2000: Last Day...Back on the Bus
Chris and I had the best time together yesterday. We decided to just do Universal Studios after our Downtown Disney fun. It was nice getting to sit down and know someone who wasn't in the entertainment business. Guess I can see why the guys loved coming to see me so much and wanted me around. Sometimes it was nice being around those who keep you grounded, like they have for me.
I learned basic things about him: birthday was June 11th, Gemini, three siblings: two sisters and one brother, middle names were Jose Alejandro, and his favorite color was any and all shades of blue. We both had a lot in common and he was such a fun and exciting person. The thing I liked the most about him was his plans for his future. He knew what he wanted and accepted that it wouldn't be easy, and that he would probably change his mind.
We spent most of the time at his cousin Ernesto's house talking and hanging out. Time got lost and I didn't get back to JC's condo until about 1 AM. JC was sleeping, practically out cold, and I was glad. But I knew that today would be the day he questioned me about it. Not because he wanted to know where I was, but because I never mentioned anything about having friends in Orlando. He wanted to know WHO I was with. Boy. That conversation was going to be short and sour, I can see it now. I know JC, I know how possessive and protective he can get. I wasn't going to hide the truth, though. I'm single.
"I am packinnnnng, la la la, packinnnng up a stormmmm," I playfully sang. I heard a throat being cleared and I looked up. JC was watching me with his eyebrow raised. "What? That's my packing song."
"Please don't ever sing it again," JC laughed.
I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out at him. "Don't hate, appreciate."
He rolled his eyes and came over to sit on the bed. Remember that conversation I mentioned earlier? Yeah. Here it comes.
"So when'd you get in last night?" JC asked.
"Around 1. You waited up?"
"Nah, I went to bed since I knew we had to be out on the road before 11 in the morning," he replied. "I didn't know you had friends in Orlando."
"I don't," I said looking up at him after I zipped up my last duffle bag. I felt nervous about telling him the truth, I won't lie. JC wasn't my boyfriend, I wasn't his girlfriend, but this would still be awkward because we have feelings for one another.
"Oh. Okay then," JC said. I know he was confused.
"Chris called me and discovered we were both in the same place. He was here visiting family, me with you guys. We hung out and then I came back," I explained.
"He really likes you."
"How do you know that, JC?" I asked.
"Why wouldn't he? You got it goin’ on,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes and laughed. "You're such a pig."
"I'd love to see all of you in action. Maybe we should christen my place before we go." JC rubbed his teeth across his lower lip. The devious look on his face said he was joking, but serious if I wanted to.
I leaned over my bag and placed my finger under his chin. "You wouldn't be able to handle my body."
JC scoffed and stood up. "I could do things to your body that would make you beg for me."
JC was probably right. No, scratch that. He IS right. He's done it before. Unintentional jerk.
"I think you mean my body could do things that would make you beg for me," I shot.
JC grabbed my bags, one in each hand, and walked to the door. He stopped right at the frame and turned back to look at me. "Prove it."
JC smiled and left the room. So, that ended the conversation. That immaculate power of his. He could get me to shut up a lot more often if he actually put some effort, like he just did. The banter between JC and I always got hot, and how he ended it was by calling my bluff. Yeah. What can I say? I SAID I didn't have a problem having sex with him. It’s totally different than actually having sex with him. What Celeste told me about not going that route with JC, it stuck with me a little. What she didn't tell me, though, was why I shouldn't.
2000: The Wheels on the Bus
Here's the goal: stay in the company of Chris at all times whether he's by himself or with Justin and/or JC. By doing this, I'll accomplish two things: no alone time with Justin nor JC. That's my goal. Remember it.
"I'm gonna ride back with Joey and Lance, they have food," Chris said.
You have GOT to be kidding me. Nature's totally fucking with me, right?
"Whoa, whoa, don't do that," I said quickly, grabbing Chris' shirt.
Chris grinned evilly. "Why not? You need some quality time with the Mousketeers," he whispered.
Oh. Oh. This isn't nature at all. This is the work of Chris Kirkpatrick! Why? Why is he doing this? Doesn't he know this isn't gonna go well?
"Chris, this isn't funny, this is serious," I whispered back.
"Look, this is your obstacle. You have to make this peaceful. I don't care what you have to do, Zahra, just make sure by the time we're back in LA, those two are lovey dovey again," he said.
"They're fine, Chris," I said.
"No, no they're not. You weren't at the last two or three rehearsals at the arena. The tension was unbelievable."
Tension? There was tension between them? The urge for me to blame Bobbi is running through my veins. But no. This was all my fault. I'm the one who's coming between them. And while most girls could care less, I couldn't live with myself knowing I ruined a great friendship.
"What do you mean?"
"I've seen them mad at each other before, but it was different this time. Almost like they didn't know why they were mad, didn't think they were mad, but they were mad about it anyway. Their vibe on stage is something like magic, and yesterday, they wouldn't even look at each other."
"I'll fix it. Go on, Chris."
I sat down in the booth, with both my feet lifted up onto the seat, while Justin and JC got on the bus and found areas to get comfy. Even then, they separated quickly. I had to do something. I'd rather them both hate me than hate each other because of me.
As the bus started and began to move, I thought about what I could do to make sure they weren't letting me come between them anymore. I let ideas simmer in my mind until I finally reached my Aha! moment.
"Justin? JC? I have to tell you guys something!" I called.
It would appear to be wiser to tell them whatever was on my mind separately, but doing it while they were both present lessened the chance of them thinking I was lying to protect the other person. All I really want to do is protect them both. From me.
Justin walked out from the back room and sat across from me. JC wasn't too far behind, and he sat on the other side of the bus across from Justin and I. I can't deal with it like this.
I stood up and grabbed JC's hand. "You sit over here." I led him to where I was sitting, while I sat where he chose to sit. I needed to be able to look at them at the same time.
"What is it that you have to tell us?" JC asked.
"I'm dating someone. I have a boyfriend."
This was a lie. A bold, blatant lie. But, it was the only way without making things worse. I shot my eyes, back and forth, between JC and Justin. They both looked taken aback by what I said. Hurt? I couldn't see it. Not yet, at least. It made my stomach turn to even tell them I
was dating, because I was afraid they'd move on and leave me.
"You have a boyfriend?" JC repeated.
"Since when?" Justin asked.
"Since yesterday," I replied. I LIED.
"Who is he?" Justin asked.
"What's his name?" JC asked.
"He--"
"Is it Chris Montez?" JC asked.
"Who's Chris Montez?" Justin asked.
JC turned to face Justin. "Chris Montez is a guy from her school she went on a date with yesterday."
"A date? You went on a date?" Justin asked.
It was working. JC and Justin were now a team, ganging up on the enemy, me. But geez, the questions.
"Stop, stop, stop," I said, with my hands held out. "Yes, I've known Chris for awhile, he's a great guy, and that's it."
"When do we get to meet him?" Justin asked.
"Yeah, when do we get to meet this guy?" JC asked.
"Oh my god," I mumbled. "You'll meet him when I want you to."
"I can't believe Zahra's dating someone and didn't tell us," JC said.
"I know right? And she calls herself our best friend."
"Um HEL-LO! HI! Zahra's right here!"
"HEY! We're mad at you right now, ex-best friend," Justin said.
I rolled my eyes and walked toward the back room. I smiled a little. It hurt to lie to them, but it made me happy that my lie would bring them closer together again. I'm exaggerating, but how lame would things be if they were no longer friends?
2000: "Long as sunlight lights the sky..."
I laid on my designated bunk, right above JC's, and just kept quiet. For most of the ride, I listened to JC and Justin converse with one another. They laughed and reminisced about old times. That made me feel good. Thinking of how I was going to keep up the act of Chris being my boyfriend, made me feel terrible. No doubt he was sweet, funny, attractive, and anything I could want in a guy, but I wasn't about to bring his feelings into this. I'd continue being his friend and getting to know him like I always wanted to, and I'd keep him away from the others as much as I could.
I heard the curtain for my bunk pull open and I turned my head in that direction to see who it was. I smiled a little when I saw it was JC. Justin probably fell asleep in the back room watching a movie or something.
"Hey," I whispered.
"Hey, can I...?"
I nodded as I moved over, giving him space to climb in. He closed back the curtain and laid on his side, facing me. JC was gently gazing into my eyes, I saw the pain. I didn't want to cause him anymore, but if I could tell him the truth. He would understand, right?
"You forgot to mention that you were taken, earlier," JC said.
"I wanted both of my friends to be present when I said it."
"You have a boyfriend. Why did you say you'd wait for me?"
"We don't know what the future holds for us, JC. We can't force it if we're not ready." I caressed his face, moving up to his hair.
"You'll still be there for me?" JC asked, his eyes closing at the feeling of my fingers against his scalp.
"Of course I will. I'll always be there for you," I replied.
"I don't know the next time I'll see you, since we'll be touring. I'm gonna kiss you," JC whispered.
He inched closer to me until his chest was on top of mine. He stared at me, then dove in and kissed my lips. Immediately, I accepted his tongue, tightening my arms around his neck. I didn't realize our kiss was getting hotter and heavier until I felt the strap of my tank top
slipping off my shoulder.
"Hey."
"I'll miss you, Zee."
"I'm not going anywhere."
JC moved away from me, and opened back the curtain to my bunk. He kissed me on the cheek softly.
"If he ever acts up or does anything to hurt you, I'm on the first flight to see you."
I smiled. "Thank you."
The second the curtain was closed, I slammed my head into my pillow and let out an exasperated scream. I was lying, but I was doing the right thing. In the end, everybody would be happy.
-----------
The next morning, I was up pretty early. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I went to sit at the front of the bus. I switched on the tv and found something to quietly watch.
"Zee, that you?"
I turned around and saw Justin coming to sit down on the other side.
"Hey sleepy head," I smiled.
"Guess I should probably give you a new nickname, huh?"
"No, no of course not. Why would you do that?"
"Don't think your boyfriend would like it very much," he replied.
"Let's not take it there"
"That felt weird."
"What?" I asked.
"Saying 'your boyfriend'. I always thought when I did, my name would be followed shortly after."
"Dude."
"I know, I know. I just, I thought, I don't know what I thought," Justin stammered. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about this guy."
"What was there to tell? He was just a guy from school," I said.
"But JC knew about him."
"JC only knew about him because he was at my house stealing food and answered the phone," I shot.
"Fair enough," he smiled. "Were you ever going to tell me about him?"
"Eventually. I didn't think it was anyone else's business who I was making friends with, to be frank," I answered.
"I beg to differ. After almost making love on a tour bus, I think I deserved to know a small detail or two," Justin quipped.
There was those words again: making love. I sighed heavily. "You have to figure things out with Brit. I don't want be in the way of that. Who knows what could happen in the future," I said.
"Like I'll have an opportunity."
"Why wouldn't you?" I asked.
"JC, of course."
I let my exasperation out. "What does JC have to do with anything?"
"I'm just saying. I already knew what was going on between you guys. Why wouldn't he go after you if the opportunity presents itself?"
I could see where this conversation was heading and I wasn't about to let it. Not after I just fixed things. No way.
"It doesn't matter. I can't speak for the future, none of us knows what can happen. You might just find someone who you'll love more than anything. JC might find that person, too. If it's you, him, or both, the possibility of that person being me is slim."
I was telling myself this, more than I was telling him. I needed to realize that what I was saying isn't only something they needed to understand, but something I needed to understand as well.
"You can't help who your heart chooses for you, Zahra. But it's obvious your heart can be split in two. I know that, but I think you know it
better than anyone else," he said.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
I was afraid to ask, actually. For some reason I felt like I knew what he was about to say. I didn't want him to say it at all, but I knew it
was coming, regardless.
"I mean that half of your heart belongs to me and the other half belongs to JC."
Author's Chapter Notes:
I've just been breezing through these chapters more easily than I expected....so even though I'm way ahead in writing, I'm gonna let these sit while I start on my entries for Awesome August. I'm excited to do it this year, since last year I was too chicken...lol.
Hope you like this update, and HOPEFULLY let's see if I can go a week and a half without updating.
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
