Chapter 42

            Justin smiled brightly as he circled around Eduardo Diaz, who was tied to a chair in the basement of one of Justin’s factories. Eduardo sat bruised, bloodied and tired; he had endured much abuse because he simply would not tell Justin what he wanted to hear. Eduardo would not give up the name of the head of the Lopez family.

            “You’re looking well today, Tio Eduardo. You seem much better than yesterday when you kept blacking out when I was trying to question you.” Justin held a small pocket knife in his hand which he twirled the point of on his index finger. “Although maybe we need a little refresher of that if you don’t cooperate.”

            A glare and silence was what Justin was replied with, which just made Justin’s fury grow. Justin knew that he had to do and say whatever he could to get a reaction out of Eduardo.

            “How about I go visit your family? I still remember where the store is… the one where I kidnapped Natalia and shot Andrew.” Justin grinned menacingly. “I’ve obviously already fucked your whore niece… how about I go after your daughter… how old is little Anabel now?  16?”

            “Hijo de la gran puta! You are going to die before you get the chance to touch Anabel or Natalia ever again!”

            “Not to sound too childish… but I’ll kill you before you even try. Anyway, I could fuck your little slut niece tonight if I wanted… she spreads her legs to anyone.”

            “You’re right about one thing Timberlake, I won’t kill you. Maybe the stupid Lopez boys won’t even… but he will.” Eduardo laughed viciously.

            Justin grew more enraged by every word Eduardo spoke. Did he really think that he could take on Justin Timberlake and win? No one could beat him. He was invincible.

            “WHO WILL?”

            More laughter emerged from Eduardo which caused Justin to lose the little composer he had left. Lunging for his wife’s uncle; Justin’s hands wrapped around Eduardo’s throat, squeezing as hard as he could.

            “NOT SO SLICK NOW… ARE YOU?”

            The chair tumbled backwards and Justin was on top of him. Eduardo, still tied to the chair, struggled against Justin’s grip. A gargled sound came from his throat, which caused Justin to laugh.

            “You can’t kill me. No one can. You’re fucking nephew thought he could and look where that went!” Justin’s grasp was suddenly removed when the sound of JC’s voice filled the room.

            “Justin! What the fuck?!” JC grabbed Justin by the shoulders practically throwing him across the room.

            On JC’s part, that was probably a big mistake because Justin’s rage just seemed  to peak. Justin stood oddly quiet just staring at JC. It was obvious that Justin was slowly breaking down, it was only a matter of when he would completely fall.

            “You have some balls Chasez.”

            “What? I have some balls? You’re the one acting like a lunatic. Do you even care that along with your wife, you’re losing your friends?” JC spat angrily. It didn’t even matter to him that Eduardo was hearing everything that was going on. This all needed to be said.

            “Fuck you. None of you give a shit about me anymore, your taking that little bitch’s side, so fuck it, go right the fuck ahead. You don’t know what it’s like to know that your wife is going around giving it up to a fucking asshole.”

            “Oh I don’t? I’ll let you in on a secret Justin… Savannah is sleeping with Lance. I’m not fucking stupid, I see all the signs… but I can’t say anything because I know it’s my fault. She turned to someone else because I can’t give her what she wants.”

            Justin stared at JC in shock, was his friend that much of a pussy that he was okay with another man sticking it to his girl? Justin grabbed JC’s arm, pulling him out of the storage house for a stroll on the docks.

            “As long as we’re airing out our dirty laundry… why don’t you want to marry her, blue?”

            “You can’t get married if you already are.”

            “WHAT?”

            “I was 18… and I married my high school sweet heart… I loved Lauren. She was so sweet and carefree… she made me feel alive. I still love her.”

            “And you fucking lied to Savannah all this time? You fucked with her head?” Justin’s temper rose to the forefront. “You’re worse than Natalia and Tommy.”

            “I’m not done with the story so stop judging me.” Josh took a deep breath and looked down at his feet as they walked along the dock. “Before I met you or Tommy… there was an accident… Lauren was walking home from her job. It was a hit and run… to this day I don’t know who the asshole was… but I wish I could kill him and make him feel the pain that Lauren did.” JC paused before speaking again. It was like he was trying to place his words carefully. “I mean, I love Savannah, she’s amazing and I know that she’s my soul mate. Savannah is everything Lauren was and so much more. She’s the woman that I know I could start a family with and live happily ever after. It’s just that… Lauren isn’t dead… she’s been comatose for the last 10 years.”

            “C… I’m so sorry… I didn’t know…”

            JC merely shrugged his shoulders, showing that he had come to terms with everything. “I never wanted anyone to know… but whatever. I couldn’t pay the hospital bills while going to school and working… so that was when I got involved with Tommy and Joseph.” JC looked up at Justin for the first time since he began speaking of his past. “I don’t have the heart to stop taking care of her or end the marriage. She was my first love and I know that there’s no chance for her to ever wake up… I’d just feel so guilty.”

            “I really don’t know what to tell you bro. That whole thing is your decision, but I do think you should tell Savannah about it. She’s voiced to me that she thinks the reason why you won’t marry her is because you don’t love her.”

            “I guess the both of us have a lot of secrets to confess.” JC said, looking Justin dead in the eyes. Justin uncomfortably looked down, rubbing his nose.

            “I’m not confessing anything to her.”

            “Well how about you confess this to me… Tommy and I both know you’re doing drugs again.”

            Justin felt his breath catch in his throat. No one but Carina and Trace actually knew that he was doing coke. He wanted to keep it that way too. Oh God… had Natalia already known? Justin felt himself grow nauseous at the thought of his angel learning the truth about his past. He may have been angry at her but he still loved her and her learning about the self defacing things would kill him.

            “We won’t tell her Justin… that’s your own business, but I want you to know that I’m here for you when you’re ready to tell me what’s been going on. I want to help you.” JC’s hands gripped Justin’s shoulders, trying to make some sort of eye contact with his friend.

            “Okay.”

            “By the way… another message from my story is this… don’t always believe everything you see. There is always an explanation behind even the most damaging things.”

**

            “Mom? Nat?” Andrew asked with tears in his eyes. This was my second time seeing my brother in 3 years so everything was still very emotional for me. I embraced him tightly while my Mom just burst out crying.

            I guess seeing her two children together was just too much for her. I guess I wouldn’t blame her for that, if I wouldn’t be able to see Samantha and Nikolas together for 3 years, I think I’d be more than emotional.

            “Mis ninos… te quiero mucho. Ja somos una familia otra ves.” My Mother, who was holding the hands of Sam and Nick, let them go to hug Andy and I. I made sure to keep an eye on the twins, who seemed nervous and timid.

            “We’ve always been a family and we always will be… no matter what happens.” Andrew replied and placed a kiss on our Mother’s cheek.

            “Andy, I think you’re long overdue for meeting two very important people.” I pulled Samantha and Nikolas closer to me and smiled. “Nikolas, Samantha…. This is you’re Uncle Andy.”

            Andrew, who looked more and more exhausted every time I saw him, knelt down in front of his niece and nephew and embraced them. My Mom began to cry harder at this sight. I can say it even made me get a little teary eyed.

            “Hey guys… I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.” Andy stated with a smile.

            “Abuelita told us that! She said that you are really smart… and that I’m just like you!” Nicky answered

            “The both of you are very smart… and you’re Abuela, Mom and I all love you very much.”

            “My Daddy loves us too… you forgot about him.” Samantha stated happily.

            “Yes… you’re Dad does love you very much.”

            I looked at Andrew and saw how difficult it was for him to say those words. Justin was someone that he absolutely hated and for the sake of the twins he knew he couldn’t bad mouth him.

            My brother really had grown up.

            “I want you guys to know though… that whatever is going on with your Mommy and Daddy is not your fault. Things happen sometimes and Mommies and Daddies fight… the same thing happened with mine. But it’s not your fault and it’s not mine... that’s the most important thing that you have to remember.”

            If my brother ever got out of jail and met a girl… he’d make a great father. Everyone fucks up in their life at one point or another, no one is perfect and my brother is living proof of how much someone can make amends for the wrongs they’ve committed.

            “He’s absolutely right guys.” I knelt down next to my brother, smiling brighter than I had in a long time. “You’re family will always be there for you no matter what happens. You could do the worst thing and you’re family will forgive you because you love each other so much that it erases the bad.”

            Those words were the ultimate amends for Andrew and I. He turned to look at me and offered a smile. I knew that I was going to hire a lawyer and get my brothers case appealed. My brother had taken the wrap for all the dirty deeds the Lopez family had committed. That wasn’t fair and I was going to make sure that Andrew would get out and fix his life.

**

            “So… how’ve you been?” Ricky asked, staring at me with compassion. We were watching the Yankee game and I was busy staring at Derek Jeter (my Boss’s husband), the delicious Alex Rodriguez, who I love even though he messed up badly last year.

This was the first time we had hung out in about two weeks. That was not like us at all, Ricky and I were always together and since this whole Justin thing happened, it was like a big space was created between us.

            I hated it.

            “I’ve been okay, just dealing with the craziness that is my life.” I said with a small smile. “Oh snap crackle pop… it’s 7 – 1 baby!!” I punched at the invisible air, feeling excited because of the awesome hit that my boy Melky Cabrera just made.

            I felt like I was finally going back to who I used to be. I was watching baseball, (which I had stopped watching after I was kidnapped) and I was getting close with my family again. Life seemed too good to be true in the little sheltered bubble I was allowing myself to live in. Work and my Mom’s house were the only things that occupied my life.

            It was nice, but lonely… very very lonely.

            “Melky is the man.” Ricky grinned. “But Johnny Damon is my husband. I’m going to marry him one day, I swear.”

            “He’s sexy… but A-Rod just looks gorgeous… those eyes and that body… “

            “Let’s not orgasm right here in your Mom’s living room… kay?” Ricky said and we both giggled. “Although he looks like he’d be good in bed.”

            I turned to look at my best friend and hugged him tightly. Who else would I have these intellectually stimulating conversations with if he weren’t around? I really had missed him.

            “So seriously… what’s been going on with you? How are things with Louis?”

            “Well apparently, everything that Justin said that day was true. Louis wanted a break so… um I gave him the space he needs.” Ricky looked down and wiped his suddenly teary eyes. “He moved out last weekend.”

            “Shit… I didn’t think it would go that far…” I rubbed my gay best friend’s shoulder soothingly. “I’m so sorry.”

            “I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he’s not out with his family and he’s scared. I respect his wishes but I mean…. I don’t know…” He sighed and looked down. “I just know that he’s the one and it hurts.”

            “Take it from the Queen of heart break, it’s going to continue to hurt babe. You just have to try your best to be strong and not break down like me.” I offered a sad smile to my friend. “I think actually you should just write down everything that I’ve done and make sure not to do it.”

            “You haven’t messed up that bad, Nat… I just think that you have horrible luck…. And I think it rubbed off on me.”

            “I think it’s worse than bad luck… but I swear my Alex has the worst luck. I fucking hate the Red Sox… Coco Crispy or whatever the hell his name robbed my A-Rod of a homerun. Poor Alex.”

            “Are we avoiding the subject of you’re dilemma by talking about a play that happened in the 3rd inning when it is now then 7th?” Ricky looked at me and read my thoughts.

            So I didn’t want to talk about Justin, was that a crime? I mean if pretending he didn’t exist got me through the day then fuck it, right? The way Ricky was staring at me made me feel like I was completely wrong about everything. Not freaking fair, I’m not the one that fucked up our relationship this time. Justin was the one that went crazy, not me.

            “I just don’t want to think about what happened.”

            “Okay… that’s reasonable… for now. But you do know that you can’t live in denial for ever. It’s like that saying… which… uhm… I don’t really know any saying but still.”

            Ricky was trying to be serious, which he ended up failing miserably at. Before long the two of us were rolling around on the couch laughing our heads off. I don’t think I’d laughed like that since I was like 13… you know, it was like that tween laugh that happens when you and your best friend are giggling at catching a glimpse of one of the boys getting their first hard ons…

            Oh you don’t know… maybe it was just me.

            “I’ll be honest with you Ricky, I’m in pain when I think about what happened… in fact, I can’t fucking breathe. I love Justin more than I ever thought possible, but he hurt me… the guy pretty much tried to rape me. I know I’m not wrong and I could easily talk to him… but he hurt me and I don’t know if I can forgive the abuse.”

            “I understand… Justin went crazy and you didn’t deserve it… but I think more is going on than meets the eye… so try to keep an open mind.”  

            “What do you mean?” I looked at my friend strangely.

            Ricky and I have always been close, so I’ve never once not trusted him. The thought of Ricky not in my life is something that has never crossed my mind either, because well it won’t happen. Life has maybe brought us to different places than we expected but at the end of the day he’s still like my brother, my family.

            It pretty much killed me that I didn’t have him these last two weeks, especially because I really needed him. Especially because I’m so afraid to be alone. I do stupid things when I’m alone. Things that are obvious if you have two brain cells. Everyone can think what they want about me but if making tiny cuts on my body is the only way I can release my pain, then whatever.

Ricky was the person that got me to stop cutting myself in the first place, he was the one that told me to get over myself and forgive Justin; he’s gotten me through so much in my life and because of one measly incident. I guess I was blaming Ricky for being so adamant about the whole David scenario. I trusted Ricky’s judgment and went against my own gut feeling, it wasn’t his fault though, it was just mine for not being a stronger person, maybe for not even being honest with Justin from the get go.

“I’m not sure… but JC and Tommy have something on him… they’re being really secretive about it but there’s a reason why Justin is losing his mind and it’s not only about you and David. From what I picked up from eavesdropping on them, he probably would have lost control anyway.”

“But why?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue… but now that I’m unhappily single, I have the time to find out… ha maybe I’ll even become a drug dealer for them.” Ricky joked. I didn’t find it funny though. I just gave him a look which caused him to roll his eyes. “I was joking… jeez.”

“Sorry, I have enough Mafia people in my life. I don’t need you becoming one of them.”

“Stressing about Andrew? That wasn’t your fault…”

“No… it’s beyond that… apparently, my Dad and Uncle were Mafioso before I was even born.” I stated unhappily. “My Dad chose that life over my Mom… the exact same thing Justin did. He ignored her pleas and pretty much bailed on her.”

“Nat, I know you always say that you and your Mom live mirrored lives, but maybe this time it won’t be the case.” Ricky put his arm around my shoulder, which I shrugged away.

“It already happened.”

The most truthful statement I had ever spoken. My Mom and I were destined for the same fate, no matter what anyone had to say. I tuned out the rest of Ricky’s ramblings about how we would be happy with our significant others once again, I was way past that.

Well at least telling myself that worked.