I closed my eyes and bit my lip because I just knew.

The air was different around him than it was around everyone else, and my body reacted to his presence even when I couldn’t see him. It was like how the air pressure changed when you went under a tunnel and the molecules in their air suddenly become tighter and your ears dropped into a silence that you didn’t just hear, but felt.

I knew he was there.

Sure enough when I opened my eyes again he was standing very casually on the other side of the elevator loosening his tie and slipping it off over his head with a sigh.

I lowered my eyes to the floor and kept them there guiltily.

“Well thank God that’s over, corporate functions aren’t really my thing,” he said like nothing happened.

I could have launched into the obvious subject but I played along for the sake being able to gather my thoughts.

“Get used to them, Mr. Design Company,” I said monotonously and he shook his head.

“I didn’t buy into no design company, I just crashed the party so I could talk to you,” and I finally looked up at him incredulously.

“You crashed the party? Who were those guys you were with?”

“I don’t know, I just started talking to them,” he shrugged, “nice guys, no business sense though.”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling and I thought I was going to cry.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you that you don’t want me to. If you’re waiting for me to be the bigger person and walk away it’s not going to happen.”

“You can’t give me what he can,”

“Can he give you what I can?”

“What? An orgasm?”

“Don’t you…” he said with clenched teeth and breathed deeply to compose himself before finishing the sentence, “… dare cheapen this Soph, because that would really piss me off,” he said staring me dead in the eyes and with all seriousness.

I wondered how much more proof I needed then about how Justin felt about me, but couldn’t help feeling his obstinate determination to get me would vanish once he had me. Still, I tread carefully after that, because he was ready to rumble and I wasn’t in the mood.

The elevator doors opened on my floor and I stepped out of the elevator pulling off my shoes once I was out because I could no longer feel my feet, and headed towards my room with him close behind.

“I suppose there’s no sense in trying to convince you to not to come into my room right now,” I asked as I pulled the keycard out of my clutch and he snatched it from my hands and stared at me insubordinately as he opened the door to my room, walking in ahead of me to answer my question leaving me with as little choice as I thought he would.

He made himself comfortable on the armchair beside the bed, sinking low in the seat as I went about my business like we wasn’t there. Or at least I tried to.

He had a very consuming presence though, which was hard to ignore and though I knew it wasn’t going to happen, I was waiting for him to get bored and leave.

I rifled through my suitcase looking for something to change into, but I was slowly getting more and more distracted until finally I decided that he probably had all night and would just wait until I snapped.

I sat on the bed in front of him and stared at his tall frame, sitting awkwardly in a small chair. We watched each other for a while before he sat up and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees with a sigh.

“Look Sophie,” he began softly without a trace of light in his voice, “if you knew how high my hopes were for finding the perfect person for me, and how quickly I can lead myself to believe that they’re not because they put one foot wrong, then you would know that I am being very patient with you. You didn’t give me anything to hold on to and yet, I’m here. I’m not going to tell you I love you, but when I do, I’ll mean it. It’s not going to be to fill a silence or to placate your insecurities, it’ll be because it’s real and you won’t just hear it; you’ll feel it. If you tell me you have that right now with him, I’ll cut my losses, get up and walk out of here right now. But I wouldn’t be here, especially after everything that’s happened between us to date, if I had doubts that I would one day tell you that I love you, I’m just waiting for you to let me.”

It was about as open and honest as I ever hoped that he would be with me and I sighed and shifted my eyes so that I wasn’t looking at him anymore, absorbing what he’d just said.

I definitely didn’t want to say or do anything rash and was quickly learning that in order to think with any clarity, I had to not be in the same room as Justin.

I stood, took up my t-shirt and pajama pants and proceeded to lock myself in the hotel bathroom.

I took a long hot shower, taking as much time to think about the situation I was in as I could. Even while trying to be objective, I still couldn’t fathom breaking Adrian’s heart again, but then in the same thought I really believed that someone that wonderful deserved the attention of someone who didn’t see anyone else but him, and I could admit to myself no matter how much it hurt, that for the moment at least, that wasn’t me. I kept getting a bug on my windshield. A big, old bug in the shape of Justin and he kept blocking my view and no matter how much I threw at him he just kept coming back.

I knew ending it with Adrian and trying to make it work with Justin would be a disastrous mistake no matter how hard we tried to make it work and no matter how open I was with him.

Your instincts are there for a reason after all and despite the sexual chemistry that Justin and I undeniably had, my gut told me that I would not be able to fit into any other part of his life and he wouldn’t fit into mine.

I suddenly dreaded going home.

Everything that had felt so right about my relationship with Adrian now felt so wrong, and I regretted giving him keys to my apartment, accepting his ring and letting him get attached to my dog. Mostly I regretted wanting out of a relationship with someone like him, because someone like Justin had put me in two minds.

I just knew it wasn’t fair to be wondering about Justin when I was with Adrian and forgetting all about Adrian whenever Justin was around.

My mind was racing so fast thinking about it, that when I finally switched off the water, I was exhausted and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I took a towel and dried off, got dressed and dried my hair and I hoped that the time spent in the bathroom which was now well over an hour would have been sufficient enough for Justin to have gotten bored and left.

I opened my door only to find that he was now lying on my bed, sans shoes and socks with his shirt un-tucked and a couple of buttons loosened, reading a book I bought for the plane.

“This book started off with a bang,” he stated twirling his hair around his fingers with one hand and holding the book up to his face with the other. “I’m not even being metaphoric. The two protagonists, literally fuck within the first two chapters, you know what that means right,” he asked lowering the book into his lap and looking up at me with a grimace as I began packing away all the things I’d taken out of my suitcase.

I didn’t answer, but knew I wouldn’t have to. He’d tell me anyway.

“Very thin story, if any. And just to make sure that there were no unexpected surprises or startling plot twists…or plot for that matter, I took the liberty of skipping to the end and he dies,” he informed me and I nodded unable to keep from smiling a little as I folded up my dress.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“Sure…I didn’t want you to have paid sixteen dollars for this only to have it ruin your day.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little at him, despite myself and carried on with my task.

He threw the book over the side of the bed and rested his hands behind his head and a shiver went through me to know that he was now watching me as I continued to try to ignore him.

“Justin.”

“Sophie”

“I kind of need you to not be here right now,” I said folding a set of socks and stuffing them into a sliver of space in the corner of my suitcase.

“I know,” he said making no real attempt to leave.

“I can’t think clearly if you’re just sitting there staring at me, and I have a lot of thinking to do.”

“About what?” he asked, knowing fully well about what, but I guess he just wanted to hear me say it.

“About the fact that just because I will probably end it with Adrian, it doesn’t mean that I’ll be willing to give us another shot,” I responded and it was a cautious answer but at the time it was how I felt.

“Then why bother ending it with Adrian?”

I hesitated to answer that, but in the end I thought I’d feel better if I did.

“Because it’s not fair to be with him, when I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Continuing to avoid eye contact, I heard him sigh and get up off the bed.

“I’ll give you space,” he said, and I looked up at him finally, “but not too much and not for too long,” he added and it sounded a little like a warning as he stole a kiss before finally leaving me alone in my hotel room.

On the plane, heading home, I was only listening to Garry enough to be able to respond appropriately.

He was filling me in on what I’d missed the night before but all I could think about was Justin.

I had admitted to myself finally that as much as I loved Adrian, Justin was right. I felt safe with him, but he didn’t invade my thoughts and consume my life the way Justin did and for that reason alone I had to let him go. I had warned Justin though, that ending it with Adrian did not automatically mean that Justin and I would try again.

That was the part I needed time to work out.

Garry was still talking and I decided now to give him my full attention.

“So you didn’t have a chance to meet Elliott Matthews from our Houston office, he’s the new branch manager there.”

“No unfortunately, I’ve heard a lot about him.”

“Well he’s a very valuable find for our company, but I have a feeling if he doesn’t get supports to help clean up our Houston office, he’s not going to stick for very long.”

“What do you mean “clean up” our Houston office,” I enquired curiously.

“Well Jeremy Beazleigh who was there before Elliot pretty much ran the office into the ground, there hasn’t been any administration support there for…God knows how long…anyway, Elliot has walked into a bomb site there’s no filing system, no database of information everything is just-“

Garry stopped short staring directly at me and I smiled because I knew exactly what was coming.

“You want me to go over there and set up a team don’t you,” I asked and Garry shifted in his seat, not wanting to be too eager, but I could see he was itching.

“Well…it’s a possibility but….let’s not underestimate the magnitude of this task Sophie, if you put your hand up for this, it’s going to be upwards of six months in Houston.”

“Six months?”

“It’s bad over there and Elliot will surely need the support so if we send you over there to assemble a team, then it’s going to mean that you’re going to have to be there until everything has been documented, filed and the staff have been trained. Michael Harvey right up the top won’t approve it without the assurance that you’re not going to even think about coming back to New York until Houston is a well oiled machine…it’s a huge task.”

I sighed and looked straight ahead knowing there wasn’t really any way that I was going to be able to say no. There wasn’t anyone else with the knowledge and experience with administration to be able to take on the task.

“I’ll tell you Sophie, to have something like this on your resume…not the mention how impressed senior management would be if you can do this…”

I didn’t need the extra goading but it did make my mind up for me.

“Six months huh?”

“Maybe seven…maybe eight…”

“Can my pets come with me?”

“You can bring your whole family over with you if you want, the company is paying for your relocation and housing.”

I liked the idea of a new start somewhere different, especially now that I was essentially on my way home to break up with Adrian.

I wouldn’t have to see him at work every day and I’d have space from Justin, and would be consumed with my task of helping to basically rebuild an administration centre for my company, a task that really appealed to me.

The more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with the idea.

“When I come back to New York,” I began, turning to face Garry, but he knew what I was going to say.

“Yes you can have an office.”

“The one by the window with the view of the park?”

“Cheryl has that one now,” Garry said and I shrugged and raised my eyebrows and Garry laughed.

“Maybe we can move her to Mary’s old office.”

“Send me to Texas,” I exclaimed enthusiastically.