The Wedding
I was up bright and early, like requested, and when I realized that I was going to a wedding, I cursed. Dress and heels, AGAIN! I rummaged my closet for almost an hour searching for something to wear for later. I decided on something simple and sweet. I had a nice beige pantsuit and a white satin-type shirt to make it complete. The pants were a very snug fit, guess I should have worn it last year when I got it. I preferred to wear black, but I think it was an outdoor wedding and I wasn't about to be set on fire from LA heat. I spent time pressing and placing the outfit on hangers, and making sure my white open-toe shoes still fit comfortably. I glanced at the time and I was right on schedule. I was in regular attire, in case I had to run around, and my outfit would be kept in my car.
I wasn't new to the 'before the ceremony' routine but I was definitely new to the groom's perspective. I wasn't even sure if women were allowed. I felt like if I showed up, all the guys would act like six-year olds and say I had cooties or that it was the he-woman hating club. Yeah, vivid imagination, I know. After I gave Donni his wake-up call, I sent JC a text message letting him know I was on my way to his place. It did strike me that his new wife was possibly going to be there, but then again....JC seemed to have no intent on introducing me to her. Which is fine. It'd rise suspicion about us never really being a couple nor finishing what we wanted to start. I was perfectly fine not getting into anything crazy.
My heart was thumping in my throat as I brung my car to a stop. I was so nervous and I don't know why since I wasn't the one getting married. I wasn't even IN the wedding, I only got invited yesterday and I was ready to leave my breakfast on the lawn. I'm doing the right thing. If I keep repeating it, I'll believe it more and won't be so nervous.
I rang the doorbell and it swung open almost immediately. Scared the crap out of me. I came face to face with an even more nervous groom. Aw. I gave him an innocent hug when I was inside. God, he smells so good.
"I'm so glad you're here," he said.
"What's going on? You look a bit peaky," I said.
"I'm having cold feet," he said. I followed him into the living room and we sat down on the couch.
"Which is perfectly normal, Josh. Don't punk out now, go all the way," I advised.
"Why are you being so supportive?" he asked.
"Because for once I'd like to be there when you need me to be," I replied.
"I don't take back what I said about me loving you. I do love you."
"But you love her more and you know that. There's a part of you that won't forgive me until it's ready and when that time comes.....I'll still be here. Now get up so we can go to Krista and let her do something with this hair," I said as I ran my fingers through it.
He smiled and got up. I waited for him to get his things together and we headed out the door. No matter what Joshua Chasez says to me, I know that a part of him is still mad at me and I don't blame him. His bride fulfilled something that I didn't......confidence in their relationship and being there for him.
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Watching JC stand up at the front, made all my emotions begin to surface. Why wasn't that me? I wanted to be angry. But I couldn't because I lost that chance, not him. He looked so amazing. When the bride's song began to play, I felt my legs shake as I stood. She looked beautiful. An elegant off-white gown, and a veil with it's starting point of tinted white roses. I saw the twinkle in JC's eyes when he lifted her veil over her head. I saw that this was the same woman I was introduced to in the meeting. Hey, she looked like a great catch, no lie.
The tent was overcome with silence. JC's feet were warm, he was ready to marry her. I listened to the vows he pledged to her. And in the back of my mind, I vowed to hunt her down if she ever hurt him. JC wasn't perfect, but he was damn near close. And for awhile I didn't realize it. But everyone knows the saying; you never know a good thing until it's gone. Someone else realized what I was too stupid to.
I glanced over at Donni and I glanced at JC and caught his eye for a quick second. His eyes wanted approval, and I nodded slightly. This time, I didn't hide my emotions as I watched the man I love get married to the woman he loved. And I was happy.
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