Chapter 5

            Most of the night, I laid sleeping in the living room watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or more specifically Seasons 1- 3. Sure, I love the other seasons, but 1 – 3 are my personal favorites.

            All guys should be like Angel when he wasn’t an evil bad guy.

            “Natalia?” I heard Justin call for me.

            I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head. I definitely did not want to deal with him. Then again, he probably wanted sex that’s why he was calling me.

            “Nat? Are you in here?” I heard him in the same room as me and I rolled my eyes.

            It was 3 am from what I could see on my cell phone and I definitely did not want to talk to him or see him. Tears were falling from my eyes, and I had no idea why. I think the whole prospect of how sad it was that I was hiding from my own husband.

            The blanket was snatched away from my face and I looked up to see Justin looking down at me. His button down shirt was opened, revealing his chiseled chest. He looked so sexy at that moment and I wished I wasn’t so upset with him so I could fuck him.

            “What is it, J?”

            “Oh… I just didn’t know where you were.” Justin sat next to me as I curled my legs up to my chest. “I got worried.”

            “Oh I see.” I said coldly. “Well I was just watching Buffy so you don’t have to worry.”

            “You want me to watch with you?”

            “No actually.” I wasn’t looking at him directly, but I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and saw the hurt on his face. Why did he care now? Did he want pussy that badly?

            “What’s wrong with you baby? You’ve been so cold to me today.”

            I rolled my eyes at his question and got up off the couch, throwing the blanket down to the floor. If he didn’t know what was wrong, why should I even bother to tell him?

            “Nothing at all, Justin. Good night.”

            I walked up the stairs to the guest bedroom because I sure as hell did not want to sleep in the same room as him. Of course though, he was following me. He chose now of all times to be concerned, great.

            “Natalia, come on, talk to me.”

            “There is nothing to talk about, Justin.” I said through clenched teeth. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”

            Just as I was about to climb into bed, the guestroom door slammed shut and Justin stood there with his arms crossed.  I seriously was not in the mood to fuck around.

            “DID YOU NOT FUCKING HEAR ME?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!”

            “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like such a fucking bitch?!”

            “BECAUSE YOU FUCKING TREAT ME LIKE SHIT JUSTIN!!! AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs at this point, I was just so angry, but thank God the twins didn’t hear anything. “YOU TREAT ME LIKE YOUR WHORE, NOT LIKE YOUR WIFE, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!

            Justin stood there shocked as all of the words I had been longing to say came out of my mouth. I wasn’t sure if I should have said them, or what was going to happen next.

            “Are you serious? I make you feel that way?”

            “Yeah Justin you do. Like today, we had sex and you kicked me out of your office. Do you know how hurt I was? And I mean we had worked things out but you just proved that you will never change.”

            “Baby, I’m so sorry…I never meant to make you feel that way or do that to you. I love you, you know that.” Justin said and sighed “Is that why you’re cheating on me? Is that why you went out today with some other man.”

“For your information, I was upset, because of you so I went out with a friend.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Now you have people following me?”

            “I always have people following you, it’s for your safety. Don’t act so shocked about that.”

            “Justin, that’s the thing! You don’t show me you love me, you have me followed and you just act like I’m always gonna be here, and you know what I’m not. I’m getting fed up of this. I’m sick of this life!!! I don’t know how much more I can take of this.” I was crying again. God, I hated that I was so weak in front of him.

            “I’m sorry Nat… please…” He was crying this time. I’d never seen him this upset, because he was sobbing. “Don’t leave me.”

            I didn’t look at him for a second and he just freaked out and grabbed my arm. If possible, the sounds of his crying got worse. Justin fell to his knees in front of me and grabbed my waist.

            “Please Natalia, don’t leave me. I love you and I’m so sorry…” His face was buried in my stomach and I looked down at him, crying softly as well.

            How could I leave him? How could I just throw everything away and ruin all of our lives?

            “I’m not leaving you Justin…”

            He looked up at me, smiling through his tears and kissed me so passionately that I thought I might pass out. No one ever kissed me the way Justin did. No one ever compared to him, even in his darkest moments, he was perfect.

            Then again, in the back of my mind there was a cloud of doubt. He hurt me over and over, what made this time so different? Would the chance of me leaving him, snap him into reality?

            I wasn’t exactly sure, but I guess I should try.

**

            “So wait… rewind… what the hell happened?” Savannah demanded, as her, Hope and I sat in the park, while the twins played in the sandbox, with a bunch of other kids.

            Like everything else in our lives, the park was exclusive for only the extremely rich and famous. Justin needed to have the kids showered with love and affection at all times, along with safety and everything they didn’t need.

            “I almost left him last night.”

            “Natalia, oh my God…” Hope stared at me in shock. “What the hell has been going on?”

            “A lot… but I’m basically sick and tired of this fucking mob life, and he knows it. “ I sighed and tapped my nails down on the side of the bench. “And I’m sick of him treating me like his whore and not his wife.”

            “I’m so shocked right now. Justin has been acting like this? The guy who almost died for you, and moved heaven and earth to be with you?” Hope said, with the look of shock never leaving her face.

            “Seriously, I don’t mean to call you a liar but that totally doesn’t sound like Justin. I mean maybe he didn’t mean to act like that to you.” Savannah agreed, I just rolled my eyes.

            “He knew exactly what he was doing. But just picture this scenario, Tommy or JC had been hurting you guys by lying to you. So whatever, you confronted them, and they promised to change. So you slept with them and they kicked you out of the room right after, saying they were busy. Bull shit they listened to you.” I was still hurt, and it was obvious in my words and the pain in my heart.

            Sure I told myself and Justin that I forgave him, and I did. But it’s not that easy to just forget. Then again, maybe I was just taking it to an extreme, as I always tend to do with everything.

            “Aww sweetie.” Savannah leaned over and hugged me, I just shrugged it off.

            “Whatever, it’s over and yeah… he promised to change… and hopefully, he’ll come through this time. I mean I love him and he loves me… and I can’t be selfish either… I have kids.”

            “But you need to be happy too…” Hope stated with a sigh. I could tell she and Savannah felt terrible for me, but I didn’t want them to. Life wasn’t that bad for me, especially because things were going to be different from now on.

            “I am happy… and if he changes I’ll be happier… I love Justin and I miss him… it’s just his work got in the way. It made him different…”

            “I understand, it was the same with Tommy.” Hope sighed and looked down, remembering a time in her life that she wanted to forget. A time when Tommy was cruel and all that mattered to him was business.

            “But he changed, and hopefully Justin will too...”

            “Exactly, because what woke up Tommy is that he knew what he was going to lose…the same thing will happen with Justin, if it hasn’t happened already.” Hope stated with a small smile. “Everything is gonna be okay, just don’t stress about it.”

            “She’s right.” Savannah looked at me with sympathy. “Plus you have two beautiful children to keep you busy.”

            I just nodded and looked over at my babies playing with other kids. They seriously had to be my reason for living and for my entire existence.

            I contemplated telling them about David, but I figured, what’s the point? They wouldn’t support our friendship just yet. But I definitely knew that David was an awesome guy for just being there for me and not trying to be a dick and put moves on me.

            He was respectful and was another Ricky for me. I wasn’t gonna stop being friends with him because anyone told me to.