first time when she walked into my office.

“Mr. Timberlake?” The words floated across the room, causing me to stop what I was doing and observe the beauty that had just graced me with her presence. After that I was lost forever in more ways than one.

All the women that I’d let consume me the last few years of my life were suddenly nonexistent when she came along. And you know what I loved this girl, each and everything about her. I still love her too, but my “love” is not enough for her.

How many times have I disappeared into the seams of her world and ended up mourning, just like I am now? Mourning for what could have been. But that wasn’t enough for her either.

Just how much does she expect me to give until I can’t give anymore? When is it time to stop? And what am I going to do with all this love in my heart? Forget it because she didn’t want to welcome the weight.

I collapsed on the bed and said out loud, “Fuck this shit.”

I hated her now just as much as I loved her. Hated her because she used me. Took everything I had to offer and stomped on it! And she hadn’t even cared.

“This is for the best Justin. You knew we were going into dangerous territory when we first started this thing.” I had watched her swing her arm in the air as if she could belittle our relationship anymore than just coming out and labeling us as “fuck buddies” because evidently that’s what we were to her. And I called her on it. She didn’t deny the fact.

The next time I saw her she was on some other man’s arm around the office. She looked good, but it was something in her eyes that I couldn’t distinguish, something that said…

“Mr. Timberlake?”

Rewind Back…