The Fearful and the Fearless: Justin

February 11th, 1999

Don’t go to sleep, J. Don’t go to sleep. You need to stay awake. Think caffeine. Think sugar. Think candy. Hot chocolate. Pixie Stix. Something!  

I couldn’t sleep. Hell, who could considering all that just went down. I couldn’t get the day out of my mind. I called my mother up to tell her what happened. She was worried, of course. She always worries about me, even if I mention that I stubbed my toe, she goes ballistic. I think it’s funny sometimes but today it made me worried about her.

What would she be like if something had actually happened to me? She’d probably be so sad and upset. She’d go Mama Bear on whoever dared to lay a finger on me, I’ll bet. I smiled at the image in my mind and let out a yawn.

Man I was so sleepy. I sat up and shook my head. I had to stay up, for JC’s sake. JC came out of his shock a few minutes after the police arrived so he was in stable condition to talk about what happened.

But that was it.

We didn’t want to say anything to the police. We couldn’t say anything to the police. We didn’t want to give the tabloids any other reason to follow us around. What happened was just a coincidence, at least that’s what we said to convince them. Then the rest of the day went by normally. Well, as normal as can be with JC staring off into space like some zombie. The others didn’t seem too worried about it, but I was so freaked out.

This was JC.

The hyper one. The responsible one. The Daddy of the group. My JC.

And now he was being targeted?

To say I was freaked out is an understatement. I was scared for our lives. Lance doesn’t think that anything bad is really going to happen, that someone was just trying to scare us. I wish I could believe him though.

“Is he awake yet?” Lance asked as he crept into the room.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. “What time is it?”

“About six,” Lance replied. He then frowned. “Did you stay awake the whole time?”

“Mhm. I couldn’t sleep,” I responded. “I had to stay awake…”

Lance gave me a little smile and knelt next to me. “Jus, JC is fine. No one would be able to come in here. No one knows we’re here. We’re safe,” Lance said, lightly placing a hand on my shoulder. He gave it a little squeeze and I sighed. Then he got to his feet and looked at me with a gentle smile. “Since you’re up, do you mind helping me with breakfast?”

“What is it?” I asked, forcing myself out of bed and stood.

“Eggs and stuff. I wasn’t in the mood for cereal today,” Lance replied, turning to walk out of the bedroom. How could he stay so calm? Wasn’t he freaked out at all? How could he just keep on going like nothing was wrong? JC’s life is in danger! Why doesn’t he care? “Is that ok? I know how you like your routine.”

“No, eggs are fine,” I replied, running a hand through my hair. I made a face when my fingers got tangled in my curls a bit. I don’t know why I let the guys talk me into growing it out. Maybe I could cut it while they’re asleep…

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Lance, I’m sure,” I replied following him into the kitchen. Chris and Joey were all ready awake, watching TV and sipping coffee. I made a face. “I still don’t know how you guys can drink that stuff. It’s nasty,” I said. I didn’t want them to know I was worried. They’d make fun of me and continue to call me ‘Baby J’.

Oh how I hated that name.

“Your face is nasty,” Chris replied automatically, turning around to look at me. I struggled to find a comeback and he grinned. I hated it when he did that, I really did. Then his eyebrows crinkled together. “What’re you doing up anyway?”

“Never slept,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.

“You? Baby J didn’t get sleep?” Chris asked in shock.

“Ugh, will you please stop calling me that? I’m taller than you if you haven’t noticed, Old Man,” I muttered.

“Yes, but I’m still older than you, Junior,” he responded. Then he switched to talking serious-like to me. Yes, I’m not kidding, Chris Kirkpatrick can be serious…once in an *NSYNC moon. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I was watching JC,” I replied.

“You sure you’re not gay?” He simply asked.

I cracked a smile. “You’re not funny.”

“I’m not joking.” Joey gave him a look. “Ok, kind of,” he admitted. “But really, you don’t have to watch the guy. He’ll be fine as soon as he wakes up. That’s what the doctors said. He wasn’t in shock or anything, he’s fine.”

“I know,” I admitted. “I just can’t help it.” I couldn’t get that letter out of my head. It chilled me to the bone. Someone was out to get JC. My JC. Why didn’t they get that? Why didn’t they understand? And why the hell are they being so calm about it? “I mean we’ve had threats before from our fanmail but this has gone too far. I don’t think this is a joke.”

“Why not?”

“How could JC get that letter fast enough? The person mentioned something about driving? That was way too specific to be a coincidence. ‘Sides that, no one would have known we were leaving Lou, we hadn’t even made it public yet.” Wait a minute… “That’s it! Lou’s behind all this! He doesn’t want us to leave BMG!”

“He would go as far as trying to drive you off the road?” Joey questioned, knitting his eyebrows together.

“It could happen,” I grumbled. I had to admit it did sound funny now that I was saying it out loud…

“I could see why Lou would be upset that we’re trying to leave, but to threaten us? That’s completely ridiculous,” Lance said as he cracked eggs into a bowl. “I mean, think about it, if he got caught, and that’s a big if, it would tarnish his reputation. Heck, the Backstreet Boys leaving his label tarnished his reputation. He wouldn’t be that stupid to look like the bad guy. He is trying to form a new boy band after all.”

Joey laughed. “What kind of stupid name is O-Town for a boy band anyway? We get it, every single group he starts come from Orlando but that name takes the cake. I’m glad we came up with our name.”

“Yeah, I thank your mother ten times for that,” Lance agreed, smiling at me.

“But JC–” I started again.

“JC is fine,” Lance interrupted, firmly. “Nothing is wrong with him and nothing’s going to happen to him or to us. We have a CD to work on and a lawsuit to get through, ok?” I stayed silent and nodded.

Sometimes I wished I wasn’t the youngest, maybe then they’d actually listen to me for once.