Chapter 22

            “I’m leaving tomorrow morning, Lance. I can’t see you…” Savannah had just finished tucking the twins into bed and decided to call Lance who she had become very close with.

            JC wasn’t around for her, so Lance gave her the attention she needed.

            “But I won’t be able to see you for who knows how long. I need to see you.” Lance’s voice came in deep and sexy through the phone.

            She had been sleeping with Lance as a way to forget what was going on in her life. JC didn’t know a thing and she wanted to keep it that way. Most of the time she felt like he didn’t care anyway.

            “I don’t know, Lance…” Savannah sighed into the phone.

            At times, Savannah felt like the rape had changed her and she was too different from JC now. She barely saw him anyway, so she had no reason to feel guilty.

            Out of sight out of mind.

            “I need you, Savannah…” Lance breathed through the phone. “I need to have you once before you leave…”

            “Natalia and the children are upstairs… I don’t know…”

            “We can be quiet…”

            She couldn’t say no to him. Savannah gave into temptation and sighed.

            “Fine… come over…but come over in 5 minutes or no go.” Savannah smirked and hung up the phone. She knew he’d be there in less than 5 minutes.

            And he was.

            Lance entered the house and captured Savannah into a deep kiss. There were no exchanges of hellos or anything, he wanted her, and he would have her. Lance picked Savannah up into his arms and walked into the laundry room.

            He pulled his pants and boxers down to his ankles and tugged off Savannah’s shorts. She kissed at his neck and face wildly, making it known that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. 

            After stripping her, he jumped on the dryer and pulled Savannah up. He guided her hips down and entered her. Savannah smirked and leaned over to turn the dryer on.

            It was as if nothing else mattered but them. Savannah forgot about everything and just concentrated on Lance.  Sex with Lance was another form of therapy for her.

            She rode him until she felt she might collapse from exhaustion. Lance came inside her and bit down on her shoulder.

            Nothing else was said, but the two exchanged a kiss and Lance left, leaving Savannah to wallow in her thoughts.

**

            My two children ran inside Ricky’s apartment and over to the huge pile of toys there father had given them on their last visit. Ricky immediately made his way over to me and hugged me, knowing exactly what happened in Florida.

            “I’m so sorry…”

            “It’s not your fault.” I hugged back and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I pulled away from the hug and then grabbed Savannah who stood in the hallway, quietly.

            “Hey Ricky…”

            “Savannah!! Hey baby doll!” Ricky hugged her and smiled. “I missed you!”

            I smiled at the two and made my way into the apartment. That was when Ricky looked at me and gave me a small white envelope with my name scribbled on it.

            “I found this with the kids’ toys.”

            Giving him a funny look, I opened the envelope and pulled out a letter. I knew from the envelope that it was Justin’s handwriting, so before reading, I decided to sit down.

            I was already weak enough from everything that had been going on.

            “Natalia,

            I hate that I can’t see you and the kids everyday, but I messed up badly. I never meant to hurt you, but please believe that I was drugged. We found that the house was wired with cameras and Paris was hired to set me up.

            I love you, Natalia, and I will not give up on our family. Right now I have to concentrate on getting well and finding out who is out to ruin me. I have to sell the house, which pains me, but there is too much danger there.

            I will be going into hiding and keeping a low profile, but I swear, I will come back. I will not rest until things are mended between us and we are reunited. You are my angel, always and forever.

            Please let the children know that their father loves them, and every day that he is away from them pains him more than they can imagine. They truly are a blessing and are a result of our love.

            Don’t hate me for what happened, Natalia and please try to give me a second chance. I know I’ve messed up a lot, but I never lied when I said that I love you.

                                                                                    With all my love,

                                                                                                Justin”

            I was sobbing from the opening sentence of the letter to the end. I wanted so much to believe him and to take him back, but a part of me had doubts.

            I also still had David, who I cared about.

            Feeling the envelope was still heavy; I opened it up and pulled out my wedding and engagement rings. I studied them carefully before opening my purse and sticking the rings and letter inside.

            I looked up and saw Ricky and Savannah watching me, I just gave a half smile and wiped my eyes.

            “From Justin.” I said simply.

            The two of them nodded at me and the subject was changed. I quite obviously didn’t want to talk about what was going on and thank God they didn’t push anything out of me.

            I definitely had no idea what to feel.

            **

            “Hey… I’m glad you could make it…” David smiled and pulled me into a tight embrace. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

            I gave a forced smile and brushed a strand of hair away from my face, before pulling away. I felt uncomfortable hugging him, in a way I didn’t want to hug him. I just wanted to be alone.

            “Yeah… things have been hectic…”

            David and I decided to spend the day with the kids at a small park. I gave a half smile as I turned to watch my children play in the sandbox.

            “I can tell… you seem preoccupied.”

            “How so?”

            “You’re avoiding looking at me for one.”

            “I am not.” I turned to look at him but did avoid looking into his eyes. I don’t know why but I just felt like I couldn’t.

            “And why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

            “I…” I didn’t even know how to answer that question, so I started to stutter and trip over my words.

            He just watched me curiously as I took my gaze away from him and fumbled through my purse, pretending to look for some unknown object. I didn’t want to look at him, I couldn’t look at him.

            Ricky had been right, I was jumping into things that I wasn’t ready for. I felt like such a cheap whore at that moment. It was almost as if I was using David to get over Justin… that was wrong of me.

            “I think that we jumped into something that I’m not ready for.”

            “What?”

            “David, I’m not even divorced yet! I’m not ready for this I’m sorry.”

            I felt like all I fucking did was cry. My tears came and I just couldn’t be there anymore.

            “I need to go… I have to go….” I stuttered through my words. “I’m leaving…”

            David ran his hand through his hair, and kicked at the air in front of him. He was angry and upset, I was sure, but I didn’t expect him to get as upset as he did.

            “Damnit Natalia!! I’m trying to hard to be here for you but you fucking push me away!! I want you so badly and I can’t do this!! It’s like our relationship is a fucking yo-yo. It hurts and if you walk away from me then I won’t go back.”

            “DAVID!! Why are you making this so hard!! I’m not ready!”

            “But don’t fucking push me away!! Give me a chance… don’t kick me out of your life! Goddamnit I fucking love you!”

            “I have to go…”

            “NATALIA!!”

            I ran over to my kids at this point, while people in the park were staring at us like we were crazy.

            “Take your time but call me please?” I didn’t look at David but I heard that he was crying and I felt my already broken heart crumble.

            “I will…”

            Picking up the twins, I headed back to my Mom’s place, where I was settled with even more confusion. Would I ever be able to resolve my issues? I wasn’t so sure anymore.