Quite some time elapsed after my promotion and I still hadn’t heard from Justin. He hadn’t called or stopped by even once, but neither had I. I had read somewhere that he was away filming a movie, and in a way it calmed me to know he wasn’t just a few floors away, and that if I ever wanted to, I couldn’t just go up to see him.

I wondered about him often, but the time I’d been spending with Adrian helped to reduce the pangs I felt when I did.

Adrian and I got very serious very fast, in an effortless kind of way that wasn’t alarming or raised any conscious or unconscious doubts in my mind.

We quickly fell into a routine of wake up, shower, breakfast, work, dinner, sex, sleep repeat but both of our jobs meant the monotony was broken up by late nights, classes and conferences.

My new role was every bit as consuming as I thought it would be, but I didn’t mind, because it felt like a whole new world of opportunities were opened up to me and suddenly I was learning, networking and my hard work was rewarded with a pay increase that made things a whole lot easier for me.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months and before I knew it, I’d been in my new job for just over four months. Four months into my relationship with Adrian and I knew I made the right choice.

We played, we loved, we laughed, we argued, but then we made up and everything was okay again.

I was in my bedroom packing a suitcase for a conference and industry charity event to Philadelphia when Adrian came into my room dripping wet from the shower wearing little more than a towel and suddenly I was very distracted from my task.

“Your body is amazing,” I complimented him staring at his chest mesmerized as he laughed and shook his head modestly.

“Shut uuuup.”

I grinned and fastened the zipper, lifting my suitcase off the bed and placing it by the door as Adrian pulled on some jeans and smiled at me from the other side of my bed before he pulled a t-shirt on over his head.

“How long are you gone for?”

“Four days.”

“So we have to have sex four times tonight to make up for the days you’re going to be gone,” he grinned smoothing back his wet hair and hanging his wet towel over my bed head.

“Four times? If you make it to four times, I’ll throw in the fifth for free,” I said teasing him and his tendency to fall asleep after just once.

“Well, some would argue that its quality not quantity,” he said wrapping his arms around me and I leaned into him and looked up at his eyes.

“I’m going to miss you. I hate being away from you,” I sighed remembering the last business trip I’d been sent on and how much of my downtime I spent on the phone with him.

“I know, Soph, I hate it when you’re away too, but maybe when you come back we can think about going on a vacation or, maybe even just a weekend away from the city, how about that?”

“That sounds perfect,” I grinned widely at the thought and he kissed me twice and lifted me up into his arms and carried me over to the bed, lowering me down onto the mattress and lying down beside me as we stared at each other smiling for a moment.

He took my hand and kissed it softly before rubbing it against his rough cheek.

“I have to tell you something,” he said quietly as I rolled onto my side to face him.“I just wanted to tell you that I know we’ve only been together for a little while, but I can totally see myself settling down with someone like you.”

He looked up into my face immediately to see my reaction to his words and I smiled, but my chest tightened a little.

“I know we had a couple of false starts, but we both knew it was always going to work out between us, right?”

I nodded and leaned in to kiss his cheek.“Yeah.”

“So I just wanted you to know that, I am serious about us and I want to give you something.”

As he turned over reach into his gym bag, my mouth instantly dried and my heart began to race.I hoped against hope that he wasn’t about to do what I thought he was going to.I saw a small, dark blue velvet ring box in his hand and I shot up into a sitting position

“Adrian,” I began and he was quick to jump in.

“It’s not what you think,” he assured me and I relaxed a little then, my cheeks flushed and my heart pounding away.

He held it out to me and I forced a smile, taking it reluctantly.

“Well…open it,” he said as I held it in my hands, not knowing what to expect.

I peeled open the lid and if it wasn’t an engagement ring, then I couldn’t imagine what he would give me when he actually did propose.

“Oh my goodness Adrian,” I sighed looking up at him wide eyed as I pulled out the ring from the box.

It was a white gold band with two diamonds and three aquamarine stones in an alternating pattern along the band and it was gorgeous.

“Do you like it?” he asked hesitantly and I almost choked.

“Like it? I love it…Adrian it’s…gorgeous,” I said sincerely still completely shocked and taken aback by his gift.

“Good I’m glad, here let me put it on you, let’s see if it fits,” he said pinching the ring from me and I held out my left hand.

“Which finger?” He asked and I smiled.

“Which finger was it intended for?” I asked and he laughed a little and pointed to my ring finger.

“It kind of intended to be a commitment gesture…I guess.” He said awkwardly and I couldn’t help from leaning him and kissing him.

“Like a promise ring?”

“Yeah. Yeah, a promise ring,” he nodded and slid the ring on my ring finger leaving me beaming.

“I love you,” I told him, laying out beside him again and pulling him over me.

“I love you too,” he managed to say before I literally attacked him, both deciding to go to bed early and stay up late.  

I had a flight to catch early the next morning, and in the cab on the way to the airport, I couldn’t stop looking at the ring.

I was suddenly for all intents and purposes a “kept woman” and it felt amazing.I didn’t think about the fact that I had panicked a little when I thought he was going to propose, but I simply wouldn’t have been ready to commit to him that way yet, and I just dreaded telling him that.

Luckily, though, he knew me well enough to know that I loved him enough to commit to him without the wedding and fuss until later on down the road. 

Once in Philadelphia, I met with Garry who I would be attending the conference and social events with.

It was three intensive days of presentation after presentation, followed by long, expensive social dinners and then on the last night in Philadelphia we had a cocktail party and silent auction for charity were I’d pretend to be delighted, meeting a bunch of people that I didn’t know.

Garry was fun though, and kept formalities to a minimum wherever possible.The point of being introduced to all the high rollers, and executives, he’d told me, was to begin assembling a network or contacts.

I was eager to impress, so I tried where possible to pay as much attention to the presentations and the information being given, because I knew it would help me when meeting the myriad of business people and talk to them specifically about the subjects they had presented on.

The charity cocktail party was to be held in the hotels reception room and since it was apparently quite a to-do, I decided that red lipstick was called for.

I poured myself into my strapless black dress and straightened the hem that reached just above my calves and slipped on my black heels that I knew I’d have to oil off my feet by the end of the night, having bought them half a size too small, but at a bargain price of 60% off.

I left my hair out and after a quick five minute make up face of blush, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick, I was done.

I felt hot, and unfortunately the only people who would benefit would be 50+ year old executives and I suddenly regretted the dress I brought thinking I probably should have brought something a bit more conservative.

Still, it was too late now, and all I could do was resolving to be extra charming and on the ball and impress all the stuffy executives with lots of made up statistics.

All I had to do was get through the night without making a fool of myself and then I could go home and see Adrian and my babies.

The cocktail function was every bit as boring as I thought it would be and though Garry tried desperately to make light of the evening, real businessmen were virtually incapable of anything other than shoptalk.

I was introduced to so many people I could barely remember a name, but I was right in amongst it and was able to surprise even myself with how much I’d learned over the past four months and was glad that I seemed to be making an impression.

I was listening to a gentleman from Scotland, whose accent was so thick, I could barely understand him and I don’t know what made me look up when I did, but at first I thought I’d imagined it.

A familiarly slim frame and a head covered with dirty blond curls that caught my breath in my throat made my heart skip a beat.

Maybe I sensed him looking over his shoulder at me in the furthest corner of the room, but there was Justin with a small group of people that he was no longer paying attention to, and I wasn’t either.

He smiled slightly and raised his glass discreetly to greet me and every cell in my body froze.

All I could do was half smile and I remembered I was being spoken to by someone in my immediate presence, so I turned my attention back to them, at least with my eyes, but they might as well have been talking in gibberish for all I knew.

I was surely in some other place now and all my networking tactics went out the window.

I was suddenly a doe-eyed, vapid listener rather that a confident, knowledgeable business associate and I simply needed to take a breath and pull myself together.

It was hard though.He looked so good in his suit, with his hair grown out a bit and that casual confidence that I once found distracting and annoying.

I felt Garry’s hand on my back as he guided me over to meet more people and this time, I was careful to make sure that I was giving the right impression, which made an already hard task seem insurmountable when I could see Justin out of the corner of my eye watching me and sipping his drink.

During the lulls in conversation I’d sneak a glance over at him and he was now unabashedly staring.I was getting uncomfortable and had to do something about it.

“I’m sorry, can I be excused for one moment?” I said to my company and Garry eyed me concerned for a moment.

“Ladies room,” I whispered and he nodded relieved.

I made my way towards the direction of the restrooms past Justin, and then stopped when I was out of everyone else’s line of sight, making my way along to the opposite wall where I would come in directly behind him.

As I neared him, he seemed to be looking around for me and I grasped his arm gently to get his attention.

“Hey,” I greeted and he turned around and looked down at me with a half smile.

“Hey Sophie, how you doing?”He leaned in and I kissed his cheek politely.

“What are you doing here?” I asked curiously as he leaned against a pillar which I was glad for because he blocked me from Garry’s view.

“I bought into a design company and I’m here with my business partners,” he explained motioning over his shoulder to the people I saw him talking with earlier.

“Wow, that’s really exciting, congratulations,” I offered and he nodded.

“Yeah thanks, looks like you’re not doing too badly yourself,” he said looking me up and down and my head cocked, slightly used to his charm by now.

“Yeah, I got a big kid’s job it would seem.”

“You and Andrew married already,” he asked pointing at my ring which I’d forgotten all about.

“No, Adrian and I aren’t married, it was a gift.”

“Aw, that’s nice,” he said flippantly, not at all concerned with how believable he sounded.

“How have you been,” I asked, trying to change the very uncomfortable subject between us.

“Me, I’ve been awesome,” he said with enthusiasm, “been shooting a movie in Boston, busy with the company, a friend of mine is getting married in a couple of weeks and asked me to be the best man,” he listed.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” I said nodding and seemed to genuinely be really happy besides the fact that now that I was standing right in front of him he was barely looking at me anymore.

“How about you, you seeing anyone?” I asked politely, curiously.

“Nope,” he shook his head, “no time for that,” he said coolly and I smiled because I knew him better than that.

“What?” he asked and I shook my head.

“No, nothing.”

“What does it matter anyway?” he asked some attitude creeping into his voice, and it was then I knew he still wasn’t completely over what had happened between us.

“It doesn’t, I was just making conversation.”

“Right,” he said looking around the room like he wasn’t interested in talking anymore and I didn’t know why I bothered to approach him.

“See you around,” I said turning on my heels and starting to walk away.

“Yeah take care,” he said like I was a stranger that was bothering him, which pissed me off and I turned back to him and got right up close to him.

“If you’re still sore about the fact that I chose Adrian over you, get over it!”

“Oh, here she goes,” he rolled his eyes.

“No, I’m done. Enjoy your evening,” I said and turned to walk away but he caught my arm and began pulling me towards the back of the room.

“What the hell are you doing? Please let go!”

“Don’t’ make a scene,” he said as I shuffled along in my heels, that I was concentrating too much to remain balanced on, to allow me to fight him at all.

“I swear, I’ll make such a spectacle of us both,” I warned him as he pushed me into a closed off section behind a curtain with little room to move.

“No you won’t, Sophie. You won’t because this is your job and you wouldn’t dream of doing anything to jeopardize it, least of all for the sake of some asshole who just wants you to admit that you still think about him.”

He was so close to me, pinning me between a wall and I was starting to get nervous.

“You’re out of your mind,” I breathed now pressed right up against the wall and smelling his alcohol laced breath on my mouth.

“That’s your fault.”

His hands bushed my hips and lowered his head kissing a brazen spot on my chest and what followed was blur.

A mix of emotions, from lust to defeat and anger overtook me and I closed my eyes and gripped his arms tightly while his mouth worked its way up my neck.

“Jesus, please don’t do this to me again, I’m happy! Why can’t you just let me be with him?”

“Because you want me,” he said lifting his head to look me in the eyes. “That Mr. Nice Guy of yours might give you promise rings and never raise his voice at you, but no good ever came from anything that wasn’t a risk and sometimes there’s no getting around the fact that what you tell yourself you need will never be enough to fulfill what you really want. All you have to do is let me behind that fucking wall you put up around yourself,” he said looking down at me challengingly and my thudding heart was frightening me.

I swallowed hard and pushed him back a step which was as far back as he could move anyway without someone finding us out.

“I can’t do it to him again,” I said decidedly and he sighed.

“What about you?”

“I am happy with him Justin, I love him.”

“No, you’re safe with him.”

“What’s wrong with knowing the man you’re with isn’t going to do anything to hurt you, because I sure as hell didn’t have that luxury with you, you know? Like I just see this playing out in my mind exactly the way it’s going to work out. I tell him it’s over. Again! You and I pick up where we left off. Break up. Again! And I know he won’t have me back, he’s not an idiot.”

“If he really loves you as much as he says he does, he’ll have you however he can get you,” he interrupted and I knew arguing with Justin about it was futile because he could twist any doubt I had in a way that would make it sounds exactly how he wanted it to.

“Oh, Justin, the world doesn’t work that way,” I said shaking my head regretfully.

“Well, it does with me.”

“Are you saying you’d take me any way you can get me? Are you saying you love me that way?”

“That’s what I am trying to find out.” he said quietly, looking away for a moment.

“And what if you don’t?”

“I’m not going to speculate on maybes,” he said leaning in and I held up my hand over his mouth.

“Well, maybe you need to. Because I’m not about to ruin a good thing with a good man who I know loves me, for some guy who may or may not at some point when and if he decides that he’s ready to.”

Justin sighed and smiled.

“You drive a hard bargain kid.”

“This isn’t a negotiation, this is my life.”

“I’m just avoiding making you whimsical promises that I don’t know if I can keep.”

“I like whimsy. I like promise rings and being told that I am loved everyday, and maybe I’ll never be promised forever, but I like knowing that right now, in the moment that we’re in, that I am loved.”

“’Cause you’re insecure.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged but simply to humor him.

“No, not maybe, a girl who needs to be told that she’s loved everyday is not being shown.”

“Oh he shows me.”

“Does he show you the way I used to show you?”

“Justin, stop!”

“It’s an innocent question, I’m just curious to know if your heart races with him as much it’s racing right now. Jesus Sophie, I can almost hear it,” he said lowering his head like he was listening to my heart, but turned it at the last minute to press his lips into my neck.

I froze and turned my head away from him slightly, but I didn’t push him off me as his kisses slowly made their way up my neck and along my jaw towards my mouth.

He took my wrists and pulled then up onto his shoulder stroking their length of my arms and down my sides as he closed the gap between us and slowly lifted me up around him as I let him close his lips around mine, reluctantly at first, but then I returned his kiss feeling myself fall away.

I felt completely useless and before I knew what we were doing Justin was inside me, holding me up against the wall with nothing but a sheet of red velvet curtain standing between us and a room full of executives, one of which was my boss who would surely be wondering where I got to.

I was too far in to stop now, but then I didn’t want to either. He felt too good inside me, thrusting with such vigarous passion that I wasn't even aware that I had missed.

Justin was forced to clamp his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet, and when it was over we both collapsed onto the floor in a breathless, tangled heap.

I didn’t know yet how to feel about what had just happened, wanting for the moment to hang onto the rush and tingling in my body.

I knew once it wore off that it would be nothing but confusion and guilt as far as my eyes could see, but for the moment I was happy in his lap, hearing him catch his breath against my shoulder.

I was enjoying the vagueness of bliss, until some bickering between two waiters close by brought me back to earth and I braced myself against Justin’s shoulders and pulled myself up from the ground.

He also stood and as we straightened out our clothing and hair he was waiting for me to say something and I was avoiding his eyes.

Straightening the hem of my dress, I sighed and took the fabric of the curtain in my hands, and his hand quickly stopped me from pulling it back.

“What room are you in,” he asked and suddenly it hit me all at once, what we had just done and what we would continue to do if I gave him my hotel room number.

I barged past him and hurried back into the cocktail party, flushed, stressed and not composed in any way.

“Are you okay, you look a little feverish?” Garry asked when he saw me and over his shoulder, Justin watched as I leaned in to talk quietly.

“I’m not feeling so good actually, is it okay if I leave?”

“Was it the caviar?”

“I don’t know, I just really need to go to my room and lay down,” I said wrapping my arms around myself and Garry nodded.

“Yeah sure, sure, go call my room if you need anything.”

“I’m so sorry,” I added and he held up his hand.

“Its fine Sophie, go take care of yourself, go on.”

I didn’t need anymore encouragement and hurried by him out of the reception room and out into the hotel lobby as fast as my legs would carry me.

I ran to the elevator and pushed the up button hoping he wasn’t insane enough to follow me.The elevator opened and I barely waited for the people to come out before I pushed my way in and started pressing my floor button over and over until the doors began closing and I sighed with relief as they glided shut most of the way before stopping and reopening, and I prayed it wasn’t him.