2000: Pulling My Hair. Out.
After the first week of my vacation was over, I felt like things were good. It was like I wouldn't have to worry about anything for the next week. I've really been keeping my word about this "backing away" thing. I tried to make up for it by spending lots of time with Joey, Chris,
and Lance. Any chance I could get, I was off somewhere with them, hanging out. That way, if I was having fun, I wasn't feeling bad about not being with JC or spending time with Justin. But of course, the further back I pulled myself, the further forward Justin and JC seemed to push.
The guys were at the arena for rehearsal in Lakeland. Luckily, I got to tag along. We were sitting up in the stands, looking down at the stage; all of us had our feet resting on the rail in front of us. I was excited and in a particularly good mood. Well, I WAS in a good mood, until Queen Steal-Your-Money walked upon us. I was good this week, I didn't even do anything. I didn't even have a dirty thought about JC! Why the hell is she here to torture me?! I shot JC an evil glare. Did he invite her when he knows I'm staying with him?
"Hey baby, hey guys."
JC greeted her, and the guys did the same. I tried not to laugh at their half-assed hello's.
"Zahra."
"Bobbi," I murmured.
"What brings you here?" she asked.
"Lance," I replied.
"Oh you and Lance are an item now?" she asked.
Bitch, you know that is not true. I should kick you in your stupid face.
"No. Lance invited me." I was THIS close from telling her that I was here for JC, but I wasn't going to fight fire with Satan's sister.
"How cute."
"Babe, what are you doing here?" JC asked, preventing me from a smart ass remark. He knew me so well. But obviously not well enough to block me from her. The side of her face was like a target for my fist.
"I just came to see how you were doing, honey, you haven't called me all week. I got worried."
"Worried about his money," I whispered in Justin's ear. We both huddled close and snickered. Yeah, we were complete teenagers, so what?
"I've just been working hard, no need to worry."
She pulled him in and placed a kiss on his lips, shooting a glance at me. What the flying hell? Bloaty is SUCH an immature dick sometimes. I lie. ALL the time. I rolled my eyes and rose to my feet quickly.
"Well I'd love to stay and vomit, but I'd rather go play with the conveyor belt on the stage," I said as I brushed past the guys to get to the aisle.
"That's a good idea, I'll come with," Justin said.
We walked down the steps from the seats we were all sitting in and headed toward the stage. Wade was sitting on the stage, listening to the band improvise some of the music. I shot a glance back toward Justin and he rubbed me on the shoulder, letting me know he was fine.
I stood on the belt and let myself be taken down the stage and then I switched to the next one, doing the same thing repeatedly.
"I heard you helped Chris with some choreo," I heard behind me. It was Wade. I stepped off the belt and approached him.
"Yeah. It was nothing serious, though," I replied.
"Still pretty cool. Maybe you can help me out, be my third eye in case I don't catch something," Wade suggested.
Justin playfully stumbled over to us and placed his arm across my shoulder. "Aw Wade, you're gonna put her to work on her vacation? That's cold, dude."
"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to."
"She's standing right here," I said. "And, I think I'll have to pass on that offer, Wade. I'd rather run through the seats and ride JC's bike everywhere," I teased.
"I should've known I wouldn't be able to compete with JC's bike," Wade laughed as he walked off stage.
"You didn't have to do that, Zahra," Justin said.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said.
"You don't have to totally disregard him because of what I told you that night on the bus."
"I know Justin. But you're my best friend and I'm always on your team, no matter what."
"I appreciate that, Zee. Now le--"
"Aw, how cute, you guys are bonding."
I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. I have never wanted to roundhouse kick a person in the throat so much in my life. The sound of her voice was like nails screeching down a chalkboard. I was NOT fond of this girl, at all.
"Of course we're bonding, Bobbi. She's my best friend," Justin said.
"It's still quite cute. Oh, tell you're lovely girlfriend I said hi when you speak to her. I know she'd love to know that you're being protected," Bobbi said, staring at me.
"What in the HELL is that supposed t--"
"Sure thing, Bobbi. I'll let her know. Come on Zee, I gotta show you something," Justin quickly interrupted, pulling me off the stage and outside. I was glad none of the cameras present today were catching any of this. Once outside, I pulled my arm out of Justin's tight grip.
"Ow," I said.
"When are you gonna stop letting that woman get to you? The only reason she does that is because she knows she can get under your skin," Justin explained.
"Let me lay her out and I bet she'll be trying to get under my skin with a tube down her throat," I quipped.
Justin chuckled softly. "You can be such a firecracker, it's actually really cute, when it's done being scary."
I playfully punched him in the arm. He laughed softly, showing his beautiful smile. I missed him. I feel like we never got the opportunity to just hang out with one another, all day, only the two of us. I wanted to hang out with my best friend, but I didn't trust myself around him. I had a lot going through my mind and being alone with temptation was stupider than stupid's stupid.
"I don't mean to get so riled up when she's around, but she's a total dick and knows how to get under my skin," I said.
"Let her be that then," Justin replied. His southern accent kicked in and I couldn't help but smile. "You just be the sweet and wonderful Zahra I know and love, k?"
"Fine, I'll try to be civil. But she has got ONE more time and I'm taking out all of her fronts," I warned.
Justin rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. "What happened to the shy and quiet 12-year old I used to know?" He was holding onto my shoulders, gently shaking me.
"She's still here, but has to man up whenever Baldie's around," I teased.
"Ugh! Come on, let's go before Daddy C calls the search people," Justin said.
We walked back into the arena, Justin's arm was around my shoulders, and we were talking. I saw Joey glance up and we ended up catching one another's eyes. The look he gave me, I read it and I let out a frustrated sigh. Nothing is going on, damn it. Why does he think something's going on when I'm actually innocent? For once! I could scream right now. I pulled away from Justin once we were on the stage, and went to go sit in between Chris and JC.
"You and Justin are the cutest sometimes," that wretched voice commented.
I instinctively grabbed onto JC's pants leg and gripped tight. Bobbi's presence just sickened me, mostly because for all these years I know what's she's been doing to JC and...he just doesn't see it. He won't see it. He doesn't want to. I felt JC's hand press against my back. It
was a soft touch, and as always, he sensed what I was thinking and responded with "stay calm".
"Are we?" Justin asked.
"Yeah you guys are such good friends, I almost forget you're dating Britney," she replied.
"Zahra's the greatest and I'm glad she's one of my best friends," Justin said.
"What about you, Josh? She your best friend, too?"
I felt my heart beat go into top speed and my blood boiled beneath my skin. What was she playing at? And why was she doing it now? Here? During crunch time? Was she trying to throw off everyone's focus? Like I said, complete dick. ALL THE TIME.
"She is," JC replied.
"Justin, JC, and Zee. The three musketeers. An odd number. Threes don't last very long, because two always go off and pair up."
"Bobbi," I warned.
"Oh Zahra, I almost forgot you were here. But since you are, who're you gonna pick to pair off with?" she asked.
The intensity and sting of that question slapped me right in the face. I couldn't feel any part of my body. I wanted to beat the Botox off of her face, but I couldn't move. Did she embarrass me? Again? I didn't hate people, I could never live with someone having that much power over me, but I was so disgusted with this woman, I couldn't even be disgusted. The tight grip I had on JC's pant leg, faltered and anyone who was breathing right now knew that at this moment, they needed to be very worried. I had no emotion and that was dangerous, especially for Bobbi.
"Bobbi, I'll walk you out," JC said.
"But I--"
"Now, please," he repeated firmly. Was JC angry for me or because he wanted to know the answer to that question, too?
The second Bobbi was out of my sight and reach, I stood up. "I'm gonna go, now."
Justin threw his keys at me. "Take my car, I'll get it later."
I nodded in appreciation and almost did the 100-yard dash to get out the arena. I brushed past JC so quickly, he couldn't even grasp me to stop me. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at anyone right now.
2000: The Truth. The Pain. The Hurt.
I sat in JC's condo, in complete silence just thinking. Oh Lord, can I just stomp her face in? Please? I promise I won't do THAT much damage so she'd get plastic surgery, only the Botox she already wastes money on. Bobbi was an asshole from her core, but the bitch made a valid point. A point that could not only destroy the friendship I had with JC and Justin, but could destroy theirs as well. Hmm. Who knew under all that horrible hair, she had a brain. Fucker.
It took some time for me to calm down. The only person I was truly angry at was JC. I was mad at him for not opening his eyes and seeing what that witch was doing to him. She was wicked, so wicked, and her intentions for being with him were untrue. She couldn't love him in a million years, the way I do right now. Hell, even Justin loves JC more than Bobbi does.
"Hhhhh!" I sighed heavily.
I finally got up from hours of laying on the couch and decided to get in the shower. I walked through the dark place, going into JC's guest room and setting some pajamas out on the bed. I stripped down and grabbed my towel, wrapping it around my body and headed to the bathroom.
There was nothing more calming to me than a hot shower. I let the water splash down on my hair, cascading down my body, and I felt at peace. I wanted to be calm when I talked to JC. Probably because I knew how our heated arguments went. By the end of it, I'm ready to push him down and kiss him into 1935, and that's pretty innocent considering what he'd want to do to me.
I stepped out the shower, dried my hair a little. I grabbed some of JC's Johnson's Baby Lotion, knowing why he loved it so much, and put it on all over my skin. Once I was done, I wrapped my towel around me, placed my feet into my flip flops, and left the bathroom. I flipped on the light to the room and JC was siting on my bed. I jumped about 5 ft in the air. Geez, could he at least pretend he wanted me to know he was home?!
"Jace, what, you scared me," I panted.
JC took one look at me and put his head down, staring at the carpeted floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in the shower."
I pursed my lips, giving him a look before walking over to the bed and grabbing my clothes. I stayed on the other side, looking at his hunched back.
"Keep your eyes on the floor, don't turn around," I warned.
"I've already seen you half-naked, Zee," JC said, straightening his position.
"Key word is HALF," I said. I pulled on my tank top and stuck my legs into a new pair of boxers I bought a yesterday. I slipped on some tube socks to keep my feet covered. I felt ready to dive head-first into what was about to occur.
"Whatever. Look, I'm sorry about Bobbi's behavior today. She was a real jerk."
"JC, you'd have to apologize everyday because that's just simply who she is," I responded.
"Please don't start."
"How can you not see it?" I asked.
"See what?"
"That girl is USING YOU and you're letting her," I said.
"If this reaction is about me and you..."
"No, Joshua, it's not about me and you. You're my friend first, period. Bobbi is no good, and you're the only one who can't see it because you're too damn stubborn," I snapped
JC chuckled softly. "Wow. Okay, I'm going to bed."
I watched as JC stood up and walked toward the door. He turned to look at me and then exited. No. He. Did. Not. Typical JC and me argument. He walks off and I get into Mortal Kombat Kitana mode. Oh he is going DOWN.
I stormed out of my room and over to his. He stood, shirtless, still wearing his track pants from earlier. Really, JC? I know he wasn't about to use his body as a distraction. Still, I was prepared to take him on.
"How rude, I was speaking to you," I said as I sat down on his bed.
"Yeah, about the same crap you always speak to me about. I don't wanna hear it," JC said.
"That's your problem. You don't wanna hear anything anyone has to say."
"You and Justin have said enough to each other, right? Why include me?"
Okay. I was NOT prepared for that. Justin? Who's even talking about Justin. See? The evil tramp has given JC her poisonous apple. Damn it all to hell and back.
"What does Justin have to do with this?" I asked.
"I don't know, you tell me," JC shot.
"Screw that, if you have something to say, say it."
"Bobbi was a jerk today, but she had a point. Three's a crowd, so where does that leave me, huh? Am I a crowd?" he asked.
I'm gonna kill her. I have to kill her. She MUST be stopped and the killed. Twice.
"Really Josh? I aksed for you to stay in my home. You become such a common face there, that I
don't even remember what it was like without you, yet you'd believe I think you were a crowd? You truly do find new ways to hurt my fucking feelings."
I was speechless, but must of all, hurt. How could he not see that I'm head over heels for him? Oh yeah, for the same reason he didn't see Bobbi for who she was. He didn't want to.
"I don't know what to think. You and Justin have always had a thing, I know that. And I know I often denied how I felt about you. But I'm done doing that. I don't know how much more I could express to you how I feel. I thought I was worried about that Chris guy taking you away, but I'm not. It's Justin. I can't compete with Justin and I won't."
The familiar sound of those words stung me in the back. Compete. He was worried about Justin. Justin was worried about JC. If there was a point after fucked beyond belief, that's
where I am right at this very moment.
"I'm gonna stay quiet. I don't have anything to say."
....because I'm refraining from going ballistic about you and Justin thinking I'm some kind of game to be played. I'm beginning to feel like I've mistakenly placed myself into an ongoing competition between the two. And for some reason, I've become the grand prize.
"Say that I don't have to worry about Justin taking you away from me."
"I can't."
"Why not?" he asked. "Why can't you guarantee you won't let Justin take you away?"
"Because, you're not my boyfriend. You belong to someone else who you WANT to belong to. I can't promise a taken man anything," I said, feeling the power I thought I'd lost, being restored back into me.
JC scoffed and shook his head. I didn't like seeing him hurt and I hated when I was the one who'd done it. But, it was the truth. No matter what I could say to him or promise, it means nothing if he has someone. I can't shake the fact that I've touched the lips she's touched. I've yearned for the body she's already had and continues to have. And even though all of that would be true regardless of if he was with her or not, the point is, he wouldn't be with her.
"I wish you and Justin the best of luck, then."
JC grabbed his towel and started to exit his room. I hopped to my feet to grab his hand. "J. C.," I patiently said. I hated when he did this.
"Don't. Don't look at me like you have feelings for me. Don't talk to me like you care about me. Don't touch me like I'm the only man in the world for you because I'm not. You never even said you loved me back."
JC pulled his grip out of my hand and walked away. Look at what all Bobbi's done in matter of hours. Look at what I've let this become. What have I started? I can only imagine what Justin's thinking about. Especially since he didn't come and pick up his car.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for the reviews, they really mean a lot to me. :]
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
