“Justin.”

His eyes opened a crack, and for the first time in a long time…Justin had no idea where he was. Maybe it was because he was still tired, or maybe it was because his vision was blurred from the fatigue…but he was sure he was in a hotel room someplace. What time was it? He knew it had to be early…work always came early when he stayed in hotel rooms. “Momma,” he groaned. “Get Chris up first.”

A familiar laugh rang through his ears just then, and Justin opened his eyes a little wider. His mother wasn’t standing there though…instead it was Sheridan, dressed and ready to take on the world. “Grumpy bear,” she giggled. “It’s me.”

He sat up, and rubbed his eyes. There was no hotel room now, only the familiar surroundings of his bedroom. He chuckled hoarsely and coughed a little before managing a “Good morning.”

“Do I really look like your mother, Justin?” Sheridan smiled, sitting down next to him on bed.

He smiled and studied her for a moment. “Aside from the hair color…no. I guess I was dreaming, or something…I dunno.” He reached up and smoothed his hand over her cheek, which caused her to smile at him. “You look great in the morning.”

Sheridan rolled her eyes. “Please…I look like Doctor Quinn.”

“Nah,” he whispered, pulling her close for a soft kiss. “Doctor Quinn doesn’t have any boobs.”

“Justin!” She swatted him playfully. “Leave my boobs out of this.”

“Well she doesn’t,” he nodded. “And why do I have to leave them out of it for? I think they deserve a part in this discussion.”

“Get your head out of the clouds, Timberlake,” Sheridan smiled. “There’s work to be done.”

“Where’s Karen?”

“Oh…I told her I‘d get you up today. The hospital called to tell me they were overstaffed, and they didn’t need me to come in today,” she raised and lowered her eyebrows. “So lucky you…you’re getting a sponge bath by yours truly this morning.” She got up from the bed and yanked Justin’s wheelchair over to his bedside.

“You’re serious?” he asked her, preparing himself for the move into his wheelchair. “You don’t have to leave today?”

“Nope. But I’m sure my mom’s got a whole list of stuff for me to do for her,” she sighed. “You want help?”

He shook his head. “Get out of it.” He reached up and grabbed onto the hand loops above his bed, and expertly slid himself into his chair. “Tell her you have to go someplace.”

“I can’t get out of it,” she grabbed onto his handlebars and pushed him out of the bedroom. “You know my mom…work comes first.”

“But…maybe she’ll…”

“Justin,” Sheridan interrupted. “Come on…you’ve been living under the same roof as my mother long enough to know how she works. Let’s just get the work part out of the way, and then maybe later we can have some time to ourselves.”

“I guess there’s no other way,” he decided. With an annoyed sigh, he sank a little deeper into his seat and closed his eyes.

This week had been hard on him. With Sheridan interning at the hospital, he had more time to dwell on everything that had happened to him. No, Trace didn’t come around, as promised…but everything else…the gnawing pain…the guilt…the horrible memories…they were all still there, ready to take him over at a moments notice. He didn’t let Karen catch on though. Although Sheridan helped him to release some of the pain inside of him…he still hadn’t forgotten how to conceal his pain when he desperately needed to. At times, the pain he felt was so intense, he nearly went insane if Sheridan didn’t walk through the door right on time. He didn’t mention this to her of course…he didn’t want to make her feel guilty about going to the hospital everyday. He knew it was what she wanted to do, and he also knew that if things were the other way around she would have done the same thing for him.

“Maybe mom will let us go to the movies or something tonight…that would be fun.” She rolled him into the bathing room, and parked him next to the bath chair. “I mean, if you feel like you want to.”

He brightened at the thought. Getting out would probably good for the both of them, he himself not having been out since the trip to LA a few weeks ago. “Yeah, Sher…that would be great.” He lifted his arms so she could pull his shirt over his head. “I really need to get out…I’m starting to feel like a hermit or something. A really short, dwarf like hermit.”

Sheridan laughed out loud. “You’re not that short.” She crouched down and pulled off his sweats and boxers, leaving him naked.

“In this chair I am.” He shivered a little, not used to the temperature change. Sheridan handed him a towel though, and he accepted it gratefully.

“That’s why…” she paused, and helped him onto the other chair. She secured him, and then continued with her speech. “You need to work on those bars as hard as you can….consistently.”

“You say it like it’s easy for me, Sher. You should have seen me yesterday…Karen didn’t tell you about it did she?”

She tilted her head to the side. “No…why?”

He sighed. He felt stupid admitting that he fell flat on his ass, and it had taken all of Karen’s strength to pull him to his feet again. He was supposed to be a man…Sheridan’s man. A man was supposed to be strong…not some weakling who fell to his knees every time he attempted to stand on his own two feet. “I fell,” he muttered. “And it took forever for your mother to get me up again…it was so damn humiliating.”

She frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because…I…I felt stupid yesterday. I didn’t want to think about it, and I made Karen promise not to say anything to you.” He looked into her eyes. “Didn’t you ever feel foolish before?”

She nodded. “Everybody feels foolish once in a while.”

“Every time I try that damn exercise I fail,” he nodded. “And it’s the one thing I need to conquer if I’m ever going to learn to walk again. Not being able to do it…it makes me feel like a fool. Before my accident, I never failed at anything I tried to do. I hate how my life turned out, Sher.”

She was silent for a moment. “What about us?”

“Sheridan,” he said, staring her straight in the eyes. “You know what I mean. I’m just saying…I wasn‘t cut out to be helpless.”

She reached into her bucket of soapy water and pulled out the sponge. “But your not helpless. You’d be able to do so much if you’d stop doubting yourself all the time…I wish you could see that. It’s not easy battling your condition, Justin…and you’ve come a long way since your accident. Give it time and try hard…you’ll make it,” she leaned down and kissed him before drenching him in soapy water. “I have faith in you. I know that somewhere inside you…there’s still that part of you that can do anything you put your mind to…just like before.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, and wiped the soap off of his face with the towel. “You know the first thing I’m gonna do if I ever get to walk again, Sher?”

She sighed. “What’s that?”

He opened his eyes again. “I’m gonna take a real shower for like two hours, no…better make it three.”

“Then I can call you prune man instead of grumpy bear.”

He winked at her. “And I’ll call you prune girl…since you’ll be in there with me.”

“Justin!”

He laughed heartily. “Don’t get mad.”

“I’m not mad,” she huffed. “I just…sex isn‘t a joke, that‘s all.”

Justin‘s smile faded after a moment. “I never said it was.”

She nodded, but Justin could tell that she was upset. Now that he thought about it, Sheridan never found any of the sexual jokes he cracked amusing. She always seemed to tense up and change the subject. For a guy as experienced with women as he was, it was apparent to him that Sheridan was a virgin. He didn’t hold this fact against her of course, and if things were different he would have asked her about it a long time ago. But since things were the way they were…he couldn’t bring himself to discuss the subject with her. He was as insecure about their relationship as she seemed to be at times , and he was sure if he said the wrong thing to her she would break up with him on the spot. “You okay?” he asked her after a moment, not knowing what else to say.

“Fine,” she said, with a forced smile. She finished washing him, and dropped the sponge back into the bucket. “Dry off…my mom wants you in therapy early today.” She handed him a dry towel.

He cocked his head to the side. “What about the horses?”

“I got it.”

“No,” he protested. “You shouldn’t have to do that…it’s my job.”

“I want you to work with my mom…I want you to take advantage of the great therapy she‘s putting you through,” Sheridan said seriously. “Justin…I don’t want to see you waste away in this chair for the rest of your life okay? You don’t deserve that…even if you think you do.”

“I have been working--”

“Not hard enough,” Sheridan interrupted. “And I guess it’s partially my fault…but I can’t help that I feel the way I feel about you. Please just promise me that you’ll try your hardest to fix yourself.”

He wasn’t sure why she was so adamant about this right now…it was as if a new burden had been placed on her shoulders that she was desperately trying to hide from him. “What’s the matter, Sheridan?,” he whispered. “If it’s about the sex thing…”

“It’s not about that,” she blurted out. “I just worry that you’re forgetting the real reason you came here in the first place.” She crouched down and began to change his catheter. “I want you to get back to your life…I want you to be your own person again.”

“Why?” he frowned. “You’re not happy with the way things are?”

She looked up at him. “Of course I am. I just…I want you to be happy with yourself. And I know you’re not happy right now.”

He reached down and caressed her face with his hand. “I’m happy with you.”

“No,” she shook her head. “That’s not good enough.”

He shrugged. “It’s good enough for me.”

She made a disgusted face. “When you were in that hospital…did they sit you down and tell you that you were useless or something?” She finished with his catheter and stood up, reaching behind her to grab the clothes she’d brought for him.

He looked away from her. “Of course not,” he mumbled. Alright, maybe he was being stubborn about putting forth a good effort to better himself…but it was only due to the fact that he was involved with Sheridan now, and the relationship was putting his mind at ease about a lot of things. He was getting used to his wheelchair, and at times he enjoyed being provided for by others. It was relaxing, or maybe it was just him being lazy about his therapy…but he’d been through so much that right now it didn’t seem to matter. He was comfortable.

He hadn’t been comfortable since that horrific night.

“Just because you’ve been in a better state of mind lately, doesn’t give you the excuse to ignore all the hard work that lies ahead of you. My mom told you things were going to get harder, and they will. Our relationship can’t be an excuse for you to goof off.” She threw him his clothes.

“I’m not goofing off, Sher.” He rolled his eyes and slipped his shirt over his head. “I’m going to work hard…you’ll see.”

“Because I’ll…I’ll dump your ass,” she whined. “Don’t think I won’t.” She knelt down again and grabbed his underwear and jeans off of his lap.

He smiled, knowing how much it pained her to say such a thing to him. “Sheridan,” he whispered, grabbing one of her hand in his. “Look at me and say that.”

She looked at him, and opened her mouth to speak…but then the phone began to ring, breaking the moment. “I’ll get it.” She rose from the floor and grabbed the portable phone she’d brought with her.

Justin sighed. He hadn’t thought Sheridan was so worried about him not trying hard enough. As far as he was concerned, that was Karen’s job. He felt a little bad, knowing that he’d allowed himself to slack off ever since he’d set his mind on winning Sheridan over. But he never thought that she would get this upset about it. Maybe he was naïve…

But then again he’d always been a little naïve.

“How did you get this number?”

Sheridan’s annoyed tone snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked over at her and realized that whoever had called was obviously looking for him…and it wasn’t his mother. Curious, he leaned forward a little and tried to get Sheridan’s attention. “Sher,” he said. “Who is it.”

She didn’t seem to hear him, or if she did, she was ignoring him. “If it’s so important why couldn’t you arrange something with Doctor Williams,” she snapped. “Justin isn’t allowed outside phone calls like this, you know.”

“Who is it!” he barked. “Sheridan!”

She looked at him, but her annoyed expression didn’t change. “My mother will…”

“I’m a big boy,” he told her. “I think I can handle a phone call, Sheridan.”

She stared at him for several moments, before letting out a long sigh. “Fine,” she said into the phone. “But only because you say it’s so important.” She thrust the phone in his face. “Hurry up.”

“You love me,” Justin smiled, taking the phone from her. He brought the phone to his ear, still curious about who had decided to take a chance and try to call him. He hoped it was Chris…Lance…Joey…maybe even JC, despite their disappointing conversation on the internet awhile back. “Hello?”

“Um…Justin?”

The voice was small, and raspy…weak even. But Justin knew exactly who it was, without question. “Elisha,” he whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Are you there?”

Her voice pulled him out of the memory. “I’m here,” he got out. “Uh…wow…I haven’t heard from you…”

“Since the accident,” she said sadly. “I’m…sorry about that. Things have just been a little hectic. I mean, I still have to work, and when I’m not working I’m sorting out things…you know.”

Justin knew he should have been the one to apologize. After the accident, he’d pushed Elisha out of his mind. It hadn’t even occurred to him how much pain she would be going through…he hadn’t even thought to call, or write…or send her a message through somebody else. He was a shithead. Why was she even bothering with him? He wasn’t a real friend. A real friend would have stuck by her. He was sure Trace would have done it for him, if he were the one that died. “You don’t hate me?” he asked her. He eyed Sheridan. She was sitting in his wheelchair, toying with the straps that usually secured his lower waist. She didn’t seem happy, but this time Justin didn’t care. She couldn’t understand…this was something that was strictly his business…his families business…and nobody else’s. The rules didn’t apply this time.

“I’m calling you because I need to talk to you about something,” Elisha continued. “I know I’m not supposed to or whatever…but this can’t wait…I hope you’re not angry.”

“No,” he said. “It’s okay. You can call me whenever, it’s not an issue. What‘s on your mind?”

“I…” she paused, and sighed. “I’d really feel better telling you this in person, Justin.”

Something about her tone of voice sent chills through him. She sounded terribly worried about something, but it was a sad sort of worried. It was something he couldn’t even begin to understand, but then again…he knew Elisha was probably just as messed up emotionally as he was. “In person?”

“Yes,” she said. “Is that a problem?”

He glanced at Sheridan, knowing damn well that it was an issue. Karen wouldn’t go for it, because he hadn’t held up to his end of the bargain he’d made with her. She told him he could have a friend over…if he achieved what she wanted to see him achieve on those damn bars. The next step was talking to his mother about it…but she wasn’t his favorite person at the moment. “I…I don’t know. My doctor…she’s strict about that sort of thing. Are you sure you--”

“I’m sure,” she interrupted. “I-I need to see you.”

“Elisha…” he began, sucking in a breath. “I just…I don’t want to sound like a jerk. But I have a lot goin on. It’s not that I don’t want to see you…I would love to…but…”

“Justin,” she said with more force. “I wouldn’t be calling you like this if it wasn’t important, and I know you know that. That doctor needs to understand that you have a life waiting for you outside of that ranch.”

Justin knew that she was right in some aspects. He did have a life waiting for him outside of this place…and outside of Sheridan. He also knew that Elisha wouldn’t be calling him unless she had a reason to be. He knew he needed to do what she was asking of him…he just didn’t know how he was supposed to do it with all of the rules that he was forced to abide by. “Can I call you back?” he whispered. “I won’t be long, I just need to talk things out with my doctor and stuff.”

“Just make sure you call,” she told him. “It’s really important that you do this.”

He wished he had somewhat of an idea what was so important. “Lish, can you just…give me a hint here?”

She sighed. “It’s about Trace.”

He gasped a little. “I’ll do what I can.”

“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

He hung up, and let out a long sigh. “Jesus.”

“What happened?,” Sheridan spoke up.

“That was Elisha,” he informed her. “Remember, I told you about her…she’s Trace’s fiancé.”

She nodded. “Is everything okay?”

He shrugged. “No clue. She wants to talk to me in person.”

Sheridan raised and lowered her eyebrows. “She can’t expect that from you. You have more important things to think about right now.”

“You don’t get it…there’s something wrong, Sher. She wouldn’t just call me like this over something insignificant. I need to go see her,” he nodded. “As soon as possible.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Sheridan got out of the wheelchair and made her way over to him again. “Mom will never go for it.”

Justin was becoming more annoyed by the minute. Sheridan didn’t seem to care about his dilemma…she only seemed to care about keeping him in the house, secluded from the people in his life. He didn’t understand why, because she was so persistent about him getting well again…about him getting his life back. “Why are you being like this?” he asked, as she began to slide his boxer shorts on. “Can’t you understand that this is important to me? This isn’t one of my random friends…this is Elisha. I need to do this, Sheridan.”

She finished with his boxers, and helped him into his jeans. “And you want my help, right?”

“It’s important,” he persisted. “I…I don’t know what’s wrong. All she would tell me was that it’s about Trace.”

Sheridan nodded. “I’ll talk to my mom.” She stood up, and helped him into his wheelchair. “I’m sorry if I came off as a bitch or whatever…I just have a million things running through my head at once. I worry about you…I don’t want you to go see this girl and be reminded of…all that stuff. You’ve been in a decent mood lately.”

“I’ll be okay,” he reassured her, pulling her into a soft kiss. “I have you to get me through it all…at least I hope so.”

She pressed her lips against his and held them there for several moments, before breaking their kiss. “Of course you do.”

“So much for agendas.”

Justin gasped at the sound of Karen’s voice, and looked in the direction it had come from. She was standing in the doorway, looking as if she had been out with the horses the whole time. “Karen…”

“It’s half past nine,” she stated. “You’ve had more than enough time to get washed, dressed, and have the horses fed already. But instead I’ve had to feed them myself, and you haven‘t even had your breakfast yet,” she shot him a displeased look, before directing her gaze at Sheridan. “We’ve discussed this Sheridan.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Karen sighed. “There’s no time to apologize. Justin needs to eat and get into therapy, and you need to get started on the paperwork I’ve left for you to do.”

“Mom,” Sheridan said, with a slight tremble in her voice. “There’s something…Justin needs to do.”

Karen gave her a bewildered look. “I just told you what he needs to do…”

“No,” Justin spoke up finally. “There’s something else.” He looked at Sheridan and gave her a reassuring nod. “It’s okay Sher…I’ll talk to her.”

“Why do I get the feeling I’m about to be talked into something I don’t want to be talked into?” Karen asked.

Justin smiled a little. “Because that’s what’s about to happen.”

*************

“Use your upper body strength to your advantage Justin. Stop trying to rely on your lower torso so much.”

“Easy for you to say,” he grunted. “I’ve only been used to using my legs for twenty three years.” Feeling himself start to slip again, he squeezed his eyes shut and pushed his body up using his upper half. “Fuck.”

“Open your eyes,” Karen barked. “You need to focus.”

He did as he was told. After all, the deal was if he made a real effort today he would be able to see Elisha tomorrow. It was a fair deal…he had to find out what was going on with her. “They’re open, Karen.”

“Now, try to pull your body forward using that same part of your body,” Karen said. “Keep your focus ahead of you, and don’t pay attention to what your legs are doing.”

“They aren’t doing anything,” he sighed.

“Be quiet,” she said. “Now pull yourself towards me…slowly.”

He tried. He tried to do it. But he felt his body give way before he could get more than two steps down the black padding. Then he was lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, his focus immediately blurred by the flurry of tears that were now running down his face. “I can’t do this!” he yelled. “It’s bullshit! All of this therapy is a bunch of bullshit, Karen! Dammit!” He pounded his fist against the floor, furious that he had failed yet again.

After a moment, she was looming over him. Her expression was unforgiving. “You aren’t trying.”

“The fuck you say I’m not trying!” he cried. “I just…I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

His eyes widened. Now Trace was there too. But how could that be? He had gone away…off to wherever it was he belonged. He said he wasn’t coming back…but yet, there he was. He opened his mouth to say something, but Trace put a finger to his lips and motioned to Karen…warning him it wasn’t a good idea to say anything to him with Karen standing there.

“I know you can do this, Justin,” Trace said to him. “The ability is inside you…and it’s important that you do this today.”

He shook his head. “But--”

“Come on, Justin,” Karen sighed. “Just try one more time okay?”

“I’ll help you out,” Trace decided. “But just this once alright?”

He slowly nodded. “Okay.”

Karen bent down, and after several grueling minutes of grunting and groaning she finally managed to get him back on his feet. “Let’s start over.”

He nodded, and blew out a breath. “I’m ready.”

“I’m right behind you,” he heard Trace say. “I won’t let you fall.”

“I thought you were gone,” Justin whispered, not being able to help himself.

“I said I’d be back if there was a powerful reason for me to be around,” Trace explained. “And this is a powerful reason.”

“Now just like before,” Karen said, taking her position at the end of the bars. “Use your upper body.”

He bit his bottom lip, and put all of his strength forward. Then, just like before, he felt himself slipping. “Shit,” he said, panicking a little. “Here I go again.” Then he felt it…something, or someone was supporting him…holding his body up.

“Come on,” Trace said. “You’re fine.”

He smiled. It was real. Trace was back. He pushed himself forward, filled with hope for the first time since his accident.

“That’s it,” Karen said encouragingly. “Keep going, Justin. You can do it.”

He nodded, and repeated the same action as before. “Damn,” he said, amazed at what was happening. “I feel so…great.”

“Don’t lose your focus!” Karen yelled.

“Sorry,” he smiled, moving forward again.

“I hope you know,” Trace said. “I’m not going to be here to help you the next time. You’re going to have to learn how to move your own ass.”

“I know,” he grunted, pushing himself forward again. “Thanks for being here.”

“Don’t thank me,” Karen said. “Just keep going, you’re halfway there.”

He moved to push himself forward again, but this time he didn’t feel Trace supporting him. He quickly lost his grip, and fell. He groaned as his head collided with the ground once again. He looked around for Trace, but of course he was gone.

Karen was crouched beside him in a matter of moments. “Justin,” she smiled. “That was great!”

He shot her a tired smile, but didn‘t say anything. The only thing running through his mind at the moment was how much he had missed being ‘haunted‘ by Trace. Having Trace around him for those precious few minutes made him remember how he‘d been able to keep his sanity after the accident in the first place. He frowned…he wished he hadn’t taken Trace’s presence for granted. He wished he could have simply taken it in stride, and appreciated it for what it was…even if it wasn’t real. Maybe if he had…Trace would have been able to explain just why it was that Elisha needed to talk to him.

But he was on his own with that one.

“You can go tomorrow,” Karen informed him. “You’ve earned it.”

“Thanks,” he said softly. “This really means a lot to me Karen.”

She nodded, and smiled at him. “I know it does. Now come on…you can help me clean up the mess in the kitchen.”

He let out a relieved sigh, not even caring that he was probably going to have to haul the garbage outside in a few minutes. The worst part was over. Now all he had to do was figure out what it was that Elisha needed to tell him…and what he was going to do if it was something drastic.