I spent the rest of my Sunday trying to tell myself that I had no reason to feel bad

I contemplated going upstairs and trying to smooth things over with Justin with the tray of brownies that I made, but decided against it since sucking up after upsetting someone was his party trick.

I decided instead to see how long he would go without contacting me.

The next day at work it was a slow Monday.

Senior management and staff were away on conference meaning the flow of work into the office was greatly reduced leaving the rest of us time to get completely caught up and also the mood was a lot more casual.

When I arrived, Estelle was already in tapping away on her computer.
I dropped my bag at my desk and grabbed the back rest of my chair, wheeling it over to hers to sit down beside her.

As she finished up her email and sent it, I plunked down beside her with a sigh and she eyed me.

“He has a girlfriend?” She guessed and I shook my head.

“Is he gay?” David spoke up from over the partition and I sighed and motioned for him to be quiet and waved him over to Estelle’s desk.

Estelle and David were sound as a pound, and I knew I could trust them, especially since I had more gossip on them than they would ever have on me.

Once David was comfortable I took a deep breath and looked around before we all leaned in close.

“I think I’ve gotten myself into a little pickle,” I began and David snickered.

“Honey as long as it wasn’t a little pickle getting into you-“

“Shhhhh,” both Estelle and I scolded him and he giggled cheekily.

“So Friday-“

“Yeah where did you run off to in such a hurry?”

“Well...Justin burnt a pot roast.”

“Is that a metaphor? I don’t understand,” Estelle said shaking her head and I sighed.

“Are you guys going to let me finish or what?”

They both apologized and I tried again.

“Justin burned a pot roast and our building got evacuated. So Adrian followed me out of Murph’s and we got a cab back to my building. Anyway, the two of them met briefly and Justin was being his usual annoying self and tells Adrian that I do nothing but talk about him which is fine, because it saved me having to tell Adrian I liked him, plus I was drunk. So anyway, we get upstairs and we start making out-“

“Ooooh,” Estelle and David were suddenly a lot more interested and our huddle instantly shrunk even smaller.

“So we’re making out, and instead of saying “Adrian”…” I paused, still grimacing at the thought “I said “Justin””

Both Estelle and David gasped so loud, I thought they’d choke.

“What?”

“Oh no Sophie!”

“Shh-sh-sh-sh-sh” I hushed them and we balled up back into out huddle.
“I was able to cover it up, but after that I couldn’t…you know…continue,” I said and they both nodded, wide-eyed in understanding.

“So anyway, we were still going to Weezer on Saturday so he went home, and I went upstairs to drink with Justin.”

“Uh oh,” David said guessing where this was headed and I nodded.

“Yeah…I told him what I did and then we both got really drunk and…proceeded to spend the rest of the night having, the craziest, wildest sex either of us have ever had.”

“Jesus, Mary and Jospeh,” Estelle sighed leaning back in her chair to take a breath and then she leaned forward.

“You had sex with Justin Timberlake.”

“Don’t say his first and last name like I only know him from watching E! News.”

“I told you he wanted you,” Estelle said proud of herself and I shook my head.

“No…no I doubt he even thought it about until I told him I said his name while making out with another guy.”

“Whatever.”

“So what happened on Saturday with Adrian,” David enquired and I exhaled sharply and we all leaned back into the huddle.

“So Adrian comes to pick me up, and the second he showed up, I just completely forgot about Justin. We went to the concert, we had a great time, we went back to his place and…yeah”

“Oh my god, you’re such a hussy, I love it!” Estelle exclaimed slapping my knee excitedly.

“Seriously, I need a cigarette just listening to this,” David chuckled.

“Well after I got home from Adrian’s, Justin came over and at first, he was all “yeah don’t worry about it, we had a good time, but let’s not let it ruin our friendship,” but then he proceeds to tell me that I was the best sex he’s ever had, and I told him that he was too and he tried to kiss me, and then I couldn’t do it because I really like Adrian and he got all butt hurt and left…what time is it?”
I looked at the time on Estelle’s computer and stood out of my seat.

“Adrian will be here any second, if we sit around like this he’ll know I told you guys,” I said starting to push my chair back to my desk.

“So what are you going to do?” David asked just as we saw Adrian come out of elevator and I didn’t have a chance to answer before everyone scattered back to their desk.

I sat at my desk and turned on my computer as he came through the reception doors and I looked up and gave him a nervous smile.

“Morning Adrian.”

“Morning Sophie,” he said adding a very discreet wink as he walked by my desk towards his.

I turned my head in Estelle’s direction where she sat staring at him as he walked down the hallway towards his desk and when he was out of sight, she tuned to me.

“Was he that fine when he first started working here?”

I laughed and turned back to my desk.

“Back off, biatch he’s mine,” I said quietly.

“Well can I have the other one?” She asked and I shrugged.

“He’s all yours.”

As soon as it came out of my mouth it left a bitter taste.

The truth was, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Justin with anyone else.
I’d more or less kicked a dozen or more women out of his apartment and been so annoyed at him every single time I’d done it, but now that I looked back on it, I began questioning whether I was annoyed with him or annoyed at the idea of him with someone else.

I quickly told myself it didn’t matter because down the hall in the second block of cubicles in the seat closest to the window, was a man that there was no doubt about.

Adrian and I had spoken about keeping a lid on our relationship at work, but it was hard not to email him or take a seat on the corner of his desk and chat all day.

We snuck out for a lazy two hour lunch and I asked him if he wanted to stay over but he said he was catching up with an old school friend for drinks that night, so on my way home, I stopped at the market and picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Ice-cream and prepared for a Monday night in.

When my elevator door opened up, I could hear Barney barking from the door like he always did when he heard me coming home.

I opened the door to be greeted by a bounding Beagle and as soon as he smelled the ice-cream he sat quiet and still.

“Nooo, I don’t think so my darling. You get puppy food!”

I placed my keys on the hallway table and shut the door, taking care to make sure it as locked this time and greeted Bowser who was sitting at the door of the kitchen meowing.

“Good evening my sweet kitty,” I cooed picking him up which he didn’t like, but it was too bad because I was alone and I wanted love.

He was reluctantly obedient as I walked him into the kitchen with Barney in tow, and I collected their dinner from the fridge placing Bowser down so that I could use both hands to feed my pets.

While I waited for Barney’s food to heat up in the microwave, I turned and leaned against the bench.

“It’s just you and me tonight, boys-“ I said and just as I said that there was a loud knock at my door.

“Oh who could that be?” I asked aloud, having a fair idea, but in life anything was possible.

I unlocked my door and just as I suspected Justin was there with his hands up high on the doorframe.

“I just want to say one thing,” he began abruptly, his tone slightly abrasive.

“Impossible,” I sighed.

He ignored it and continued.

“I think you really do like Andrew or Arby or whatever the fuck his name is, but in a year from now when you’ve let him move into this place, and you’re with him twenty four hours a day, you’re going to be bored with his beige ass.”

It only took one sentence from his mouth to almost make my eyes bleed and I shouted at him.

“Oh! Yes! Please! Give me more advice Guru who has mastered the art of relationships!”

“Yeah you know what the difference between you and me is?”

“The level of pure, undiluted presumptuousness?”

“At least I have the balls to contemplate a harder path. Instead of going the easy route and not gaining anything of any worth from it.”

We were screaming at each other now and I couldn’t believe how brazen he was being.

“Yeah I’m sure you’re gaining invaluable life experiences from these harder options that I am constantly kicking out of your apartment for you because you’re too sackless to do it yourself you hypocrite.”

“Don’t use that against me like you don’t know that there is more to me than that, there’s sex and then there is relationships and they both have their place so get off your fucking high horse and admit the only reason it pisses you off so much is because you have feelings for me.”

“Yeah and I also have an entire memory catalogue of the conversations we’ve had about all your busted up relationships and the chicken shit things you did to fuck them up, so you tell me, from my point of view why the fuck I would even contemplate in my right mind ever going there with you!”

For that he didn’t have an answer and I swung my door hard to shut it, but his left hand caught it and pushed it back on its hinges hard enough for it hit the wall behind it with a loud crack, shocking me and making my heart uncomfortably fast.

I’d never seen him this angry before. We’d never got this heated in our arguments and I knew he wasn’t capable of any harm, but there was a fire he was keeping inside that I wasn’t sure I wanted to fully engage.

He softened immediately after it and rubbed his top lip thoughtfully with the back of his thumb, as I took the door handle gingerly and poised to shut the door with a little less force this time.

“Look at us,” I softly, “this how we’ve always been and it’s just a preview of what we’d be like together.”

His eyes flickered from behind me to directly on me in a sharp, piercing kind of way that told me there was still fire in him and it made me nervous.

“Let me in,” he said tightly and I knew right away that that meant.

“Justin-“

“Tell me that if I turn around right now and go back upstairs that you won’t be sitting up all night thinking about me.”

He was arrogant. But he was also right. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I wouldn’t so I kept my mouth shut,

It was all he needed and he crossed the threshold into my apartment and stood in front of me.

I took a step back to give us space, but he closed the gap as well as the door from behind him and suddenly I was pressed up against the wall in my dark hallway in a searing kiss that deep down I wanted, but couldn’t bring myself to stop it even though I should have.

It wasn’t a hard kiss, but forceful enough for him to let me know that he was in charge.

He had a hand on my throat and another around my waist and I gave in, hooking my arms underneath his and gripping his back, pressing him to me from head to toe.

The way he was kissing me was reminiscent of that night we’d spent and I was turned on by the prospect of even a partial re-enactment.

His tongue was subtle in comparison to the rest of his touch and I was craning on my toes to get to a level where we could engage in the kiss more comfortably, a situation he rectified by pulling my black skirt up around my waist and gripping the back of my thighs with his hands and hoisting me up against the wall.

The hallway was narrow enough for me to press my toes against the opposite wall and we were able to continue kissing now with a lot more ease, but it was quickly apparent that this time around we weren’t so patient for foreplay.

One of his hands dove between us to undo his pants and suddenly I felt him against me and he broke the kiss and stared at me, his eyes gleaming in the dark.

“Tell me you want me.”

I hadn’t grasped the context of the question correctly.

“I want you. I want you so much,” I breathed thinking if he made me wait much longer, I’d die.

“No I mean tell me that it’s me you want, tell me you chose me,” he murmured.

I instantly wished that he didn’t say that and he felt me turn off as I stared back at him trying to find what to say.

I pushed his hips back as my feet fell to the floor and I pulled my skirt back down as he stood doing up his jeans. I was awkward, he was annoyed.

“That wasn’t fair,” I said gently leaning against the wall with my hands crossed over my chest.

“No, what’s not fair is you leading two guys on at the same time.”

“Don’t,” I said shaking my head but not yet finding more to say.

“What?” He shrugged urging me to continue.

“If you remember correctly, my choice was made, you’re the one who was baiting me.”

“Yeah because you made the wrong choice,” he said simply not bothering to tuck in his white shirt as it hung loosely around him.

“I’ll be upstairs when you change your mind,” he said and exited my apartment and leaving me there to deal with the tingle I still felt all over my body from his touch.