Sheridan knew Justin had a lot to do before his friends arrived, but for some reason he didn’t seem to mind spending the majority of the morning in bed with her. They watched TV and just...cuddled, his arms wrapped tightly around her while she rested her head against his chest, like he never wanted to let her go. It was something she’d gotten used to when he’d been living at home with her, and she couldn’t deny that it got her to ease up a lot about the people downstairs and what they thought about them being together. After all, Justin didn’t seem to care, and that was all that should have mattered to her.
Rachael buzzed in on the intercom after a couple of hours, and asked if she could finally bring Justin something to eat, which he agreed to, and begrudgingly told Sheridan that he would probably have to get up and start getting ready. Sheridan offered to help him of course, at which he smiled, but told her how his new therapist had trained him to self transfer Into his shower, and everything had been set up for him so that he could get himself ready on his own. Sheridan knew she should have been happy and thankful for this too, but the smallest part of her felt almost...pointless. If he didn’t really need her help then was she really that important to him anymore?
It was a stupid thought, but Sheridan was paranoid, and it sucked.
He did let her help him into his wheelchair, which happened to be a powered one, much to her dismay. It was big and fancy, with a leather seat, lots of wheels, and a giant control panel on the right arm. “It’s electric,” she stated, once she’d helped him to successfully transfer into his seat.
“I know.” His voice had been soft and he wouldn’t look at her as he guided himself towards the adjoining bathroom doorway. “My mom...she just thought I’d be more comfortable this way.” He turned himself around to face her, and by his expression she knew he could read her emotions, that he was able to tell she didn’t like this particular change to his lifestyle.
“Are you?” She’d asked.
He’d shrugged. “I’m not so tired anymore.”
Sheridan had sighed and crossed her arms. One thing her mother had always been against, was putting her clients in electric wheelchairs. She told her that ultimately, it severely weakened their upper body strength, and she wouldn’t accept an able client that wasn’t willing to work without one. “I thought you liked the manual way. I thought it was keeping you fit.”
“My doctor has other ways to keep me strong,” he responded defensively. “She does a lot of different stuff to see what helps me the most. It’s different with her...not so routine, but I seem to like that more than I thought I would,” he explained. “I didn’t...I didn’t want to cooperate with her at first because I really missed your mom, Sher. But...she’s good, you know? I can do things now that I never thought I’d be able to again. She’s come to the house and taught me a lot, you know? I mean, I can shower now...on my own.” He’d smiled happily as he looked down at his lap. “It just, makes me really happy. Mom and Rachael had to help me a lot in the beginning and I know...they weren’t really comfortable, so this is good. It’s really good.”
His emotions were genuine, and she knew that. Whoever this Doctor was...Doctor Taylor, right...she seemed to be doing a decent job with Justin. He seemed to be happy, which was more than she could say for him when he was back on the ranch. It was weird, the entire time he was with her she figured he was happy, but thinking back on it...she realized how tired and stressed he was most of the time. He looked so much better now... He was better off, she figured.
Maybe she shouldn’t have come to visit at all, because she was still going to have to leave, and even though she knew he would miss her, he’d still be happy without her...he’d still manage without her. Sheridan felt selfish for thinking this way about it. Justin deserved a better life didn’t he? He’d overcome the unthinkable, and still had a long way to go before he could hope to get back on his feet again. Why should he have been made to suffer? Because she was lonely? Because she needed him? No.
She was going to shut her mouth, let him live, and allow him to push her away slowly, at a pace they could both handle. She’d be strong, like she knew she was capable of being, and eventually she’d move on too. Eventually...
Justin showed her the alterations that had been made to his bathroom with a smile. The bath was a prototype, state of the art, something that wasn’t even on the market yet. It was something that was much too expensive for her mother to put in the washroom at the ranch right now, but nothing Justin’s bankroll couldn’t handle. It had a special seat that he strapped into, and a button he could push to raise him up into a standing position if he wanted a shower or back down if he wanted to soak in the tub. She was happy for him. It was one of the things he hated most...being washed like a baby, and she told him how neat she thought it was. The only thing she wished was that she’d been able to give Justin those same comforts at the ranch. Although, even if she had, it wouldn’t have stopped him from leaving at all.
That was still Elisha’s fault.
She channel surfed mindlessly and brooded in his bed while he showered, knowing she needed to get the bad attitude out of her system quickly, before he reemerged from the bathroom. The last thing she wanted was to bring Justin down today with his friends around him, so she tried desperately to fill her mind with a happy thought...of something to look forward to, even though being with Justin should have been enough. The thought of her early morning phone conversation with Juan entered her mind, and she smiled a little, knowing he’d be attending the party too. She hoped his presence would be able to put her mind at ease a little bit more and help her to relax, to feel like she belonged, but she knew if Juan had anything to do with it, he’d make sure she didn’t feel uncomfortable around the rest of the people at the party.
In all honesty, she couldn’t wait to see him.
She heard the shower turn off, but it seemed to take Justin forever to reemerge from the bathroom. A good half hour passed, if not more. She grew slightly concerned, so she got up from the bed and listened at the door before calling out his name. “Justin...”
“I’m--I’m almost there,” he said, slightly out of breath. “Just getting my pants on.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you can...”
“I do it every day.” He snapped back at her.
It was more than obvious to her now, that Justin’s daily routines weren’t as easy as he tried to make them seem. She knew even the most advanced paraplegics still struggled to get their clothes on by themselves, and it scared her that he wasn’t asking for help. She tried the door, but he’d locked it on her. “Justin, can I come in there?”
“No.”
She wasn’t sure, but she could have sworn he was sobbing a little bit.
“Food’s here.”
Rachael had returned, carrying a tray of food for Justin in her arms. She placed it on the bed, giving Sheridan a confused look as she faced her again. “How long has he been in there?”
Sheridan just shrugged. “Almost an hour.”
Rachael sighed heavily and rapped on the door. “Justin, what’s the matter?”
“I’m fine...” He trailed off miserably. “Just go downstairs...I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
But Rachael didn’t seem to buy into Justin’s explanation. It was obvious to Sheridan that she’d gotten used to this from him, because the next thing she knew Rachael had pulled a small key out of her pocket, and proceeded to unlock the door. “I hate when you do this,” she snapped the moment the door was swung open. “I’m not fucking Maureen, you can ask me for help.”
Justin was lying face down on the bathroom floor, his body twisted and contorted in the most frightening of ways, rendering him helpless, Sheridan could tell he’d been trying to get back in his wheelchair on his own, but failed and landed on the floor far from his chair, and far from a support bar. She had no idea how she hadn’t heard the sound he made when he hit the floor, but she figured that the TV had been on, and she’d been too busy brooding to really pay attention. After all, people did make noise in the bathroom and it was something she’d probably mistaken as a casual bump or bang. It meant he’d been struggling on the floor, naked, trying to turn himself back over again for all that time.
She felt sick to her stomach.
Why was he trying so hard to do everything himself?
“Could you just...” He sighed miserably and held his hand out to his cousin, ignoring the fact that Sheridan was standing there at all. “I can’t get back in my chair.”
Rachael stepped in to help, with a frustrated sigh, and expertly turned Justin over, taking care to position his legs the correct way before she lifted him off the floor and returned him back to the wheelchair. It was obvious to Sheridan that she’d performed this task countless times, and she wondered just how often this had happened to him since he’d moved back home. “Remember why we put in the buzzer? You’re supposed to call for help.”
“I know that,” he snapped at her coldly.
Rachael threw the clothes that had been resting on top of the toilet at him with a disgusted glare, and Justin took the opportunity to cover his privates with them. “What happens if nobody is here, Justin? What happens after Elisha has the baby and I need to bring her to the doctors or something? What happens when I actually want to go out and have a life with Vince? Am I just supposed to wait on you hand and foot because you might fall out of your wheelchair? Stick around the house all the time because you won’t handle the situation like you’re supposed to?”
He didn’t look at her.
“You refuse to get a full time aid in here to help. You just absolutely fucking refuse, because Maureen seems to think you can handle everything on your own. Sheridan...” She turned back to her, her eyes glossed over with tears now. “She has this fucking independence psychology bullshit she throws at him five days a week. It’s stupid. You should see what he does at the place...she barely does any therapy with him. It’s just all this mental bullshit.”
Sheridan just stared at her. She knew that Maureen Taylor had come from her mother’s list of recommended doctors so she didn’t understand how Justin could have gotten stuck in the kind of environment that Rachael was describing.
“How would you know what helps me?” Justin snapped at her again, his gaze menacing as he looked up into his cousin’s eyes. “You’re not me.”
“You shouldn’t have come back,” she told him sorrowfully. “I know Elisha sort of made you feel guilty and you felt compelled to come home, but she would have been fine if you hadn’t. We all would have helped her out, Justin. We need you to get better and you’re not helping yourself by going to Maureen and relying on me for everything you need.”
He crossed his arms.
“I mean I’m all for you getting better and being independent Justin, but honestly...you’re not...you’re just not able to do everything by yourself, despite what that quack tells you.”
He was silent as he looked down at the clothes again. “Are you done?”
She laughed bitterly. “Yeah, almost. Hurry up, you have to get some standing time in this morning, and make sure you take your pills too, you’ve been having too many spasms lately.”
Rachael stormed away, and Sheridan flinched slightly when she heard the door slam shut again. Things were bad. Everything he’d told her from the moment she’d fallen into his arms had been a lie. He was scraping by, on a new age therapy program she’d only read reports on, and it wasn’t helping him. What was worse, he was having leg spasms, probably more than she wanted to know about, and that wasn’t healthy. It meant he wasn’t being handled properly, most likely because Rachael didn’t have enough training when it came to moving Justin around. When he’d been at the ranch, he’d been on a strict medication regiment for them, and because of her mother’s good care they were basically non existent. She was sure that Maureen had changed all of this.
And she was so scared for him.
“You’ve been having spasms?” She croaked out, the fear in her voice apparent.
He rolled his eyes. “It’s not exactly uncommon, you know. I got them a lot before I came to the ranch too.”
“Why did you shut me out?” She whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me this wasn’t working?”
He yanked his shirt on miserably, and started the painstaking process of pulling his boxer shorts up his useless legs shortly afterwards. “I’m fine, Sheridan,” he said coldly. “Let it go.”
“Is this why you haven’t called me in three weeks?”
“I’ve been working too,” he grunted. “I’ve been up to my neck in fucking phone interviews and meetings. Don’t believe everything Rachael tells you. She’s just pissed because my mom made her come out here to help. I told her she could go home, but it’s like...she feels guilty or something.” He sighed harshly and shook his head as he finished pulling up his boxers, and started on his jeans next.
Sheridan could tell he was having a hard time, as he usually did, so she went over to help him, and for some reason...he let her. “I’ve read about that therapy you’re getting,” she whispered, once Justin was able to get his jeans on the rest of the way himself. “It’s really controversial, Justin.”
“Yeah well,” he paused and let out a long breath once he’d gotten his belt buckled, and leaned back against his chair tiredly. “That’s what I’m doing. It’s not so bad, it makes me feel pretty confident most of the time, so I’ll be fine.”
“What have you been doing about your legs? You realize that your muscles are going to deteriorate if you don’t work them every day right?”
“Maureen knows what she’s doing,” he said stubbornly. “You don’t need to worry about it, Sheridan. It’s not your problem anymore.”
She rose up and placed her hands on her hips, angry...truly angry with him for the first time since he’d left the ranch. “So what? You’ve just stopped exercising all together?”r32;
“No...” He shook his head at her. “I use my standing frame three hours a day and Rachael helps me do manual stretches in the morning and at night. My personal trainer comes twice a week too, and has me doing a lot of upper body toning. Maureen says I don’t need all those machines that Karen was making me use. She says it’s positive thinking that makes you better, and I believe her. She told me that she got three people out of wheelchairs last year. One of them is even walking without a cane now.”
“That’s a bunch of shit,” Sheridan laughed bitterly. “I mean, this lady sounds like some crazy hippie. You need to come back...”
“I can’t come back,” he cut her off, angrily. “You know that.”
“Yes you can,” she said, her voice cracking. She was ready to break down, because she knew he was suffering. Yes, it had only been three weeks, but the only thing he’d seemed to do for himself was get a more positive outlook on his life. While that wasn’t a terrible thing, it wasn’t giving him the physical strength he needed to walk again, and Justin seemed to be okay with that. It was as if he were forcing himself to comply to his doctor’s idea of what physical therapy should be, like it was the only option he had now that he was home. If Sheridan had known the situation he was getting into, she would have said whatever she had to to force him to stay at the ranch from the start. “Why are you responsible for Elisha’s baby?”
“Come on Sher,” he said tiredly. “We’ve talked about this.”
She shrugged. “Trace is dead. I know that’s a really horrible reality and I know Elisha is probably really screwed up because of it...but I’m pretty sure she has a family, right? Why can’t they help her, so you can help yourself? I mean, Rachael even said you didn’t need to be here, that everybody else would have done their part and gotten her through the pregnancy if you didn’t come back.”
“You know...” he started to say, his tone bitter, almost resentful. “I shouldn’t expect you to get it, because you didn’t know him, and maybe...you don’t know me as well as I thought you did. I mean,you and me...we just clicked at the ranch, and it was awesome, but now I’ve gotten back to my life, and things are different. I thought you got it, that you could handle being apart, but right now I feel like inviting you here was a mistake. You’re almost as bad as Rachael is now, only I expect her to act this way. She’s not mad at me, she’s mad at the world, just like everybody else that was close to Trace still is. There’s nothing I can do about it, and her solution is to get some hired hand to help me in and out of the shower. Well I’m not fucking doing it. I’m fine with the way things are, and I can handle helping Elisha out with the baby because it’s what Trace wants.”
His words hit her like daggers. She didn’t really know him...He wished she hadn’t come at all. She forced herself not to break down, to hide the fact that he’d basically just ripped her heart out of her chest. She looked at him strangely. “What do you mean, it’s what he wants? Justin...”r32;
“I mean it’s what he would have wanted,” he grumbled. “Come on, look out.”
She slowly moved out of his way, and he glided past her with an annoyed expression.
“I think you’re just scared of trying as hard as you used to,” she spoke up after staring at the back of his wheelchair for several minutes. “It’s like, you’re using your money to make yourself more comfortable with your handicap, like you’ll never get better or something. What happened to you Justin? I thought...I thought you believed...”
“I used to.” He turned his chair around to face her, his expression sad instead of angry now. “But I went for a re-evaluation last week...”
“Re-evaluation?” She interrupted, a strange feeling taking over her suddenly. It was true that Justin was about due for one, but she always assumed she would know about it...be there for him. After all, her mother would have to go as well to see the results. She froze at the thought. Had her mother gone without telling her? Had Justin kept that a secret from her? “But my mom...”
“She told me not to say anything to you,” he sighed, not quite meeting her gaze. “She said you had to focus on school...but, I was going to tell you Sher, I just...I’ve been trying to get my head together for you.”
It could only be bad news. Otherwise, her mother would have said something, and Justin wouldn’t have cut her off for three weeks. “What did they say?” She said quietly.
“It’s not important,” he whispered.
“What did they say!” She cried.
He stared at her for a long time, before he rubbed at his face, and Sheridan knew he was wiping his tears away. “They told me some things, Sheridan.”
“What kind of things?”
He sighed heavily. “They told me that...if I was going to get any feeling back at all, I would have started getting sensations by now.”
She shook her head. “That’s not true,” she said desperately. “You can get feeling back any time. Nobody knows for sure how long it really takes. Spinal cord injury...it’s so complex...”
“Sheridan!”
She stopped rambling, and felt herself begin to come apart inside when she met his gaze again. His expression was one of acceptance, like he’d known the truth for awhile now and simply been holding it back from her so she wouldn’t get upset. “Don’t, Justin,” she whispered.
“Sheridan I’m not going to walk again,” he told her gently. “They said that my progress shows all the signs of permanency. It’s nobodies fault...I mean, we tried, you know? But I can’t kill myself anymore. I’ve lost too much already, and I need some peace in my life. I need to find a way to enjoy it, somehow.”
She looked away from him this time so he wouldn’t see the tears spill out of her eyes. Sure, she knew his case, she’d seen his charts and x-rays a few days after she’d arrived home from school. Her mom had let her because she thought it would be good for her internship. Sheridan had never told him of course, but she knew how severe his injuries were. He was one of the more hopeless cases, but her mother never would have accepted that. She believed that every patient had a chance, and that was what Sheridan believed too. But it had been months since his accident, and usually...when a patient was about to enter recovery, they started to gain at least some feeling back in their toes by this time. Justin hadn’t. He hadn’t improved much at all physically, aside from building up his upper body strength, which he needed to perform everyday tasks. But it hadn’t gotten him any closer to walking again, and as much as Sheridan didn’t want to believe Justin, she knew it was very likely he’d be in the wheelchair for the rest of his life.
“You can’t just give up.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said softly. “I’m getting used to it. I’m more comfortable now, and...Maureen makes sure I don’t go insane being confined in this chair all the time. Going up to your ranch, it was good for me. I needed the change of scenery, and I never would have met you otherwise. But I’m home now...this is my life, and I miss you Sheridan, I really do. But it’s like I said, I don’t expect you to understand my position, and I can’t change it.”
He meant what he said. He was so fucking dedicated to Trace’s memory that he’d do anything for Elisha, and no matter how much Sheridan loved him, no matter how much she believed he should keep trying to walk again despite what the reports said, it wasn’t going to phase him. He was going to see this thing through to the end , keep himself sane by using ‘positive thinking’, and allow her to be a part of it if she wanted to. And If she didn’t want to...
He’d basically shown her the door.
“I get it.” She nodded a little and began to walk towards the door.
“So you’re leaving.”
She paused as she placed her hand on the doorknob, and looked back at him. She wasn’t sure what she should do, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she really didn’t want to be anywhere else at the moment other than by his side, as fucked up as it was. “I’m not leaving,” she said quietly. “I’m just going to take a walk or something...your yard seems big enough.”
He smirked slightly. “I’d like to join you.”
“No,” She shook her head a little. “Your other friends are coming soon, and I think you should go talk to your cousin before they get here. I’ll see you in a little while, okay?”
“Oh...yeah,” he said, looking down at his lap. “Sure.”
She had to turn and walk out of the room before she lost her composure in front of him. Then she was running through the house...out the door, across his lawn, until she reached the giant stone barrier that protected Justin’s property from the outside world. She pounded her fists against it, and started to sob openly, certain she was alone. She couldn’t believe the conversation they’d just shared, she couldn’t believe what was happening to him...to his life. After everything, she thought Justin would have been too strong to dwindle down again, to become a victim of his wheelchair, but that simply wasn’t the case. Of course, she knew the fact that the re evaluation didn’t go well was a big reason why he was acting this way, but what could she do about it? Confront her mother? There was no point. They’d end up in a fight because her mother wanted her to forget about Justin, and she didn’t have the patience for it. She felt helpless, like she couldn’t do anything for him anymore. Before she felt like she was helping him when she pushed him to do his best, now all she felt that she did was exhaust him.
It wasn’t fair.
What was her next step? What was she supposed to do now? Stay with him, deal with his new attitude and manage to keep their relationship alive? She guessed it was possible, but she wasn’t sure. And school...they hadn’t even talked about her going back to New York yet. It was too much, and Sheridan knew she should have taken heed to her mother’s warnings from the beginning. Somebody was bound to get hurt now, and she didn’t want it to be Justin, because he’d been through enough. That only left her of course...
But she was used to that.
“Hey.”
She gasped, and picked her head up out of her hands to find Juan standing there. His gaze was sympathetic and he rocked back on his heels with his hands shoved in his pockets, seeming not to know what he could do for her. It was strange, he was wearing the same clothing she’d pictured him in when she saw his reflection in the mirror, but she was too upset to ask herself more questions about it. She felt like an idiot. “Oh...” She scrambled to her feet quickly and wiped at her eyes, not that it mattered. He’d obviously caught her crying, and she was sure he would want an explanation. “Hi...” She started past him, but he gently grabbed her upper arm so she would back up and look at him.
“What happened to Justin?” He whispered.
She stared at him for awhile, not really knowing what to say. How did he know she was crying over Justin? That something happened to him? After all, according to him, he and Justin weren’t all that close. “How did you...”
“Well you wouldn’t be out here crying otherwise,” he nodded but didn’t smile. “Come on, I know you.”
“God, he’s...” She paused and rubbed the back of her neck with her hand as she stared at the ground. It probably wasn’t something Justin would have wanted her to do...talk about his condition with somebody else, but she had no one else to confide in about it. While Rachael seemed like a nice enough girl, she barely knew her and she couldn’t have confided in her, and Elisha was obviously out of the question. That left Juan. Juan...the one who played himself off as the outsider, even though he seemed to be more involved in Justin’s life than Sheridan could explain. “They dont think he’s going to walk.” Her bottom lip trembled as the reality of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. “Ever.”
“Are you serious?”
She just looked up at him, and nodded as the tears flooded her vision again. Her knees went a little weak and she nearly hit the ground, until Juan caught her. A chill ran up and down her spine as he pulled her into his arms and held her, but she ignored it. It didn’t matter, because she needed somebody who could understand and would never judge her or treat her as an “outsider”. “I wanted to help him,” she sobbed into his shoulder. “I tried to.”
“I know you did. You did the best you could.” She heard him say as she cried, while he rubbed his hand up and down her back. “I know he’s thankful for you.”
“He didn’t even tell me,” she managed after awhile. She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. They were darker than normal, almost hollow, and she couldn’t really explain why. “I thought that I would have been the first person he confided in about it.”
“I don’t think he knew how to tell you,” Juan explained. “I think deep down, he really thought he was going to get better.”
“He’s not taking care of himself,” she told him. “I don’t know what to do. I’m...I’m leaving for school in a couple of weeks. What if something happens to him?”
He took her hand and gave it a tight squeeze. It was almost like he was trying to promise her something, although she had no idea what it was. “He’ll be okay.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.” He tugged at her hand so she would walk back across the yard with him, and she obliged. “Trust me, Sheridan. Now come on, there’s a party and you can’t just sit in the yard and cry the whole day. People might think you’re too dramatic,” he chuckled.
“They aren’t giving me a chance,” she whispered, as they drew closer to the house. She could see people sitting on the back deck now, the only members of the party missing seeming to be Justin and Rachael, but Sheridan figured she was helping him to get situated. That meant there were only strangers outside now. Well...strangers, and Elisha. But Elisha was somebody she wanted to stay far away from if she could help it.
“Have you met Elisha yet?” Juan asked after a moment. “She’s a sweet girl, I’m sure she hasn’t formed a false opinion about you like everybody else.”
She stared at Juan, wanting to laugh in his face. “I’m not her favorite person,” she muttered.
He cocked his head to the side, seeming to be confused by this. “Why?”
“She just...she hates the fact that I’m with Justin apparently.”
He frowned. “She has a lot going on,” he explained. “You gotta understand...you know...the baby...”
“I’m so sick of hearing about this damn baby.” She snapped, finally pulling away from him so she could send him a defiant look. “It’s like...that’s all that matters. Justin’s recovery has just turned into a fucking afterthought, and it’s all because of her issues.”
He wouldn’t look at her for awhile, and Sheridan figured it was because he was Elisha’s friend, and was sympathetic to her pregnancy. “Well her fiance is dead,” he told her coldly. “How would you feel?”
“I wouldn’t make somebody stop their life to make mine better.”
His anger seemed to rise drastically due to her comment. Then he was in her face, pointing an accusing finger at her like she had a hell of a nerve saying what she said. “At least Justin got to fucking live. At least if he gets better one day...his children will be able to be raised by him. Trace got cheated out of that chance, Sheridan.”
She didn’t say anything. As much as she tried, she couldn’t understand why he was this angry about the subject. He was supposed to understand why she was confused, and frustrated, but instead he seemed to be taking Elisha’s side, like everybody else. She walked away from him angrily, but as she reached the ramp that led up to the back deck, she paused and sighed. The last person she wanted to push away was Juan. At times, he seemed to have gone out of his way to ease her mind about certain things, and here she was, not giving him a chance to explain his views on Justin’s situation, or Elisha’s. She turned back, knowing she had to make this right. “Juan...I just...”
But he wasn’t there.
Now she felt stupid. She’d been wrong to assume her views on the situation were the right ones. She wasn’t living Juan’s life. She didn’t know Trace personally and she knew it must have been hard to go through losing a close friend. After all, she’d lost her father so she should have known Juan was still grieving. Sure, Juan wasn’t the most emotional person in the world but everybody grieved differently. Now he was gone, and she didn’t know if he was too disgusted with her to talk to her again, let alone return to the party. It was bad enough that she was losing Justin, but now she was pretty sure she was on the way to losing her friendship with Juan too, and even though she hadn’t known him that long something inside was telling her that she needed him in her life.
She walked up the wheelchair ramp that lead to the deck, trying her best to ignore the strange stares and snickers she received from the close knit party gathered around the oval table. She made it a point to sneak glances at them all, trying to see if Juan had simply blended in with their group, but she didn’t see him. She frowned, sure he had left the party entirely, and made no attempts to introduce herself to the rest of them. She figured Justin could do that for her when he came outside, and she made her way back inside rather than be subjected to further ridicule by the “cool kids”
“Who were you talking to?”
Rachael’s voice caused her to turn away from the selection of beverages laid out on the countertop. She was standing in the kitchen doorway, staring at her with concern. Sheridan didn’t understand but smiled at her anyway. “I just ran into somebody I knew outside. I guess he’s friends with your friends. I think he may have left though.”
She shook her head slightly and looked back over her shoulder. Sheridan glanced this way too and could see Justin. He was in his standing frame that had been positioned in the center of his massive den, the back of it turned towards them. He was watching TV and shoving popcorn into his mouth, oblivious to everything else around him. “Sheridan.” She said, her voice soft and full of concern as she made her way closer to where she stood. “I looked out the window before. You were standing in the yard talking to yourself.”
She laughed right away because Rachael was playing mind games with her. Surely, the others had put her up to this...or maybe even Juan did, to get back to her for acting like she had. “Right,” she nodded. “Look, I don’t mind games but today isn’t the best day for them.”
“I’m not playing games.”
Sheridan walked back over to where the drinks where, and began to pour herself some Coke into one of the plastic cups. “Well I don’t know what you think you saw,” she said, when she could feel Rachael still staring at her from behind. She turned around and began to sip her drink. “I mean, I’m not crazy. I don’t talk to myself.”
“Well I know what I saw,” she said seriously. “Who’s this friend? What’s his name?”
She sighed. Really, it wasn’t any of Rachael’s business but Sheridan figured she was the only person who had made an effort to be nice to her aside from Justin since her arrival. She owed it to her to be cordial, and explain herself, even though she didn’t know why she had to. “His name is Juan. I’m not sure where he’s from. I met him randomly one night and he turned out to be friends with you all.”
Rachael just stared at her like she was the the worst person in the entire world.
“What?” Sheridan cocked her head to the side. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“That’s real fucked up, Sheridan.” Rachael said, her tone icy cold. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don’t get it...” She trailed off, feeling very uneasy, and not understanding why Rachael’s emotions were escalating like this.
“I shouldn’t have to tell you.” Rachael stormed past her, but paused at the open patio doorway. “You know, I really thought that Justin saw something in you,” she muttered. “The way he talked about you, all you could do was bring good, and I was supportive. I wanted to meet you and give you a chance even though Elisha said you were probably crazy. Now I know she was right, and...if I can, I’ll make sure Justin knows that too.”
It took two seconds for Sheridan to realize nothing she could say in that instant would change Rachael’s opinion or persuade her that she wasn’t crazy. It was apparent from the cold tone in her voice and the serious expression on her face that Rachael wasn’t playing a game with her...that she saw Sheridan talking to herself. But how could she have? Juan had been there, plain as day, talking to her. Something wasn’t right...
Something was off.
Rachael stormed out the door soon after that, and Sheridan cringed inside when she heard a giant roar of laughter coming from the party going on outside. She was sure some wisecrack had been made about her, and as she stood there sipping her soda the only thing she could think of doing was telling Justin she wasn’t comfortable here, and had to leave right away. Sure, it would be abandoning Justin when she’d only just arrived but...she would have rather saved him from the embarrassment that surely awaited them both if she stuck around.
“I told you to pretend that you didn’t know me.”
Sheridan shrieked and dropped her glass. It clattered to the floor, and the remaining soda spilled all over the place, but she wasn’t concerned about that. Juan was back, seemingly having come from no place particular, and all she could do was stare at him. “I thought you left,” she croaked out after several minutes of watching him shoot her a playful smirk.
“Nope.” He shook his head. “I just had to blow off some steam for a few minutes. I guess, you know...I need to see your side of things too, even though I don’t agree. So, I’m sorry Sheridan. No hard feelings right?”
She gave him a tight smile, glad that he’d cleared his head but too confused to really be happy about the fact that he’d come back to her. “No, we’re okay.”
“So what’s Rachael’s problem now?” He asked her next. “She looked pretty pissed off.”
“She just freaked out on me,” Sheridan muttered, finally grabbing a few paper towels and crouching down on the floor to clean up the mess. “I’m so fucking...God...”
“Hey.”
He’d crouched down to meet her gaze now, and Sheridan stopped cleaning the floor for a moment so she could pay attention to him. “She’s just temperamental, that’s all.”
“Temperamental?” She scoffed. “She said I was talking to myself when we were out there arguing before.” She glanced quickly over her shoulder as she said the words to him, to assure herself that nobody was within earshot of their conversation. “Explain that to me.”
He simply shrugged and chuckled a little, grabbing the paper towels out of her hands so he could clean up the mess for her. Strangely enough, the liquid seemed to absorb much more quickly than it had been when she was doing it and soon the mess was non existent. “She doesn’t really like me,” he provided. “She probably just wanted to get a rise out of you so you’d tell me, and get me angry.”
Sheridan rolled her eyes. It was a stupid excuse and she wasn’t buying it. “Yeah, that seems believable, Juan.”
He got up and tossed the wadded up paper towels into the trash. “Hey, I thought that was pretty good.”
“She really thinks there’s something wrong with me now,” Sheridan laughed sadly. “So much for a good first impression I guess.”
“I’ll talk to Justin for you,” he promised her with a kind smile, as he helped her back to a standing position. “How about that?”
“No...no it’s okay,” she said quickly. She knew he meant well, but also knew that Juan and Justin didn’t mix when it came to her. They’d kissed when Justin had been trying to pursue her, and even though it was wrong, Sheridan never wanted him to find out about that. “You know...it might be awkward.”
“What might be awkward?”
It took her half a second to realize that Justin was behind her, two seconds more to realize he’d gotten into the kitchen by himself, and thirty seconds more for her to tear her gaze away from Juan to look at him. He’d gotten back into his wheelchair on his own, and a hint of joy surged through her, knowing something had finally gone his way today. But the feeling died away when she realized he’d caught her talking to Juan, and she was sure he was suspicious of their conversation. “Um...Justin this is...” She trailed off as she looked back to where Juan had been standing by her side.
But he was gone.
“Sheridan?”
Sheridan felt as if ice were flowing through her veins. Her skin was crawling and the hairs on the back of her neck were standing straight up. She had no idea how Juan could have possibly gotten away so quickly. There was no real explanation, and all she knew was that she felt sick and scared at the same time.
“Sheridan?” Justin repeated.
She finally paid attention to him. He’d come closer to her now, and was staring up at her like he was more confused than ever. “I’m um...I was just thinking out loud.”
“It sounded more like a conversation to me.”
She just shook her head.
“Look, you’re probably just stressed. I’m...I”m sorry about before, okay? I was upset that you had to see me like that with Rachael and I shouldn’t have...”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she interrupted him quickly. “Justin, this transition hasn’t been easy on either of us. I worry about you and...you know, when you told me about the re evaluation I got scared.”
He reached out for her hands with a small smile and held them tightly in his. “You shouldn’t be scared, Sher,” he told her softly. “I’m here, with you, and wheelchair or not I still love you the same. Let’s just focus on that for now, and try to put all the hard stuff to the side.”
She didn’t want to. She knew that if she settled into his new lifestyle and his nonchalant feelings about not regaining the use of his legs, nobody else would be there to give him that push to better himself. But was it worth it to push him? Sheridan wasn’t sure anymore. There was too much going on, and given the circumstances of the day so far, she figured kicking back might not be such a bad idea. After all, Justin was expecting her to go out there, meet his friends, and act like everything was perfectly normal. Now that Rachael had deemed her “crazy” along with Elisha she knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task. So, rather than cause more drama between them, she let her guard down for the first time she’d been around him today. “I can do that,” she finally said, with a soft smile.
He pulled her down to him so he could kiss her on the lips. “Come on, I want all my friends to meet you properly.”
He smiled at her one more time before turning himself around and heading out of the doorway. She followed along behind him, pausing before the party outside could get a clear shot of her coming out, and looked back into the monstrous house. She sucked in a breath when she saw him standing there again, laughing at her. He was dressed differently now. His casual white tee shirt and ripped jeans had been replaced with a nice dress shirt and slacks, only he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal when he met her gaze. Instead he puffed more incessantly on the new cigarette in his mouth, something he stopped doing around her when she pointed out that she hated smokers. “What...”
“Go on,” Juan motioned her quietly with his hand. “I’ll catch up with you a little later, and don’t mention my name at the table if you know what’s good for you.”
She nodded stupidly.
And he vanished before her eyes.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
