Chapter 48

            Pacing the hallway of the hospital, Justin’s mind was ablaze with the on goings of the past few hours. His broken beauty was no longer by his side but being examined. Justin was an utter mess. Deep inside him he knew that Natalia was suffering because of him. He’d been too careless with the business and she ultimately paid for it.

            He couldn’t handle the stress of it all. So badly was he in need for a line, just something to relax him for the time being. God he wasn’t even sure if the reason he was shaking was because of the need for a hit or the fear for his wife. He was the reason why she lay violated and sobbing. Justin truly hated himself for this.

“Where is my daughter?!” Isabel Fuentes ran down the hallway, knocking Justin out of his self loathing thoughts. Hearing Isabel rip him a new asshole would be enough punishment for him.

“She’s with the doctor right now.” Justin answered in a soft tone. An angry outburst erupted from Isabel at Justin’s words. This was it; she was going to give him a piece of her mind for once and for all.

“Eres un pedazo de mierda!” Isabel screeched and sent a hard slap across Justin’s face. “My poor daughter was raped because of you! How can you stand here so calm?!” She paused before waving an accusing finger in his face. “You should be in that jail cell instead of my son… Andrew had the right idea when he tried to kill you.”

Justin stood stunned, not even flinching at Isabel’s harsh words or the slap he received. If this was his punishment, it was too easy. He deserved much worse than this. If he had it his way, he’d throw himself into the crossfire for his angel.

“Mark my words, Justin, you will pay. Every action has a reaction and your evil ways will come back at you.” His Mother-in-Law stared at him with such hate. Justin wanted her to know that he hated himself just as much but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. “I promise you that.”

It was true though; karma had come back and figuratively, bitten him in the ass. Though he didn’t pay, his wife was suffering for him. That was the worst punishment of all. Justin’s mind drifted back to what happened before Natalia was in the hospital and while he was tied to a chair, watching her brutal rape.

**

“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE!” Natalia’s voice was growing hoarse from the constant screaming. She was squirming, trying so desperately to break free from these men who were moving inside her so roughly.

Lance, his trusted employee and friend, had betrayed him in the worst way imaginable. There was no going back to normal after this. Justin wanted these three men’s blood splattered on the ground. Most of all, he wanted his angel to be okay, but that wasn’t possible.

“Leave her alone… just fucking kill me and leave her alone!” His voice was filled with desperation. They had to stop; they had to leave her alone. There was nothing more in the world that Justin wanted then his beautiful angel to be spared and himself to die.

It was the first selfless thing he wanted in a long time.

Taking a fist full of Natalia’s hair, AJ grinned as she yelped loudly. “I think I see why you and David are so fucking obsessed with this bitch. She has got to be the best pussy I’ve had in years.”

Obviously humiliated, Natalia began to sob harder. Her spirit was slowly breaking. Every harmful touch and every vicious word was making her retreat into herself. As hard as she tried to be okay, the pain was evident on her face. Justin’s heart just broke more for her.

He was struggling with the ropes. Justin had to get out of his confinements. He had to make them all pay for hurting one of the few pure things he had in his life. But was she completely pure, she had cheated on him with a rival mob boss no less? Could things ever be the same between the two again?

Could they ever forgive each other?

“Justin? Natalia?  Is everything alright in here?” The distinct but distant sound of JC’s voice filled the room. This was it. JC would distract the men and this would be his chance for revenge.

“JC!! WE’RE IN HERE… GET FUCKING BACK UP!!” Justin called out; he was quickly met with a hard crack across the check from Demario’s gun.

“Shut your mouth, Timberlake.” Demario grabbed him by the face, holding the gun up to eyelevel.

This was it; this was the moment of his death and the rescue of Natalia. If he was to die and she was to live, it would be okay with him. Natalia was a better person, she could give their children a happy and safe life. Justin knew that dying would be better for everyone else around him.

Closing his eyes, he braced himself for the moment of truth. He wondered what his mother and sister would say when they were hopefully reunited in a few moments. They were probably so ashamed of what he became. Fuck, he was even ashamed of it.

The moment of truth never came. A gun shot sounded but it didn’t pierce Justin’s skin like he hoped, instead it shot the man who was holding the gun up to his face. Justin’s eyes opened to see JC, Tommy and Trace standing in the room, guns pointed at the three men, one of whom was injured but not dead.

What would happen in the next few moments surprised even Justin. AJ and Lance left Natalia on the bed, she was now curled up in a ball sobbing. This sight fueled Justin’s anger, he couldn’t die. He had to live to extinguish these horrible men. No one would ever hurt his family again; he’d make sure of it.

“BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM NATALIA!” Tommy screamed, waving his gun wildly. AJ just held his gun up defiantly and pulled his boxers up. A smirk grew on his face, one just couldn’t wait to shoot off.

“It’s been a pleasure boys…” AJ shot off his gun, distracting the men and ran out of the room with Lance. JC and Trace quickly ran after them while Tommy rushed to Justin’s aide, finally untying him.

“Don’t bother with me… go to her. We need to get her to a hospital.”

Justin couldn’t even bare to aide Natalia. This was his fault and rushing to her side would only prove to be hypocritical of him. Or so he thought. Natalia needed him by her side more than anything.

**

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so used and disgusting in my life. Something I never thought possible happened to me. I want to hit someone, I want someone to understand what I’m going through, but no one can. Humiliation is what I feel the most. My Mother and Ricky are trying to talk to me sympathetically; it just makes me feel sick. They don’t understand. No one understands and no one ever will.

There is no easy way to come to terms with being raped. What’s worse is that my husband, the man who hates me, had to watch it all. I know he screamed for the men to stop, but a part of me secretly wonders if he thought I deserved it all.

I’m so scared. The man who did this to me is still running around, the scariest part of all is that that filth is my ex-boyfriend’s brother. I shouldn’t be surprised though, all these people fucked with my head for the past few months.

Another thing I’m trying not to do is look like one of those women that just feels sorry for themselves. Karma could be a reason why this happened to me. My fucked up and selfish actions have served me no good in the past, maybe everything is just catching up to me now. Maybe I do deserve it, just like Justin probably believes I do.

“Why don’t you have some juice?” My Mother asked patronizingly. I want to roll my eyes and tell them all to leave. I want to be alone to wallow in my pity. Too fucking bad I have someone watching me at all times. I must be on suicide watch or something.

“I don’t want any.” I replied through clenched teeth.

I’m filled with anger and depression. Everyone in the hospital knows what happened to me and I feel so naked. No amount of clothes will ever make me feel private. Men I barely know took something from me that I never wanted to give in the first place.

Is that all women are to men, pretty pieces of flesh that they can abuse, have sex with and humiliate? I always thought that’s what I was to Justin, and he even said it himself, but hearing other people say that to me makes me want to be physically sick. I feel so alone. The one person I’d want to be with me could probably care less about how I’m faring.

“Natalia… come on. Just drink something.” Ricky’s hand touches my shoulder without warning and I flinch, moving towards the other side of the hospital bed instantly. I’m broken and everyone knows it.

“I’m sorry I just don’t want any. I want to leave.”

Ricky sighs in defeat, his hand recoiling back. “I’ll talk to the doctor. If you want you can stay at my house…”

“No. I want to be alone.”

“Natalia, you are not going to be alone. You are coming to my home or Ricky’s apartamento.  Me escuchas?”

I glare at my Mother and cross my arms defiantly. I was so tired of her and everyone else around me controlling me. Give me my goddamn freedom already. I’m going through a lot and people still don’t care. I’m the fucking lap dog, the little doll that’s forced to act prim and proper.

I’m not any of that and I never will be again. I’m dirty and tainted now. The hands of my assailants will forever be burned into my skin and I’m not okay. I feel myself breaking down again and I try to push the feelings back. Crying will only show how weak I am, thus making me feel even more stripped.

“Where is Justin?” My voice is so tiny and weak, hearing it even surprises me. I’m that desperate for his contact, how pathetic.

According to my Mother I should hate him; she makes it even more obvious by rolling her eyes at the sound of his name.  I don’t care what she thinks. I know it wasn’t his fault and deep down I know it wasn’t mine either.  I love him, pain or none, I need to know if he’s okay. It should probably bother me that he doesn’t even care to know if I’m okay. 

“I’ll go find out when you’re going to leave and where Justin is… okay? You just try and rest a little.”

**

“How’s Natalia doing?” Hope asked, placing a comforting hand on Justin’s shoulder. He turned to half smile at Hope, the woman who had helped him hurt Natalia so much in the first place. Justin now realized it was all such a big mistake.

“The doctor says she’ll be alright. She had some minor cuts and lacerations but they’ve been treated among other things. They should be letting her out soon.”

“Have you talked to her yet?”

Justin laughed bitterly; how the fuck could he have gone to see her? The reason for her agony walking through her hospital room would only cause her more pain. It was better for him to stay in the shadows; he could never win her trust back again. Redemption was not an option.

“Justin…”

“Esperanza, how the hell could I even look at her after what I put her through?” Justin rubbed at his nose and silently hoped that Trace would hurry up in bringing him some more cocaine. Justin wasn’t about to leave the hospital but he needed this substance to get him through this. “It’s my fault that she’s where she is now.”

Hope put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “She needs you right now. The girl is going through a lot and knowing that you care will probably even help her a little. Nat needs all the support she can get right now.”

A heavy sigh came from deep within Justin. How the hell could everyone talk like things were so simple? They were far from simple. Nobody knew how Justin had tortured Natalia, making her feel like nothing to him, a slut even. There was nothing more he regretted than being so irrational in the first place. There was no way to make amends now.

“Justin?” Ricky was walking down the hallway to where he and Hope were standing. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself for another verbal beating, similar to the one he got from Natalia’s mother. He deserved them all anyway.

“Is she alright Ricky?” The concern in Justin’s voice was clear, not to mention the guilt written all over his face.

“She’s quiet… she’s kind of retreated into herself…” Ricky stated and ran a hand through his short brown hair. Natalia’s best friend looked stressed out and worried. Justin knew exactly how he was feeling. “She asked for you.”

“She did?”

“Are you that surprised, Justin? I told you, she needs you right now. Get over yourself and go to her.” Hope stated, she stood before Justin with her hands on her hips. If anyone was determined to smack the sense into him, it was her. “The two of us need to do that Justin… things happen, we all mess up but there is such a thing as forgiveness.”

“I doubt she could ever forgive me… you guys don’t understand what I did to her…I treated her just like AJ and that prick Lance did.” Justin covered his face with his hands.

Hearing the words out loud, he hated himself all the more.

“I don’t know what you did to her because Natalia hasn’t opened up to me about anything lately.” Ricky spoke with narrowed eyes. “But the least you could do is oblige to her request.”

How right they all were. It was time to suck it up. If his angel needed him to be her verbal punching bag or shoulder to cry on, he’d go. Justin loved her more than anything. Even if she never forgave him, she needed to be okay. He would never be whole again until she was okay.