Chapter 14

“Nat… breathe.” I said to myself outside of Ricky’s door. So many memories were held in that building, they were almost too much to bear.

The twins were with my Mom who was crazy about them and loved getting to know her grandchildren, which made me happy. But it wasn’t happy enough.

I forced myself to knock and smiled as Ricky answered the door and threw his arms around me. I had to be strong, like my Mom was, so I held back my tears and just hugged my best friend.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” Ricky rubbed my back lightly and then ushered me into the apartment. “You hungry, thirsty… anything?”

“No… I’m okay… “ I forced a smile at my best friend who watched me sadly. I just sat down on the couch and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.” Ricky grabbed my hand and sighed. “I feel like a shitty friend… I mean I should have taken off from work and helped you!”

“Don’t blame yourself, Rick. This wasn’t your fault or mine… the most important thing is that I get strong…and divorce Justin and get sole custody of the twins.”

Ricky didn’t say anything but I knew he was shocked. Sole custody was something that the twins could hate me for in the future, but I knew it was for the best so I decided to explain myself.

“You’re probably thinking that I’m wrong and crazy… but Justin is a drug dealer and a mob lord. I do not want my children growing up in that kind of atmosphere and I don’t care if I have to go back to working at Joey’s to support my babies… I will and won’t ask him for a dime. I don’t want his fucking blood money or anything.”

I sighed and got up from the couch, beginning to pace. Ricky just watched me, studying my every move. It’s like he knew I was about to crack and he was watching, and waiting for the moment.

“I’ve thought a lot about this and I’ll take him to court and fight him. I don’t care how rich he is or how conniving he is… I’m telling the truth so I can win. This doesn’t have to be the case of the nice guy finishing last. I can have a normal life.”

Ricky bit his lip and removed his gaze from me down to the floor. He seemed to be thinking, so I just walked to his liqour cabinet and poured myself a shot of Jack Daniels.  A drink Justin was always drinking. Fucking alcoholic. I could probably get him for that too.

“You have no money to even hire a fucking lawyer, Natalia… you could barely take care of yourself working at Joey’s and you won’t be able to take care of yourself now even more with two children.”

“So you’re telling me to go back to him?!” I screamed. “I’M NOT GOING BACK TO A FUCKING CHEATING SON OF A BITCH!!!!!”

“Relax… Nat. Breathe.” Ricky got up and took the bottle of Jack Daniels away from me.  “Before you think about things I want you to be sure and I want you to explore all the angles. There is no going back babe.”

“I know and I’m okay with that.” I looked over and Ricky and smirked. “Also… I’m not gonna be completely without money.”

“Huh? I don’t like that smirk, Nat.”

“It just hit me… sure I don’t want blood money… but it’s not like Justin deserves it. I’m gonna rob the son of a bitch blind and pay him back from hurting me.”

The smile faded from Ricky’s face as I downed the shot I had poured myself. The gleam of darkness in my eye was probably freaking him out but I didn’t care.

“I can empty about one or two of his bank accounts… and then I’m going to the police…he’s not gonna see daylight ever again.” I threw my head back and laughed.

“Oh my God…Natalia…” Ricky wasn’t smiling and wasn’t at all happy with my idea.

“Oh come on… he’ll be in prison forever for RICO charges, and I’ll get to live on the money I stole and publish my books and life is good.”

“He’ll kill you.”

“Please… he won’t, and if he tries…” I laughed again. “Well I’ll deal with that when the time comes… but nothing will bring me more pleasure then the thought of Justin getting ass raped in prison.”

“You’ve changed, Natalia… you’re not the same person I knew. You’re cold hearted and bitter… and I don’t like to see you like this.”

“I guess going through pain and betrayal will make one that way.” I shrugged and grabbed my purse from the couch. “I’m guessing I’m not welcome here… because suddenly… I’m the fucking bad guy instead of Justin. Well that’s okay. You and your new fucking best friend have fun with the rest of the time you have together!”

“Hey Hey Hey!” Ricky grabbed my arms. “Calm down… I’m not kicking you out or taking Justin’s side but I think you need to calm down… now sit on the couch and talk to me.”

I was pulled to sit down and Ricky just sighed out loud.

“I just want you to be sure… because there is no going back and doing something out of anger isn’t always the best thing.”

“Fine… you could be right but just… I don’t know… I’m okay though… like I did a fucked up thing a few nights ago and I’m blaming him. But it’s not… I mean I’m the one that cut myself… not Justin.”

“Whoa whoa whoa… back up. You cut yourself?”

“I was having a really really bad moment… but yes. I cut myself.” I covered my face and exhaled deeply. “It was wrong and stupid… I know but it happened and yeah…”

“Why though? You could have called me or someone? Damnit, Natalia. I don’t want him to break you.”

“Listen I’m gonna survive and get through this… so don’t worry about me. But I feel like calling Savannah… she’s been in trouble and I haven’t been a good friend… so yeah.” I didn’t wanna sit and have the woe is me chat. I was sick of talking about my problems.

“Fine then. Use my phone… I’m gonna make us some lunch.”

I nodded at him and turned to the portable phone, which was in the charger and walked to it. I glimpsed at my old bedroom, which was now filled with clothes and boxes. It wasn’t that long ago that I lived there… yet everything had changed.

“Hey Savannah… how are you…?”

“I’m dealing.” She answered through the receiver coldly. “How could you do this to me, Natalia?”

“Do what? Leave…? Savannah I left for my own reasons…”

“No.” She interrupted me. “Telling Justin about the rape.”

I had completely forgotten about that. Oh God…I had started something that I couldn’t fix. Damnit!

“I thought he could help you…”

“Fuck that.” She hissed at me. “I trusted you and you went and told him. Thank God he didn’t tell JC… but I’m beyond humiliated. I didn’t want anyone to know!”

“Savannah… I’m really sorry…”

“Save it bitch.” Savannah hissed at me. “We’re through. From this point on I don’t want to know you or see you. You’ve betrayed me and you’re not someone I want to consider a friend. Fuck you and good bye.”

She hung up on me and I sat there, not knowing what to do. One of my best friends hated me. I just clicked the off button on the phone and placed it on the table.

Why? Why did these things happen to me?

I grabbed the phone again and dialed a number I’d avoided calling these past few days.

“Hello?”

“David… it’s Nat.”

“Where have you been?! Are you alright?!” He asked, sounding relieved to hear that it was me.

“I’m in New York… I’m with my Mom and with my best friend Ricky… I told you about him right?”

“Yes you did… but why are you there… are you alright?”

“I just kinda freaked… and needed to get away. But I’m alright and I think I’m gonna stay here. I’ll keep the kids away from Justin and get enough strength to file for divorce…and relax because my nerves are shot.”

At the time I was an idiot because the phone could have very well been tapped but I just mouthed off about everything. Maybe in the back of my mind I wanted to get caught by Justin? Who knows.

“I’m coming down then.”

“David… you don’t have to.”

“No I’m gonna fly down as soon as I can. Natalia, you are an amazing woman and you’ve changed my life. I’m not gonna let you go through this alone.”

“Thank you David.” I whispered. “It feels like no one knows me anymore. Like I don’t know me anymore.”

“I know…and you need someone to say the hell with everyone and make you feel like you did nothing wrong because you didn’t!”

“Exactly! Oh God, David… I just want to hear that he’s the bad guy and should go to hell and should pay for what he did.”

“He will pay. Don’t worry. Now relax. I’ll be in tomorrow morning. Calm down till then.”

Easier said then done. David hung up the phone and I walked into the kitchen to help Ricky. Anything to pass the time till tomorrow.