{Chloe}
“Hey Elise.”
“Come in, come in,” she says with a fake accent, her huge smile in tact.
My insides do a flip flop as I grin, sidestepping her and then entering into her apartment. I just know my hands are probably shaking with nerves right now, and for damn good reason, mind you.
You see, Elise came by the café and begged for me to come by and pick up this huge birthday surprise she has for me tonight whenever my shift was over. So naturally, I agreed, with a smidgen of reluctance on my part of course. I mean, what else was I supposed to say to her but yes, sure I’ll come? No, I can’t come, because I’ve been doing a good job of ignoring you lately, so don’t go and fuck this streak up for me on my birthday now, okay Elise?
Yeah, right…I didn’t think so.
I couldn’t possibly.
So, Justin is waiting for me at home, and I’m going to be there…eventually. If he has to wait a little while longer than originally planned, then so be it. I’ll just say my shift lasted over time, or something. I mean, I’ll come up with a story that’s believable. It’s all good…
“I want you to open up your gift!” Elise cheerily announces, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I smile, briefly wondering inside my head how we ended up in her living room already. I take a seat on the pristine beige couch, nervously crossing my legs. “Aww, Elise. You really shouldn’t have—but what’d ya get me?” I finish off, jokingly.
She holds up one finger, signaling a short return. I laugh to myself as she runs off, disappearing into another room. When she comes back, she practically bounces into the room, dangling a crisp, white envelope in front of my face. “Ahem…here you go,” she singly chirps at me.
I smile and take it into my hand, sliding a finger under the seal. Fully expecting a sweet birthday card, I pull out the contents and almost pass out right then and there. The thin paper trembles within my grasp and my wide eyes meet hers with despair.
Jesus Christ. I- I know what this is.
And this—this isn’t good.
This isn’t just some lousy birthday present.
This is—it’s a check for ‘my services’.
****
He called looking for me.
I was supposed to be home hours ago.
Why did he even fucking bother?
Elise stops at another red light, and I hold back the urge to break down into sobs again. “Are you okay?” she whispers for the thousandth time tonight.
Am I okay?
Let’s think together here…
One minute, you’re enjoying your 21st birthday, thinking you’re blissfully in love and all else is just great and dandy. Then, you go see a friend you hadn’t seen in a while and you try to tell her that you can’t help her anymore because you love him and he loves you, too. Your friend sadly laughs at you, explaining how she didn’t want to have to tell you this huge thing she’s been keeping from you, but now it seems you’ve left her no choice. Apparently what she’s been hiding could in fact be considered huge. I mean, the fact that you’re a fucking bet is pretty god dammed significant, right?
So am I okay?
“I’m fine,” I mutter.
Yeah, sure; I’m fine. And everything is just fucking great in my life right now.
Yup.
Happy Birthday to me.
****
I don’t know quite how to react as I feel Justin’s arms wrapping me up in a tight embrace. He lets out a relieved breath of air against my skin. “Chloe,” he says in my ear, “Jesus, baby, I was so worried about you.”
Was he really worried?
My brain insecurely shouts the inquiry, and I almost would like to cry with sorrow because of it. I wish I didn’t have to question his word right now. I wish this wasn’t happening to us. If we could just go back to yesterday, then I would be so sure about what he said. I would know without a doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth, that he really cared. And now…well now, everything is fucked up beyond belief.
“You’re shaking,” Justin whispers, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.
His voice sounds concerned. At least, I think it does. But maybe it’s just in my head, or maybe it’s just another part of his act? I feel like I’m not sure of anything anymore, and it’s all starting to drive me crazy. I’m on the brink of insanity here.
I thought I could handle this. When I left Elise’s house, I was sure I would be okay. I would come in here, tell him I knew about his stupid little charade, and then I would tell him he could burn in hell for all I care. Obviously, I wasn’t anticipating the overwhelming emotions I’d have thrown at me when I saw him again.
Justin suddenly pulls back enough so that he can look down into my eyes. His hand delicately smoothes over my cheek, his face contorted with distress. “Baby, I’m worried. Are you okay? Where were you at tonight? Did something happen? Say something to me.”
I blink my eyes at all of his frantic questions, fighting back the urge to cry. It’s greater than ever now. I mean, what should I do? A part of me wants to just break down and pretend that everything is okay. I want to let him comfort me, and I want to let myself believe that he really does love me.
But I can’t do that, right?
No, of course I can’t.
“Justin,” I say, pushing against his chest and wiggling myself away from him. “Stop.”
His eyes widen, and he even has the nerve to look somewhat hurt by my actions. “What’s going on?” Justin asks. “Did I do something wrong?”
Shaking my head at him, I protectively cross my arms over my chest, willing myself to be courageous. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I begin to explain. “I- I was at Elise’s and she told me some stuff.”
Justin’s eyes close as if he’s in a great deal of pain. He whispers under his breath, “Oh my God…I knew it.”
“Knew what?” I snap out loud.
His blue eyes pop open again, and he looks at me with the most pathetically apologetic gaze ever directed towards me before in my life. “Please, just let me—I can explain everything.”
Yeah right.
I should’ve known better. I should’ve known he’d react like this. Of course he has an explanation all ready in case I ever found out. He’s a fucking mastermind at this game, isn’t he?
“There’s really nothing for you to explain to me right now, Justin,” I answer him coldly. “She told me about it…and I’m cool with it.”
“You—you’re cool with it?” he stutters. “Chloe, I—”
“Look, I think we both owe each other an apology here,” I continue as if I had this all planned out and it means nothing for me to say, “Or we could both just take our slightly bruised egos here as punishment enough and save ourselves the trouble of the insincere declarations for each other.”
Justin bites his lip, shaking his head at me. He looks pale. He looks confused. And he looks like he wants to cry. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tells me. “I’m not sure what she told you, but there’s something I have to tell you…”
Oh God. It’s worse than I thought. He’s better than I ever imagined. I admit I’ve been blind to it all this time, but I mean, does he really think I’m this dumb? That he can just pretend like he’s going to take the high road and tell me the truth right now because he loves me?
Surprise, I’m not going to let that happen. “She told me about your bet,” I snap, interrupting him. I cross my arms over my chest, “Was that what you wanted to tell me?”
He solemnly bows his head, taking a sudden interest to the floor. Barely above a whisper, he says, “I’m sorry.” Then he swiftly lifts his head, raising his eyes to my level once more.
Oh, good move. His pleading gaze is almost too sickening for me to bear. This seems more sincere of him though, to be looking at me like this right now, now doesn’t it?
“I should have told you, but….” He lets out a shaky breath, “I-I’m just….so, so sorry.”
“Stop,” I demand, holding up my hand as signal to my word. I have to be strong right now. I can’t allow him to fuck with my head anymore than he already has a this point. I won’t be listening to more of his lies, naively thinking them as truth.
His face is looking more confused than ever. My voice is flat as I explain to him, “Before you say anything else, there’s something you should know, too.” I take a deep breath. “It might change whatever you have to say.”
I look at his worried face, feeling the urge to throw up. Oh God, am I really going to do this? I mean, what if I’m making a huge mistake? What if I’m not? It doesn’t matter. I’ve made up my mind. If we’re being totally honest here, it’s been a long time coming. So I’m doing this.
Justin catches me off guard, his arm reaching out to touch me. I snap my hand away, taking a step backwards. “Chloe…”
“Don’t touch me.”
He swallows back a reaction. “Chloe,” he whispers. “There’s nothing…”
“The reason I’m with you,” I stubbornly interrupt, my eyes growing heavy with unanticipated tears as I watch him. He’s biting his bottom lip, and his eyes seem glazed over with unshed tears as well. This is so damn hard. I’d give anything to not have to be doing this. I clear my throat, forcing my voice out, “The reason I’m with you is because…” I close my eyes tight, “Is because Elise paid me to do it.”
“What?”
“Elise wanted to get you back. She knew I hated you. She offered me money to get you to fall for me, so I could turn around and hurt you the same way you…”
“You’re lying.”
I blink my eyes, anger rising within my stomach. His ego is so huge. He can’t even fathom that someone could ever beat him at his own game, can he? “Why? Don’t like that you’re not the only one who can play with someone’s mind,” I state more than question, bitterly. “I admit it was disappointing when I found out that I couldn’t really finish the job right tonight. I mean, how could I when you never had a heart to begin with?”
He doesn’t say anything, so I continue, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” His silence is killing me. “You know, if you think about it, we both sort of made out well here. I mean, Elise felt sorry for me and gave me my check anyways, and well—we both know you got what you wanted out of me all along.”
His eyes bore into my own, the betrayal a mirror image of my own.
“Congratulations to us, huh?” I finally break the silence when I can’t take looking at him any longer.
“Yeah, congratulations,” Justin slowly replies. Just as I’m about to force a smile, he bitterly adds, “To you.”
“And to you,” I protest.
“No really,” he corrects me. “Congratulations, Chloe. You’re the one who deserves it, not me.”
I smirk weakly, “What makes you sa…”
“Job well-done.” He throws me a spiteful look and turns to leave. “Congratulations, sweetheart.”
Shit. Shit. He’s leaving. That’s what I wanted, right? No. He can’t leave…he just can’t. My insides begin to cry: I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t.
“Justin,” I start in a sudden panic, “Justin, wait.” I struggle to follow his large strides, as he yanks his keys out of his jean pocket and then reaches for the front door.
Oh no, what have I done? “Justin, wait. Where are you going?”
He snaps around, and it’s so quick and so violent, it reminds me of that part in The Exorcist where her head spins. He looks so upset. A tear slides down his cheek. “Stay the fuck away from me, Chloe!” he yells.
I take a step back at his angry outburst, swallowing the tight lump in my throat. I don’t know what to say, and even if I did, I don’t have the time. He just slammed the door and walked out…leaving me alone…alone.
Without him and with my broken heart instead. My hand comes up, covers my mouth, holding in the sobs.
After a while of stark silence among my cries, I decide that maybe what I need right now is a glass of cold water to calm my nerves.
So I walk into the kitchen, taking in the dinner table. It’s beautifully set and there are two candles, their flames almost burnt. I helplessly lean over, forcing the air out of my lungs as I blow them both to a finish.
Just like me and Justin.
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