"Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us. Guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow."

Prologue

 Remember me? Natalia Fuentes? I guess you thought my story was over, but in reality, it’s just begun.

 When I left off before, I had explained how Justin had shot Larry Lopez and killed Dylan. But he had let my Uncle go free. That was a big mistake on his part.

 Anyway, let me take you back to two years after that happened. Justin was still in the mob, and frankly, I didn’t think he was going to get out of the business, despite the many times he had promised me that he was.

 But I was definitely enjoying the fruits of his labor, especially were our children, Nikolas Devon Timberlake and Samantha Noelle Timberlake. They really had to be the two most adorable children ever.

 In a way, they were what kept me going, and not to toot my own horn, but with taking care of two kids, twins no less (I don’t believe in full-time Nannies. I have this philosophy, the more time you spent with your kids, the less fucked up they are going to become.) I managed to get my Bachelors in writing.

 I was well on my way to publishing a book, but in a way I held back.

 Here’s why…

Chapter 1

 “Mommy!!” Two-year-old Samantha screamed from her bedroom. I was putting clothes away from my newest shopping venture; I think I had been shopping almost every other day for the past 3 years.

 “What’s wrong sweetie?”

 “Nicky hitted me!” She screamed. I couldn’t help but to smile at the cuteness of her bad English. Hearing the both of them talk in Spanish was even funnier.

 They had heard my best friend Hope curse up a storm when she was watching them one day. They still run around screaming, carajo and maricon.

 Putting down the clothes onto the vast bed, I walked to my children’s bedroom. They could obviously have their own but they refused to ever be apart, even though they fought like cats and dogs.

 I had the weirdest children ever.

 “Nikolas! What did I tell you about hitting your sister?!”

 My dirty blonde haired, blue eyed son looked at me incredulously.  He said nothing but crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. Nikolas was just like his father in the aspect of always having to be right.

 “But Momma...”

 “Nikolas…” I picked him up and sighed. “I think someone needs to have a time out.”

 To my dismay, that drew a scream from my little boy. I cringed but knew I had to hold strong.

 “And wait till Daddy comes home!”

 That was basically how my days went, watching the kids and shopping. I never expected my life to turn out that way. I always thought I’d have a nice 9-5 job and I figured I’d always have my mother around to help me with the kids, as well as a husband to always be there.

 But things never turn out the way you want them to, I guess.

 My mother barely speaks to me, she’s disgusted with the fact that I married Justin, a drug dealing mob lord and had two kids with him.

 That depresses me to no end. I love my Mom with all my heart and to think that she wants nothing to do with her grandchildren or me hurts. I know she’d love them if she gave them a chance and I know she loved Justin when she didn’t know he was in the mob.

 I mean I’m her daughter; can’t she give me a chance and trust my judgement?

 Obviously not. I mean Justin’s not perfect… but we have kids and we’re happy…kinda.

 Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband; it’s just sometimes I worry so much about him and our kids. I don’t want them to be dragged into his line of work. I wonder if he’ll come home alive, I wonder how long he’ll out run death.

 It’s scary to live a life like this and I don’t think I really thought about it when I jumped into marriage. I loved Justin but I wasn’t thinking much about the consequences.

 But then again he did promise me change, and that promise went unanswered.

 I put Nikolas down on my bed and he faced the wall with a pout on his face. He looked just like Justin at that point.

 A smile crept upon my place as I continued to put my new clothes away. I could hate Justin sometimes and love him. I mean I understand that it was my choice to be brought into this life but it’s just upset me that my kids were going to have to grow up in fear.

 I’d often wonder what would happen if I’d get up and leave. Would Justin miss me? Would my kids grow up to be better people?

 I wasn’t so sure… that’s why I stayed. I guess love and the money kept me there.

 Yeah I know everyone’s gonna say that I’m a gold digger but I’m not. I mean I’m looking out for the welfare of my kids and I do love Justin, just not the life style.

 “Nat?” I heard Justin call out my name. I turned and looked down the long hallway and saw Samantha running towards Justin. “Hey Princess.”

 “Daddy, Nicky hitted me.”

 Justin picked up our brunette two-year-old daughter and walked into our bedroom.
 
 “Why did Nicky hit you?”

 “Because…I broked his car.”

 Nikolas turned around from his spot on the bed, in a fury he grabbed a pillow and flung it at Justin and Samantha.

 “My favorite car!”

 “Sammie, you need to tell Nicky you’re sorry, and Nicky you need to tell Sammie you’re sorry. No more hitting either.” Justin put Samantha down on the bed and watched the two.

 It was amusing to see Justin as a parent, especially since he killed people and sold drugs for a living. He was so gentle with the twins and to the outsider, he seemed like the perfect father.

 If they only knew.

 “I’m sorry.” Sam pouted. Nikolas just hugged his sister.

 “I’m sorry too…”

 I had the cutest kids.

 “Okay guys now go play nice. I have to talk to Mommy.” Justin stated to the twins. The two nodded and scurried off to their huge bedroom.

 “Hi baby.” I went back to putting away clothes.

 “No kiss?”

 “I didn’t think you wanted one.” I winked at him and he just smirked.

 “I always want one.”

 My Mafia Lord husband wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine, giving me the sweetest kiss ever.

 Times like that really made me remember why I married Justin and how much I love him. Other times I can get so fed up and so angry but just times like this make me so happy and make me feel so safe with him.

 If only things would stay like that. But they never do. Change is inevitable.