Chapter 44

            Oh how wonderful I was feeling… okay I’m lying but it sounded half honest. I sat on a couch in the small lounge we had gone to, a half empty drink was in my hand. I’d lost count of how many drinks I had but what I knew was that the liquor was enhancing my depression instead of making it dissipate. I guess THAT was why people always said not to drink when you’re depressed.

            Scanning the room for Ricky, my eyes paused on him engaging in conversation with this beautiful blonde man. My best friend was happy, maybe not completely because Louis is the love of his life, but he’s not letting things affect him. I should definitely try to model after his behavior. Ricky ok and not as fucked up as I am, maybe it’s just him handling it better than me.

            Still, I know I’m close to breaking down. I don’t want that for myself. I’m trying so damn hard to be strong and be the perfect mother, daughter and friend. My thoughts are still always on the person that has broken me and made me into this weak person. I was never so weak before.

            But I complain too much. I just don’t know how to live with this exhausting pain.

            “Natalia?” My name was being called and I quickly turned to look around. My gaze fell upon my boss, Monique Leone. She’s one of those woman that look so flawlessly beautiful that you can’t help but to feel like a sloppy mess around, even in an expensive gown.

            “Monique. Hi how are you.” I stood up and smiled, trying not to fall on my ass. I was slightly passed wasted and making a fool of myself in front of the woman that paid my bills was not something I intended on doing. It was time to play the “I’m okay” card. It always seems to fool everyone.

            “Oh I’m wonderful. I’m so pleased to see you.” She beamed at me, her husband Derek was standing next to her, looking so delicious. It shouldn’t be legal to be that hot. “This is my husband Derek…”

            I reached my hand out and shook his hand, trying not to look like a completely buffoon. This man was so completely gorgeous but I couldn’t let that show on my face. I’d probably be fired if my boss realized I was checking out her husband.

            “I’m Natalia…It’s really nice to meet you. I’m a big fan of the Yankees.” Yeah, more than a big fan; try die hard, obsessed fan. I just smiled and tried to hold back the scream of excitement. Can I just say that I needed this so badly? Feeling happy about something so miniscule was what made me forget about my problems.

            “Thank you thank you.” Derek grinned at me and turned to his left, his hand quickly went on the shoulder of newly divorced, Alex Rodriguez. OH MY GOD. Ricky seriously needed to stop talking to that hot dude and come the hell over here now before I passed out from total shock. “This is Alex by the way, you probably know him. Alex, this is Natalia.”

            I wanted to melt and fall into a puddle on the floor. Alex FUCKING Rodriguez was smiling at me so brightly. Oh Christ. I really doubted I could control myself now.

            “It’s really nice to meet you too. You guys are doing great so far this season, keep up the hard war.” I sounded like the obsessed fan I was, oh God. Talk about being smooth with the opposite sex.

            “Thank you gorgeous.” Was Alex Rodriguez checking me out? Did he just call me gorgeous? I blushed slightly before biting my lip. Monique was staring at the two of us looking devious. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

            “Alex is newly single, Natalia. Aren’t you as well?” Monique spoke and my eyes almost went wide. She was trying to hook us up. Oh my God. I’ve said that 3 word phrase way too many times but I have no idea how else to react.

            “I’m currently going through a divorce.”

            Divorce is such an ugly word. Hearing it always made my skin crawl. I never wanted to be divorced; I always believed that when I married it would be it for me. I guess that’s thinking too innocently. Sometimes there are just factors that we don’t consider and fate just doesn’t favor your situation. Fate is like a two sided coin, at first it makes you think the endless happiness you could have in your life, but then you’re thoughts can’t help but roam to the gloominess.

            I’m not at all a pessimist, or maybe I wasn’t before this situation, but it’s normal for people to wonder about what things could happen to them. Do our lives have good or bad things in store for us? What about our inevitable ending, will we get to live out a fulfilled life? Fate can be so ironically cruel; the things we want so badly just don’t end up the way we plan them out to be.

            “I’m sorry to hear that, I know the feeling.” Alex said softly and reached out to squeeze my shoulder gently. “It’s hard to just pick up the pieces of your life and keep going.”

            “Especially when you have kids who depend on you to be there for them.”

            “You have kids? You look too young.” He smiled at me. “I have a daughter, she’s going to be 3 this year.”

            “Aww, I’m sure she’s precious. I have 3 year old twins, a boy and a girl.” I took a sip of my alcohol which was soon running low. Who the hell would have thought I would go out and spend the night gabbing away with Alex Rodriguez? Not that I was complaining, it’s just so odd.

            Noticing Ricky from across the room, I tried to hide the huge smile on my face. He looked as shocked as I felt to see my standing and talking with one of the current best baseball players. I was a lucky bitch, I knew it.

            “You and I both look like we could use another drink. Have a seat and I’ll go get us something.”

            OKAY, ALEX WAS BUYING ME A DRINK NOW! I’ll add a new word into my favorite phrase, OH MY FUCKING GOD! I withheld a giggle and sat down on the couch, watching Alex walk to the bar. I needed things like this, bits of fun to get my mind off of Justin. Just thinking about him made my chest throb with pain.

            I had to push him out of my mind, it was impossible to do so forever but just for tonight. I needed some time to be happy and escape all the drama the consumed my life. I just wanted to be normal.

**

            He’d heard the harsh reality from everyone around him and it stung. Justin knew he wasn’t mentally well lately; he probably needed extensive therapy as well. Life has been so stressful lately, the business was becoming more and more aggressive and his relationship with Natalia was as bad as could be. His life was hell and no one could save him from the torture.

            “Are we really following her again?” Trace groaned from the passenger’s seat of Justin’s car. “You need to get over it already, bro.”

            Justin turned and glared at Trace who just rolled his eyes in return. No one really understood what she meant to him, or why he felt the need to her hurt like he did. In his mind, he thought that hurting her would lead to some sort of redemption on her part. When he saw her walk into Limelight with Ricky, he began to wonder if she even wanted any redemption.

            “Yes we fucking are, and if you don’t like it you can leave.”

            Exiting the car and lurking in the shadows was something he was getting good at. He always wanted to know where she was and who she was with. This was the only way to know if he could trust her ever again.

            Justin’s mind was clouded with so many different thoughts. He loved her, he hated her. Justin didn’t know what to think anymore and it was driving him crazy. This beautiful girl who captured his heart so long ago still made him as crazy as ever. People like Trace couldn’t understand why he cared so much. Sometimes, he didn’t even know himself.

            It could have been the fact that he loved her innocence and how she just seemed to understand him without knowing everything he’d been through. Natalia was his soul mate, that was for certain, but could that alone ever bring them together? Could the anger towards his angel ever leave his heart?

            “She’s talking to Alex fucking Rodriguez. That asshole choked so badly last year.” Trace shook his head. “How many millions does he deserve. None.”

            Natalia was laughing away from that Alex person. He really had no idea what Trace was talking about or who the hell this guy was. Justin only knew that he hated him and he hated her for being such a tramp. She really couldn’t go without dick for a few days?

            “Who the fuck is that?”

            “That is the Yankees 3rd baseman, the highest paid baseball player who doesn’t deserve any of it. Can you tell I’m a jealous Red Sox fan?” Trace stated. “And he’s also an all around asshole.”

            Justin glared at Alex, wanting to make his presence known and knock him out. His anger was getting the best of him, he didn’t want to stay in control, he wanted to claim his woman.

            “Justin… chill…” Trace looked over at Justin who had his hand clenched tightly around his bottle of beer. “We just need to get you out of here and go snort some fat lines.”

            Would that stop him from feeling so badly right now? Probably not. He closed his eyes, wondering if maybe he was making the wrong move, if maybe he should just try to find a way to get over how he was feeling and take her back. If only it were all that simple. He knew perfectly well that everything he had done was just giving her reason to hate him. Hell, Justin hated himself too.

            A ringing cellphone knocked him from his thoughts and conversation with Trace. “Yeah what is it Tommy?”

            “Justin you have to get to the docks right now…Eduardo escaped.”

**

            “So, Miss Natalia, you write, you’re raising two kids, what else is there to know about you?” Alex asked me with a genuine smile. I forgot how nice it was to just get to know a person. To make things better, this person wasn’t dangerous like everyone else I knew.

            “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m also a magical fairy princess on my off days.” I felt like an idiot right after I spoke but when Alex laughed at my stupidity, I felt slightly better. At least he was laughing and not staring at me like a freak.

            “Your secret is safe with me your highness.” His eyes which almost looked a silver color lit up when he laughed. He was so gorgeous and his attention was completely on me. “I happen to be a serial killer when the baseball season is over.”

            Oh God, he was joking back with me. We had a cute little story now. I was being a typical girl and obsessing about some guy I barely knew. I had to get a hold of myself. Justin was still in the picture, I hadn’t even signed the divorce papers yet. How could I be flirting with someone when I was unfortunately in love with another?

            “I just hope I won’t be one of your victims.”

            “Well, if you come to dinner with me one night, I can promise you that you won’t be.”

            Alex was asking me out to dinner. I don’t know how I stayed calm. So badly did I want to say yes, to just move on and date someone out of the spectrum, someone normal who wasn’t involved with all this craziness.

            For a split second I felt like I was in a dramatic scene in a movie, where the main character can hear their heart racing in their chest. That was me at that moment, I was feeling completely guilty about even thinking about dating another man. Of course, I shouldn’t have felt that way, Justin proved to be nothing like the man I thought he was and now we were divorcing. Still though, I felt like I was connected to him in some way and it wasn’t just because of the twins, it was because I still couldn’t let go.

            There had to be something wrong with me. The minute I looked away from Alex, I noticed someone staring at me. It almost looked like Justin, but I knew better than that. There was no way in hell that Justin would be stalking me like he once did, his latest actions just proved that my biggest fear was a reality. I was nothing but an easy lay to him.

            “Alex, I would really love to… I just really can’t. My marriage just ended and I don’t think I’m ready for that right now.” I sighed and looked down. Agitated as I was, I knew that this was the right move.

            “Oh…” Alex was definitely let down and believe me, I was kicking myself in the ass for it. He was a decent, nice guy and I was just too mentally fucked up to let him in. I hated this. “Well… I understand completely, but I want you to take my number. When you’re ready for that dinner, call me.”

            I smiled at him, relishing in how adorable he was. So completely different from anyone guy I knew, he was straight forward but not willing to push me to something I wasn’t ready for. I liked him already.

            “That would be really great.”

            I turned to spot that man who looked so much like Justin walking out of the lounge. From the doorway he took one glimpse in my direction and walked into the night. Maybe that’s what I had to do with Justin, take one last look and never look back.