Chapter 29

            “You need to stop running away, Nat.” Ricky said to me as we walked down Fashion Avenue in Manhattan. He was on his lunch break from work and he told me he needed to talk to me.

            I didn’t think him talking to me would entail a lecture about making a fucking decision.

            “I’m not running away. I’m just not ready.”

            “You are damn ready, you’re just fucking stubborn.” Ricky stated and I just sent him the evilest glare I could manage. If that was even a damn word… evilest? Oh well, I can just pretend it is.

            “I am NOT stubborn.” I hissed.

            “You so are. Justin fucking loves you and he’s sorry. What more do you need?”

            “I don’t know… maybe for him to be out of the fucking mafia? I really don’t think it’s too much to ask to be out of danger.” I said bitterly.

            “You’re right… but in relationships you have to compromise.” He replied.

            I wanted to scream. I knew all of that. I knew Justin was sorry for cheating, even though I was starting to really believe that he was, indeed, set up. I also knew that Justin was sorry about not being able to get out of the mob.

            That shit still hurt though. I’m sorry wasn’t fixing anything.

            “Yes I know… but I need my fucking time. I don’t wanna be pushed back to him, I want to go on my own free will.”

            “Whatever you say.” Ricky shook his head in disdain.

            I just huddled into my favorite hoodie of my favorite band, “The Used”. I was terrified to get back together with Justin, especially after what he told me about the Lopez family. I didn’t want my children and I to be in any danger.

            “Ricky… it’s just not that easy.”

            “I know… but you hurt him the night of the Halloween party… he feels like he means nothing to you.”

            “That’s not true and you all know that…”

            “Maybe Justin isn’t so sure anymore.” He looked straight in my eyes and I felt nothing but guilt. I was a selfish fucking bitch.

            “He should be sure…” I whined.

            “Maybe you just need to prove it to him or show him.”

            “I hate when you’re right, Rico Suave.” I sighed and placed my head on his shoulder.

            “I know… and don’t call me that!”

**

            Another party I was forced to grit my teeth and attend. This sucked but I promised Ricky that I would make an attempt with Justin, so I had no other choice. I wore a short lilac dress that Ricky picked out for me and held his hand tightly, as he, Louis and I headed into the restaurant Justin had bought out for his supposed party.

            I had been to many of them. They only happened when there was a huge victory for them. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear what the victory was. 

            The restaurant was filled with people and was bustling with activity. I saw Justin stand up and pull one of the lowly drug dealers, Trace Ayala, up with him.

            “This evening is all thanks to Mr. Trace Ayala, without his help in such a dangerous matter we wouldn’t be able to be enjoying the festivities.” Justin said and placed an arm around Trace. “For proving his loyalty in such a way he will be joining the ranks of myself, Tommy and JC.”

            The place exploded into applause and all I could do was blink in confusion. My curiosity was bubbling but I pushed it aside and headed to follow Ricky to where he sat at the table with Justin.

            Justin didn’t stop smiling when he saw us; in fact he seemed to be a little shocked. I just returned the smile and took a seat across from Justin.

            I ran a hand through my hair as I nervously sat under Justin’s gaze. I didn’t make eye contact with him but turned to smile and annoy Ricky and Louis.

            “So Rico Suave, when the hell are we all going to Aruba? I need a tan… and I’m not talking about a fake tan in a box.” I asked and Ricky sent me an evil glare. Justin, Louis and I just laughed at his reaction.

            “I’m not going to Aruba with you because you fucking call me Rico Suave.” He pouted, causing as all to laugh more.

            “Dude I’m so calling you Rico Suave from now on!!” Justin exclaimed. Ricky just shot us all the death glare. Me and him had that shit fucking mastered!

            “Listen J-bo. I’d be quiet if I were you.” Ricky hissed.

            “J-bo?” Louis and I asked at the same time, which drew more giggles from us. Justin just hid his face in his hands and I could see him turning red. Aw.

            “We went to this gay bar and Justin got hit on by this transvestite waiter/waitress… whatever the fuck it was.” Ricky giggled and took a sip of his wine. Classy bitch. “So Justin was paying with his credit card and the it started calling him J-bo. It was so funny!!”

            “Man, you promised you wouldn’t tell that story!”

            “Sorry!! I had to!” Ricky grinned and placed an arm around Louis who just giggled along with me.

            “You fucking blow man!” Justin laughed and shook his head. His smile was infectious and made me smile as well.

            But God damn… Ricky and Justin were becoming friends? What the fuck was that about? This shit just kept getting crazier and crazier. I always thought they were friends only because of me, I guess I was just being self-centered.

            The only thing that made me nervous was the thought of the two of them against me. If they plotted against me I would fucking go down.

            “J-bo you are the only one that blows.” Ricky said with a mischievous smirk.

            “Rico Suave, shut your damn mouth.”

            I was in the fucking Twilight Zone.

            “Nat, do you wanna go get a drink with me?” Justin asked me and I looked at him in surprise.

            “Uhm sure.”

            I was a little shocked that I agreed but I figured why the hell not. Justin wasn’t going to be off my back and in reality I wanted to talk to him alone. I was actually jealous that he and Ricky had become closer.

            “So you and Ricky are getting close.” I stated as Justin ordered me a Peach Martini. He just nodded in response and smiled. “That’s really good. I’m glad to see that.”

            “Yeah so am I.”

            I brushed my hair behind my ear and sipped at the drink that Justin handed me. I loved peach martinis but no one knew how to make them the way I liked them. This one was just perfect. That bastard must have set it up.

            “You look beautiful tonight.” Justin said with a small smile.

            “Thank you… you look really good too, but you always do.” I smiled back.

            “As do you, Mrs. Timberlake.” He ran the pads of his fingers down my arm, causing me to shiver.

            Did he have to refer to me as Mrs. Timberlake? Did he have to touch me and make me want him so much more than I already did? With Ricky and Justin plotting against me I was really screwed.

            “So beautiful…” Justin whispered and played with the thin strap of my dress.

            I was breathless and I wanted to kiss him, so I leaned up and went to do just that. The bastard then proceeded to move his fucking head away!!

            I stared at him in shock and he just stared into my eyes.

            “I don’t want to kiss you or sleep with you unless I have my wife back.” He stated firmly. If I could express in words how shocked I was everyone could understand. Justin turned me down?! What was that about?!

            With that phrase he fucking proved to me that I wasn’t just sex to him as I thought. He loved me and actually did want me back.

            “Really…?”

            “Yeah… I feel kinda used. I love you, Natalia and I’m not going to push you to be with me but it hurts. It’s like an all or nothing deal for me now. I want you entirely or nothing at all.”

            Whoa, okay… wow. I never expected him to say that to me so I was completely caught off guard. Justin actually wanted something other than just sex from me?

            “So… what are you trying to say?”

            “What is happening is hurting me too much and I want to be with you but I can’t let myself get used. I’m sorry…”

            “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

            “Yes…” Justin trailed off and I was even more shocked now. He was going to leave me if I said no? Oh fuck that!

            “I don’t like ultimatums, Justin.”

            “I know, but I feel that I have no other choice.” He leaned onto the bar and watched me intently.

            What the hell was I going to do? This wasn’t supposed to be happening!! Justin was supposed to wait for me. He wasn’t supposed to make me decide like this! He wasn’t supposed to pressure me!

            Fuck! But I loved him. I did want to be with him.

            “This isn’t fair!” I complained.

            “Life isn’t fair, but we have to deal with it. I don’t like feeling used. You really hurt me on Halloween, Natalia. Like you can fuck me one day and the next you just treat me like some piece of garbage off the street?”

            “Well now you know how it feels. That’s what you’d make me feel like.”

            “I guess we’re even now.” He said and practically pierced into my soul with his gaze. I squirmed uncomfortably and avoided his eyes, but I could still feel his eyes on me. “Please come back to me. This is the last time I’m going to ask.”

            “Please don’t do this now… please.”

            “There’s no better time then the present.”

            “But I’m not ready… I mean God, Justin! Why do you have to be like this? You’re pressuring me!” I complained.

            “Well, I guess you’ve made your mind up then.” Justin Timberlake turned away from me and my heart started to shatter. “We’ll draw up the divorce papers tomorrow.”

            “No!”

            “You need your time and I’m not a patient man, Natalia. You know that.”

            “Please Justin… please I don’t want a divorce.” I started to cry and grabbed a hold of his wrist. “I love you.”

            “You love me but not enough to be with me and forgive me for the mistakes I never wanted to commit in the first place.” His back was still away from me and he ordered himself a drink.

            “I do want to be with you!!” I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t see straight or even breathe normally. “I don’t need time… I was being stubborn!!!”

            I could almost see Ricky in my head with a satisfied smirk. He was right and I was admitting it. That fucking bastard! Damn him for always being right and damn me for confessing it.

            Justin whirled around to me and drew me into his arms. He soothed my tears and I felt like I was where I should always be. This man was everything to me and without him I just fall apart. I do stupid things and I’m not myself, Justin truly completes me.

            “I love you, Natalia.” He whispered in my ear. “I’m so happy you finally stood up for what you want. I’m glad you proved to me what I’ve always known was true, that you love me. I know we can fix this…you are my angel and I won’t stop trying ever. ”

            Justin’s lips pressed against my own and the sweetest kiss was given to me. This was it. I was back to being Mrs. Justin Timberlake, but would things change or be the same as before? I could only hope for the latter.