{Chloe}

As I sit here flipping through the channels on TV, I wonder when my life got so boring. Okay, so that’s a lie. I know when it got so boring. It was right about the same time Justin found out about my deal with Elise, dumped me, moved out, and then left me living here with a hostile, rarely existent ex- best friend.  

It was of course then that I realized I had nobody special to me left in all of Chicago. Well, no one who I was on speaking terms with anyways. Sometimes I do find myself wondering how my luck can be so twisted. I have no idea what the answer to that question is, but with this twisted luck of mine, it would only be appropriate to say that there’s not shit on television to watch tonight while I’m in my lonely state.

Yup, I think it’s pretty safe to say that this whole new hanging out by myself thing totally sucks.

I flip through the channels for a while longer before finally settling on one. I sit and try to focus my mind on the screen but watching the evening news just doesn’t seem to hold my attention for too long of a time.  I can’t help but find myself wondering what Justin’s doing right now at this very second in time? Is he watching television, as bored as I am right now? Is he wondering about me too? Maybe he’s sleeping? Or as horrible of an idea this is for me to imagine, is he out with another girl?

Shit, is he even freakin’ alive?

I wish I knew where he was, what was going on in his head. But I can’t bring myself to call him.  I don’t want to be pushy. I’ve tried to salvage our relationship and I’ve made a fool of myself. He’s not ready to trust me and until he makes a move for us to start talking again, I’m going to back off.

 I sigh because in spite of all of this, I can’t help but still miss him terribly. It’s been a week since the whole party fiasco, and although he said we’d be able to be friends again, it doesn’t much feel like we’re friends when he never comes around me or the apartment anymore.

A part of me was really hoping he would come back here to live, but it’s been a week and I just don’t know what’s going to happen anymore. Maybe he’s really serious about living somewhere else and I’ve been stupid thinking he’s gonna actually get over things enough to come back. I don’t even know if he’s told Chris what’s going on; I’ve been too afraid to mention it the few times I’ve been home at the same time as him, and as far as I know, he and Justin haven’t talked since the whole blow out.

The apartment just doesn’t feel the same without them around though, and honestly, something has got to give with this situation. It’s so lonely. ..and dare I say it, I’d probably rather go back to the days where Justin and I used to fight with each other all of the time, Chris breaking up our arguments, then I would like to live like this any longer.

Wallowing in my self-pity with you for the last five minutes has been so delightful, I almost don’t believe it that I’ve been jolted from my thoughts by the knocking of a door. I carefully walk over to the entry to our apartment and look through the peephole, trying to get an idea of who’s here. I honestly have no idea, considering there’s no one I’m expecting to visit.

Good God, it’s him. My heart practically falls into my stomach, as an onslaught of butterflies shake my nerves. He’s here. Justin is here, but why is he here?

That’s the main question running through my mind, along with a sudden concern towards the state of my appearance. But no time to think, he’s waiting. Looking down at myself, I smooth out my top and run my hands through my hair before quickly opening up the door.

I smile at him and move aside so he can come in, no questions asked.

He returns the gesture and walks inside, brushing past me as my eyes follow his tall frame the entire way. Oh my god, he looks so, so good. Not to sound like a little school girl, but damn I’ve missed seeing him. His eyes, his hair, his mouth, his outfit—he’s just perfect.

“Hey,” I finally force myself to greet him as we enter the living room together. “What’s going on?”

Please, please, please let him say he’s here to see me and not just grab an item he left, or something random that will just crush my hopes….

“Well, um…I was in the neighborhood…” He starts off awkwardly, “And I just thought maybe we should hang out. I brought some movies,” he quickly explains, holding up a little plastic baggy from the video store. “Are you busy?”

Is he kidding? Of course I’m not. Oh thank you God for bringing him back into my life. This is such a good sign, he wants to spend time together and he’s not acting weird about it.

“No!” I hurriedly squeak out, almost shocked that this is actually happening. “I mean, I’m not busy. So…yeah,” I bite my lip, hoping that didn’t sound too desperate of me.

 He smiles and nods. “Good, ‘cause I picked out some good ones.”

I highly doubt that’s true; Justin isn’t exactly the greatest when it comes to a stellar choice in movies, but hey, what can ya do? Just being with him will be worth it.

Hell, maybe my luck isn’t so bad after all. I mean, a week and my prayers have been answered. Sort of.

* * *

{Justin}

I don’t know how I ended up here, it just kind of happened. I was sitting at Darnell’s place, drinking beer and watching TV, bored as fuck while he was out and it hit me hard. I miss her. I miss her a lot, and it’s not even just that.  I miss our apartment too. I miss having Chris and Chloe as my roommates, and I miss the days when I didn’t feel like I was imposing on a friend who I know doesn’t have room for me in their place.

I mean, this is where I’ve lived my entire time at college and it’s difficult to adjust to another environment at the end of the year. Even worse, I know I need to make things right with them again, and sometimes that thought is all that weighs down on my mind. It’s just hard and really complicated. And that’s why I’ve been staying away for this long. You know how it is. Sometimes it’s easier to run from your problems than just facing them.

 I’ve had time to cool off though and I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. I realize now more than ever that I don’t want to lose my friendships with them. Things haven’t been perfect but I think I figured out that this is a situation that is worth trying to fix. The semester is almost over and even if Chris decides to get new roommates next year, I don’t want to leave for summer vacation on bad terms with either one of them.

So I’m here because I figured now was as good of time as ever to face the music. I grabbed my keys and here I am almost an hour later, waiting for Chloe as she works inside the kitchen, preparing pop corn and some other snacks for us to eat during our movie watching.

Since she’s left the room, it’s been the first time I’ve been able to take my eyes off of her, because the only way I’ve had the willpower to do so is when I’m not able to see her. I still can’t stop thinking about how good she looks tonight. She looks great. Really great, and that’s why it’s hard to be here too.

It’s hard to go from boyfriend to friend, but I know that’s what’s best for us right now. I just can’t be with her anymore. I can’t be with someone I don’t trust and what’s even worse, as egotistical as this is going to sound, it still digs under my skin to the fucking core that it took making a deal with that bitch Elise to get her to notice me in a good light.

I know how that sounds. It sounds like I’m a big, stupid, hypocritical prick.

Well, I’m not-- and me making that bet with Trace--it’s not the same as what she did to me. It’s not the same, and I don’t care what Chloe says about how much she’s in love with me still. I don’t care if she ripped up that stupid check and didn’t even cash it, or that she thinks what she did shouldn’t matter because she didn’t want to go through with it once she got to know me. 

The truth of the matter is, if you really want to know it, is that when I made that bet with Trace, I didn’t actually want to just sleep with her as some sort of revenge on her. The honest truth is that I liked Chloe from the moment I met her, and for some fucking reason, she was the one who hated me from the get-go.

So what if I was stupid and nervous when she walked in the first day I met her? I was trying to impress my buddies and I whistled at her. Was that a reason to hate me? I never could figure it out. Maybe it wasn’t the smoothest thing to do on a first impression, but the fact that she treated me like shit ever since that day bugged the hell out of me for the longest time and come to think of it, it still bugs me, now more than ever.

It especially pisses me off because I had a crush on her and I was always jealous of her friendship with Chris. I wanted her and when she wasn’t yelling at me, I saw things in her that I admired. She was smart and beautiful and sarcastic as hell. So when Trace challenged me to sleep with her, it was just an excuse to pursue her. I’d psyched myself up to treat her badly in return for so long that it was like an opportunity to try and get her without swallowing all my pride and admitting it was for more than sex.

I’ve gone over it and over it in my head and I can’t get the perception that what she did is so much worse than me out of my mind. Chloe’s intentions were fucked up from the start. She had no reason to hate me and instead of getting to know me, she wanted to hurt me. She wanted to hurt me and so did Elise, and maybe I deserved it, but Elise knew from the beginning that I wasn’t looking for something serious with her, and Chloe should have never…

“I brought you a Coke,” I hear her announce, as she walks into the living room with a bowl of pop corn in her hand and a can of soda in the other. I brush my thoughts aside while she sets the stuff down on the coffee table and tells me she’ll be right back again with the rest of the things.

“Here, I’ll help you,” I offer, standing up and following her into the kitchen.

I guess I could have come in and joined her a while ago, but she had volunteered and I needed a moment to myself. As much as I want everything to be good between us, I have to stop myself from remembering how much she hurt me sometimes ‘cause it just causes me to get pissed all over again. And I don’t want that. It’s time to move on.

“When did you make these?” I ask while glancing at a bag of home baked cookies she has set out on the counter.

“The other day. I was bored.”

“They look good.”

“They are good,” she says. “Have some if you want.”

I grab the cookies and offer a free hand when she holds out another soda and a bag of chips for me to take. “How’s work?” I ask her.

Chloe switches off the light in the kitchen as we head back for the living room, answering on the way, “It’s been good. I’ve been taking a lot of extra shifts lately.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah….did you put in the movie?”

“No not yet.”

She grabs the DVD off the coffee table where I had laid the movies at and I sit down while she goes to put the movie on. This small talk is awkward and I can tell she’s kind of uncomfortable right now, but I don’t know what to say to make things easier. I haven’t talked to her in a week and its obvious there’s certain topics that don’t need to be rehashed at the moment.

Chloe turns around and sighs once she’s put the DVD in, making her way over to the couch and plopping down on the furthest end from where I’m sitting. The food is scattered in a sporadic manner in front of the both of us.  I reach for the pop corn bowl and start munching on it to keep my mouth busy.

“At least you picked out something decent this time,” Chloe tells me, working with the remote when it comes to the main screen of Déjà Vu. “Not to mention, Denzel is hot.”

“I always pick out good movies,” I defend.

She giggles and presses the ‘play’ signal on the screen. “Mmmhmm.”

The opening credits begin to pan out when something in my stomach churns. I can’t act like nothing has happened between us without getting this out in the open. Weird timing, but it’s now or never. “Chloe. Wait a minute. I need to tell you something.”

Her head snaps in my direction and I reach forward to set the pop corn bowl down before turning my eyes on her. Her hair is down and she’s got a thoughtful look on her face as she watches me.  She questions me further, “What is it?”

I don’t know what has compelled my sudden haste of honesty, but I’ve wanted to get this off my chest since the moment I saw her tonight. It’s the reason I came in the first place. Bowing my head, I glance down at the couch before locking my eyes in on hers. “I’ve missed you a lot,” I finally admit to her in a quiet tone.

A soft smile forms on her face, though there’s a solemn look in her eyes. “I miss you every day,” she tells me back.

Scooting a little closer to her on the couch, I reach out and grab the remote from her hand. I pause the movie and then lay the remote down before grabbing her hand in mine. “The thing is…I don’t want to miss you anymore.” I trace my thumb over her knuckles and continue to explain, “And I don’t want to lose you from my life, Chloe. This week has sucked more than you‘ll ever know.  I just…”

Chloe squeezes my hand and takes a noticeable gulp. Her voice is hopeful, “Justin, are you saying…?”

 I realize she might be taking this the wrong way, and so I’m quick to continue with my thoughts, “I’m saying I want things to be normal around here for once. I want us to talk to Chris and tell him everything. And I want you and me…you and I to start over as friends. I know I said that before but I’m ready for that now and I’m hoping maybe you are too.”

The moment the words fall from my lips, Chloe pulls her hand out of my grasp. She looks down at her lap and nods her head slowly. It’s only after a minute later that she finally raises her eyes to meet mine.

“I’d really like that,” she eventually speaks up.

“Are you sure?” I ask her. “I know it’s kind of weird, but I just think…”

“No, no,” she stops me. “Its fine, Justin. I mean, I’m just glad we can be friends again. This is what I’ve hoped for.”

“So we’re friends.”

“As long as you promise not to disappear on me anymore.”

I smile and grab for the remote again. “I can handle that.”

** *

Sometime or another, Chloe fell fast asleep on the couch as we were watching the movie. I don’t know when, I just know that she’s sleeping now. She has a tendency to fall asleep during films for some reason though, so I’m not all that surprised.

She looks so peaceful that I don’t want to wake her, and so I stretch my legs out before standing up from the couch. I reach my arms over my head with a yawn and turn my head to glance at her over my shoulder.

She’s curled herself up into a little ball, her head resting on one of the couch pillows. I figure she’s gonna need a blanket or some kind of warmth if she’s planning on sleeping the entire night through, so I walk over and grab a blanket off one of the living room chairs before draping it over her body.

Maybe out of habit, but my hand itches to touch her. I find myself crouching down and smoothing a strand of hair from her face. I lean down and place a slow kiss on her forehead before pulling back to look at her for one more moment.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders tonight, and now, I have one more person to make amends with before I can finish out this school year the way I wanted to. It seems like things are falling into place about the right way. I just hope Chris and I’s conversation goes over as smoothly as Chloe and mine did.