Chapter 34

I watched the snow fall on the concrete ground from the window of Ricky’s apartment. I had made a vow to myself to not panic as I usually would, I would become strong. I would not let myself be the typical Natalia who freaked about the slightest thing…I would totally keep my composure.

So what if Justin had a new girlfriend? I was still the mother of his children… and if he was willing to let me go so quickly, then he wasn’t worth MY time. I mean, if he was willing to give up on us so quickly, it probably meant that he didn’t even have real feelings for me to begin with, right?

The point was, I was not going to let him know I cared, and I was not going to let this horrible occurrence affect me. I knew that I had to make Christmas and New Years the most amazing yet for my babies. I couldn’t be a fair-weather mother to them. They needed me.

Besides that, I needed to focus on my writing. My new year’s resolution was none other than publishing a book or at least speaking to a publishing company. It was imperative that I got my life into perspective… my new life back as Natalia Fuentes.

“Hey… how are you holding up sweetie?” Louis sat next to me on the window seat and I smiled.

“I’m surprisingly okay.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I received a hug from him and accepted it graciously. ”I was afraid this was going to really hurt you…”

“You know… it would have and probably should have. I know that I messed up terribly… but Ricky shook the sense into me.” I stated and Louis nodded at my words. “Besides that, destroying my car really helped.”

“Haha… I could imagine… taking out all the aggression and anger on something must have been a great therapy.”

“Oh it was… especially because I pictured it as Justin’s new girlfriend.” I beamed innocently, causing my best friend’s boyfriend to laugh.

“You nervous about the day you have to meet her?”

“Oh… I’m dreading it…but whatever, I wish him the best… it’s like karma… what you project into the universe comes back at you… so I’m not gonna wish him or her bad. It’s really not her fault anyway… in the end it’s mine.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Nat.” Louis sent me a lopsided smile. “I’m a firm believer in that whole “everything happens for a reason” spiel. It’s all about fate.”

“Fate is a funny thing. I often wonder what it would be like if mine were different… I wonder how my life would have been if I’d of never met him…”

“I know... sometimes it’s not healthy to wonder too much though. We can’t change the past.”

I knew that. The past was set in stone, as Louis had said… but it would be amazing if we could change it… if we could just go back and fix all our mistakes. That was impossible, but wow… if life were like ‘Back to the Future’ that would be pretty sweet.

“You losers ready to go?” Ricky stepped out of the bedroom that he and Louis shared, dressed handsomely.

“I was thinking of sitting this one out… I don’t want there to be any drama on my behalf…” I said, causing Ricky to huff loudly.

“Justin’s not going to Tommy’s party… Tommy’s mad at him for some reason, and there will be no drama. I will not allow it.”

“Ditto! No drama for once.” Louis squeezed my hand gently. “Please come, and save me from this Christmas Party. Ricky’s all pissy because he didn’t get to throw it.”

“OF COURSE I’M PISSY!! I throw better parties than that Irish bastard!” Ricky crossed his arms and pouted. “I’m the party thrower. I’m really annoyed at Tommy. That was not cool of him!”

“You loser! Get over it.” I laughed and Ricky dragged me up from the window seat, with devilish look in his brown eyes.

“This is why you need to come and save me from being crazy and flipping out! Please??”

“Fine.”

What else could I say but fine? Justin wasn’t going to be there so all would be well. Just a stupid party which would distract me from the on goings of my fucked up life.

**

The party was a success, which was pissing Ricky off to the fullest extent. The whole extravaganza was classy and calm, which was completely different from Ricky’s wild and crazy parties. It was nice to just relax for once, but Ricky still felt that his parties were better and wouldn’t let any of us hear the end of it.

“You guys totally know my Thanksgiving party was better.” Ricky huffed to Louis and I, we just nodded at him and busily sipped our champagne which Tommy was passing out like water.

            The party was filled with dozens of people who I hadn’t ever seen before. They were all dressed lavishly and wearing the most expensive and exquisite jewels I had ever seen. I assumed they were all Mafia connections of Tommy and couldn’t help but smile. He may have not been the leader of the Ryan Crime Family anymore, but he still sure as hell was respected as if he were so. 

            “That’s so fucked up… he has to serve champagne so the people stick around… what a fucking dirtbag!”

            “Rick, would you just shut up? His party is completely different from yours!” I exclaimed in annoyance. “His is nice and yours is better… just let it go.”

            “Whatever.” He grabbed my glass of champagne and downed the whole thing. “Irish bastard.”

            “Wow, Louis, I really envy you, you have the kindest date I’ve ever met.” I said sarcastically.

            “Oh I know… he’s the picturesque of good manners.”

            Ricky just grumbled and shot us both a nasty look before making his way over to the open bar. He was really acting like a child and needed to get over this whole party jealousy thing! It really wasn’t that big a deal… and anyway, wasn’t he the one preaching about letting things go and what not?

            Can we say “hypocrite”?

            “He’s really being a pain in the ass tonight.” I said to Louis and shook my head in disdain. My best friend was really making an ass of himself. “What’s the big deal that he’s not throwing a fucking party?”

            “I don’t know… I guess it makes him feel special or what not. He is taking it a bit too far though, I was hoping at first that he was playing it up but I’m getting the feeling that he’s not and it’s irritating me.”

            “We should so ditch him.” I smirked deviously. “I can totally be your date till he calms down and starts acting like a human being.”

            “HAHA! He’d flip out.” Louis snickered and the two of us glanced over at the bar where Ricky was downing shot after shot of liquor.

            “Well… maybe bad idea… I think we’ll be dragging his drunk ass home tonight.”

            “Ugh… that sounds right… I don’t want to get puked on so I’m gonna go have him calm down with the liquor.” Louis sighed and headed off to the direction of the bar, leaving me to gaze at my surroundings.

            The party was taking place at a small but elegant hall in Manhattan. The floors were of a granite and absolutely breathtaking. The views from the massive windows were something to be envied by all, a perfect view of the water and the Brooklyn Bridge were right at our fingertips.

            I walked to the window, feeling captivated by the view of the snow covered city and the beautiful bridge. The twinkling blue tinted lights of the bridge brought a slight smile to my face. It was as if the blue lights reflected how I was feeling inside, blue and sad, but at the same time shinning on and continuing to be strong, despite the circumstances.

            I just had to keep convincing myself to be strong… that was the key.

            “Not enjoying the party, I see?” The Irish accented voice caused me to turn and come face to face with the man I once feared, Tommy Ryan. He held out a glass of champagne to me and smiled softly. I couldn’t help but to smile in return and take the drink.

            “No… I am enjoying it. It’s very nice…”

            “But you can’t help but think about Justin?”

            “Well…” I was completely caught of guard, I ran a hand through my hair and Tommy laughed.

            “I’m sorry… that was very blunt of me… I just meant to say that I know how you’re feeling, I’m missing Esperanza very much right now.”

            “I guess the two of us messed up pretty badly.” I took a sip of the champagne and glanced back out the window, desperately trying to keep my cool.

            “Maybe we did, but I do believe that it’s being taken a bit too far…”

            “Well… that could be true or it could not… it’s not our decision to have any say in how everything is being handled. The both of us need to be happy for Justin and Hope, they have found happiness, as will we one day.”

            “You really believe it’s the end of you and Justin?”

            “I think so.” I really didn’t want to continue this uncomfortable conversation and I really didn’t want to get emotional. It almost felt like Tommy was purposely doing this. “Let’s just drop the subject… it’s still a fresh wound for me.”

            “I’m sorry.” Tommy apologized and sighed. “I’m just very angry at this whole situation and I’m very angry with Justin as well as Hope…”

            “Yeah… I heard you and J were fighting… can I ask why?”

            “Because I think he’s acting like a baby right now… it could be that I’m being bias because I’m in your position right now… but he’s just being a real jackass right now.”

            I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and curiosity. How exactly was Justin being a jackass and why? I guess by staring at me, Tommy noticed my expression and continued.

            “Let’s just leave it at this, Justin just hasn’t been acting like the nicest of guys lately… to tell you the truth he’s being a little unstable.”

            “Is it because of everything that happened with me and him?”

            “Natalia, don’t ask questions… trust me on this, you don’t want to know the details.” Tommy stated so seriously, the tension of his words caused me to take a big gulp of the champagne. This was the last thing I needed to hear, Justin was back to his psychotic behavior.

            “Typical Timberlake behavior.” I sighed. “Thank God I won’t be a Timberlake for much longer.”

            “Never say never, Nat.” Tommy shrugged and looked over to the front of the hall where a commotion was starting. The two of us gazed with mute curiosity as the unthinkable occurred, our two worst nightmares came bursting through the two French doors which had been closed tightly.

            Hand in hand, Hope walked with Kip. She looked absolutely stunning but at the same time lethal. A devious smile was glued to her face, I turned quickly to look at Tommy but he was too shocked to even react to the situation at hand.

            If Justin had come alone, I would have been fine. I would have ignored him to the best of my ability and smiled graciously when necessary, but it would have been the lesser of two evils. In this fucked up reality, Justin had entered the gala holding the hand of a gorgeous woman, someone I assumed to be Carina.

            “…. I thought you didn’t invite him…” The emotions were evident in the sound of my voice. This was just more proof that Justin had moved on, which caused my already broken heart to crumble all over again.

            “I didn’t… I didn’t even invite Hope…”

            I turned to look at the once Mob Lord who looked about ready to kill and fall to pieces. Thomas Ryan needed comforting as much as I did so I took his hand and administered a gentle squeeze to it. Tommy held my hand softly and just stared ahead at the sight before us.

            “Relax, Tommy… relax…” I whispered to him, he just swallowed hard and stayed silent.

            Hope had caught sight of us and made her way over to us with Kip in tow. I guess Tommy and I were finding comfort in each other. It was kind of nice, although screwed up, that someone else understood what I was going through.

            “Thomas! What an exquisite Christmas Party. I was so happy when I received my invitation!” Hope grinned as she reached us and held up the extravagant white and silver invitation in her hand.

            The two of us knew she was lying and I even started to become angry with Hope. She was taking things way too far and she needed to stop. Fuck, for me to even say something like that you KNOW something’s wrong.

            “Yes, Thank you.” He forced a smile and held my hand tighter. “So glad you both could make it. Natalia, would you come with me to go greet some guests?”

            Haha, Hope hadn’t expected Tommy to keep his composer. This guy was seriously my new role model. His entire demeanor screamed of that old school type of class that you see in the movies. Tommy might have been crazy once upon a time, but he was a gentlemen now and that had to be the sexiest thing ever.

            Holy shit, had I just called Tommy Ryan the sexiest thing ever? Well, he was always sexy, but after this he was just downright amazing.

            “Of course I would.” Tommy and I started to walk away when we spotted our second obstacle, Justin and Carina. “Avoid… avoid that direction….”

            “I’m so sorry, Natalia, I don’t know how they managed to get invitations… I really wanted this party to be nice…”

            “It is very nice… don’t let the crashers ruin it for you.” I looked at him and smiled softly as we tried our best to become cloaked in the sea of people. It was impossible though, because both Justin and Hope were on a mission. They purposely wanted to hurt us.

            “Natalia, Tommy. I’m so glad I could make it tonight. You both look wonderful.” Justin fucking Timberlake, that stupid bastard, was now blocking our path to the exit. I silently cursed God for the luck Tommy and I were having, but plastered on a fake smile.

            “Oh Justin, it’s wonderful to see you too.” I said and Tommy just looked at him blankly.

            “Let me introduce you to my beautiful girlfriend, Carina.” Justin smiled and motioned to the drop dead gorgeous girl standing next to him. She was everything Justin said she would be, and I was insanely jealous, but managed to keep it in. “Carina, this is my ex wife, Natalia… the one I told you about… and my business associate Tommy Ryan.”

            My heart sank at hearing him introduce me as his ex wife. It was just more of a reality check for me and I couldn’t stand it. Tommy just fake smiled at the girl, which made me want to laugh at the irony. Justin’s own best friend was kind of on my side… how amusing.

            Carina was the picture of simple elegance. Her long honey colored hair was cascading down her shoulders in curls and her caramel skin seemed to glow. That bitch, I wished I could like her to find out what kind of moisturizer she used!

            “It’s wonderful to meet the both of you, I’ve heard a lot about you from Justin.” Carina smiled, and I felt the urge to throw up. She was perfect and I was no match for her.

            “As have I, you have made Justin very happy.”

            How I wasn’t in tears, I don’t know but I was very proud of myself.

            “Yes, well, Natalia and I were going to go greet some guests, but I’m sure that we’ll see you guys after we are done. Enjoy the party.” Tommy smiled, still clutching my hand, and we headed to a secluded corner of the room, both reeling from the bconfrontations with our exes.

            “The two of them have some nerve coming here uninvited.” I huffed and crossed my arms. “Especially bringing Carina the Cunt and Kip the small dicked weakling.”

            “I know… I’m just so angry…. Haha but he has a small dick?”

            “I don’t know!! I was just insulting them!” I had to laugh, the pent up frustration I was feeling about the situation gave me no other choice. I was belting out laughter which caused Tommy to laugh as well.

            Everyone surrounding us must have thought that we were insane, which we probably were at that point. Minutes passed and our laughter finally ceased, I wiped a stray tear that fell after laughing so hard and smiled at Tommy.

            “You can leave you know… no need to stay and endure this disaster of an evening.” Tommy sighed. I reached over and grabbed his hand once again.

            “If you have to stay and deal with this, then so do I.”

            “Natalia… are you sure?”

            “Yeah… completely sure.” I squeezed his hand gently, before letting go and winking at him. “Let’s go and mingle with your guests now.”

            “You are bloody amazing, Natalia.”

            “I know.”