Women are crazy.
 
No, not like they do weird things. Like, they're certifiable.
 
At least the women I date.
 
First there was Kate. I really, honest to God, loved her. And then she went all batty on me. Talking about weddings and babies and our second home. Fuck, we didn't even have a first home, let alone live together! And sure, I did break up with her by a text but maybe if she had answered her phone or agreed to meet me, I would have manned up and done it the right way. Face to face.
 
But noooo, she went all psycho on me and sang me a karaoke death song, gave me a beer bath and then she said I have a small penis!
 
Which, by the way, I do not. It's fuckin' awesome! Never had a complaint.
 
Which is why Jesse, my new girlfriend is so great. She's funny and sweet. And girl is fucking stacked! I mean, her body..... well, I'll leave this part PG. But trust me on this one, ok?
 
But lately, she seems to be acting different. Maybe it's PMS.