"Yes." Marie insisted.  "Go have fun.  Enjoy yourself tonight.  I don't want you to have spent the entire vacation tied up watching the kids."

"Okay." Mayra smiled as she shifted her purse strap higher on her shoulder.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Marie replied with a smile of her own.  "Have a good night."

Mayra stood for a moment in the hallway, looking at the closed door and feeling out of sorts.  She hadn't been expecting the sudden night off and didn't quite know what to do with herself.  Turning slowly she began walking towards the elevators.  They were only going to be here for a few more days--this was probably the only chance she was going to have to see anything that she wanted to see without having to drag the kids along with her.  What should I do?  She wondered.

JC.

Mayra pulled up short as that thought popped into her head.  Angrily she pushed it away.  "That's not what I meant." She muttered under her breath as she continued walking down the hall.  But now that she had thought it, she couldn't stop the images parading through her head.  When she had met JC she had been nowhere near a virgin, but he had opened her eyes to so many things.  He was in incredibly passionate individual and that passion spilled over into every aspect of his life.  Every aspect.  Mayra shivered involuntarily as she remember what it had felt like to be loved by the man.  He could be slow and gentle one moment and then rough and fast the next.  He had been an expert at reading her moods and knowing exactly what she needed.  Though they hadn't been together long, he had been the perfect lover and she hadn't found anyone since him who could do it for her the way he had been able to from their first time together. 

Not that you've actually been with anyone since him. That annoying little voice in the back of her head reminded her as she pressed the button to call the elevator.

She hated when that voice was right. 

Being a nanny didn't really leave a whole lot of time or opportunity to have any sort of tryst, but Mayra knew that wasn't the only reason for the fact that it had been so long since she'd been with anyone.  JC had spoiled her and she knew no one else would be able to compare or even come close.  If she couldn't have him, she didn't want anyone. 

The elevator arrived with a ding and Mayra stepped in, a wave of longing washing over her as she recalled being in the elevator with JC the other day.  His calm and cool exterior, his quiet aloofness towards her had broken her heart but when she had been forced to be in such tight quarters with him she had fooled herself into thinking she had seen a spark of desire in his blue eyes.  For a moment it was as if she had been able to read his thoughts and she could have sworn he wanted to kiss her.  Her cheeks had flushed with desire and she had had to force herself to look away from him--mentally chiding herself for being so foolish.  If he wanted her, all he had to do was say so.  But he didn't.  That fact had been made painfully obvious over the years by his continued silence.  She knew she had made a mistake that night in walking away from him at the club, and in ignoring his phone calls the next day, but his silence had proved to her that she had made the right decision.  They had had a good run, but it was over.  It had been over for a long time. 

Feeling dejected, Mayra considered returning to her hotel room and just drinking the night away.  She didn't feel much like wandering the island alone, but forced herself to step off the elevator when it arrived at ground floor.  She didn't know when she would be in Hawaii next and didn't want to miss her chance at experiencing what the island had to offer.  She had enough regrets in her life.  She didn't want to add one more to the list. 

Deciding to stop first in the hotel gift shop since she didn't have the kids in tow and could take her time in choosing which souvenirs she wanted to purchase, Mayra forced her depressing thoughts aside.  You're in paradise.  She reminded herself as she stepped into the store.  Put a smile on your face and act like you're happy to be here.

~~~~~~~~~~

"All I can say is, it's about time one of you kids got married."

JC rolled his eyes at his mother's declaration.  His eyes slid over to his brother and he couldn't help the chuckle that came at seeing the same expression he was sure was on his face, on Tyler's. 

"Mom--" Tyler began, but Karen cut him off.

"Don't ‘mom' me." She said.  "I'm just saying, now that Heather is settling down, you two are next." She said pointing a finger at her sons.  Again JC's eyes met those of his brother for a second before looking back at his mother.  "I'm not getting any younger." She told them.  "And I want some grandkids before I die."

Tyler and JC let out matching groans at the old, "I want grandkids soon," line that was their mother's favorite.  Karen couldn't let a holiday or other family get together go without reminding them all that they were neglecting their duty as her children in producing offspring for her to spoil. 

"I'm not having this conversation right now." JC finally said, standing up from the chair he had been sitting in, in his parent's hotel room.  He gave his mother a kiss and told them all he'd see them tomorrow for the wedding rehearsal then left the room, heading towards the elevators.  He had come over to say hi once everyone had arrived but now that they were all together he was reminded of why he chose to live on the opposite side of the country from these people.  He loved them--God knew he did, and he couldn't ask for a better family--but he was getting too old for this shit.  Why couldn't she leave the subject alone?  Every time his mother brought it up his thoughts turned to Mayra.  Watching Heather with her fiancé--his soon to be brother-in-law, Mike--JC had to bite back the jealousy.  He loved his sister and was happy for her, but he was envious of her.  Marriage had always been something he had laughed at.  Why the hell would he want to settle down, tying himself to one woman for the rest of his life, when he was a rock star and could have any woman he wanted? 

At least that had been his way of thinking about ten years ago. 

Since then, however, the fame and popularity that had put him and his four best friends on top of the world has disappeared.  His name didn't mean what it used to anymore.  People snickered now whenever N SYNC was brought up, instead of treating him with respect.  The word "boyband" was all but synonymous anymore with the word "loser" and prompted people to make all sorts of jokes at his expense-jokes he laughed off because he had to.  He was a judge on a reality TV show for Pete's sake!  If that didn't solidify his "loser" status, he didn't know what did.   

He stepped into the elevator when it arrived and pressed the button for the lobby.  The doors closed and he caught a wiff of something familiar.  He closed his eyes as the scent of vanilla surrounded him.  "Mayra." He breathed.  His thoughts once again turning to the woman who had invaded his dreams last night.  He had spent all day trying to shake off the emotions that had been stirred up at the memories his mind had insisted on reliving all night.  He had kept his eyes peeled, searching for her all day--intent on asking her the one question he had to ask before he never saw her again.  But she never appeared.  Isn't that always the way?  He had grumbled earlier in the day.  When I don't want to run in to her, I do but when I'm actually looking for her, she's nowhere to be found.  His mission to interrogate her had been postponed by the arrival of his family, but now that the smell of her perfume had brought her image to his mind again JC was determined to find her.  The rest of the weekend was going to be taken up with the wedding and he didn't know when he would have the time to talk to her like he wanted to unless it was tonight.  The elevator stopped.  The doors opened and JC stepped out.  Walking towards the lobby he hoped he would be able to question whoever was at the front desk and find out where she had gone.  He chuckled to himself as he remembered Mayra's failed attempt a few nights ago at trying to seduce some information out of the poor guy who had been at the front desk.  Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he pulled up short as he caught sight of her in the hotel gift shop.  He looked around for the kids that were usually with her and felt a sense of relief to find she was alone.  Fate was finally cooperating with him.  Here was his chance to confront her and get the missing pieces of information from her that he needed.  Then they could both go on with their lives. 

Changing his course, JC walked into the gift shop and made his way over to her.

~~~~~~~~

Mayra stood in front of the display of foam, flower hair clips, trying to decide which one she wanted.  She had seen several of the guests the last couple days wearing these in their hair and she thought they were beautiful.  It would be a good way to remember this vacation--something that would remind her of the islands whenever she put it in her hair.  Picking out a pink one that matched the wrap around skirt and tank top she was wearing, Mayra put it behind her left ear and looked at herself in the small mirror that was set up next to the display. 

"That's the wrong ear to put that flower behind."

Mayra let out a startled yelp and jumped in surprise at the voice that suddenly spoke behind her.  She turned, a hand to her chest over her now frantically beating heart, to look at who had scared her.  "JC!" She exclaimed--her heart continuing to beat frantically but for an entirely different reason now.  "What the hell are you doing here?  Don't scare me like that!"

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, and Mayra felt a shiver skirt down her spine as he regarded her silently with those dark blue eyes of his.  Did he know what those eyes did to her?  What they had always done to her?  She may have been relatively young when he and the other guys had burst out onto the pop music scene twelve years ago, but she had been captivated by his eyes from the first moment she had seen him.  His eyes continued to search hers--as if he were trying to uncover some kind of secret--and Mayra swallowed hard as the earlier thoughts and images she'd had in the elevator came back to her.  She wondered if having one last romp with him would help cure her of this debilitating obsession she had.  It was entirely possibly that she had built him up too much in her head over the years-giving him more credit than he actually deserved.  If they slept together one last time, "for old time's sake," she would realize he was just like any other guy and she would be able to put the memories to rest. 

"If you're single," He said, finally breaking his silence and Mayra from her thoughts.  "You're supposed to put the flower over your right ear."  Before she could question how the hell he knew this information, he continued.  "A flower over the left ear," he pointed at the pink bloom she had stuck behind her left ear a few minutes ago.  "Means you're in a relationship and taken."

"Maybe I am taken." Mayra replied as she took the flower out of her hair and put it back in the display box.  She didn't know what possessed her to say that--the words had just slipped out--but for some reason it bothered her that he automatically assumed she was single.  He didn't know anything about her life.  He hadn't seen or talked to her in three year.  It didn't matter that he was right.  How the hell did he know she was single? 

JC looked at her more a second, his blue eyes turning hard.  "So it was just me, then?" He asked.

"What?" She questioned, confused at his turn and the first sign of emotion from him. 

"It was just me you couldn't be with, is that it?"

Mayra looked at him in stunned silence for a moment as the cool exterior he had had in place since interrupting her on the beach a few days ago fell-finally revealing the fact that he was just as shaken up about running into her as she was about seeing him again.  Her jaw dropped slightly as she watched his transformation.  She saw the pain and confusion fill his eyes as he looked at her the same way he had when she had run out on him at the club that last night they were together.  "JC, I..." She stopped and swallowed back the lump that formed in her throat.  She shook her head, fighting back her own emotion.  She looked down at the floor.  "It wasn't you." She said softly.  He said nothing and she turned and left-quickly leaving him and the store.  She couldn't do it.  She couldn't talk to him without completely breaking down and acting the fool in front of him. 

"Mayra!"

She heard him call after her, but she didn't stop.  She hurried through the lobby and out back to the courtyard.  She could hear footsteps following her, but she continued on.  Trying to escape, needing to run away...

"Mayra, stop." JC said as he reached out, grabbed a hold of her arm and stopped her.  Turning her to face him Mayra had no choice but to look at him.  "I'm not letting you run away from me again." He told her.  "Not until you tell me why.  Why did you run that night?" He asked her and Mayra's heart began pounding; her breath coming in short shallow gasps as he continued to hold her in place.  His eyes and his hands kept her from running like she wanted to. "Why did you quit talking to me?" He continued, asking the questions she knew he deserved an answer to.  "Why?  I need to know why." He stated.  "For my own sanity...please tell me why." He pled.

Mayra felt a tear slip down her cheek. 

JC released her arm.  Reaching up with the hand that had been holding her, he gently brushed the tear away with the back of his fingers.  "Why, Mayra?" He asked, the question almost whispered as his eyes searched hers. 

"Because I was scared." She finally told him--giving him the answer he was looking for.  She didn't know if he would accept it, but it was the truth. 

"Why?" He asked, sounding a lot like Cassie did when she came across something new or that she didn't understand. 

"Because..." she began then stopped.  She dropped her gaze from his and looked down at the ground.  "¿Por qué es tan difícil?" She muttered under her breath. Why was it so difficult to get the words out? 

JC lifted her chin with the fingers of one hand, forcing her to look at him again.  "Why were you scared?" He asked.

"Because, I didn't want you die." She told him-finally confessing to the reason she had forced herself to stop seeing him. 

"Didn't want me to...what?!" He asked, thoroughly confused and looking at her like she was crazy.  Marya sighed as she pulled her chin from his grasp and turned from him.  "Don't--" He said reaching out to stop her.

"I'm not running again." She promised him.  "Can we sit down?" She asked, gesturing towards the empty patio full of tables and chairs outside the hotel's restaurant.  Without waiting for his response Mayra walked over to the nearest table, pulled out a chair and sat down.  JC followed her, sitting down across from her. 

"Talk." He demanded. 

Mayra looked down at her hands in her lap and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth--chewing on it for a moment.  "Everyone I have ever loved has died." She told him.  She looked up, but didn't look at him.  She couldn't.  She blinked rapidly against the tears that were forming, clouding her vision.  She turned her head, looking out towards the ocean as she continued to talk.  "My parents died in a car accident when I was three." She told him.  "My grandmother, who was the only living relative I had at the time, took me in but she died from cancer a few years later which left me an orphan.  I was put into the system and became a foster kid-bouncing around from house to house until I was old enough to be on my own.  Whenever I started feeling like I belonged--like maybe this was the house I would finally be able to call home--something would happen and I would be given back and would have to move on to the next place that had an opening.  I learned never to form any attachments to people because sooner or later I was going to leave and I was never going to see them again and it was easier if there were no emotions involved."  Mayra sniffed and wiped at the tears slipping down her cheeks though it was a futile effort--they kept coming.  "When I was sixteen I met John.  He was in the system like I was and we formed an attachment.  It started first because of our shared experiences then grew from there.  We were together for two years and I loved him--as much as a sixteen year old can love."

"What happened?" JC asked, speaking for the first time since Mayra had begun to tell her story.  She finally looked at him and almost broke down completely at the concern and empathy radiating from his eyes. 

"He died." She told him, her voice cracking as she said the words.  They were quiet for a moment as she attempted to gain control of her emotions.  "I know..." she began.  "I know now that it was irrational, but at the time, I was scared." She continued.  "The feelings I had for you were so powerful and I was young.  I was scared that by being with you--by falling in love with you-that I was condemning you to an early death, but I couldn't stop myself.  I had to be with you, and I convinced myself that because we weren't in a ‘real' relationship, because we only saw each other once a month, that you were safe.  But then you started talking about getting married--"

"I only mentioned it once." JC reminded her, cutting her off.  "It wasn't a real proposal."

"I know." She told him.  "But the fact that that was even an idea in your head at the time, scared the hell out of me.  Living on separate coasts had seemed to protect you from the curse I thought I had on the people I love, but talking about marriage would change that.  Suddenly, I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't be with you and run the risk of you meeting the same fate as John and my family.  I couldn't watch you die too, knowing that it was my fault." She sobbed.  "So I forced myself to run away from you.  I had to run or I would never be able to leave you like I knew I had to.  I had to cut you out of my life completely or there might still be a chance that the curse would affect you.  I know now, that that was a ridiculous and completely irrational way of thinking, but at the time my fear overshadowed everything else and all I could do was run.  I know I made a mistake but by the time I realized it, too much time had passed and I knew it was too late to change anything." Mayra said, looking at JC across the table.  He remained silent, his eyes studying her.  "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I was young and foolish and so in love with you and I convinced myself that leaving you was for your own good.  You were better off without me anyways."

"I would have to disagree with that." He said quietly. 

"You were." She nodded.  "You are." He shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but she continued before he could speak.  "I don't know if you can ever forgive me." She said, looking down once more at her hands.  "But I hope someday you can."  She braved a look up at him again.  "I loved you." She told him.  "These last couple days have been torture--seeing you again, reliving the memories, being eaten alive by the guilt."  Her bottom lip trembled as tears threatened again.  "But I guess that's the price I have to pay for running out on you like I did."  He remained silent and she waited for him to say something.  Anything.  He remained quiet however, and Mayra took his silence as a signal for her to leave. 

Pushing back her chair she stood.  She opened her mouth to apologize again, but stopped herself.  She had said all that she needed to say.  She had given him the reason behind her leaving and could now close the book.  Turning quickly, before he could see her cry again, Mayra began walking back towards the entrance to the hotel lobby.  She didn't hear JC's chair scrape against the concrete of the patio, so she was surprised when he gripped her arm again, stopping her once again and turning her to look at him. 

"Answer me this last question." He said, his eyes delving into hers.  Mayra's heart fluttered in her chest as she waited for him to continue.  "Do you still love me?"