They heard the question in interviews all the time but they never said anything about it. It was the one question that bothered JC the most but he never let it show. He didn’t want to sound jealous of his friends or anything, but it still hurt him every time they hesitated slightly before answering with their rehearsed answers:

“We’re each other’s best friends. We’re like brothers, we’re that close.”

But were they? JC didn’t know anymore. It seemed like everything changed once the lawsuit came around.

The infamous lawsuit. Only a few months prior did the Backstreet Boys win their lawsuit against Lou Pearlman. That’s what got Lance to check out their bank balance. That’s how everything started and that’s how JC’s world seemed to end.

He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to fight the person that gave them their start. He didn’t want any of the media covering their “fight”. He just wanted to sing and perform, even if they didn’t have their name. Even if they didn’t have their fame or anyone backing them up. He just wanted to…come alive again.

After months of touring, doing charity work, and basically taking their minds off of the lawsuit it finally came to an end. They got to keep their name, they split from Transcon, and they had more freedom on their next CD, cleverly titled No Strings Attached.

After NSA blew up…JC’s life changed. Not that it hadn’t before but now it was like a slap in the face. It was like everything he knew before the lawsuit was a dream and this was now his reality.

And his reality was a lonely place.

After the lawsuit it was as if the tides in the group had shifted. They each spent their time during the lawsuit in different ways to accept what was going on. And everyone else’s way was without him. He couldn’t count how many times he heard “Hey Chris, let’s play some basketball” from Justin or “Joey, there’s a new nightclub opening. Let’s check it out,” from Lance. No one asked him to do anything, it was as if they group became a clique and he was the one excluded from it.

Of course he asked the guys about why they seemed to be excluding him. Justin was the one who responded with his charming smile and his reassuring words: “We know how you like to be alone and to think, C. We’re giving you that space.”

At the time it had made sense. JC did nothing but stay in his room sleeping or writing. He didn’t go out much because he wanted to get his thoughts down and out of his head where they swam around trying to get him to think this way instead of that way.

But then everything started to unfold in front of his eyes. Joey and Lance were best friends. Everyone knew that since day one. Joey and Lance were inseparable the first day they met, Joey had taken Lance under his wing so to speak and showed him around Orlando and what the place had to offer in terms of fun. Joey was always the one who tried to get Lance out of his business state of mind and he always succeeded. It helped that the two loved a good party and that’s where they were usually hurrying off to. That was their way of taking their mind off of things.

Justin, who JC used to call his best friend, gravitated towards Chris for some reasons that JC never understood. Chris was almost ten years older than Justin, two times more than JC’s five. After MMC ended the two had grown closer as they tried to find something else to tackle. And then Chris called to form a group with them and that’s how JC was slowly pushed out of the friendship, at least that’s what he thought. Since then Justin and Chris would either bond over playing basketball or teasing each other. It was if the age difference didn’t exist.

It felt to JC that he didn’t exist anymore.

That morning JC had woken up to a quiet house, which was odd seeing that the guys had slept over the night before. Being in their late teens/twenties people would find it weird that they still slept over at each other’s houses but it didn’t feel weird to them. To them…it was like their own piece of normalness in their fast-paced lives.

JC walked into the kitchen expecting to find Justin and Chris fighting over what to have for breakfast but no one was there. Not even Lance who usually read the newspaper in the kitchen as Joey searched for cartoons on TV. What time is it? JC thought as he squinted at his microwave. 10:17 AM. Huh. So where is everyone?

JC turned to the refrigerator. “No note,” he muttered to himself before slapping himself in the forehead. “It’s not like I’m their father. They don’t need to tell me where they’re going. Not that they’d want to lately,” he told himself.

Scratching at his chest he walked into the living room, expecting to find it a mess from the night before (let’s just say a couple of beers were involved) and was shocked to find it back in its rightful place. The magazines that he had open to *Nsync articles were put back in its fan style. A few chairs were tipped back in their normal position. The lion blanket was folded and put back on the couch. The pillows were in the right place. No food was on the floor. It was eerily clean.

JC, for the first time in a while, didn’t know what to do. He could go walking around the city but then he was asking for fans to bombard him. He didn’t want to watch TV (there was nothing good on in the morning), he’s seen every movie in his collection about a billion times and he wasn’t in the mood to write songs or play anything either.

What was wrong with him?

Suddenly the door burst open and there was loud noises coming from the front door. JC jumped up and was about ready to grab one of his chairs to throw at the intruders when Justin came running in. Before JC could even move Justin threw a handful of confetti in JC’s face.

“What the heck!?” JC cried out, waving his hands in front of his face to move around the floating glitter.

“See guys, I told you he’d be awake!” Justin called back to his friends as they trooped in through the door, large boxes in their arms. It was then that JC noticed the extremely goofy looking headband that Justin was wearing with reindeer antlers sticking out of the top.

“What in the world is going on?” JC asked, holding his chest. “You guys almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Well, we’ve been feeling crappy about leaving you out of stuff so we decided to help you decorate your house for Christmas,” Lance explained, dropping a box that jingled. “We didn’t do it on purpose, you know.”

“I know,” JC said, nodding as Chris dove into a box and pulled out different colored tinsel. “You just needed time to relax and stuff, I get it.” He nodded again and dropped to his knees, brushing his fingers past strings of colored lights to get a wreath.

“No, Jace, you don’t.”

“No, I do, Lance.” He stood and held the wreath at armlength and then straightened the bow by tugging at a corner of it. “Really, I do. There are times when you just want to hang out with one person because we’re together for so long out of the year. You gave me the space I needed, trust me.” He gave Lance a small smile.

Lance nodded and turned to another box, that one had ornaments in it. “Hey Joe, give me a hand with the tree, ok?” Lance said, patting Joey’s shoulder.

“Sure,” Joey replied, following Lance out the door.

JC turned his attention back to a box and reached for another wreath. He let out a yelp of pain when he felt someone step on his foot. He turned around and laughed when he saw Justin and Chris grunting as they played tug-of-war with the red strand of tinsel. Justin’s antlers were slipping into his face and Chris’s cheeks were so puffed up JC was surprised his eyes weren’t bulging out of his head.

“Give…up…Old Man,” Justin grunted, tugging hard. Chris leaned forward and almost fell flat onto the coffee table but he managed to get his balance back.

“Never, Youngin’,” Chris replied.

JC rolled his eyes and pulled out the string of lights. In a flash they were snatched up by Justin who had let go of the tinsel, causing Chris to fall backwards against the couch. Justin took the opportunity to tie Chris up with the lights as Chris protested loudly.

“Thanks, he was getting annoying,” JC said without turning around.

“Fuck you too,” Chris yelled at him.

JC chuckled. His fingers brushed something flat and hard. Knitting his eyebrows together, he picked it up. His mouth parted slightly and his eyebrows rose once he recognized what it was.

“Hey Jace move out of the way unless you want to be a JC-kabob,” Joey said as he and Lance brought the tree into the living room. JC backed out of the way with the book held to his chest. He watched as Joey and Lance put the tree down in the holder and stepped back.

“Hmmm, could you turn it about 90 degrees?” JC asked, tapping his chin.

“Why?” Lance questioned.

“The pines are more fuller on that side,” JC replied.

Joey and Lance gave him a look before doing what they were asked. Justin stood next to JC to admire the tree and then noticed the book that was in JC’s hands. “What’s that?” He asked. Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the book and opened it. His mouth fell open when he saw it. “Geeze, you kept this?” He muttered, flipping the pages, looking at the pictures. “Guys, look what JC found. Look,” he said. Lance and Joey walked over to him. The four watched as Chris rocked back and forth on the couch, trying to get up. Finally they decided to just surround Chris on the couch. “Look, it’s the photo album when we were in Europe.”

“Oh my god, look it’s those tight zipup shirts!” Joey laughed while pointing. “Whose idea was that anyway?”

“Better question, why’d we go along with it?” Lance asked.

“Remember that show we did…um, Wetten Das? And they made Lance wear all that makeup?” Justin laughed at the memory. They made fun of Lance all day because they put so much makeup on him he looked like a clown.

“That wasn’t that funny,” Lance grumbled despite having a smile on his face.

“Geeze, C, that haircut,” Chris muttered as they looked at more pictures. “The Caesar.”

“Hey, that was a good cut,” JC defended himself.

“Oh yeah? Then why won’t you wear it now?”

“What’re you nuts?” JC shook his head. “Gosh, we looked like babies,” he muttered. “Look! I can’t believe we always wore matching costumes,” he commented, pointing at a picture of them on the set of Here We Go. “Lance, those white pants were not flattering.”

“Why do I always get stuck with the crappy clothes?” He mumbled.

“Did you think we’d wear them?” Justin asked incredulously. “My God, JC, your gap was huge.” He turned a page. “I did like those photoshoots over there, though. You could have more fun,” he commented, pointing at one where they all had clown noses on.

“Yeah, when they weren’t trying to get us to sell sex,” Joey agreed. “Aaaah! That’s the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen, Lance!” Joey laughed, slapping Lance on the arm while pointing at his shirt. It was the photoshoot where Lance was stuck wearing a weird black and white sweater.

“This one is my favorite,” JC said, pointing at a picture they dubbed a “puppy pile”. They were all looking up at the camera smiling and they wore matching jean jackets and white t-shirts.

“We had a lot of fun back then, didn’t we?” Lance mumbled.

“Yeah, back before Lou screwed us over,” Chris agreed.

“That that don’t kills us makes us stronger,” JC said with a shrug.

“And our CD sales prove it,” Justin agreed. “Uggggh! Matching camo!”

“That was so bad!” Joey laughed.

“No! No, the ones in the matching mustard yellow pants!” Lance said as he held his aching sides.

“No! The matching windbreakers and overalls!” JC wheezed, tears falling from his eyes.

“The ugly vests with the…the rope!” Chris suggested.

“YES!” They burst out before dissolving into laughter all over again.