It wasn’t so much that he couldn’t sleep. It was simply the fact that he didn’t’ want to. Lying on the floor with Sheridan wrapped in his arms couldn’t be described as anything but pure heaven. She was beautiful when she was naked. Every curve and freckle on her body was unique and extraordinary in it’s own way. He felt that he could lie here forever exploring and never get up again. He was lost in her, and he wanted to stay lost in her…forever.

But that was impossible. In a matter of hours, the sun would be up, Karen would come downstairs, and about an hour later his mother would show up to take him home. He didn’t want to think about it, because he knew it was going to be painfully difficult for Sheridan to say goodbye to him. Sure, he would call her as soon as he got settled in but he didn’t’ know how long that would take.. His mother tended to make everything into a project lately, and he wouldn’t’ be surprised if she kept him busy with different things until late in the evening. And by that time, he knew, he would be much too tired to talk on the telephone.

Going home wasn’t going to be easy, and he was terrified of all the changes he was about to take on. There was no doubt that the interior of his house had changed considerably since the last time he’d been there. His mother had hired a contractor and a team of people who were experts in customizing houses for the disabled, to make his house ‘suit his lifestyle‘. They’d been working on it for months now, and when he heard that news, he felt the little confidence he’d gained back, slump down to nothing again. If they’d been working on his house for months, he knew his mother must have not had any hope that he would walk again, from the beginning. It was like she didn’t’ care. That she didn’t believe in him. It made him angry, because in deep in his heart he truly believed he would walk again one day. Sheridan believed it too, and so did Karen. They believed in him, and they hadn’t even known him that long.

So why didn’t his mother feel the same way?

But he would push it all out of his head for now. Yes, he had to, because right now Sheridan was here with him, and they’d just had one of the most intimate experiences of their relationship. They’d made love. Well…as much as they could make love with him being like he was. He’d been reading up on it though. Different techniques, different ways of being able to express himself without being able to use his…equipment. Not to say that it hadn’t been awkward at first. On the contrary, it was extremely awkward for him…for the both of them. He was afraid he wouldn’t’ be able to do it with her, that it would all be too weird, too embarrassing. And that’ Sheridan would be too embarrassed to do it with him. But, she wasn’t. She was open to anything he was open to, and she let him know that. And now that their emotions had settled, now that they were both too exhausted to carry on, he realized that this was for real. He loved her, and she loved him. It was official. They were truly deeply in love with each other. And he wasn’t going to let anything…or anybody, get in the way of that ever again.

She sighed deeply in her slumber, and Justin pulled her close to him. She felt so warm, so safe, and he never wanted to let her go. But he would have to, because certain aspects of his life; like Elisha and the baby, simply couldn‘t be avoided. Sucking in a shaky breath, he lightly kissed her on the top of the head and started to pray. He wanted everything to work out, to be okay. And most of all, he just wanted everybody to butt out of his personal life. But then, he remembered who he was. He was indeed Justin Timberlake; nobody had ever felt that it was important to let him have a private life before, and he knew that they wouldn’t change their outlook on the situation now that he was in a wheelchair either. If anything, his condition made his life and persona that much more interesting to the public eye…and to those that knew him. He could see the headlines now…

He cringed.

He started to think it would be a good idea to keep Sheridan at a distance for a week or two after he returned home. Of course, he didn’t’ want to, but he figured it might be best. He would be busy getting settled in, and would have to get used to having Elisha tend to his needs, as well as getting used to working with a new doctor. Under the stress of all that, and having to act positive in front of all his friends and family, it might be too much to bring Sheridan in and have to deal with everybody’s opinion of their relationship. Yes, it was probably the best idea he’d come up with regarding the situation. But there was only one problem.

He knew Sheridan wouldn’t go for it.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, Justin knew that. It was only because they’d been so close for so long, and he knew two weeks apart would seem like two years in her mind. He didn’t want her to feel that way. He didn’t’ want to isolate himself from her, but he just didn’t know what else he could do. As it was, his mother still wasn’t making enough of an effort to warm up to Sheridan, and he knew if she stayed at the house for a day or so…his mother would make her feel even less welcome. And Elisha well, he still wasn’t sure what had gone on with their whole internet conversation. He didn’t know how they would get along either, and he knew that in order for things to run somewhat smoothly, they would need to. Elisha was going to be around every moment of every day, tending to his needs and helping him to feel more at home, while the baby in her stomach grew larger. In a sense, she was going to play as big of a role as Sheridan was, leaving out the romantic side of things. It was almost like she was Trace’s replacement, as weird as that was. That meant that she was his best friend, and he couldn’t have his best friend and his girlfriend hating each other. It simply wouldn’t work.

As far choosing his new doctor went, his mother had basically made that decision for him. She seemed to really like what Doctor Taylor had to say, despite the fact that he couldn’t stand the woman. He supposed he was a little bit at fault for not sticking up for himself when she said ’I enrolled you in Doctor Taylor’s program’, but then again, his mind had been swarming with so many different thoughts that day he could hardly think straight. Simply saying yes to his mother seemed much easier…

But now he was stuck.

Both Doctor Taylor and his mother agreed that he was ‘a deeply troubled young man’ and needed ‘the best physical and mental care available.’ Once again, he felt like a child, and there was nothing he could do about it. He was terrified of going back there, of having to learn new techniques, and having to deal with Doctor Taylor’s fake persona. He couldn’t help but worry about when and if Trace came back, how he would react. He knew if he was caught talking to Trace again, the results could be devastating. His mother would think he truly needed more mental help than physical, and then he would wind up all doped up or something. And then everything he’d been working for would be one big waste. He couldn’t let that happen, and even though he hated it more than anything he knew it was time to admit it…

Trace wasn’t some ghost that was coming back to haunt him. He was merely a memory. A memory of his dead best friend, that he wanted so desperately to be real. Sheridan had been right all along, and as much as it pained him to know the truth, he was a little proud of himself for being able to grasp the reality of the situation for once. Maybe this was another step for him. Maybe this change was helping him to move forward, move on…helping him to forget. Forget about Trace. His eyes widened. Wait…no, he couldn’t forget him. He couldn’t’ just let his memory fade away like that. He had to remember smells, the way his voice sounded, his clothes, his handwriting…everything. He had to, for that baby’s sake. After all, he was going to be partly responsible for educating the kid about Trace. About what he was like and all that he’d done with his life, and about things they’d done when they were young.

A big part of him was excited about all that too. Helping Elisha raise her child, watching it grow…being there for it no matter what. He almost felt like he was about to become a father himself. But then he remembered his wheelchair, and the nagging voice in the back of his mind that constantly reminded him he might not get up and walk again. How could a child look up to him as a father figure if he couldn’t even play with it properly? He wouldn’t’ be able to hold its hands and help it to walk. He wouldn’t be able to run around the house and play hide and seek with it. Hell, he wouldn’t’ even be able to carry it upstairs to its bed and kiss it goodnight. Elisha would have to do all of that, and he felt like a failure. A fucking crippled failure who couldn’t stand on his own two feet and be responsible.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and willed his legs to move, just once…just so he could have some sort of hope before he went out to face the world. “Come on,” he grunted softly. “Move…just move.” But as hard as he tried, and as much as he hoped, nothing happened. His legs were as useless as the day he’d woken up paralyzed in the hospital. He finally gave in with a defeated sigh, and could feel the hot tears gliding down his face before he had the chance to stop them. He glanced at Sheridan quickly, just to make sure she hadn’t been witnessing any of this, and thankfully she was still asleep. He let himself cry…long…hard…heavy. It hurt so much. Everything did. He was tired of this. His wheelchair, being paralyzed, and everybody trying to run his life. But he didn’t’ have a choice. He couldn’t’ fix his back, and he couldn’t’ get people to stop feeling sorry for him. He silently thanked God for Sheridan just then. She was the only one…the only one that could even begin to understand the horrible pain he felt inside his shattered soul, and he wished like hell that she could come home with him and never leave his side again.

“Hey.” Sheridan opened her eyes a crack, and smiled at him tiredly. “You’re still awake babe?”

He rubbed his eyes a bit. Partially from his fatigue, and partially to get rid of any stray tears that might have been lingering there. “Yeah,” he whispered, and planted a light kiss on her forehead. “I was just thinking about stuff.”

She sat up and curled into his chest. “Stuff.” Her expression was a worried one. “You’re worried about going home,” she nodded, caressing one of his reddened cheeks with her hand lovingly. “But you’re going to be okay. You’re ready for this, Justin.”

But was he? Was he really ready? A few days ago he thought he was. No, he was sure. But right now, he just didn’t know. What if he went into a deep depression again, like he’d been in when he was staying with his mother? What if he lost the will to succeed? To make himself whole again? He knew it could happen. It only took something small, to drive him to the brink. He knew that all to well, and it scared him immensely. “I’m scared, Sheridan,” he admitted. He hadn’t wanted to tell her that. He wanted Sheridan to believe that he was positive about all this…but he couldn’t lie to her. Lying to her would be stupid, because he loved her more than anything in the world at this moment, and when you were in love with somebody that deeply, you didn’t’ keep anything from them. “I’m so fucking scared.”

She held him close, but she didn’t’ say anything. It seemed to be the only thing she could do for him at that moment, but it was good enough for Justin. Just holding her, knowing that she loved him…it was all he needed.

“I love you,” she said finally, just above a whisper. She placed her hands on either side of his face, and he lightly grabbed onto her arms to balance himself. “And…you don’t have to be afraid, Justin. You don’t’ have to be afraid because I’ll always love you no matter what happens.”

They kissed again. Slowly at first, but then it deepened into a whirlwind of passion. Their mouths glided over each others skin, like it was a deadly obsession that they simply couldn’t resist. He found himself pulling her closer, and closer wishing that he could feel himself inside of her. He wanted her that way…he wanted to be inside of her so he could be a part of her. It killed him that it wasn’t the way things could be. “I love you,” he gasped, after breaking another kiss. He let his lips travel down to her neck, before letting them linger on her collar bone, kissing her soft skin there. “I love you too, Sheridan.” He shifted slightly, and wrapped his arms around her.

She let out a tired, but satisfied laugh and leaned into him again. “We never shaved you,” she pointed out, before reaching up to run her fingers through the hair on his face. “But we should. You‘d look better, Justin.”

It had been so long since he’d cared about his appearance, that he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to have a good shave.. His beard was practically a part of him now, and it was weird because he’d never been the type to have a scruffy appearance before. The occasional goatee had been all, but now…now he looked like the Nanook of the North, and even though he didn’t’ really care, he knew that his family and friends wouldn’t want to see him looking so ragged. He knew he needed to do it, and actually, he might have done it sooner if it wasn’t so hard for him to do it by himself. He was so used to standing up and shaving, that doing it from a new angle was still something he was still trying to get used to.

He didn’t’ want to get used to it.

“I don’t know,” he smiled a shrugged away his insecurity. “It’s just my face.”

She gave him a skeptical look. “And I’m the one who has to love it,” she nodded. “So I want to see it. Besides, you’re an entertainer not a lumberjack.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Lumberjack?” He kissed her on the mouth, and smiled at her again. “You’re crazy,” he whispered. “Doctor Quinn.”

Sheridan yanked their pile of clothes over to them, and helped Justin back into his before dressing herself. “And you look too much like a grumpy bear.” She slowly rose from the ground, and helped him back into his wheelchair. “Come on, I’ll help you.”

***********

The alarm buzzed loudly, and Sheridan silently prayed that she was simply having another dream. That she wouldn’t open her eyes and have to shut her alarm off. That she wouldn’t’ have to face today…tomorrow…or any of the days that were going to follow Justin’s absence. But then she felt him tighten his embrace around her, and she knew all too well that it was time to face the music. Slowly, unwillingly, she allowed her eyes to open, squinting slightly as the morning sunlight shone down on her face.

“Damn, it’s that time already?”

She heard his raspy, tired voice and smiled a little. She hit the snooze button, then turned over, so she could look at him. She took in his features…his newly shaven complexion, and his sleepy smile. She liked him this way. He looked so young, like he had so much to live for. She frowned a little, realizing just how unfair life had been to Justin. He didn’t’ deserve to be stuck in a wheelchair, forced to depend on other people. He’d lost his best friend, and that should have been enough. She realized this was his chance. His chance to have a life, despite his limitations. She tried to be happy for him…she had to be. “It is,” she whispered. She smoothed her palm over his bare cheek, and pecked him on the nose, forcing a reassuring smile for him. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I was with you,” he said, and kissed her on the mouth. “Course I did.”

After she’d shaved him, and had yet another lengthy make out session, they’d gotten into his bed together. Sheridan knew it would worry her mother if she found out, but then…she figured her mother had a good idea where she’d been all night anyway. It didn’t’ matter anymore, because her mother didn’t really have a say in their relationship so much now that Justin was leaving. Their fate now rested in their own hands, and she thought that was a good thing. At least…she hoped it was. She looked into his piercing blue eyes, searching them for the reassurance she needed to get through the day. “I love you.” She curled her body into his, and waited for the inevitable sound of the second alarm to go off. There would be no turning back after that. She suddenly felt like crying, but she wasn’t about to break down in front of him now. If anything, today was the day she absolutely needed to maintain her composure. There would be time to cry later, when he was really gone.

He smiled, and cupped her face in his hand. “I love you too,” he reassured her, and ran his hand up and down her bare arm. “And we’re gonna be fine,” he reminded her.

She didn’t‘ want to talk about it. “We should get out of bed,” she told him, and tried to pull away, but it only resulted in him pulling her closer to him.

“You know I’d stay if things were different,” he told her, with a worried tone. “Don’t you Sher?”

“Justin, don’t start explaining yourself again,” she groaned. “I know why you have to do this.”

“I just want to make sure that I’m not leaving you back here, doubting our relationship.” He stared into her eyes long and hard, seemingly trying to read her thoughts. “I don’t want to call you up one day, and hear you say that…that your not confident in us. You gotta promise me Sheridan.”

“You know that I love you,” she told him. “There’s no stronger promise than that.” She looked into his eyes, and ran her hand through his curls. She didn’t want to let go, and actually…she didn’t think she was going to be able to. But then…

Knock, knock. “Justin? Are you awake?”

“Shit,” she whimpered. “My mom.”

“It’s fine baby,” he nodded and flashed her his famous laid back grin. It was one that she’d been noticing more and more lately. It was a part of his old self shining through, and even though it was only a small part…it was still a part. It was another step for him. She frowned a little. How many major steps in his rehab process would she have to miss now?

“I’m up,” he called out. “Sheridan’s helping me.”

“Oh.” A dead silence followed. Her mother wasn’t stupid, and Sheridan was sure here mother knew there was a lot more going on between them than what Justin had just told her. She held her breath, and waited for the door to fly open, revealing her angry mother.

“Well, your mother will be here in about an hour, so you should start getting ready if you aren’t already,” was all her mother said though. Sheridan was partially shocked, but then she thought about it and figured that she would be hearing her mothers genuine feelings about the situation later…when Justin was gone.

She heard her mother shuffle back down the hallway, and let out the breath she’d been holding. “Okay,” she sighed. “We really have to get you moving, babe.”

He nodded sadly. “I know.”

They went through the normal routine for the last time. She stripped him out of his clothes, gave him his bath, changed his catheter, and helped him into the outfit of his choosing. She couldn’t help but think about Elisha, and that she would be the one doing this with him every morning from now on. She didn’t like it, not at all. But she knew she couldn’t be selfish, or jealous right now. After all, Elisha wasn’t really a threat to her relationship. She’d convinced her self that the internet conversation they’d shared was simply a misunderstanding gone horribly wrong. Sheridan was sure that once she met Elisha…they would be able to have a rational conversation, and work out their differences.

Once Justin was dressed and settled, Sheridan wheeled him out into the living room, where she wasn’t surprised to find Lynn sitting on the sofa, ready and waiting. Justin looked up at her, and shot her a reassuring smile. She tried to give him one in return, but found that she couldn’t. Lynn’s eyes were fixed on her, studying her, and she was becoming more nervous and annoyed by the second.

“Hi mom.” Justin’s voice broke the tension in the room, and Sheridan was thankful.

“Hi baby.” Lynn rose from the sofa, and walked briskly over to Justin’s side. “Oh! You shaved!,” she smiled and gave him a warm kiss and hug like she hadn’t seen him in years; making sure to wheel him out of Sheridan’s reach as she did so. “I’m so glad you took my advice honey. Because you know, you look so much better when we can all see that handsome face of yours.”

Sheridan felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. This woman had never accepted her, and she wasn’t going to accept her now. If anything, she was sure Lynn was glad Justin was being separated from her. It hurt her…a lot. She loved this woman’s son more than anything. Why couldn’t’ that be a good thing in her eyes? A positive thing? Couldn’t she think it through and realize that she was the reason he was starting to move past the accident? His best friend dying?

“The van is just outside.”

She snapped to attention at Lynn’s words. She looked at Lynn, then at Justin. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic, but he was still managing to smile for his mother. She didn’t know how. Or maybe…leaving this place wasn’t as hard on Justin and Sheridan wanted it to be.

“Don’t you want to see Karen before we go?” Justin asked, a look of pleading in his eyes.

“We spoke before,” Lynn reassured him with a warm smile. Then she shot a quick glance at Sheridan, and her smile faded at bit. It was almost like she was saying…’you’re not going to confuse my son anymore.’ “So, everything is finalized, and we better get a move on if you’re going to get settled in by tonight, Justin.”

She wanted to yell, scream, cry…anything to make Lynn stop and give them a little more time together. But she knew she couldn’t’ do any of that. It would upset Justin, and make Lynn whisk him out of here even faster. There was nothing she could do. She could only stare, clench her fists, and grit her teeth; willing herself to remain calm.

“I gotta say goodbye,” Justin said after a moment. “I haven’t even seen Karen yet this morning.”

Lynn frowned. Sheridan knew Lynn wasn’t’ getting her way, and could tell she was getting more annoyed by the minute. She didn’t’ think Lynn had the right to be acting this way. Justin may have been her son, but he was an adult and he was entitled to live his life the way he wanted to live it. IT wasn’t fair that he was being forced to abide by his mothers schedules and plans every moment of the day. He deserved a life…his own life. “Don’t’ make him go yet,” she heard herself say and her eyes widened.

Then…silence. Lynn’s eyes were like daggers, digging into her with their cold icy stare. Sheridan’ wasn’t supposed to be interfering, not with Lynn Harless’ plans. But she didn’t’ care. Justin was her boyfriend…hers, and she wasn’t going to let this woman push her around.

“Sher…please…” Justin spoke up, unexpectedly. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

She stared at him. Long, and hard. She was hurt. She didn’t’ understand why she wasn’t supposed to defend his position. After all, he wanted to say goodbye. She was just trying to help the situation. “I’m not making anything harder,” she pointed out, nearly forgetting that Lynn was standing before the both of them. “I love you and…I don’t want you to leave yet either.”

“We really need to be going.” Lynn laughed nervously and placed her hands on Justin’s handle bars.

Sheridan stepped forward. She felt her face burning, and a moment later the tears were there. This was killing her…more than she imagined it would. “Don’t,” she sobbed. “Don’t’ take him away.”

Justin covered his face with his hands for a moment. She could hear him sniffling, but she knew when he uncovered his face again his tears would be non existent.

“Look what you’ve done,” Lynn snapped. “He’s not supposed to worry about things like this right now. He’s supposed to be getting well again. He’s supposed to…God…he needs to be able to stand on his own two feet again Sheridan. You’re the doctor’s daughter, surely you can understand my position.”

“Mom…” Justin uncovered his face and looked up at his mother, before meeting Sheridan’s gaze again. It was a warning look. One that told her if she di dnt’ stop now, she was going to ruin everything for the both of them. But she didn’t’ think she could stop. In all honesty, she just wanted to yank Justin back inside his room, and lay in his arms for the rest of her life. In his arms, and only in his arms…did she feel truly safe and protected. Now she didn’t’ know if she’d ever feel that way again. Surely with Elisha in his house with him, they’d never have the chance to do what they’d done the previous night. “Mom, please don’t’ fight with her.”

Justin’s saddened request caused Lynn to frown, and look down at her son. “I just want her to understand, Justin.”

“Sheridan understands,” he nodded, then looked at her again. This time though, he smiled a little, and Sheridan couldn’t help but return it. “She understands everything about me.”

Lynn stared at her, and Sheridan stared right back. Something was different this time however. That cold, unrelenting look wasn’t’ there anymore. Instead, there was one of worry…of motherly concern. And Sheridan realized how similar her personality was to Lynn’s. They both cared about Justin, more than anything in the world, and both of them wanted nothing more than to see him walk again and live a normal life. The only thing that really differed between them, were their opinions on how to get him to that point. Sheridan wanted to work it out, and agree on something with her…but she was sure Lynn didn’t.

“I’ll…I can bring him out if you want to get the car started,” Sheridan offered, flinching slightly as she did so. “That way you wont’ have to work the lift by yourself.”

“We’ll manage,” Lynn nodded. “It was nice…seeing you again,” she managed to say, before wheeling Justin toward the door.

“Just wait,” Justin protested. “Momma…I need a few minutes.”

Lynn paused, mid-step and let out a long sigh. “We have a lot to do today, Justin.”

“I’m sure we can spare a few minutes,” he informed her. “Look, you go and start the car and we’ll be out in like fifteen okay?”

Lynn didn’t say no, but the look she gave Sheridan before she walked out of the house wasn’t a very warm one. Sheridan cringed. That hadn’t’ gone well at all. It wasn’t’ ever going to go well. Her bottom lip trembled…she felt like such a failure. A little good for nothing. Sheridan knew Elisha had been right in what she’d said in their conversation. She wasn’t like Justin…she wasn’t one of them, and she never would be.

“Sheridan.” Justin turned himself around to face her. “Sheridan please don’t’ cry now.” He wheeled himself up to her, and reached up to grab her hands. “My mother…she means well okay? It’s just going to take some time to get her used to you…that’s all.”

“You should just go,” she sobbed. “Just go and forget about me okay?”

“You’re talking stupid now,” he grumbled. “Like I could ever fucking forget you now girl. I love you…you know I love you Sheridan.”

“You think it’s going to be so easy!” she yelled. She felt horrible. The last thing she wanted to do was yell and fight with him on the day he was leaving. But she couldn’t’ help it. She was angry, so angry at Lynn for making her feel this way. And now she barely had any time to talk about how she felt about it with Justin. He had to leave. He had to. And in her mind it was just easier to turn her back on the situation as a whole.

Unfortunately, Justin’s will to make every aspect of his life work out was entirely too strong to let her give up on them. “I didn’t’ say it was going to be easy,” he whispered. “We had this conversation last night…last week…hell, since we got together. Frankly Sheridan, I’m getting sick of it. Why am I the one with all the faith in us huh? Why can’t you help me? You know…if we work together they cant’ fucking touch us. If we work together…and show them how much we love each other, sooner or later they’re going to realize it too.”

She yanked her hands from his. “You act like…going home isn’t’ going to change things,” she defended. “Like…things arent’ going to be different. But they are going to be different Justin. It‘s going to change you…more than you even know.”

“Well you know…I didn’t’ think coming here would change my life either, Sheridan,” he said. “I thought I was just going to sit in this chair, and not talk to anybody, and just crawl inside myself and die. But you know, then I met you and I realized that life was fucking…worth living.” He shook his head roughly, and then looked into her eyes again. “Look…you’re the one that told me you loved me. And I guess you know, I knew I’d already fallen in love with you. But when you said that, I figured you wouldn’t be looking back on anything after that. I thought you were just going to love me and forget about everybody else and their fucking opinions.”

“I thought I could,’ she whispered. “But your mom…”

“I explained my mother,” he interrupted. “And you need to accept that and move past it, Sheridan. I mean it when I say I love you, but I can’t be worrying about you running out on me every minute of the day. Not to be an asshole…but as you’ve noticed, I have a lot of stuff going on right now.”

She knew he had a right to be angry. He was trying to work on his mother, and everybody else…to get them to accept her. She was being entirely too paranoid and selfish, but she couldn’t’ help it. She’d always been this way, but she’d tried hard not to let Justin see it in her. “I’ll try harder.” It was the only thing she could think of to say. She knew they’d ran out of time, and Justin had to go, or else Lynn would barge back in here and take him out herself. “I don’t mean to make things harder. It’s just about today, and that your not going to be here when I wake up tomorrow…that’s all it is Justin.”

He bit his lip. “I hope so.”

They kissed one last painful time, before Sheridan took control of his wheelchair and led him out of the house, and down the ramp that led to his waiting van. She saw her mother conversing with Lynn by the van, and they both seemed to be agreeing on something…but she wasn’t’ about to ask what it was.

“Be strong for me,” he said quietly. “Please.”

“I will be,” she reassured him, pulling his chair to a halt a few feet from the van. “Have a good trip okay?” She came around to the front of his chair, and he tugged on her hand, willing her to lean down and kiss him. She knew it wasn’t’ the best thing to do. Lynn and her mother were both standing there, and Sheridan could feel their eyes digging into the back of her head. But Justin need this, and she knew it…so she did it. Her lips brushed against his, and she could feel the tears making their way down her face before she broke the kiss.

“Justin,” Lynn called.

Justin wrapped his arms around her, not seeming to care if his mother was waiting for him. “I’ll call you as soon as I can okay?,” he whispered, pressing his face into her shoulder. “It might not be til tomorrow…but I’ll call you.”

“I know.” She forced herself to pull away from him. She couldn’t even look at him anymore, because she knew if she did it would cause her to cry harder than she already was. She wiped at her eyes a little, before whispering a quick “Bye, Justin.” She turned on her heel, and started to walk back toward the house.

“Sheridan.”

His voice caused her to halt, but she didn’t want to. She needed to be done with him, and move on with the day. She had to start getting used to this right now…not later. But she figured he wouldn’t understand if she ignored him. She turned back around. “Yeah.”

“I love you,” he smiled.

She managed to return his smile. “I love you too.”

**************

The long metal rail gleamed brightly in the afternoon sunshine. It was polished, expensive looking, and the wheelchair ramp it was attached to looked just as magnificent. It was designed to contrast with the Mexican theme of his mansion, and while Justin thought his mother had done more than her part making the house look great, he still wished it didn’t’ have to be this way. He wanted steps. He wanted his legs back. He wanted Trace to come to the door in his boxers, with Elisha at his side…going on and on about how kick ass the party they’d went the night before was. He closed his eyes and tried to envision it, and for a moment he saw it all. But he snapped out of it quick. He couldn’t be doing this, not now. This was his life…the only life he had, and he should have been thankful for that and that alone. He could have been injured far worse than he was, losing the use of his upper body as well…and he knew how lucky he was. Maybe he was selfish for wanting a normal life. After all, Trace had died in that car accident. He’d paid the ultimate price.

Justin was lucky to have any kind of second chance.

“What do you think?” His mother walked around to the front of his wheelchair and smiled. “It took them awhile to get the color right, and I know that the color of the rail really clashes…but they couldn’t’ get the color I needed out here before you had to come home. So I told them to just leave it.”

He smiled. “It’s great mom,” he told her, even though he’d basically been tuning her out the whole time. He loved his mother, he really did. And in all honesty, they’d been getting along a lot better lately. But she still rambled on about things he didn’t feel were important. Like the redecorating she’d done on the house, or how she was throwing a party for his homecoming that weekend. He was glad that her life was starting to smooth out of course. That she felt she could do things as if he were perfectly fine. He guessed she needed that, after everything she’d had to put up with this year. But it didn’t’ mean that he needed to be forced into it all too. He wanted to concentrate on his own affairs. Elisha and the baby. How he was going to deal with a new doctor that he hated already…

And how the hell he was going to keep his relationship together.

Sheridan wasn’t helping. Not at all, and he was upset with her. Sure, they’d had a great last night together and he knew that she loved him very much. But her constant paranoia and insecurities about their relationship were really starting to irk him. He needed a supporter, not a downer, and that’s exactly how Sheridan was acting right now…she was bringing him down…she wasn’t giving him any hope. A small part of him was saying : ‘it’s probably better if you just forget her’. But he would never do it. Never.

He couldn’t live without Sheridan.

His mother pushed him up the ramp, and towards the front door. He held his breath for a moment, suddenly remembering he hadn’t been inside his own house since just after Trace passed. There were so many forgotten memories lingering inside those walls, and Justin feared the worst was going to happen when he was finally allowed inside. Every room…every corner and sofa and recliner would always remind him, in a small way…of Trace. It was so emotional, and he felt it building up inside of him. Then his mother pushed the door open, and wheeled him inside…

And he couldn’t’ breathe.

“Man! This is fucking great!” Trace exclaimed, from the top of the staircase. “And look…she didn‘t hardly change a thing about the house. They just like, lowered the shelves and doors and shit like that.” He jogged down the stairs and stood in front of him, a satisfied grin resting on his face. “No more shoveling horse shit or nothing. Man, what a load off huh?”

He ignored him. It wasn’t that he wanted to…not at all. Trace was so real when he came around, and it was part of the reason that Justin was so compelled to hold conversations with him. If he were alone, he would have certainly talked back to his friend. But his mother was here, and the last time he’d talked to Trace and his mother was around…he’d nearly given her a heart attack. So rather than putting himself in jeopardy again, he simply smiled and nodded at Trace, before wheeling himself further inside his home.

Trace did have a point. His mother really hadn’t altered much of the set up or decoration of his homes interior. It was only the fixtures and some of the furniture and floor work that had changed. His mother gave him the grand tour, pointing out everything the contractor and his team had done to make his home suit his needs. Everything had been ripped apart and lowered, so he could reach it easily. His kitchen seemed fit for a midget. The countertops were a given. But his mother had also put in a specialized stove that came to just past his middle torso. The refrigerator was different too. It was the regular size of course, but it came equipped with special sliding shelves that dropped down in a way that he could access even the highest placed items.

The biggest change to his home however, was the special elevator that could bring him upstairs and downstairs with the simple push of a button. He had to admit, it was pretty cool to have an elevator in his house, but he wished it had simply been installed because he was getting tired of walking up and down the stairs all the time. But he wouldn’t feel bad about it. He figured it would benefit Elisha too. He knew that when she got close to her due date, she would have a hard time getting up and down the stairs herself. An elevator would definitely help.

“And this…” his mother cooed excitedly as they turned another corner. “This is the big surprise.”

The tiniest part of him visualized Sheridan standing there smiling. “Your mother fooled you,” she would laugh. “We’ve been planning this for weeks. I’m going to stay here with you…”

He smiled at the thought, but it quickly faded when his mother wheeled him into the living room and he set his eyes on the ’surprise.’ Sitting there, in the middle of the room was what could only be described as a first class airplane seat on wheels. It’s seat was oversized, and seemed to have extra cushioning for added comfort. It had three sets of wheels, which Justin figured would be used for extended maneuverability. And there on the left arm, sat a joystick to control the monstrosity. It was an electric wheelchair. Something Justin had come to know as a wimps chair. And he didn’t’ like it…not at all.

“Isn’t it great!” his mother said excitedly, placing a brochure on his lap before running over to the chair. “The salesman brought over several models for me to look at, but he said this one was the best one for indoor use…and for somebody that has no function in their legs.”

He couldn’t meet her gaze as he opened up the brochure. “Congratulations on your purchase of the Pride Jazzy 1143 Mighty Power Chair,” he began, and didn’t’ hesitate to send his mother a skeptical glance as he looked up from the paper. Congratulations? On what? Being crippled? Yeah, there’s something to celebrate, he thought. “This model has been designed for excellent indoor maneuverability and outstanding outdoor capability,” he continued. “It includes twelve drive wheels for enhanced outdoor performance, and has a three hundred pound weight capacity, combined with patented mid-wheel drive performance and maneuverability. This complete package makes the Pride Jazzy 1143 Mighty the ultimate indoor/outdoor power chair.” He slowly folded the brochure back up, and sighed. “It’s another wheelchair,” he groaned.

“You’re going to love it,” she beamed. “It’s going to make everything so much easier for you, Justin.”

He wasn’t thrilled at all. He’d grown accustomed to his own powerless wheelchair. In the beginning of course, he wanted a powered one very badly. The constant strain on his arms being almost too much for him to bear. But his doctor recommended that he stay in a powerless for at least two months, just so his upper body could become strong enough to do all the work that his legs couldn’t. At first, he had been counting the days until that time came. But Karen had taught him different things. Like how to rely on his arms for everything he needed, and by sticking to the same chair he had now, he’d managed to keep his upper body in great condition. He didn’t’ want to be lazy now, he realized. He really couldn’t afford to be. “Um…its’ really great mom. But…I’m sorta used to my own wheelchair.”

The excitement in his mother’s eyes faded. “Justin don’t be ridiculous,” she chuckled. “That chair is so old, and beat up. Besides, you aren’t going to be getting up and feeding horses at five am…you don’t need to exhaust yourself like that anymore.”

“But mom…”

But she wasn’t paying any attention. With a gentle push of the joystick, the chair glided forward silently, and his mother grinned. “Come on and try it baby,” she told him. “I tried it. It’s fun.”

Did she hear herself? Fun? How could a wheelchair be fun? He knew what would be fun. Fun would be standing on his own two feet and taking Sheridan out for the time of her life, like she deserved. Like he would have been able to…if he’d just been a little bit more cautious that night.

He bit his lip. He really didn’t want to tell her no, and get himself into an argument with his mother right now. As it was, Elisha was bringing her essentials over in a little while, and they were going to be going over his routine and such. And when Elisha was around, he didn’t’ like to be in a rotten mood. She was one of the people that Justin felt deserved the best of him…and she would get it no matter what. But then, if he wasn’t’ going to argue with his mother… he didn’t really have any other option. He was going to get in that stupid new chair, make his mother happy, and be slightly less independent that he was now. With a power wheelchair to do the work for him, he wouldn’t need to rely on himself that much. It was like a twenty four hour robotic babysitter, and he felt so stupid.

He let his mother help him into the new chair. Or rather, he tried to prevent himself from slipping out of her grasp as she struggled to transfer him from one chair to the next. It was awkward. His mother hadn’t yet learned where to place her hands, or learned the right way to lift him. Elisha had gotten it on the first shot of course, but it was only because he’d been able to explain it to her correctly. His mother wouldn’t allow him to explain anything to her, and he knew it was because she felt she should already know what to do. It was probably dangerous. He knew she could hurt him if she wasn’t properly educated…but he couldn’t tell her otherwise. She wanted to help, so much that it was killing her. To tell her no…would take what little dignity she had left, away. And he couldn’t live with that.

“There,” his mother sighed, once he’d finally been positioned in the chair. “Now, you can’t tell me the Jazzy isn’t better than that old thing”

Although he couldn’t feel anything underneath him, his back did feel a lot more comfortable against the chair’s soft cushioning. This chair was elevated too, and he felt a lot bigger than he had in a long time. He smiled slightly. Maybe it wasn’t’ so bad. But he really didn’t want to get used to it. He didn’t want to lose his strength, become weak…and not be able to function like he’d been able to on the ranch. “It’s nice,” he forced himself to agree.

“Well go ahead…make it go,” his mother said eagerly. “I want to make sure you really like it.”

Reluctantly, he pushed the joystick forward, and the chair surged ahead quickly. In the matter of thirty seconds he was at the other end of the room. With his other chair, it would have taken him a least a minute and a half; if his wheels didn’t get caught on something. It was easy, it was effortless…and he knew once he allowed himself to use the chair more he wouldn’t want to go back to the old way. He could already feel himself becoming more relaxed as it was, and he knew if Karen was around she definitely wouldn’t have approved at all. He maneuvered himself back around, and glided back to where his mother stood.

“Well?” she smiled.

“It’s definitely easier,” he sighed. “Ill give you that. But I still…you know, the other chair helps me keep my strength up, and I need my upper body strength for the bars.”

“Oh it’s okay,” his mother said confidently. “I talked to Doctor Taylor, and she said a power chair was perfectly fine…”

That was that last thing he wanted to hear. It was Doctor Taylor’s idea, and that made him angry. Why should it have been her decision? It was his body, and he should have been consulted first. He wanted to scream all of this in his mother’s face, but then he saw her folding up his old wheelchair, and that was more important to him. Yes, he said he would try this new way of getting around, but he hadn’t agreed to anything. “I need that,” he told her. “I’m not staying in this thing, mom.”

His mother sighed. “It will just take some getting used to Justin. Doctor Taylor said that a power chair was just what you needed, and that we should get you into one and out of the other one. Now, you don’t want to go against your doctor’s wishes do you?”

He clenched his fists in anger. He felt like he was being pushed around…handled…and he hated it. “She’ll never be as good as Karen,” he snapped. “I don’t fucking care how many fuckin PhD’s she has.”

“Justin…,” his mother sighed and rubbed her hands on her thighs. “I just think it’s best if…”