“So what do you think…that Doctor Taylor sounds promising I think. Karen spoke highly of her…”

He couldn’t pay attention to her right now, as much as he knew he should have been. But her words…they seemed to float right over his head. His mind was on other things at the moment. Well…more like one thing. One specific thing.

Sheridan.

Why had she pushed him away? Granted his mother probably hadn’t been the kindest person to her, but Justin knew that Sheridan was strong. If she could deal with his moods…why couldn’t she deal with his mothers? It just didn’t make sense…

It was almost as if she wanted them to fight.

He glanced out the window, and began to chew on his thumbnail. Suddenly, he wished he were back at the house with Sheridan, rather than with his mother, going to lunch. Maybe it was selfish of him. After all, he hadn’t seen his mother in a month. He should have been happy that he was able to do this with her today.

But the picture in his mind of Sheridan, sitting at home, crying over him was making it hard to enjoy anything right now.

“Justin?”

He slowly looked over at his mother. She was staring at him, her eyes telling him how terribly worried she about him. “Yeah?”

“You’re so quiet. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He nodded, and looked out the window again. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” she chuckled. “I guess…it’s just because I haven’t seen you for so long.”

“I’m fine mom,” he said, trying to sound believable. He didn’t want her asking him questions like this right now, because he wasn’t prepared to get into what was going on between himself and Sheridan with her. He knew his mother wouldn’t understand, and if anything, would want to take him home even sooner than she was planning to.

“I made reservations at Tony Roma’s,” she informed him. “You like that don’t you?”

The last time he went out to eat, had been when he met Elisha for lunch…and he’d barely eaten anything then. Other than that, Justin couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone out to eat at a restaurant, like a civilized person. The very thought of a rack of ribs from Tony Roma’s caused his mouth to water. Karen definitely wouldn’t have approved…

But then again, Karen didn’t really have much of a say anymore. “Yeah,” he said, turning his head to smile at his mother. “That’s great mom.”

“Oh good,” she said happily. “I thought you‘d like that.”

“So…,“ he continued, wanting to get to the real point of his mothers visit. “Did you happen to speak to Elisha?” he asked.

Her smile faded. “I called her, right after you told me. The poor girl…she’s so scared. She even made me promise not to say anything to Belinda, and Juan. I don’t know why…”

“Because they won’t take it well,” Justin said, finishing her sentence for her. “Come on ma, you know that.”

“I don’t see why,” Lynn shrugged. “It’s their grandchild.”

“Trace is dead mom. Think about for a minute…like, what if it were me…what if I was dead and my girlfriend was having my baby? Would you be open to the idea?”

Lynn was silent.

“No…because you’d been in too much pain,” he nodded. “It’s kinda like…why you treated Sheridan like a piece of shit today.” He held his breath. He hadn’t meant to be so cold with her just then. But he couldn’t help it. He loved his mother and knew she meant well, and that she was only trying to protect him from being hurt anymore than he already was. But Sheridan meant a lot to him…probably more than anybody else in his life at the moment. And he wasn’t going to let anybody, not even his own mother, treat her like she was nothing.

Lynn seemed to tense up just then, her knuckles turning a brilliant shade of white as she gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”

“She’s my girlfriend, mom. I know right now…there’s too much going on in your head to be able to understand that…but facts are facts. Sheridan is my girlfriend, I care about her…and I would really appreciate it if you treated her with some kind of respect.”

Lynn pressed her lips together, and let out a long sigh. “Don’t make me out to be the villain, Justin. I have my reasons for being against this whole…thing you have going on with her. I’m sure she’s a nice girl, there’s no doubt in my mind about that…but right now…it’s not going to work.”

“Why!” he yelled. “Because you don’t want it to mom? Well fuck that…because she‘s the only reason I‘m still human right now. Do you even know mom…do you even know the shit I‘ve been through? The sleepless nights or the nights I just couldn’t stop crying…or the nights I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again?” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling himself begin to tremble. He needed to calm down. He couldn’t be a wreck in a public setting

“Justin--”

“I don’t want to talk about this with you anymore,” he muttered. His bottom lip quivered, and he bit down on it to steady it. “Just…don’t talk to Sheridan if you can’t say anything positive okay? She‘s part of my life now, and I don‘t really care what anybody else has to say about it.”

They rode in silence for a few minutes, and slowly…Justin began to calm down. He was still pissed off at his mother, and probably would continue to be for the rest of the day. But at least he would be able to eat his lunch and force a fake sense of joy for the staff and anybody else involved.

“I fucked up,” Lynn said softly.

He looked over at her. “What?”

“I’ve just…I’ve been so caught up in everything, Justin. I’ve been so busy putting your affairs in order…granting magazine interviews, and telling people that you haven’t deserted this industry. Justin, I don’t hate Sheridan…and I never meant to disrespect her. But, when I saw her, I don’t think I knew how to react. I don’t trust anybody around you right now. The way this world is…anybody can take advantage of you. Your position makes you very vulnerable, and I know you understand that.”

“But Sheridan isn’t some backstabbing idiot,” Justin said, deciding he needed to continue the conversation. “She’s had a lot of bad stuff happen in her life too, and it’s like…she understands me. Mom, I’m not the same person that I was when Trace was around. I don’t just…fall for a girl because of what she looks like or whatever. It took me awhile to talk to Sheridan, mom. I was a mess…but she didn’t give up on me. She was so patient, and willing to listen and help me when I needed it. I wish you could just see…how much she’s helped me.” He stared at her, waiting for her to respond…but she didn’t. She kept her gaze focused on the road. Justin didn’t know what to think. What was she thinking? Was she understanding it all now? Or was she simply so pissed off, that she figured she was better off not saying anything?

It was only when they were pulling up to the restaurant, twenty minutes later, that she finally said something. “I’m sorry, honey,” Lynn whispered. “Maybe…I jumped to conclusions. Maybe, I’m just scared.”

“You don’t have to be scared, momma,” he said, a little bit relieved that she was finally coming around. “Look at me…I’m doing so much better. Even Karen thinks so.”

She looked at him, and nodded. She pulled the car into a space and shut the engine off. “I hope I haven’t made your life harder,” she whispered, covering her face with her hand. “I just…oh god Justin,” she croaked. “I never thought anything like this would ever happen to you. Sometimes I feel so helpless, because…I‘ve always been able to fix your problems in the past. But this time I just can‘t do it…I can’t fix your legs…I can’t make you walk again. And I certainly…I certainly can’t bring Trace back.”

“Momma,” he whispered. “Please don’t feel like you’ve let me down, because you haven’t. You just…you just made me aggravated. There‘s so much going on, it‘s hard for me to think straight sometimes.”

She let out a sad laugh. “You have so much on your mind…and instead of encouraging you, and trying to make you better…all I can do is bring you down. Lord, what kind of a mother am I?”

“Aww, ma,” he groaned, pulling her into a hug. “Please don’t say that. Who sat with me in the hospital every single day huh? Who sat there and read my fan mail to me until her voice was hoarse? You did. Nobody else wanted to put up with me then…and you still did it. And I know I was impossible then. I couldn’t tell you then…but that meant so much to me, mom. You’re such a beautiful person…and I know I wouldn’t be who I am right now if it wasn’t for you and all the sacrifices you made for me. I love you so much”

“I love you too, Justin.” She hugged him tighter, and after a moment, began to sob uncontrollably.

“Shh,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down her back. “Mom, it’s okay.”

She needed him. She needed him…and Elisha needed him. They needed him more than Sheridan did…at least it seemed that way to him. It was obvious that his mother was dealing with a lot more trauma than she let on. If he didn’t go home, she would surely lose her mind. He needed to be there to help her handle the reporters…the record execs…the managers…the publicists. People wanted to know what the hell he was doing. And he needed to give them an explanation. Now, he understood why his mother was so against Sheridan in the first place.

She didn’t want to lose his attention entirely.

“I’m going to be here mom,” he reassured her. “You don’t have to do this by yourself anymore.”

He felt her nod her head against him. “I’m so sorry, Justin. I tried…I really did. Everything is just…such a mess.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he told her. “I know you tried, mom. Hell, you probably killed yourself trying. But all those people…those reporters and record people…I know they won’t be satisfied until they get me to give them an explanation myself. And they’ll get their explanation. You don’t need to deal with it anymore.”

“Oh god,” she said, finally pulling away from him. “Look at me, crying to you like a fool.” She straightened herself and pulled down the sun visor, studying her reflection in the mirror. “Look at my eye makeup,” she complained. “I look like some kind of moron.” She leaned closer to the mirror and began to smooth out the mascara that had started to run from her eyes.

“It’s okay mom,” he reassured her. “Let’s just go inside. Elisha’s probably wondering what happened to us.”

“You’re right,” Lynn decided, flipping the visor up again. “No sense sitting here, crying about everything. Besides…I made special arrangements.”

He smiled a little. It felt good. “Special arrangements?”

She kissed his cheek. “You’ll see.” She got out of the car and went around to the other side, yanking his wheelchair out of the back seat. Justin was uneasy. Before his mother made the decision to put him in Karen‘s care, his stepfather, Paul had done most of the heavy duty work. Helping him out of bed in the morning, into the car when he had to go to therapy, and out of the car when he returned home. But right now, Paul wasn‘t here. It was only his mother, and Justin wasn‘t sure if she could handle the transition from car to chair herself.

He prayed she didn’t call one of the staff to help her.

“I think you’re too heavy,” Lynn sighed. “For me anyway.” She pulled out her cell phone, and flipped the top up. “Let me get some help.”

“Mom…no…” Justin said, his eyes wide. “I…I can do it. Just hold me up.”

“Don’t be silly,” she smiled, pressing some keys on her phone. “It’ll be a hell of a lot easier if we do it this way. I don‘t want to risk you falling on this hard concrete.”

“But..”

She didn’t hear him. “Hey,” she said into her phone. “We’re here. I need some help getting Justin out of the car though…”

He flinched. He didn’t want some strange person near him…touching him.

“Yeah, right out front…okay…bye.” Lynn hung up, and let out a relieved sigh. “Good…he’ll be out in a minute.”

He felt his heart began to beat more rapidly. He couldn‘t handle this. He was sorry he‘d agreed to go out today. He thought his mother was smarter than this. Didn‘t she understand how frightened he was? How could she bring him here, and expect him to act normal around people? Justin knew he was a good actor…but he wasn’t‘ talented enough to pull this off without losing it. “But I…I don’t want anybody near me!” he blurted out, immediately regretting doing so. He couldn’t help himself unfortunately. He didn’t want to be ‘handled’.

“Justin,” Lynn said soothingly. “Just wait…it’s not as bad as you think.”

“Mom,” he said, his vision slightly blurred from the tears in his eyes. “Please.”

“Shh,” she said, crouching down to meet his level. “It’s Tiny okay? I wanted it to be a surprise…but it’s just Tiny.”

“Tiny?” he croaked. “Here?”

She smiled, and nodded. “Yes.”

He quickly rubbed the tears out of his eyes. “Oh.”

“The first thing you’re going to do when you move back, Justin,” Lynn told him. “Is get out of the house at least once a week. My god…you used to love attention.”

He frowned. “I know.”

“J…my man.”

The familiar voice caused him to perk up a little. He smiled when he saw Tiny walking toward them. “Tiny,” he said with a smile. “Hey.”

When he was close enough, Tiny reached into the window and shook his hand. “Hey, man…how you been?”

He wasn’t sure how to respond. Tiny had been in the city the night of the accident. But Justin hadn’t wanted him to accompany them on their outing that evening. He remembered…the paparazzi had been at their worst the previous day, and he and Trace simply wanted to go out without somebody following them around. They needed to be normal, and hadn’t cared about the consequences. Tiny hadn’t liked the idea at all of course, and naturally, had made his feelings known.

But Justin was the boss.

“I’ve been…okay,” Justin said finally. He looked at him and forced a smile. “What about you…how’s your lady?”

“Well,” he huffed. “Shonda is good. She’s happy that I’ve been home more…” he trailed off, and looked at the ground for a moment. “But uh…I guess your mom says you’re coming home?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He wondered how much Tiny knew. He wondered if his mother had talked to Tiny about what was going on with Elisha. It wouldn’t pf mattered if she had. Tiny was totally trustworthy. If you told him something, he didn’t repeat it. What he saw and heard…he kept to himself. And it was probably why the guy had been working for him for so long. “But I’m sure you’ll still be at home more than…you used to be.”

“Hey,” he smiled. “You know, you’re gonna be okay. You know in a year from now you’re gonna have a new album…and Shonda is gonna be yellin’ at me because I’m never home. It’ll be like old times.” He laughed heartily, and opened Justin’s door. “Come on…let’s get you out of the car.”

“I’m going to go in and get us a table,” his mother spoke up, turning to head into the restaurant. “Just be careful Tiny. Don’t drop him,” she called over her shoulder

Justin rolled his eyes. “She hasn’t changed much,” he said, once his mother was out of earshot.

Tiny laughed out loud. “You’re right.” He pulled the wheelchair over to them. “Now, how do you do this?,” he smiled. “I’m not used to this sorta thing.”

“Uh well…they usually just shove a hand underneath my butt, and push me forward until there’s enough room to stand me up,” he nodded. “I can usually do the rest, as long as the chair is close enough. You just gotta make sure you support my upper body so I don’t collapse like a fuckin’ Jello person.” He began to laugh, but stopped when he realize that Tiny wasn’t amused. He was silent, and his expression was as serious as he’d ever seen it. It was apparent that Tiny wasn’t prepared to deal with this…the wheelchair, having to help him to his feet. Justin wasn’t exactly sure what Tiny expected to deal with of course…but he was sure it was nothing as dramatic as this.

Tiny licked his lips and slipped a large muscular arm underneath him. “Okay man. Just tell me if I’m hurting you or somethin'."

“You can‘t hurt me,” Justin managed to say, after he’d swallowed the lump in his throat. “I can’t feel anything down there.”

“A-alright.“ With a low grunt he pulled him forward, and out of the car. Then Justin was on his feet, Tiny’s arms wrapped around his upper torso. “I’m doin it okay?“ he asked.

It was the first time Justin was able to tell that Tiny was nervous. In the past, when they were moving through large masses of people...all of them clawing and screaming at him for attention, Tiny had never allowed his emotions to waver. He was always serious...cool. But right now, Justin could tell he was a wreck.

"Yeah, perfect," he nodded, slowly letting Tiny drop him down into the chair. “You’re a pro.”

“Damn, you're heavier than I thought," Tiny chuckled, once Justin was situated properly.

"Liar," Justin smiled. "I'm a scrawny little nothin now."

"Gotta work that upper body," he nodded. "You should call Jason."

"I haven't gotten the chance. My doctor had all these fucked up rules for me. I mean...well, they weren't fucked up. They were just annoying. Like, I couldn't use the phone and stuff like that. I think if I'd been able to use it, I would have given everybody I know a call a long time ago."

"Yeah, your ma told me somethin like that, cause I‘d been meaning to call you. I was pissed when she told me I couldn‘t," Tiny nodded. "Did it help you?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it must have in a way. I was able to focus on what I had to do so…”

Tiny went behind him, and pushed him forward. “I heard…you’ve been focusing on a lot of things.”

“What do you mean?”

“Who’s Sheridan?”

He groaned. “Does my mom tell you everything?”

“No,” he laughed. “I heard that one from Chris.”

“Chris?”

“I think your mom told somebody who told somebody who told Chris. You know how that shit goes down J. But…I think it’s cool, man. Where is she?”

“Home,” he grumbled.

“Sound’s like you’re pissed off.”

He shrugged. “Today has been…a very complicated day.”

“Ah,” he laughed. “So, your momma ain’t takin it well.

He smiled. Tiny hadn’t changed. He was still able to figure out exactly what was on his mind, without having to ask him that many questions. “I don’t know. I think she’s coming around. It’s Sheridan that I’m worried about. She’s really uncomfortable about dealing with my family and stuff. Sometimes I wonder if she’s worth it…on top of all the other shit I have to deal with.”

“If you care about the girl, it’s worth it,” Tiny told him. “Don’t let the people in your life get to you that way. It’s still your life, Justin.”

He was suddenly glad his mother decided to ask Tiny here today. He forgot how wise he was…the great advice he used to give him regarding life…his career…his goals…his women. “Thanks Tiny.”

“You call me anytime you need to talk man to man,” he told him, coming around to open the door to the restaurant. “My phone is always on.” He stuck his head in the doorway. “A little help,” he barked.

Immediately a member of the wait staff popped into view, and held the door open for them.

“Nurse Tiny,” he chuckled, as Tiny pushed him through the doorway. “That’s your new title.”

“Man, don’t even go there.”

***************

Term papers sucked.

“God,” she mumbled. She hit the backspace key on her laptop furiously, deleting the sentence she’d just typed out. “This is…horseshit.” She sighed and leaned back in the computer chair, kicking her feet off the ground which caused her glide across the hardwood floor.

Hearing the bling of an instant message, Sheridan sat up and slid herself back over to the computer desk. Crabbypatty has sent you an instant message, do you wish to accept? “Crabbypatty?” she laughed, looking at the message on the screen. Normally, she didn’t answer IM’s from people she didn’t’ know…but the name was so unique she couldn’t help herself. She clicked ‘yes’.

Crabbypatty: Hey

With a perplexed expression, she typed a response.

DoctorQuinn821: Hey, who’s this?

Crabbypatty: Well, you don’t really know me.

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t really have time for this. She didn’t know when Justin would be getting back from his luncheon, but she knew that when he did…she wasn’t going to have any time to work on this paper. She knew they would have to talk…and try to work out their problems. There was no way Justin could go back home, still wondering if she gave a damn about him. No, she shouldn’t have been so gruff with him. She shouldn’t have said yesterday didn’t mean anything to her…because it was a lie. It had been…absolutely amazing. But Justin’s mother…she’s just made her so angry…so upset. And when somebody made her angry or upset, she couldn’t do anything but retreat into herself where nobody could reach her.

DoctorQuinn821: Umm okay.

Crabbypatty: This is Sheridan right?

She froze. Who was this freak?

DoctorQuinn821: Who is this, and how the hell do you know my name?

Crabbypatty: I‘m Elisha...Justin’s friend. I’m sorry to bug you. I got your name off of that AOL directory thing.

Sheridan gasped a little, and closed the IM. Never in in million years did she think this girl would bother to contact her. She didn’t think Elisha cared, or could understand why she and Justin were in a relationship. But…maybe she still didn’t. Maybe she was simply contacting her to criticize everything that was going on. She quickly moved the cursor to the sign off button, not wanting to deal with any more drama or criticism today. But before she could, another IM popped up.

Crabbypatty: Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me or whatever…and frankly, it doesn’t matter to me. I just need to ask you a couple of things, about Justin moving back.

She reluctantly answered, afraid that if she didn’t, Elisha would say something…and Justin would end up being angry with her for ignoring his friend.

DoctorQuinn821: Well, what do you need to know?

Crabbypatty: Well, I guess I’m going to be the one taking care of him…like, getting him up and ready for therapy in the morning and such. Is there anything I need to know?

Sheridan closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about some other girl getting Justin out of bed in the morning, and stripping him of his clothes…touching him. He was her boyfriend…and she hated to admit it…but she didn’t even like it when her mother touched him like that. Maybe it she was overreacting, maybe she was afraid of losing the only person in her life that she‘d ever had feelings for. But it didn’t matter…that was how she felt. But despite that, she wasn’t about to send Justin home, with his caretaker not knowing her ass from her elbow.

DoctorQuinn821: A big part of it of getting it right, is having a set routine. Right now, Justin gets up about 5:15, but that’s only because he has to get the horses fed. When he’s home he won‘t be doing any of that. So…I wouldn’t wake him up before 6.

Crabbypatty: 6? That’s so early.

She smiled, knowing Elisha really had no idea what she was getting into by becoming Justin‘s caretaker. It should of worried her…and Sheridan was sure it would get to her, later on. But right now, she was too amused about shooting down Elisha‘s ‘miss know it all‘ attitude.

DoctorQuinn821: Well yea, but you‘ll be late if you start after that. You have to get him up, and believe me…getting Justin out of bed in the morning isn’t a pleasant thing to take on. Then you have to get him his bath…change his catheter, and by that time it’s seven. After that, you have to pick out an outfit with him, and that takes a good thirty minutes, because he’s so damn picky. Then you have to make him breakfast…a good breakfast, not cereal and coffee, like he tends to beg us for. Otherwise he won‘t have any energy. And then he has to do his therapy. His therapy sessions have to start at 930, or else his whole cycle will get messed up.

Crabbypatty: Well…sounds like a lot of work. I’m up for it though…Justin’s sacrificing a lot for me.

She couldn’t help but ask the next question. Sure, she was afraid of the answer but still, she simply had to know.

DoctorQuinn821: You're going to give him his baths?

Crabbypatty: I don’t think he’ll be comfortable doing it himself (laughs)

Her eyes widened.

DoctorQuinn821: I thought they were going to get a nurse for him?

Crabbypatty: Justin told me he doesn’t want a nurse. He says he’s not comfortable doing stuff like that with strangers he can’t relate to. Don’t worry hun…I’m in no position to steal your boyfriend from you…in a few months I’m going to be as big as a house! (laughs)

Sheridan frowned.

DoctorQuinn821: I don’t feel threatened. And if you weren’t pregnant…I still wouldn’t feel threatened. Justin knows what he wants…and he wants me.

Crabbypatty: Okay hun…don’t get all groupie on me now okay? (rolls eyes) I was just stating a point…that’s all.

She didn’t like Elisha. She seemed self absorbed, and definitely didn’t seem to have any sort of respect for her and what she’d done for Justin. She didn’t hold back…instead she typed exactly what she felt.

DoctorQuinn821: God you’re a bitch.

Crabbypatty: Umm…okay I’m confused.

DoctorQuinn821: Just forget it.

Crabbypatty: You don’t need to get an attitude just because Justin isn’t going to be by your side 24/7. He needs to live his life, and actually…I’m glad he’s getting this opportunity. Your mother is a quack…keeping him cooped up at that place like he’s some kind of freak. I don’t even know why he’s so hung up on you…he could do so much better…with somebody that can relate to him. I mean really, what the hell do you know about him anyway…besides the fact that he’s a star? I bet that’s all you know…and I’m also willing to bet that’s why you’re with him. So you can go back to your college or whatever it is you do all year, and tell all your little friends how you made out with a superstar. Because that’s all he is to you, Sheridan…a superstar. He’s only Justin to us. Get it through your head.

Sheridan’s mouth dropped open. She couldn’t believe the things Elisha was saying. She didn’t know…she wasn’t around to see anything that went on. Why was everybody so bitter about them dating? It wasn’t the end of the world. Justin wasn’t some kind of god…

DoctorQuinn821: Oh please. Stop acting like he’s so above everybody else. That’s what made him so fucked up in the first place. I can relate to Justin…if I couldn’t, we wouldn’t be as close as we are. And oh yeah…I know a lot more about him than you think.

Crabbypatty: You don’t know anything about people like us. People like you are just…too normal to understand. I mean, you’ve never been on stage…in front of millions of people. You don’t know what its like to have your life pried into every moment of every day. What’s going to happen when Justin starts interviewing again? He will you know. All the big new shows are setting dates through Johnny right now. He’s going to be a wreck…a person you couldn’t ever understand. And I’m really sorry Sheridan…I’m sorry to be so bitter right now. But Justin…he needs to be around his own kind when that time comes.

DoctorQuinn821: His own kind? Now who’s the quack?

She hit the keys hard as she typed the words. What a nerve. Why did she think she could simply walk back into Justin’s life, and take charge? She didn’t know him anymore…nobody did. At least…that was her outlook on things. How could his friends know him anymore? After all…Justin was the one who said he barely knew himself. It wasn’t fair for Elisha to be talking to her like this…talking down to her.

Crabbypatty: I think I’m done. I don’t feel like losing my sanity right now, seeing as how I have to be on the set in forty five minutes.

DoctorQuinn821: Oh you poor thing…getting paid all that money to say a bunch of stupid ass lines must be hard work, Elisha.

Sheridan pounded her fist against the computer desk. She couldn’t believe it…first her own mother gave her shit about Justin…then Lynn and now Elisha. What was next? Justin’s father…those other guys from NSYNC? Trace’s family? She didn’t want to find out.

It just wasn’t worth it. Obviously, fate didn’t want her to be with Justin. Obviously…despite everything she’d done for him, everything she’d been through…she simply wasn’t cut out for him.

She wanted to be with him. She wanted it more than anything else in the world. But she wasn’t about to kill herself trying to make it work out.

***********

Justin couldn’t remember the last time he felt this carefree. Today, for the first time since his accident, he’d been able to sit down in a public place, and enjoy himself. The wait staff had been extremely pleasant, seating the three of them in the back of the restaurant, and reassuring them that they wouldn’t be disturbed. They didn’t acknowledge his handicap…and the best thing of all was…they didn’t treat him like he was ‘special’. Now, he wasn’t sure if Tiny or his mother had anything to do with their behavior…but it didn’t matter. He was grateful not to be gawked at like a freak for once.

Tiny was great too. From the moment they met out by the car, until the moment they said their goodbyes, he’d been nothing but supportive…his friend. Tiny didn’t talk much about Trace, unless the subject was brought up by his mother or himself. Justin was thankful for that. He didn’t mention it of course…but he was sure if Tiny had brought up everything…the accident…how he wasn’t able to attend the funeral…how he was taking it, he was sure he would have had a meltdown. Justin was sure Tiny knew that too. He always seemed to know everything that was on his mind, and despite that fact that Justin’s personality differed greatly from before…Tiny was able to deal with it, and figure him out.

The lunch seemed to make his mother ease up a lot too. She seemed genuinely happy. She laughed at Tiny’s jokes, and the stories he told about different things that had been going on lately. She didn’t seem so…bitter anymore. Justin even considered bringing Sheridan up, thinking maybe she’d be willing to listen to some of the funny things that had happened between them. He chickened out though. He was afraid that if he did bring up the subject, his mother’s mood would turn sour…the lunch would be ruined…and it would be entirely his fault.

All in all the lunch went perfect. But…what would a public outing be with out the paparazzi? Of course, the moment they came out of the restaurant, there was a photographer there…his camera ready. Then came the flash…bright in his face. Justin hadn’t known how to react. This picture…it would appear in magazines…on television…on the internet. He wasn’t ready for the whole world to see him like this yet, and for a moment, he was sure he’d stopped breathing. It was only when he heard Tiny started yelling at the photographer, was he able to he regain control of himself.

To say Tiny had lost it was an understatement. Justin saw the look in his eyes…it was look that said ‘I’m going to fucking kill you’. He’d only seen that look once before…when some girl jumped up on stage during a show, on the Celebrity Tour. He never knew what happened to her of course. All he knew was that Tiny had been the one to pull her off the stage…his eyes full of rage. Of course she was harmless. Justin and the other guys even laughed about it afterward. But Tiny didn’t take any crap, especially when it came to people getting ‘too close’.

“Give me the film,” Tiny had grunted to the man.

“Hey man,” the photographer had laughed. “I gotta get my money too. One little picture isn‘t gonna hurt.”

After that was said, Justin had watched the dark look in Tiny’s eyes turn to an enraged one. Then Tiny had pulled the man over to him by the scuff of his shirt, and pressed his face close to his. “I said,” he’d said darkly. “Give me the film.”

Needless to say. The picture wouldn’t be appearing anywhere.

It was like old times.

They’d parted ways soon after that, Tiny making him promise to call him as soon as he felt like hanging out again. Justin reassured him that he would. He definitely knew there was going to be a time he needed to go out…or needed to talk to somebody that really knew him. That was when Tiny was going to be needed the most.

Now he was back at Karen’s. His mother had left a little while ago, telling him she was going out to dinner with Johnny to discuss some business detail. He felt a piercing sensation in his gut upon hearing the news. Meeting with Johnny meant he wanted to talk about his career…about what was going to happen now that he was ‘available.’ Justin hadn’t really thought about going back to work again, although he knew his label would want him to at least start interviewing. He knew that was what sold…that his fans and the public were eagerly awaiting his return. He knew if he wrote a song right now…it would be just as successful as “Like I Love You” had been. Maybe even more so.

But he didn’t know if he could face all those people again. The reporters…the VJ’s on MTV. The talk show hosts. The DJ’s. They were the ones that tore him down. They were the ones that weren’t afraid to ask him those heart wrenching questions, that drove him out of his skull. They weren’t afraid to talk about Trace and say ‘oh yeah…I met him once or twice. He was a great kid.’ That was a load of bullshit, because they didn’t know Trace at all. They didn’t know the kind of person he was…or how hard he’d worked. In actuality, the only thing most people could ever say about Trace was that he was a ‘freeloader’. Yes, Trace was his best friend, but Justin wasn’t the type of person to have somebody working for them that was a moron. Trace was so…smart, so organized. He was always on top of things, and at times Trace remembered things that he would have totally forgot about otherwise.

He was sure he was going to be lost without him.

But, if Johnny wanted him to do this again, he’d hold his head up high and do it. He couldn’t tell the man no, because he’d basically taken him from a boy band idol…to a Grammy winning superstar. But he was going to make it damn clear that he wasn’t’ about to talk with these people about what happened to Trace. It wasn’t any of their business. They could ask him about his therapy…about how awful it was for him to go through something like this. Hell, they could even ask him about his love life…and he would tell them “I’m seeing somebody”. But Trace…he wasn’t ready to talk about that with any of them.

And he knew he never would be.

During the ride home, all he’d been able to think about was Sheridan and how badly he wanted to work things out with her. But when he’d gotten back here, Sheridan was on her way out the door. She said she had some errands to run. He asked her if he could go, but she hadn’t obliged. She said she wouldn’t be gone long…and Justin decided to play along, not wanting to cause a scene in front of his mother and Karen.

And naturally, his mother was pleased that he didn’t accompany Sheridan.

Not even a pleasant day out with her son could change her mind about the situation.

Now it was well after nine o’clock at night and Sheridan still wasn’t home. Normally he would be worried, but tonight he wasn’t. He figured it was because he had so much on his mind that there was no room left to be wondering where Sheridan was. Yes, he wished she would come home…but he wasn’t about to make himself sick over it. She was probably just blowing off some steam with a friend. He knew she had friends around…despite the fact that she never talked about them. She was so secretive. In fact, he was almost positive that Marcy still didn’t know about their relationship. It pained him to know this, simply because he didn’t hesitate to talk about all of this with the people in his life.

He was starting to think she didn’t care about him as much as she let on. Sometimes…he couldn’t tell. She seemed so genuinely happy with him…almost as if she loved him. But then there were other times, like right now, that he wasn’t sure what to think. Why was Sheridan so secretive about their relationship? Why didn’t she want people to know? Was she simply trying to protect him?

Or was she embarrassed by him?

He heard the front door open and slam shut a moment later. He looked over his shoulder in time to see Sheridan walking, or rather, stumbling into the house. She seemed tired…drained. He didn’t have a clue why. “Hey,” he said to her. “Where were you?”

She staggered toward him. “I,” she giggled. “I was having a party.” She collapsed onto the floor, and sprawled out across it. “And I had so much fun.”

Sheridan was obviously drunk. Justin didn’t even know she did this sort of thing. He’d never seen her pick up a bottle before. “You were drinking,” he told her. “How’d you get home?”

“Drove,” she mumbled, turning on her side. “Drove fast.”

“That’s was fucking stupid,” he snapped. He couldn’t believe she would do this, after what he’d told her about Trace, and the accident…she knew how freaked out he would be that she’d gone and driven drunk. Why had she done this? Was it out of spite? But why would she be spiteful? He just didn’t’ understand her. He flicked off the television, which had been on mute for sometime now, and wheeled himself closer to where Sheridan was sprawled out on the floor. Then he smelled it…the foul stench of alcohol. It was something he’d grown accustomed to in his life, but smelling it right now was making him uneasy. He felt himself begin to tremble, and then he heard it…

“You’re friend is a whore,” she laughed. “A little whore.”

He felt his emotions begin to crumble. He knew he couldn‘t lose it. Sheridan needed him to be the mature one right now. But the memory, it was tearing him apart just like it always did.

Then he saw it. Trace in the bed that was set up before him. It was just like the aftermath of the accident. The hissing of the respirator…the beeps and buzzes of the other machines, it was all there. The tubes running in and out of him, they were still there. That Coldplay song…it was still playing.

He shook his head roughly and grunted, putting every ounce of strength he had forward, desperately trying to calm himself down. After a moment, he didn’t hear the voices or see the horrible images anymore. He sat up and let out a shaky sigh, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He felt like he was about to be sick now, but he didn’t care. Anything was better than relieving all of that.

“I’m not good enough, she says,” Sheridan spoke up, slurring her words as she spoke. “I betcha I could out drink ‘er any day.”

“Sheridan,” he said, finally able to speak. “What happened to you? I know you, and I know you don’t drink. Did something happen? Did somebody say something to you?”

“I’m fine,” she yelled. “Why don’t you go roll into a wall or something?”

“What the fuck?” he heard himself yell. “I don’t…I don’t get this at all. First you were upset, understandably upset…but then…then you go and get drunk? Sheridan, I don’t’ know what happened today, but there’s no reason to pull this shit. You could have talked to me.”

“No-oo,” she whined. “You don’t wanna listen. You just wanna do your stupid shhhit.”

Now she was hysterical. Justin sighed. He wanted to help her, but he knew there was no way he could get to her from his wheelchair. And if he managed to get to the floor, it wouldn’t do him any good either, because he wouldn’t’ be able to get up again. Sheridan certainly wasn’t in any condition to help him. “Sheridan, please calm down. I can’t help you if you don’t calm down.”

“Shut up Justin!” she cried. “I don’t care what you want…it’s always about you!”

“What’s going on…Sheridan…why are you on the floor?”

He looked toward the voice to find Karen standing in the doorway. He shook his head, and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “I think she’s drunk,” he told her.

Karen’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m nah drunk,” Sheridan protested. “A’m fine.”

“Why is she drunk,” Karen asked after a moment. “How the hell did she get drunk?”

“I guess that’s what she was doing all this time she was out,” Justin informed her.

“She was supposed to be at the library working on her paper for school,” Karen nodded.

“Guess she never made it,” he replied. He looked back at Sheridan. This time, her eyes were closed, and a moment later she let out a loud snore. She was out cold. Justin was a little thankful. She didn’t need to give her mother another excuse to be angry with her. “She’ll be okay.”

“This is absolutely unacceptable,” Karen said sternly. “What did you say to her, Justin?”

“Me? Karen…why would you think--”

“You were the last one she talked to before she left,” Karen nodded. “What did you say to her.”

Justin let out a sad laugh. “I told her I’d see her later, Karen. What the hell do you think I said?”

She shrugged.

“Look, I’m…I’m leaving, and it’s not the easiest thing for her to deal with. Between that…and the way my mom treated her, well,…I mean I guess she had to seek refuge somewhere. I couldn’t be around today like I know I should have been. If I was, I‘m sure she would have taken out her anger on me instead.”

Karen crossed the room and plopped down in the overstuffed chair. She focused her gaze on Sheridan for several moments before speaking again. “I’m going to tell you something Justin. And I need you to listen to me, very closely. I need you to understand my perspective on this.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Sheridan doesn’t take loss well. I probably know that better than anybody. She’s become very attached to you very quickly Justin…and I know you’ve become attached to her as well. But with Sheridan it’s different. When she cares about you, she latches onto you…and she doesn’t want to let go. It was like that with her father. They were very close, closer than she and I will ever be. When she lost him…it was like the end of the world had come for her. She’s never gotten over it Justin. And don’t let her fool you with this story she tells about how she came out of it. She hasn’t’ come out of it, Justin. And you leaving well…it’s like she’s losing another part of herself all over again,” she paused, and stared out into space for several moments before continuing on. “My advice to you, is to talk to her when she’s…well…when she’s gotten her head together, and decide if this bond you two have is really worth all of this.”