Chapter 36

            “Are you guys alright?” Savannah asked and ran her hand down my back. I was slowly calming down from the fiasco that had just occurred. I silently wished that it would just be over. I wished Justin would find his satisfaction and just leave me alone already.

            “I’m fine… I just wasn’t anticipating that…” Tommy sighed. “I can’t believe how low that Justin and Hope have stooped.”

            I breathed in the cold New York City air and glanced out at the horizon. This was all too fucked up and I just couldn’t believe any of it. I knew Justin could be a prick, but how could he make Carina humiliate me and Tommy in front of everyone? How could someone who professed his undying love for me, turn around and do something so despicable?

            “I’m just glad that it stopped when it did…” Savannah turned to look at me and offered a half smile. “How are you feeling?”

            “Eh.”

            “Care to elaborate?” JC was trying to lighten up the moment, and I was thankful that he was trying, but I just wasn’t up to it. I just felt so drained and so empty. All the life had just felt like it was sucked out of me.

            “I’m just in shock still.”

            “That’s understandable.” Savannah pulled me into a tight hug which I readily accepted. “Ricky and Louis had left but I called them. They’re on their way back.”

            “You didn’t have to do that… I’m fine.”

            “I know… but it doesn’t hurt to have some friendly faces around to make you feel better.” JC stated and Tommy just nodded along with him.

            Everything was so fucked up. God, I just needed to wake up and find out that this was a horrible dream. I wanted so badly for my life to just fix itself, but it couldn’t. I needed to stop hoping for the impossible and accept. All along I had been fighting acceptance and clinging to some false realities, but when it came down to it, I felt that holding onto the past was doing me more harm then good.

            “I think it’s better for us to take them both home so they can rest and forget about this hellish night.” Savannah stated. I couldn’t help but to silently agree with her. I definitely would rather be home asleep then reliving this stupid night.

            “Uhm… not to overwhelm… but Tommy… I spoke with Chris Kirkpatrick.”

            “And?”

            Chris Kirk-who? I was puzzled and quickly looked at Savannah for an answer. She didn’t have one for me though, in fact, she only seemed to look at me as confused as I looked at her.

            “Our suspicions were correct.”

            “Fuck… what do we do?” JC and Tommy eyed each other knowingly and let their gaze fall upon me.

            I really was nervous about whatever the two of them knew. Something was definitely off. The way they were looking at me just screamed bad news and I didn’t want to hear anymore.

            “Nat… you need to keep away from David…”

            “Uhm… no shit. I don’t answer his calls or bother with him after what happened…” I trailed off. “Why?”

            “We found out who the new leader of the Lopez Family is…” JC answered and put his hand on my shoulder. “David’s been using you… this was all a set up. David Boreanaz is really David Boreanaz Lopez, eldest son of Lorenzo Lopez.”

            My hand clamped over my mouth and I sat in absolute repulsion. I had thought that David was my friend… that he liked me… but this was fucked up. I was set up… I really couldn’t trust anyone anymore…

            “Oh my God…” I whispered, both disgusted and shocked.

            “I’m sorry, Nat…”

            Justin would hate me more for this… I had been sleeping with the enemy all along. Oh God, my throat started to feel so confined and I wanted nothing more but to pass out. I couldn’t take this anymore. This fucking mafia life was too much to handle, it was like everyone was tied in with everyone and nothing was normal anymore.

            “I don’t want Justin to know…”

            “Why? He has to know something like this. He’s the leader after all.”  Tommy rubbed my shoulder, trying to comfort me as JC spoke, but I couldn’t agree with him.

            “This is just going to make him hate me more. I’ll just be more of a slut and a traitor to him because I was sleeping with the head of the Lopez Family…” I looked at the two men and pleaded with them. “Please… don’t tell him. I can’t handle this right now…”

            Tommy and JC looked at each other, unsure of what to do. I know that I was asking them to hide things from Justin, but it was too much for me to handle. I knew that Justin would flip out on me more and I couldn’t stand for another repeat of the last couple of weeks to occur. I think I’d go crazy.

            “Fine… we’ll keep it from him… for now. But we will have to tell him eventually…” Tommy said with a heavy sigh.

            “I understand.” I replied, quite shaken from the news that I had just received.

            I was honestly just feeling very blank, and was thankful when Louis and Ricky arrived to take me back to their apartment. All I wanted to do was to climb into my bed and sleep all the pain off. I couldn’t absorb anything, I just needed to rest and recharge… tomorrow I would deal with everything,… cry,… and freak out.

            Tonight, I was dead to the world.  

**

            “WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT?” Hope had thrown Carina straight into a brick wall. Carina let out a yelp of pain, flinching from the scrapes which were forming on her back.

            Upon leaving Tommy’s party, Justin and Hope had dragged Carina into an alleyway where they proceeded to harass her. Both of them knew that she was out of line, but silently were taking out their guilt on her.

            “I was trying to help! You and Justin looked like a bunch of idiots!”

            “I never asked you to do something like that, Carina.” Justin hissed. “We wanted to hurt Natalia and Tommy, but we wanted to do it in subtle ways.”

            “You were doing nothing! Neither of them fucking cared, so you should be thanking me right now for making that little whore cry! She should be feeling nothing but remorse for what she did. The same goes for Tommy.”

            “You don’t do something without running it by Justin or me. Neither of us wanted to look like the bad guys, we wanted them to feel that way!” Esperanza went to raise her fist to meet Carina’s face. Such anger was boiling through Hope that she just wanted to take it out on Carina.  Her rage for Tommy and her frustration for Natalia was just dying to come out.

            Justin quickly grabbed Hope’s arm before she could touch Carina. He was just as mad as Carina was, maybe more, but he knew that hurting the girl wouldn’t do anything. She was just a helpless bystander in their sick plot anyway.

            “Chill Hope… she didn’t know any better… I’m sure she won’t make the same mistake next time.” He relaxed the grip on Hope’s hand and sighed. “Besides… we need her, and I will not have you scaring my fucking employees Esperanza.”

            “So what do we do?”

            Justin took a deep breath and turned towards the street. He spotted the beautiful Natalia waiting with her best friend Ricky for their ride. She was gorgeous and he hated having to put her through hell, but it was an eye for an eye. Natalia had broken him, she was a fucking witch and he wanted to hurt her. He wanted to see her cry.

            “We seriously need to go home and watch 10 Things I Hate About You.” Natalia sighed. “Why can’t you fucking pay Heath Ledger to go out with me?!”

            “Because I’d be too jealous… even though my boyfriend is steaming, I’d still lust over Heath and seeing him with you would suck.” Ricky explained. He seemed to be lightening up Natalia’s spirits and she giggled.

            “Why does my life seem like one big soap opera?”

            “I don’t think I can answer that… I can just agree. You seem to have the most drama in your life then anyone I know. Kudos.” Ricky patted her back and whistled to Louis who drove his Range Rover around the block.

            “How lucky for me. Just tell me I’m prettier than that bitch.”

            “You know you are!! She isn’t even in the same category as you, Nat. And did you see her hands… so manly. That dress was really last season, it looked like something Christina Aguilera wore to the Movie Awards. Ick, so not appropriate for a formal gathering.”

            “Thank you…” She smiled and hugged her best friend who began helping her in the Range Rover. “And you don’t have to lie… the dress was hot.”

            “Yeah… that actually hurt. But I meant everything else! Oh and her boobs were so fake.  They like didn’t even move. I kept thinking to myself, SO THAT’S WHERE PAM ANDERSON’S MISSING IMPLANTS WENT!”

            The two began giggling, proceeded to enter the car and drive away. Hearing this just made Justin more certain of the fact that his plan was working. Natalia may have been strong but Justin knew that he could make sure that her façade would not keep up for much longer.

            “Those two bitches!!” Carina screamed as they drove off. “I do not have manly hands!”

            All Justin could do was smirk at Hope. He knew that she was thinking the same exact thing that he was.

            “We’re back in the game.” He said simply, ignoring Carina. “Tommy and Natalia are going down.”

**

            It was an intimate gathering at Ricky’s place, mostly because we had to decide what we were going to do about the David situation. I knew that Tommy and JC wanted me to try and set him up, but I really felt like I couldn’t even see him. I was really distraught that someone who had become such a good friend to me, was just a fraud. I guess I should have seen it though.

            David had always been the one who was trying to isolate me from my friends. It was like I was brainwashed for a short while. It was probably all a part of his plan and it made me sick.

            I was just a toy to everyone.

            “Natalia, come on… just go meet him for dinner… get some dirt and just leave it at that.” JC coaxed.

            Ugh, I really didn’t feel confident about doing that. I snuggled closer in-between Savannah and Ricky, as if trying to hide myself from the entire thought. This was really dangerous and fucked up.

            “I don’t like this idea… what if he tries to hurt Nat or something?” Ricky crossed his arms over his chest. I swear, I could never have a better friend than him. He was always looking out for me and my well being. I really loved him for being like my body guard.

            “She won’t be in danger… JC and I will be close by. If anything happens, we can step in. She will be safe, Ricky. I swear on my life.” Tommy explained, trying to reassure me.

            I definitely wasn’t reassured. In fact, I felt more scared and anxious about the entire situation. I turned my attention to my son, who was on the floor playing with a small toy car.

            “Hey Nicky… where’s Anthony and Sammie?” I asked my son. Tommy, JC and Ricky continued to argue back and forth on the couch and I didn’t want to hear any of it. All I wanted to concentrate on was my pride and joy.

            “Playin’ Batman and Batgirl.” He said, not looking up from the ground.

            “Why aren’t you playing with them?”

            “Because I wanted to be Batman. Ish not fair, Mommy.”

            “Yeah… but Spiderman is so much cooler than Batman. You should be him. He’s my favorite.” I told my son, who finally glanced up at me and beamed.

            “Oh yeah! I forgot about Spiderman! He’s the best!”

            Nikolas glanced at me and all I could see in his face was Justin. My son was a darker haired image of his father. I sometimes wondered if Nikolas would grow up to be who Justin is today, or the man Justin would have become if his Mother and sister wouldn’t have passed away. I definitely hoped for the latter.

            “So you should go try to play then…”

            My son shook his head at me in sadness. I decided to excuse myself from the “delightful” argument which was occurring and talk to my son.

            “Momma… I miss Daddy. Can he come see us?”

            I felt a wave of sadness flood my body at the words of my tiny three year old son. My children needed their father, no matter how I felt about him. I had to suck it up and push to the side what he had done.

            “How about you go play and I’ll call him and see if he’ll pick you and Sammie up?” I asked my son who grinned and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back and patted the top of his head. “Now go play.”

            I watched my son scatter away and glanced down at my cell phone, letting out a heavy sigh. I definitely didn’t want to talk to Justin, let alone see him. He was a prick bastard who only cared about himself and his own personal gain. Then again, I couldn’t stop my children from seeing him, I was the one who chose him as their father after all.

            Before I knew it, Justin’s cell number was dialed and I fretfully listened to the ringing of his phone. This fucking sucked.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey… um Justin… it’s Natalia… I wanted to know if you wanted to see the twins sometime soon and spend some time with them. They both really miss you…especially Nikolas.” My voice was calm, but on the inside I desperately wanted to hang up the phone.

            I was greeted with silence and I was sure that he had hung up or was getting ready to blast me with some horrible insult for calling him. I started chewing on my nails, ruining my fresh manicure.

            “Is this a joke?” He asked.

            “No… I mean if you don’t want to I can’t force you… but I do think that you should spend some time with them…”

            I heard him sigh into the receiver and a few moments of silence occurred between us again. He definitely was going to say no… oh God… that fucking asshole…

            “Could I pick them up now?”

            “Of course… I’m at Ricky’s… so uh just come here and pick them up if you want.”

            “Alright… I’ll be there in a few.”

            I hung up the phone and felt completely drained. That call took all the energy and will that I had in my body. All I wanted to do was go pass the fuck out on my bed and not even be awake when he came by, but that definitely wasn’t going to be possible.

            Heading back over to where everyone was, I sat back in the middle of Savannah and Ricky. Lucky Savannah was fast asleep and I envied her for that. I wished that I could be sleeping when Justin got here.

            “Nat, you look pale… are you feeling ok?” JC asked and the attention of the three men was turned onto me.

            I was embarrassed sometimes when I was around my friends. Everyone knew that I cheated on Justin and I felt so slutty. I sometimes thought that they felt that Justin was right and I was just a tramp who couldn’t keep her legs closed. It made me feel even worse that now the truth was out, and I had been sleeping with their biggest enemy. I doubted that I could feel any lower.

            “Uhm… yeah… I just spoke to Justin… he’s coming to pick up the twins…” I said softly, causing Ricky to put his arm around me comfortingly. “It’s just more proof that my divorce is coming.” JC and Tommy just looked at me with compassion… something I was undeserving of.

            “Don’t let this get you down, you’re stronger than this…” Ricky squeezed my shoulder and offered a smile. “Be happy, okay? Everything happens for a reason.”

            “Yeah… subject change.” I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I just wanted to forget… even if it was for a minute.

            “Okay… so we need you to get information out of David.” JC looked at me seriously. “This could help end the danger that all of us are in, Nat.”

            “What information?”

            “Anything useful… like where he’s working around here… what he’s been doing with spare time…” Tommy clarified. “And… we’d like you to try to take his cell phone…”

            “How am I going to pull that off?” I groaned and rubbed my forehead.

            “Do whatever you have to, Nat.”

            Ugh, I didn’t like the sound of that. I fucking despised David for what he did to me. He had made me think that he was my friend and just sold me out. How could I pretend to be anything but angry when seeing his face? I was no actress.

            “I don’t know…”

            “This is serious, doll. You need to gather your bearings and do this. We NEED this information… we need to take down the Lopez Family… it’s for the safety of all of us. I really don’t think that you want your children to die, Natalia. Do this for them. Do this to ensure their future.” JC stared at me, looking so deadly serious that chills ran up my spine.

            Thank God the doorbell rang and pulled me out of that lovely conversation. I excused myself quickly and ran towards the front door, pulling up my blue ‘Corpse Bride’ pajama pants. Yeah, hotness I know.

            I opened the door and there stood Justin, with his hands in his pockets. We stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. I both hated and loved him at that moment. He was just so gorgeous, like some celestial creature. It was when he opened his mouth that he proved me wrong.

            “Yeah… so… where are my kids?” Justin brushed past me and walked into the apartment. He stopped short upon seeing Tommy, JC, Ricky and Savannah. “What the fuck is this? Some sort of fucked up Anti-Justin convention?” He was fucking crazy.

            “No… we were just getting together for a drink. You know not everything is about you, J.” Tommy hissed at his best friend.

            “Whatever. I came to get my kids and I’ll get the hell out of your way.”

            Nikolas was sitting on the other side of the room and immediately perked up when he saw Justin. His blue eyes just seemed to light up when he realized that his father was there.

            “DADDY!!” Nicky ran straight into his father’s arms and the two shared an embrace that almost brought tears to my eyes. I knew that I was doing the right thing.

            “Hey mini me…I missed you.”  Justin let go of his son and smile at him. “Where’s Sam?”

            “Playing with Anthony…” Nikolas pointed into my bedroom. Well, it wasn’t really MY room, but it was where I stayed when I was at Ricky’s, so it really might as well of been my room.

            “Alright… you go get your favorite toy and say goodbye to Mommy while I go get her… okay?” Justin said to his son. Nikolas just nodded and busily went to look for the perfect toy to bring with him.

            Justin didn’t say a word but walked into my bedroom, looking for our daughter. He really made me want to scream sometimes, and I made sure to let everyone know by pretending to choke myself, causing Ricky to laugh out loud.

            “Can’t I beat him with the stick up he has up his ass?” I whispered to them, causing more laughter to ensue.

            “You’re so bad…” Savannah, who had just woken up, giggled.

            “WHAT THE…?!” Justin screamed from my bedroom. “SAMANTHA NOELLE… WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

            “Ut oh…” I feared for my daughter and ran into that room as fast as I could. “What’s all the screaming about?!”

            I looked down at the floor and saw Anthony wearing a toy stethoscope. The little boy looked completely frightened, as did my daughter. Uhm… okay? What the hell?

            “He… that little FUCK had his hands all over my daughter!!”

            “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Relax! They were just playing…” Tommy was in the room now and grabbed Justin’s arm.

            “I don’t think a suitable game consists of my three year old daughter’s dress up and your son’s pants down!!” Justin yelled. “I will not have my daughter become a little whore like her mother!”

            Anger. I was seeing fucking red at that moment. I didn’t even think of the consequences, I didn’t care about anything else. I just flipped the hell out. No one was going to talk about me that way in front of my friends or children. I raised my hand and cracked Justin against his cheek.

            “DON’T YOU EVER SPEAK THAT WAY ABOUT ME IN MY CHILDREN’S PRESENCE EVER AGAIN!!” I shoved him backwards and raised my hand again, wanting to hit him over and over.  I managed to get two more smacks in when JC grabbed me. “NO ME TOCAS!!!!” Yeah, I was speaking Spanish… I was definitely pissed off.

            “Relax… Natalia… breathe…”

            Thankfully Savannah ushered the children out of the room through all of this and was doing her best to keep them out of the crossfire. Thank God for her, because I definitely lost it at that point.

            “Now… whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you… it needs to fucking stop. You need to call a truce or whatever… because you know what? You have children and you need to be civil to each other... so both of you grow the hell up and resolve your issues.”

            I stared at Justin, who rubbed his face in complete shock. That was really uncharacteristic of me to become violent and he knew that. I had changed and this was all his fault. He dragged me into this life… he was the one who wouldn’t let me go…

            “I’m sorry for calling you a whore…” Justin said quietly. “I’m just really angry… I should have never freaked out like that. I just don’t know how to deal with all these emotions…”

            JC loosened his grip on me and was backing out of the room slowly along with Tommy. The two of us just stared at each other for a moment, before I finally spoke.

            “I understand… I’m feeling the same way. But JC is right, we need to hold it together for the kids… and obviously we didn’t do a very good job of that tonight.” I sighed. “I wanted you to come here tonight to be with your kids… they really do need you right now.”

            “I was really fucking shocked about that, actually. I honestly thought you wouldn’t care about my relationship with them… I think that’s why I came in here tonight, acting like a dick. That both shocked and scared me.” Justin confessed. He leaned against the dresser and stared down at the floor. “I’m also sorry about the Christmas party… I really didn’t mean for that to happen…”

            “Water under the bridge….but Justin… you should know that I do care about what happens with you and the twins. We may be getting a divorce, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care what happens to you. The twins need your influence and your guidance in their lives and I won’t ever deprive them of you. I mean, I may be a lot of things…but my children come first, no matter what, and their well being includes you.”

            “Thank you for that, Nat…so I guess I’ll take the kids tonight… I’ll bring them back tomorrow afternoon… is that okay?” Justin asked.

His blue eyes were glued to mine, I felt uneasy under his gaze. I started to fidget now, because there was now a silence in the room. Justin just studied me for a moment, before finally grabbing me into a tight hug. I hadn’t felt his arms around me in what felt like years. It was so familiar and so amazing. It was like a dose of a drug I needed to survive.

            “That’s perfect…uhm…I really am sorry Justin… for everything that happened between us. I never meant to hurt you… I just… I didn’t think…”

            He was just silent, before he pulled away from the hug and looked me straight in the eyes. In his gaze, I saw the Justin I fell in love with so many years ago. I saw the man who kidnapped me because he had become infatuated with me. In his eyes, I still saw my future.

            Justin leaned in and let his lips softly graze against my own, before he pulled away completely and headed toward the bedroom door.

            “I love you…” He said with his back to me. “I love you so much that it hurts so badly and sometimes I don’t think I can face another day.”

            “I love you too Justin…” I began to cry silently and wrapped my arms around myself. “I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone the way that I love you.”

            He turned around to look at me and I saw that his eyes were now brimming with tears. Justin just offered me a smile and walked back to me, placing another kiss on my lips. Why was he kissing me? Why was he doing this? Was this Justin messing with my mind like he had been doing non-stop for the last couple of weeks?

            I couldn’t bear to deal with this.

            “I’ll talk to Sam about what happened… I’ll give her the whole… “you don’t show your privates to anyone unless your married” speech.” Justin said after he pulled back from our kiss. I wanted to laugh out loud from the hypocrisy; it wasn’t like either of us really followed that.

            “I’ll make sure to reinforce it with her tomorrow.” I said nervously and pushed a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail, behind my ear.

            “Alright… uhm… I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

            “Yeah…”

            Justin walked out of the room and left me completely confused. Why was he kissing me? I hated that he was telling me that he loved me… he was making this experience so much harder for me. God, I hated this.