2000: The Last 3 Days
Do you know what's worse than having someone close to you, whom you love, being upset with you? Staying with someone whom you love and having them be mad at you. The silence in that condo was unmistakably horrendous. Even the sound of the heavy rain pounding down was quieter than the silence, and the silence was as loud as ever. JC didn't speak to me, he didn't come near me, he didn't even so much as glance at me. I know that I hurt him. But how long have I been letting him hurt me? I was done being the one he loved but couldn't be with. It's never been a surprise how I felt about him. Never. Why should I be punished for hoping he'd figure out what he wants?
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey Zahra." Chris? It was Chris. Montez, not Kirkpatrick. Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds.
"Hey Chris, how are you?" I asked. I got up and closed the room door. JC wasn't home, of course, but I couldn't be too sure.
"I'm doing great, how have you been? Spring Break going well?" he asked.
"I've been great, too. And yes, my break is....definitely gonna be one to remember. I'll be glad when I'm back home," I replied.
"Oh you're out of town, that's pretty sweet, I am, too. Where are you?" he asked.
"In Orlando, soaking up this sun because I have no choice," I joked.
"Seriously? That's crazy weird," Chris replied.
"What makes that crazy weird?"
"I'm in Orlando, too."
My jaw dropped wide open. What the hell? Chris was in Orlando. Maybe he was here for a reason. And maybe that reason was the same as why I here.
"Are you kidding me? That's awesome," I said.
"Is it? I thought you'd be creeped out," he laughed.
"Nooo, of course not. We're friends and since I'm here for two more days, I was thinking we should hang out," I suggested.
Wow. That was bold.
"Really?"
"Yeah, definitely. Unless you're busy," I replied.
"No, no, not at all. I'm definitely available. I'll call you tomorrow and we can set something up and make your two days go out with a bang."
I could picture him smiling, running his fingers through his curly hair. I've really been neglecting him this entire time. I wish I would've called him, that way I would have had a friend when I didn't feel like being at the compound. At least we have two days. Can't complain about that, right?
"Okay, cool. I can't wait. It was nice hearing from you, Chris," I said.
"Same here. I'll talk to you later, bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the cellphone I'd gotten prior to my trip and placed it on the nightstand. I wasn't going to sulk anymore or feel bad for telling JC the truth. I was gonna have some much needed fun and take my last two days put with a bang. Or a spark. Hell, a tiny flicker would suffice.
I got up and went to open my door. I was hungry and I needed some food. My little Ziploc baggy of peanut M&M's just wasn't going to cut it anymore. I bobbed rhythmically as I walked to the kitchen. Not paying attention, I was in for a rude awakening once I saw JC sitting at the counter sipping on some water. I spun on my heel and tried to bob back to my room, but as nature would have it, he saw me. Damn it!
I proceeded to walk into the kitchen, feeling his eyes on me. I opened the fridge and grabbed myself an apple. After getting it, I leaned against the counter and took a bite. Even then, his eyes were burning the side of my face. I closed my eyes in hopes of when opening them, he would walk away. Instead, as I closed my eyes, I felt an intense heat in front of me. No. Don't you dare. I was hoping and praying and begging that he wouldn't be standing in front of me when my eyes opened. But AGAIN as nature would have it, that bitch, he was standing in front of me. Staring down at me with those forever intriguing eyes. His hair was wet, almost like he'd been standing in the rain.
I was holding back tears. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. A lot more than I wanted it to. Regardless of what I mentioned earlier, no one had any idea what it was like to stare into JC's eyes when he was hurting. I couldn't hold the gaze. I had to look away or else I was in shambles, all over the kitchen. My hair fell across my face, covering my cheek and the tear that was traveling down it. Why did this hurt so much? Where was the good parts of love that everyone told me wait for?
I felt JC's fingers touch and lift my chin. He walked in closer to me, staring directly down into my eyes. He was reading me. He was searching for something and I didn't know what it was. What was he looking for? Whatever it was, caused him to faintly smile at me. I was now confused. He brushed my hair from my face with one hand while holding onto the back of my head with the other. He...he was leaning in closer to me. His forehead touched mine, our noses were centimeters apart, our lips close. Once I felt his lips gently touch against mine, another tear fell. Except, it wasn't my tear. What? I glanced up and saw those watery ocean eyes. Was he crying?
"JC," I whispered quietly. My breathing was panicky. I felt like he was going to tell me something bad.
"Say you love me," he whispered.
The shock I felt was beyond the feeling of shock itself. I was relieved that nothing terrible had happened, so relieved. That's what he was searching for. That's what he was looking for. My love for him. Little did he know, it was always there, he just had to search for it.
"JC."
His lips found mine again, this time kissing me open-mouthed. His fingers massaged the scalp of my head, as they were brushing through my straightened hair. I felt both of his hands rest on the back of my neck, his body now pressing lightly against my own. JC broke our kiss, his hands palms placed face down on the counter. He towered and engulfed my body amongst his.
"Tell me you love me. I see it in your eyes, but I need to hear it," he whispered again.
"What does it matter if I do?" I asked quietly.
JC smashed his lips into mine again, bringing his tongue along with him. The way he was kissing me was filled with passion. He was now firmly pushed against me, with his arms wrapped around my waist. I was losing myself in him. Why was he such a powerful force to me? I didn't even feel when he lifted me on top of the counter. My arms wrapped around his neck, feeling the dampness of his shirt. He was definitely in the rain.
I felt his tongue trail across the skin of my neck, causing me to shudder. I sighed deeply. JC swiftly slipped his hand down in between our bodies. With his lips never leaving my neck, JC worked his hand beneath my shorts and under my panties. My body tensed feeling his middle finger enter me. My eyes closed, letting the pleasure take over. His teeth were biting down on my lip as I felt his index finger join in on his fun. I gasped, arching my back.
"Say you love me," he breathed.
The rough pull and push of his motion filled the entire area with loud moans. JC pulled my hip with one hand as the other was being surrounded by my clenching insides. I gripped onto his back, knowing that I was going to quickly reach my peak any minute. JC's face buried into my neck, l could feel all the bite marks and bruises he was leaving.
"I love you...I love you," I moaned.
Feeling that very last thrust of his fingers, I crumbled. I fell into his arms, feeling weak in every way.
Two weeks. Almost two weeks with smooth sailing and now this. The potential for this becoming a domino effect? We'll see.
2000: Day Before Last
I woke up the next morning wrapped in JC's arms. Nothing else happened after the kitchen. We sort of just laid together in silence and fell asleep. I desperately wanted to enjoy the moment, but I couldn't. I couldn't enjoy it at all. I couldn't talk to JC. If I told JC Justin
wasn't a threat or I didn't have feelings for him, I'd be lying. If I told JC Justin was a threat and I loved Justin, too, things would get worse. What can I do?
I looked over at JC and I carefully got out of bed. He stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. I looked at him. I wanted to hold him and caress his skin, run my fingers through his hair. I can't do it.
"You're leaving me so soon?" JC asked as I was nearing the door.
"I'm hanging out with a friend today," I replied.
"Last night...."
"I love you, I have for awhile." I began. "But that doesn't change anything between us. We may love each other, but that's it."
"Just give me some time. Please?"
"You have all the time in the world to decide what's best for you. I won't be in your way, nor will I stop you anymore."
"You're not gonna tell me who you'll be hanging out with today, are you?" JC asked.
I leaned against the door frame and smiled. "Course not."
I left his room and went to take a shower and wash my hair. Every part of me smelled like JC. My HAIR smelled like JC. It wasn't a bad smell, but his cologne or man spray, whatever he used, stuck to my body like glue. I had to scrub the scent off of me. Especially if I got anywhere within 50 feet of Birdie. She could probably smell him from halfway across the country.
As I did my hair, styling it back into a bun, my cellphone rang. I quickly picked it up and answered.
"Hello?" I greeted.
"Hey Zee, it's Chris. What's the plan today?" he asked.
"Hey Chris. I don't know. We could go to a theme park, Downtown Disney, City Walk, or a restaurant, anything you want," I suggested.
"How about we go to a theme park place with a restaurant in it?" he joked.
"Downtown Disney, then?" I smiled.
"Sure. What time do you want me to pick you up?" he asked.
I can't let him come here. JC would have a heart attack. He may not be worried about Chris "stealing" me, but he is still jealous.
"I have to run an errand first, so can you meet me there around 1:30-ish?" I asked.
"Sure, that's fine. See you soon."
"Later."
I hung up the phone and gathered my things. I was gonna head over to the arena with JC and then beg Justin to let me borrow his car. The "I need pads" should do the trick if it becomes difficult.
Speaking of the blue-eyed, curly haired devil, it seemed like we haven't spoken in ages. After that whole Bobbi incident, it was like.... Nah. No way. There's no way he'd believe that crap she was spewing, right? JC did. But JC's been in her death grip for years now, he would believe anything she said. Justin didn't dwell on it. I hope Justin didn't dwell on it.
"Jace, hurry up!" I called. I snickered. I was rushing JC? JC was usually the one rushing me.
"I'm coming, I'm coming, hold your horses," he droned as he walked into the kitchen. He sat down at the counter and dropped his head into his arms. He was definitely still sleepy, poor guy.
"I'll pour you some orange juice, you big sleepy baby, you," I cooed. JC looked up at me with a look on his face and I laughed. "What? Joshy doesn't like it when Zee Zee teases her widdle baby?" I pinched his cheeks.
JC pouted his lips and looked up at me with big eyes. "Can I have a straw?"
No matter how upset we got with each other, we always made up. I smiled at his playfulness. He was the cutest sometimes, I couldn't deny it. I stretched my hand out to give him a straw and he took it, grabbing my hand shortly after. Standing up from his seat, JC pulled my arm to bring me closer to the counter and he kissed my lips. His lips tasted sweet from sipping the orange juice.
Not even bothering to acknowledge what had just occurred, I threw JC's keys to him and headed out the door. Once we were in the car, my mind kept going back to our recent kiss. It triggered a series of old memories containing each time JC and I had been together. From the first time JC kissed me in my bathroom to the first time we almost made love in his new bedroom. It had been the longest and wildest ride. Yet, I didn't have him.
"God damn you," I said.
He smiled as he pulled off down the street. "What? Why?"
"You're affect on me is such a strong one, it's ridiculous," I answered.
"It's cute how you think that you don't do the same thing to me."
"I don't believe that," I said bluntly.
"Why not? You don't think you could have any affect on me?" he asked.
"I'm just Zahra. I'm not part of a global pop vocal group. I don't have every girl in the world wanting to be with me."
"But those guys who are part of a global pop vocal group could have every girl that's wanting them, yet they're wanting to be with you."
I let his words simmer in my mind. He's acknowledging something neither of us ever discussed. The possibility of me being with Justin. We never talked about it. Ever. Though what JC said may be true, at the end of the day, they were both taken.
"That makes me want to know why," I mumbled.
"Why what? Why you're wanted?" he asked.
"Yeah. You can have any girl you want. You have one, not to mention, yet you're here with me. What's so special about me?"
"You were there before it all, you know? You understand and accept things most girls would struggle with. You're intelligent, funny, sweet, humble, the list goes on. You're not afraid to tell us the truth and be honest. You wrote to us when we all went back to our homes, consistently, and you didn't have to. I guess just being around you for such a long time, I'm finally beginning to appreciate how valuable you are to me."
"I don't feel very valuable. Not with the way things have been happening."
"I promise that it won't be long. Wait for me," JC said.
"I have been waiting for you. I've been waiting for so long," I said.
"I know. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"If you can't wait for me, are you going to be with Justin?" JC asked.
I gasped quickly, ending up choking on my spit and coughing. "Excuse me?" I managed. The car slowed to a complete stop. I hadn't even realized we were at the arena.
"I just wanna know."
"Can we not do this ri--"
"No, hear me out. I know that I got upset and jealous about the thought of you and J being together, but, I can't do anything if I miss my chance. It always seemed like you were great for one another."
"What makes you think you're not perfect for me?" I asked.
"Because things haven't gone right," he replied.
I reached for his chin, grabbing gently, and turned his face toward me.
"You surpass perfection to me. If you forget everything I ever tell you, always remember that." I leaned forward and placed a small kiss on the side of his lips.
I wiped the side of his mouth and got out of the car. JC was very sweet. But I didn't want to be put in the position of having to choose. I wanted whatever was natural to happen. If it was meant to be with Justin, it'd happen. If it was meant to be with JC, it'd happen. Maybe nothing would ever go further than friendship between us all. At this point, I couldn't even tell.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I had to edit this chapter. What I had posted was initially a draft and not the actual update. The changes are minor in writing, but are crucial to what's happening. I'm sorry about that, next time I'll be more careful.
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
