Chapter 46

            Sitting in my car, I waited for Savannah outside of her and Ricky’s apartment. It was now official that the two were roommates. It made me a little jealous that they were together, but it was probably better that I was keeping away. I didn’t want to project my gloomy demeanor on anyone. It just wasn’t fair of me.

            Strength had to become my best friend and at this moment, I was going to once and for all put the past behind me. Savannah would unknowingly be my support through it all.

            “Hey sorry I’m late.” Savannah hopped into the car and offered me a sad smile. “It’s done with me and JC.”

            “Oh Savannah…” I leaned over and hugged her tightly. We all knew that it was coming soon enough. She and JC just weren’t on the same page anymore. It wasn’t like I blamed her for everything she had done; JC just was freaked out over stupidity. I just couldn’t believe he’d let her go. Fuck, I couldn’t believe Justin let me go. Now it was my turn. “How are you feeling sweetie?”

            “Surprisingly… I’m okay. I guess things just got to a boiling point where there was no communication and no trust anymore.”

God, Savannah was so like me, trying to give the impression that she was stronger than she was. Too bad I had her beat on that one. I was quickly becoming the queen of holding it all in. Too bad my only release comes in the form of sharp objects. I didn’t want that for her though.

I didn’t want that for anyone. Yet, I’m the hypocritical one who does it. It’s ironic. I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t seem to stop lately. Tiny bits of pain are what keeps me slightly sane.

“So it’s really over?” The question left me with a sickening realization. Were any relationships meant to last? Mine had failed as well as everyone’s’ around me. Was there such a thing as love at all? “You guys didn’t even try to work it out?”

She simply shrugged. “I can’t force him to work something out if his heart isn’t in it, Nat. He’s had over a year to get his act together and that wasn’t even enough time for him. I’m done waiting and wasting my youth.”

“That’s kind of a depressing way to think of it, but I understand.”

“Even if nobody understood, I think it’s the right decision for me. I love JC more than anything but we just hurt each other. I’d rather end it then have it drag on. I don’t want to become like you and-“ Savannah instantly stopped speaking and turned to face me. I was glad I hadn’t moved the car yet because those words stabbed me in the heart, mostly because they were so true. “I’m sorry.”

Justin and I had dragged things on for way too long. We let our love become like a poison that slowly as killing us both. Today was the day I’d end all the suffering and misery for us both. Today would be the first day of the rest of our lives.

“Hey…don’t worry about it. Things happen.” I casually shrugged my shoulders. It was such a beautiful April day. It made me wish for summer to be here already so I could be at the beach instead of sulking in a car. “I accept that we both made mistakes. Today is the last day I’ll grieve.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because today is the day I signed the divorce papers. Justin and I will be officially over.”

That moment was the first time I had even mentioned the divorce to anyone. The words stung me but I tried not to let it show. Becoming Natalia Fuentes, the fun loving 19 year old girl was what I essentially wanted. There was no backing down and definitely no regrets. Justin and I just weren’t meant to be. Accepting that would be another story.

I started up the car and drove to Justin’s hotel. Savannah was busily burning a whole in the side of my head. She was probably shocked that I was taking this so calmly, hell, I was even shocked.

“Are you okay with that?”

“I have to be okay. I don’t have much of a choice.” I said softly. A slight sun shower began to fall forcing me to turn on my windshield wipers. How unfortunate was it that my freshly washed car was going to be full of rain spots.  Too bad it was also filled with dents, courtesy of Justin Randall Timberlake. “Strength was something I never had much of, so it kind of feels good to just not go crazy about it.”

“It is good… but keeping things inside you isn’t healthy either. It all blows up on you in the end, trust me on that.” She replied and put a hand on my shoulder.

I knew she was right, but I guess I’m stubborn. It had become hard for me to just bitch and complain about every little thing. My story was like a broken record that I didn’t want to force everyone to listen to. People have their own problems, mine just didn’t take precedent over theirs.

“I know… I just don’t want to burden anyone.”

“We’re your friends, Natalia, it’s not a burden.”

Well, maybe she was right; I probably should have opened up to my friends. What nobody understood was that my life was this big mess; it was difficult for me to take any consoling from anyone seriously anymore. I had gotten myself into this crap and I would have to get myself out.

Pulling up to Justin’s hotel, a tear fell from my face. I scolded myself for it, like my body could stop the emotions. If only it were all that simple.

“Can you just wait in the car for me? I won’t be too long…I just need you to come up and help me if I call you. I’m strong right now and I can handle him, but it’s just if he does get crazy. Which he probably won’t.” I lied, trying to come off as reassuring as possible. I was doing a terrible job obviously.

“He’s going to flip out, it’s a definite. Natalia. He’s not mentally well.”

“Neither am I.”

“He’s sick in another way, Nat. One you don’t know about. One I’m probably not supposed to know about either.” Savannah said gingerly. I was about to walk out of the car when I heard her speak. My curiosity quickly got the best of me and I shut the door, wanting to hear how exactly Justin was “sick”.

I wasn’t fully convinced that there was something wrong with him, but it was amusing to hear the excuses everyone was going to make up for him. This was most likely a ploy to hurt me again. Yes, now I was being paranoid. I didn’t like feeling this way at all.

“How is he sick?”

“He just… he is, Nat. I heard a little bit of it from JC when he was trying to make excuses for his behavior. Justin really isn’t mentally all there right now.”

“That’s for damn sure, he tried to beat and rape me. Justin needs therapy to work his issues out.” I rolled my eyes and repeated to myself that I wanted nothing to do with someone who was so unstable. “Besides, I’m not the most stable right now either but you don’t see me harassing and hurting people.”

I was one of those women that had to repeat the mantra, “I don’t need any man, I just need me”. I know it’s silly but it actually works. It’s like a brainwashing technique or something. Whatever works, right?

“We do worry about you too… don’t be like this right now.”

That was exactly why I kept my mouth shut about what was going on in my life. Savannah probably didn’t mean any harm, but I just complain about everything and bring people down. At this point, I just want to keep pretending that I’m Miss Mary Fucking Sunshine. People are happier that way.

“I’m not being like anything… we’ll talk after I’m done with this. Okay?” I stepped out of the car and without hesitation, walked into the hotel room lobby.

**

            Justin paced around his hotel room, his cell phone attached to his ear. There was no sign of where Eduardo Diaz had disappeared to and it was unnerving. None of his guards had even noticed the man escaping. Either they were all incompetent or someone was paid off to let it all slide.

            The entire situation was unnerving.

            “I just can’t fucking believe that the security cameras didn’t even catch him leaving?” Justin hissed through the phone. Thousands of dollars were spent on the enforcement of security in the docks and it seemed that it was all futile. “I want some fucking answers, Tommy.”

            “Justin, I want answers too but it’s not that simple. We need to interrogate all the men and find out if someone knows more than they are saying.” Tommy spoke through the receiver in a calm and soothing tone. “This is going to take time but we’ll get to the bottom of it.”

            Justin let out and sigh and squeezed the bridge of his nose. This added stress was something that he just couldn’t handle. He was spread out so thin that it was only a matter of time that he should break. Lately, he was seriously considering just handing the business back over to Tommy. He just needed a vacation from it all.

            “I want to up security in the meantime. We need more guys watching out for us and the girls, not to mention the docks itself. This is intolerable and cannot happen again.” 

            “I know. Hope, Savannah and Natalia are under constant supervision as well as the twins and Anthony. They all will be fine.”

Justin sighed and ran a hand through his short hair. Even hearing about Natalia made his heart sink. There were so many emotions involved, so much hate and so much love. Things would never be simple for them, no matter how hard they tried.

It was the first time in a long time that he was thinking clearly, probably because he hadn’t started off the day with a few lines. Soon enough he’d probably revert back into that high state, his body needed it to function properly now. It was the elixir that made him turn into someone he didn’t like, but he just couldn’t stop.

“Still, it’ll make me sleep better knowing that there is more supervision.” A knock on the door interrupted Justin’s phone call. That was just what he fucking needed, another problem and business dealing to force him to turn to his cocaine sooner. “Take care of it and let me know what happens.”

Hitting the end button on his phone, the call was over, forcing his attention on more important issues. Justin’s business ruled his life and took precedent over everything else. How amazing was it that something could completely destroy a man, leaving with everything and nothing.

Opening the door to his room a crack, he peered through the opening and stared at a man who was not at all familiar to him. Was this room service or was this a cop? Justin’s stress and paranoia level was at an all time high.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry to disturb you Mr. Timberlake, but my name is Alex McLean… and I really have something of importance to speak to you about. I know where Eduardo Fuentes is.”

Justin examined the man before him. He was young, probably around Justin’s age of 25. This Alex person seemed immature at best, wearing a leather trench coat and dark sunglasses. Could he have been trying any harder to fit into the “Mafia/hitman” stereotype? This guy was just screaming for the cops to follow him and question him. It almost made Justin think twice to opening the door to this guy.

“How the hell do you know where he is?” Justin slumped against the doorframe and crossed his arms.

“I was involved with the Lopez Family…I know that David Boreanaz is the son of Larry Lopez.” Alex spoke in almost a whisper.

The Drug Lord’s eyes widened at the information. That fucking prick David was manipulating Natalia the entire time. His rage was growing by the second, so much that he just couldn’t think of anything else but destroying David. All along Natalia had not been the one to blame and now Justin was going to make certain that this son of a bitch would lose his life just like his father.

“Get in here now!” Justin grabbed the man by the collar and yanked him into the room. Not only did he not bother to check for weapons, he blatantly let his emotions get the best of him. Nothing mattered to him at that moment; he just wanted Natalia to become his angel once again.

Drifting images of what he had put Natalia through in the last few months made him sick to his stomach. She didn’t deserve any of the verbal belittling and the way he had physically put his hands on her. Oh God. Such a beautiful love turned into something hateful and disgusting. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. He single handedly destroyed the only good thing in his life, besides his children.

How the fuck was he supposed to fix this one?

“Sit down and tell me everything you know… NOW.” Justin was seething with anger, mostly at himself. It was horrifying to him that he caused this entire situation. Ironically, it was entirely his fault, if he would have listened to Natalia when she had voiced her fears over him taking over the business. They probably would have been in bed, holding each other and talking about adding a new addition to their family.

“I’m sorry, Timberlake, but it doesn’t work that way.” Alex slowly pulled off his sunglasses. His eyes sent him a hostile glare that Justin didn’t like at all. It actually chilled him to see such a look of hate on anyone’s face.

“Who the fuck are you?” He reached for the gun in his pocket, his eyes quickly widened at the realization that there was no gun in his pocket.

“I… well how can I put this poetically?” AJ McLean tapped his fingers against his bearded chin and smiled darkly. “Fuck poetry…I’ll be straight out…I am the man who is going to kill you.”

Justin’s laughter filled the room instantly. He knew better than to show fear, even if he was terrified. There were guards that would lay down their lives for Justin, or at least that’s what Justin told himself at that moment. He couldn’t afford to panic at a time like this. His life was at stake.

“That’s funny, but I think it may be the opposite way around.” Glaring at the man, Justin raised his voice for assistance. “BRUCE! TONY! GET IN HERE NOW!”

“Bruce and Tony are long gone, Justin. It’s just me, you and my men outside the doors. Now, who is killing who today?” A grin formed on his face as he inched closer to Justin, his hand was buried deep in his coat pocket obviously clutching onto something that could easily take Justin’s life.

“What do you want?”

How fucking stupid could he have been? Completely letting his guard down to a strange could cause him to lose his life among endangering everyone around him. So badly did he need a fix, something to give him the bravery to face this person and kill them before they could kill him.

Justin pictured it in his mind, lunging for the letter opener or fire poker and stabbing this man. The metal point breaking through the man’s skin was the only way he could save himself right now. His family and friends’ lives depended on this simple action.

“I want one simple thing, Mr. Timberlake.” Shoving Justin into the wall hard, AJ continued his tirade on Justin who couldn’t help but to stare at this man who looked all too familiar to him. Coincidence was not a possible explanation at this point. “I want you to pay for what you did to my father and brother. I want to nothing more than the satisfaction of seeing your dead corpse on the ground and knowing that I was the one that took your pathetic waste of a life.”

The understanding clicked in Justin almost immediately, this man was another one of Larry Lopez’ sons. FUCK. David had been under his nose for the past year and Justin had just pushed it all to the side. Hating himself was something that he was growing dangerously good at.

AJ pointed the gun at Justin’s face without warning. Justin knew that the color drained from his face and he was shoved backwards again, but this time against the marble fireplace. His back cracked against the hard slab, sending a shooting pain throughout his body.

Pain or none, this was not his time to die. Justin had gone through far too much to let some asshole with a mohawk take him out. Even if it was his time, he’d go out with a fight.

“Don’t hold your breath for that one, Lopez.”

With a hard shove, AJ was knocked to the ground and the gun flew out of his hand and across the room. Justin was looming on top of him through all this with a sharp letter opener to AJ’s throat. If there was a time to kill one of the Lopez boys and save everyone he knew, it would be right then and there.

“FUCK! LANCE, DEMARIO!! GET IN HERE NOW!” AJ spat, struggling against gripping his hand that was roughly pressing a knife to his throat. The cool blade was cutting into his flesh, if his men didn’t arrive soon; he knew he’d be done for.

 “Oh shit, AJ, what the fuck happened!” Demario ran into the room, yanking Justin to his feet. The blade had just slightly pierced AJ’s skin, causing him to scream out in pain. “I thought you said you had this shit under control!”

“I fucking did! This asshole caught me by surprise is all.”

Justin studied the two men who were desperately trying to hold onto him. He was struggling, not wanting to come quietly to whatever fate he was going to meet. This entire scenario was too fucked up to process. One of the men he had trusted for months had been double crossing him?

Besides the whole Savannah incident, Lance had seemed like a great guy and worker. Never once had there been a problem with a shipment or anything of the sort when Lance was on duty. Justin had been way too careless with the business as of lately and inevitably it had been infiltrated.

“You fucking prick bastard!! LANCE, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU FOR THIS!” Justin was met with a silencing blow to the face, courtesy of AJ who had climbed to his feet in this time.

“Tie him to the chair. He’s going to suffer the exact same way Eduardo did.”

**

            Going into that hotel, knowing perfectly well that my marriage was soon to be over, was the hardest thing I had ever done. Strength was my best friend at this time; it was the only thing I could fully rely on. Actually, maybe it was that I could only rely on myself. Whatever the case, the most important thing was that I wasn’t freaking out and running for the nearest exit.

            This was something that needed to be done. An unhealthy relationship was only driving me further to the brink of a mental breakdown. I couldn’t handle much more of these twisted games that my life was ridden with.

            In a way, I did need to be concerned with my own well being. I needed to love myself and get well so I could find a way out of the darkness that had consumed me for so long. I knew I was close to finding my happiness, the only way to make certain that it happened was ending the marriage that had been something so beautiful and so damaging.

            I stood in front of his hotel room door for what felt like an eternity. Visions flashed through my head of our last encounter. Justin had purposely hurt me and treated me like trash. Could I ever forgive him for this? Maybe, but I’d never forget. Of course, I’d be amiable to him for my children’s sake, but I’d never be able to completely erase that pain from my heart. 

            Raising my fist, I knocked and knew that this was the beginning of the end.