My dreams that night we filled with all kinds of signs and symbolism, things that meant nothing the second I woke up. I slept later than usual and I didn't hear Eva leave, so I must've really been out cold. I got out of bed and walked down to the bathroom, getting my routine out of the way. I drug my feet as I walked through the hall into the kitchen and swore I saw something out the corner of my eye.

"AAAAAH!" I screamed.

"What is wrong with you, woman?!" Donni yelled.

"What the hell are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me!" I yelled, grasping onto my chest.

"Eva let me in," he said sitting down.

"Adonis Noie, I should kick your ass. You set me up! You set us both up! Why would you do that to me?" I asked. My mouth was moving a million miles.

"He wanted to see you. I didn't tell him when I'd bring you because I wasn't sure either. It was spontaneous," he replied.

"I still wanna strangle you. You were keeping in touch with him and you didn't tell me. What am I, chopped suey?" I asked.

"I didn't tell you because I knew this would be how you'd react! You guys went to breakfast, so what's the big deal? He doesn't have any ill feelings."

"Why, Adonis? What is going on that everyone at that meeting knows, except me?" I asked.

"I can't tell you that, Esamar, it really isn't my place," he replied.

I was ready to launch off at the mouth, but I kept my temper. I wasn't going to blow up, because I still wouldn't get an answer. Then I'd just be pissed and answer-less. I shook my head and travelled back to the bathroom. I needed a shower. I had to get my mind right. The only reason I was so angry was because I missed JC more than he'd ever be able to understand. He may think it was easy to walk away, but it wasn't. To date, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

By the time I got out of the shower, I heard Donni on his phone, entertaining himself. Then I realized, a speakerphone wouldn't project a voice that clearly. Not only was Donni talking to someone who was IN my living room, that someone was JC. What the fu--did I not just yell at him? As I came down the hallway I watched my footsteps, I didn't want to be heard.

"Where is she?" JC asked.

"In the shower," Donni replied.

"What'd she do when she saw you?" 

"She was mad, and she'll be mad when she sees you," Donni said.

"Did you tell her?" JC asked.

Tell me what?

"What? No, she's already mad at me, I'm not about to be the one to tell her you're engaged."

For a moment in time, my heart stopped beating, I wasn't alive anymore. It was like I died standing up, instantly killed. My chest tightened and a queasy feeling began to boil in the pit of my stomach. It rose up, turning into a deep pain that settled on my heart. I knew it wasn't all in my head once my eyes began to cloud. Engaged? Like about to get married? Like.....having a wife? I couldn't think straight, my mind didn't know which reality to settle on first. My eyes were set on fire, burning in pain from the tears I wouldn't let fall. I blinked and walked out from the hallway.

"Congratulations."

I grabbed my keys and flew out the door. The kind of pain I had was hard to describe. It was the most unimaginable feeling. One that I didn't think was possible for a human being to feel. I locked myself inside my car and turned on the engine. I saw Donni and JC run the 50-yard dash and try to get me out my car. But I wasn't budging. I put the car in reverse and began to back out so they had no choice but to move. I glanced up and saw JC's face, his face said 'I'm sorry' but all I saw was 'I'm sorry we can never be together'.

I peeled out down the street, unsure of where I was going. The only thing on my mind was getting away from everyone before they could catch up and tail me. Where am I going? Can't go to my mom's, too obvious. Can't go to our cafe spot, again too obvious. I got it. I knew the perfect place where I could go, for just ten minutes so I could get my head straight. The place was so obvious, that it wasn't obvious.

I pulled inside the gate and parked my car. Without hesitation, I sobbed. I bawled. I cried my fucking eyes out. And when I was done, I cried some more. The more I cried, the more I thought about JC engaged and, the worst I felt. But at least I was alone.....until I heard a tap on my passenger window. Seriously, God? I looked and saw JC. Un-fucking-believable. I didn't leave him outside, though. I pleasantly unlocked the car door and he got in.

I couldn't even look at him, I kept my eyes fixed on the tree outside. I wasn't ready to stare into the eyes of the man I loved.....who loved someone else.

"How'd you find me?" I asked.

"I live here, Esamar," he replied. He's right. I did come to his house. But I figured that'd be the last place he'd look for me, if he was looking for me.

"So you weren't looking for me?" I asked.

"I was....and something told me to come to the place we both shared a special moment," he replied.

"You should've told me. You and Donni had me in that room looking so stupid. I guess that was your revenge," I said.

"My what? Esamar please, it wasn't my intent to make you feel any kind of way. Donni wanted me to tell you, and I was going to, but…"

"But what?"

"I didn't want you to stop loving me..."

I scoffed and shook my head. "What makes you think I'm still in love with you?" I asked. My posture was still faced forward, focused on that tree.

"Because I'm still in love with you."

My heart burst open. Why was he telling me this now? He was making me confused. Why are you getting married then? Why didn't you come and find me? Why didn't you stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life? Why wasn't I brave enough to fall into you and let you love me?

"Are you not getting married, Joshua?" I asked.

"That's up to you, Esamar," he responded.

What's he talking about? "Um....excuse me?"

"I'll call off the wedding right now if you say that you wanna be with me," he said.

As awesome as that sounded. As bad as I wanted what he said to sit well with me. It didn't. I was so ready to tell him I wanted to be with him and have him drop everything, but I didn't. I couldn't tell him the main thing I'd been waiting to answer.

"I won't let you hurt your fiancée because of me. That wouldn't make me happy. Josh......" I took a deep breath and I looked over at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I want you to do what makes you and your wife happy."

JC took his finger and wiped away my tears, then pulled me into his arms and embraced me. I forced myself not to hold back, until I gave in and grabbed him.

"I want you to be there.....so you can keep me from stopping the wedding and going to search for you," he whispered into my ear, playing with my hair.

I nodded and just held him. I wanted so much more, just one last time, but I knew him and I knew myself. There was still one thing I had to tell him, so he wouldn't have to wonder.

"Josh, there wasn't one day in the past two years where I didn't think about you....not one," I whispered.

He kissed my neck softly and pulled away. I smiled slightly as I wiped his shirt. From what I can remember, this was the first time I was ever emotional in front of JC.

"I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early?" he asked.

"Bright and early?" I repeated.

"I want you there with me in the beginning stages....if it's fine with you."

"It's fine, but if you cry, I'm leaving," I teased.

We both laughed together and it was all that mattered to me right then was we shared another moment together. I didn't dedicate being at JC's wedding because I was caught up in the moment. I did it, because for once, I wasn't going to leave him in the cold when he needed me.

"So, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." He smiled and he got out of the car, shutting the door. I started the engine and turned around so he could bid me goodbye from my window.

"Drive safe, if your number is still the same...I'll be texting you, cool?" he asked.

"Alright.....oh and Josh?"

"Yeah."