Chapter 49

            I didn’t feel safe in that hospital room even though I knew Tommy and JC were outside with guns, waiting to take out anyone who hurt me. Still, I felt alone and helpless. No one could protect me. I laid there in the most agonizing pain, I mentally tortured myself. My mind was filled with horrific images of AJ and Lance, bursting through the doors and finishing what they started.

            Shuddering at the thought, I closed my eyes tightly, hoping the image would go away. They came to me in random bursts, engulfing me whole. Those men had hurt me so badly. Physical wounds would heal but the psychological torture would never be forgotten. I wanted to cry and lock myself up in solitude for weeks. I wanted to be alone and nobody seemed to realize that.

            I appreciated the concern, don’t get me wrong, but give me a fucking quiet minute to mourn. Something traumatic happened and I didn’t want to break down in front of everyone. It was becoming increasingly hard to keep my emotions at bay.

            “Would you please eat something, Natalia?” My Mother motioned to the tray of food that had been idly sitting in the room for the last 20 minutes. If I didn’t want the fucking food 20 minutes ago, would I really want it now? I rolled my eyes and looked back at the television set. “Natalia, don’t be stubborn.”

            I sighed obligingly and practically ripped open the tiny package of saltine crackers. Taking the tiniest bite I could manage, I looked at my mother with laced in my voice.

            “Happy?”

            “Aye Mija.”

            Seriously, she was going to cop a fucking attitude and give me the guilt trip now of all fucking times? I clenched my hands into fists, trying to control my temper as best as I could. My anger didn’t need to get the best of me at that moment. Uncontrolled emotions bring nothing but unhappiness and pain anyway. I’m living proof of that one.  

            “Could you stop it Mom? Really… I’m 23 years old, I don’t need you to tell me when the fuck to eat.” I crossed my arms over my chest, annoyed. The little energy and fight I had in me was used to talk back to my Mom.

            I was so tired and in so much pain. I had little strength to fight back. Everyone wanted to control me; I was so tired of fighting back. Weak couldn’t even begin to describe my state of being. I just wanted freedom, something I was never going to get.

            “Natalia! Someone is here to see you!” The sound of Ricky’s voice saved me from my Mother’s words. I really didn’t want to deal with her. He stood at the doorway of my hospital room with a sly smile painted on his lips.

            I brightened, hoping it was Justin was coming to see me. Would he though? Did he really care at all about me anymore? 

            “Really? Who?” I sat up in bed, instantly flinching at the sharp pain coming from my lower region. My eyes welled up with tears and all I wanted was some fucking pain killer. Anything to numb me from this nightmarish reality.

            I wanted to fall asleep so badly and wake up to this all being a dream. Of course, I wouldn’t want to trade my beautiful children, but I just wanted a fresh start away from the pain. Maybe I’d take the kids and go, disappear for a while. Running from my problems wouldn’t solve anything but it was all I could think of to do.

            The twins were probably going to grow up so fucked up from this back and forth situation. I knew shit like this affected Andrew and I. That was probably why the two of us grew up to be so fucked up, me married to a drug lord and he incarcerated for the next 10 years.

            “You’ll just have to see.” Ricky stepped aside from the doorway to reveal Justin looking at me with a crooked smile on his face.

            Staring at his face, all I saw was sincerity. This was the boy who had fallen in love with me in New York City so many years earlier, who protected me and fathered my children. In those beautiful blue eyes, the boy who couldn’t let me get away was revealed. It was almost scary.

The mix of emotions I was feeling was so powerful. Seeing him only ignited the fire inside me. Seeing him made me want to jump in his arms and cry all my pain away. I loved him so much. I wanted to force all the bad memories out of my mind, have a fresh start with him. We deserved that.

He approached me slowly with my favorite flower in hand, a beautiful orchid. My teary eyed smile only grew at this gesture. It was so simple to give someone a flower, a small gesture to just show someone that you care, that you’re thinking of them.

“QUE HACE ESTE MALDITO AQUI?!” Isabel Fuentes screamed out, invading the space between Justin and my hospital bed. I winced at the sound of her yell.

I wanted to so badly tell her to mind her own business, to walk the fuck away and leave Justin and I alone. I was just so tired of fighting. Closing my eyelids, hoping the tears would go back in, I listened to the fighting commence.

“Isabel, I want to speak to my wife. Please get out of my way.” Justin spoke calmly. When the fuck was Justin ever calm when he didn’t get his way? This was weird.

“Your wife? YOUR WIFE HAPPENS TO BE MY DAUGHTER! My daughter was raped because of you, pendejo. How dare you even think of coming in here to see her when she’s suffering because of YOU?” She pushed her index finger into his shoulder blade. My tiny Mother stared up into his face with anger etched on her face. “Don’t you think you’ve put her and my entire family through enough?”

“Mom just stop…” I said so low that I doubted anyone even heard it. I was wrong; my Mom heard it and turned to stare at me with anger.

“NATALIA, SIERE SU BOCA!” She screamed at me to shut up, which made me turn to look at the ground. God I couldn’t handle anymore of this, I put my hands over my face and broke down sobbing.

“I know I hurt Natalia, I fucked up badly with how I handled everything in our marriage from beginning to end. I’m just asking to speak to her so I can find some way to show her how sorry I am… I mean I doubt that’s even possible, but I want to try. I have to try.”

“Right now is not the best time, Mr. Timberlake. I think you need to leave before I call hospital security, or better yet the police. Maybe you’ll end up in prison, I hope you meet up with my son there and he finishes what he started 4 years ago.”

I looked up when I heard my Mother speak those last words with shock written all over my face. How the fuck could she say something so vicious and cruel? I understood that she hated him, but this was her grandchildren’s father. She had no fucking right to wish him death or get involved in my business.

“Justin… come on… you’ll see her later okay.” Ricky was as stunned as I was, but I assumed he was trying to calm a situation that was quickly escalating. Justin was not one that could hold his temper at bay for long periods of time. I didn’t want to even know what he’d say to this all.

“Alright…” Justin spoke sadly and placed the orchid on the tray next to the food I wasn’t planning on eating. “Nat, we will talk later though.”

Nodding my head in his direction, he smiled in response before turning to walk away with Ricky by his side. When I was sure he was out of sight, my emotions came out in full force.

“How fucking dare you get involved in my life?”

“I’m your mother, how could I not? I gave birth to you and raised you, I’m trying to protect you from that filth.”

“I don’t need protecting, Mami. What I fucking need is to be treated like an adult. I don’t need you controlling my life, telling me when to eat or who to talk to. That might have been okay when I was 10 years old but I’m not a fucking child anymore.” I sat up straight and flinched at another sharp pain that shot through my body. “If you can’t trust me to make my own decisions, then I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I trusted you 4 years ago Natalia, but you still dated him behind my back and then ran away to marry him.” She walked over to my bed and stared me intently. “You don’t need to make any more of the same mistakes I did.”

“Same mistakes?” I looked at her like she was crazy. “I’m tired of this. I’m tired of fighting with you. Just let me grow up, already.”

Yeah, that was doubtful.

**

            Justin and Ricky walked down the hallway in complete silence. Neither of them had expected Natalia’s mother to intervene in what probably would have been the reunion of the once happily married couple. This entire situation made Justin want to put his fist through a wall. He understood that Isabel Fuentes hated him, he didn’t even fucking blame her for that, but she just was so damn persistent.

            All he wanted as the chance to talk to Natalia and let her know how sorry he was. Justin wanted to comfort her and he was deprived of the chance to do so. Though, it did make him happy that his angel did want to speak to him.

            Could there be a shot for them after all?

            “What am I going to do Ricky?”

            “I don’t even know… not only do you have to win Nat back over, but you have to get her Mom’s approval. This isn’t good at all.” Ricky stopped walking and stared Justin blankly in the face. “You have to do something big to earn Isabel’s respect. She barely likes me and I’m the shit, so I don’t know.”

            “Haha dick.” Justin rolled his eyes while a slight smile formed on his face. “Well she hates me because of all the shit that went down with Andrew, right?”

            “Yeah, that just makes it seem all the more impossible.”

            “Nothing is impossible. I just have to think of a way to make her forget about everything that happened. A new start or something…”

            “I don’t think anything less than you going and having all the charges and shit dropped against Andrew would make her like you. Oh, or going back in time and changing things. That would work too.”

            Justin’s mind began working at a fast pace after Ricky spoke. “What did you just say?”

            “What about going back in time? I was kidding.” Ricky smiled goofily. “Although that would be fun, just like Back to the Future.”

            “No dumb ass, I meant the part about Andrew getting out of incarceration.”

            That was a risky plan. Getting Andrew out of jail would be easy in comparison to the havoc he could wreak. Andrew hated Justin and he could go back to working with the Lopez’ boys and Eduardo Diaz. This was such a fucking tough situation. He didn’t know what to do.

            “Shit, J… getting Andy out of jail could go many ways… are you sure about that?”

            No, he wasn’t sure, maybe after a line he’d be sure, but right now he was scared. Terrified even. Too much fucked up shit was going on and he felt absolutely helpless. He was reverting back to a scared 16 year old boy, walking the streets of Florida looking for shelter, getting involved in the wrong crowds.

            Even as he got older he was still garbage, but when he met Natalia, he wanted to change. He did change for a while. Now he was back to being that drug addict, coke whore he used to be. He was so ashamed of his past, so ashamed Natalia would find out what he was and hate him for it.

            Wasn’t it enough that he hated himself for it?

            “I don’t know… want to take a trip with me to Riker’s Island?” Justin stated after a period of silence. Taking a trip to see Andrew in the New York City prison could be very dangerous, but he needed the support. Maybe if Andrew saw Ricky with him, a friendly face, he wouldn’t feel threatened?

            All he could do was hope this wouldn’t blow up in his face.