Did things in my house get awkward between JC and myself? No, not really. I mean there was tension, but seems like things were always like that. It was like having my older brother back home, except JC wasn't my brother and didn't look like a troll that lives under a bridge. To be honest if anyone here loved JC more than life, it was my mom. Oh my goodness. She was always complimenting on him for helping or doing something. Yeah, damn right I'm jealous. She doesn't compliment me on anything and I belong to her!
Besides that, one thing I did enjoy the most about JC living here is when he had to use my shower. I'm not pervert or a Peeping Tom, but I liked hearing him sing in the shower. I'd creep out of my room and listen while standing in the hallway. The bonus prize was when he came out the bathroom, hair wet, bare chest, and a towel wrapped around his waist. But after 6 months of sharing the same space, I barely even noticed him anymore.
He had great luck finding a place to live, but guess who left the option open for him to continue renting? Yup, that's right. My damn mother. She said that he shouldn't have to take on more work hours and trying to balance school. You know if she loves him so much she should adopt him. I shouldn't complain, but the only reason I do is because I realize that the longer JC lives here, the more I began to think our age difference didn't matter. I couldn’t wait for the day when it finally didn't.
1997: Not-So-Secret Phone Call
I had my feet kicked upright, resting against the wall, something my mother repeatedly told me not to do and I had the phone attached to, my ears.
"Oh come on Justin, you have to think this through. You can't just up and leave," I explained.
Long story short, Justin wanted to make that road trip dream, real this summer. He figured LA was the best place for him to start his music career, rather than going to Orlando.
"But I have to do this, you know how much making music means to me. I just wanna share it with the world."
"J, I understand, trust me I do, but give it another year or two. At least finish high school before you make a decision," I pleaded.
"Fine, fine. I'll give it another year, but I'm telling you that pictures just aren't doing it for me anymore. I'd rather feel your body instead of looking at it," he flirted.
I rolled my eyes, trying to keep a straight face. It didn't work. I couldn't stop smiling. Sigh. How old was I again? I really did think I grew out of that.
"Justin, you're sick."
"Oh come on, don't act like you wouldn't rather feel my body, too."
I bit my lip, twirling my hair between my fingers. "Well of course, you here in person would always be better than you in a picture. But you're not so....pictures are fine."
"Zahra....what if I WAS there?" he asked.
"I don't know, guess we'd hang out?" I knew what he was getting at, but he had to work for it. I wasn't gonna easily give in.
"You wouldn't wanna kiss me?" he asked, the tone of his voice changed.
It was deeper, smoother, and quieter.
"J...."
"Answer the question," he demanded.
"Of course I would...," I said.
"And you'd let me kiss you?"
"Yeah."
"Anywhere I wanted?" he asked.
"Anywhere like....?"
Come on, Timberlake. Play the game.
"I guess I'd start at your lips, then your neck, and eventually....I'd wanna kiss your breasts..."
Justin wanted phone sex. We'd never even had a conversation with the slightest innuendo of sexual interest between us before. We joked around, but never this. These 16-year old hormones obviously took it's toll. I was ready to respond when I heard a small cough. I shot up. I looked over at the bottom of my closed door, and saw a shadow move away. My mom wasn't at home. Fucking JC!
"J?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"I'm gonna have to call you back. Talk later?" I said.
"I sure hope so."
I hung up the phone and shot out the door. The bathroom door was closed and the shower was on, but I didn't care. I banged on the door.
"JC, I need to talk to you!" I yelled.
"I'm in the shower!" he yelled back.
"Don't care, come out now!" I yelled again.
The water shut off and the door swung open. Wish I waited, because yelling at him wet and only wearing a towel makes things difficult.
Damn.
"You were eavesdropping at my door!" I pointed my finger in his chest, purely for anger purposes. I promise.
"So? You were only talking to Justin," he replied.
"Aha! So you admit you were spying on me?"
"Yeah, pretty much," he shrugged. Okay this isn't going how I want it to.
"W-- I-- Y--. Uh, well, well you better stop or, or, I'll kick your butt."
Was that really the best I could come up with? He stared at me with an eyebrow raised and I turned in my heels to walk away.
"If that was phone sex, then Hell must have frozen over," he commented.
I stopped and went back to the bathroom. "Excuse me?"
"You and Justin. Your "phone sex".....it was weak."
"At least I'm getting some form of sex," I snapped.
The second I placed my foot down to walk off, JC grabbed me by the arm and pushed me against the door. I was terrified. Was he gonna hit me? Or hurt me in some way? I know it was dramatic to think any of that, but I didn’t know what would happen next. I stared up at him, frightened, on the verge of tears, breathing heavily. JC raised his hand, and while I thought he was about to hit me, he pushed my hair out of my face. His thumb caressed my cheek.
The sexual tension was high, very thick. His hands settled on my shoulders, rubbing down my arms. He intertwined our fingers and kissed the back of my hand before letting go. His fingers wrapped around my chin, he pulled me closer. Then it happened. Our lips met. And it was everything a girl would want her first kiss to be.
This wasn't real. It couldn't have been. JC was kissing me, I was kissing JC. My fingertips grazed over his skin and I felt the electricity flow through them. This was as real as it gets. His lips brushed up against mine gently, I caught every breath he released. My hands rubbed across his waist, and up his back. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling my body closer against his own. I felt him beneath the towel, encouraging me and I slid my tongue into his mouth. He grabbed onto my butt, pulling me in even tighter as he let his own tongue settle inside my mouth. I pulled back, to catch my breath. I looked up into his eyes and began to unbutton my shirt. I got midway before he grabbed my hands, stopping me.
"I'm sorry, I gotta....I need to...bye."
JC raced off and I was left standing alone in my bathroom. My mind was blown, literally and figuratively. My heart was racing, adrenaline was rapidly moving through my veins, my body was hot.
What.....just....happened? I splashed cold water on my face and walked back into my room. I sat down on my bed. JC kissed me, I didn't stop him.....and he didn't want to stop. Yup, that summed up everything. But I couldn't just sit here. We had to talk. If we don't speak about it, it'll be even more awkward again and again, over and over. I made up my mind, got up, and started toward the basement.
I came to the door, and I got a familiar sensation. I froze. I froze a-freakin'-gain. I took a few deep breaths and as I lifted my hand up to knock, the door opened with JC behind it. I guess great minds really do think alike. I opened my mouth to speak, when JC put his finger over my lips. He took me by the shoulders and kissed me for the second time.
He held the sides of my face, I drug my fingers through his hair, making the kiss deeper as he backed me against the counter. Before I could blink, JC lifted me on top of it. We pulled back staring into each other's eyes. How was he doing this to me? I was thinking things I
didn't think of before. He pulled the skin of my neck in between his teeth and ravaged me. I all of a sudden made a sound I'd never made before.
"Did you just moan?" JC asked.
I chose not to answer and he went back to placing kisses on my neck, trailing the tip of his tongue on sensitive spots.
"Mmm." I just moaned again. What the hell? What was he....fuck that feels so good.
"I could be better than any phone sex with Justin," he whispered into my ear, causing a chill that iced down my back. I'm sure th....did he just say Justin? Is he kissing me because he wanted to one-up Justin.
"Josh....stop," I managed to get out.
"Are you sure you want me to?" he asked, biting down on his lip. Holy fucking — Stay strong Zahra, he's only doing this because he wanted revenge for what I said.
"I'm sure..."
JC brushed his lips past my ear, gently placing the tip of his tongue against my earlobe. "Okay, if that's what you want."
I moaned, AGAIN, and he slowly released me. I so missed the point of coming down here to talk. He gave me a sly smirk and headed back to the basement. I hopped off the counter and did the 100-yard dash to my bathroom. My underwear was soaked, I had to shower. Curse these hormones. And again, what the hell just...happened?
1997: Jealousy...Or Something Like It
I avoided talking to JC for as long as I possibly could. Sounds like a long time, but really it was only like three days before he cornered me upstairs in the hallway.
"JC....move please," I said.
"No, not until you talk to me. If this is because of the kiss, I didn't mean to get so caught up. I don't know what came over me." JC innocently bit his lip, placing his arm up over my head so he could lean in closer to me. My heart started beating fast. I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like an idiot, I glanced up into his eyes and ended up getting pulled right in.
"Josh....I'm 16, remember?" I reminded.
JC looked away from me. "I know, that's what makes this all so confusing for me."
"We both know that the only reason you kissed me was because you were angry about what I said to you. Not because you like me or because you're considerate of my feelings. You took away my first kiss and I’m sure you only did it for revenge....maybe even competition," I ranted.
"Your first kiss? Zah--"
"You know what gets me? Why do you even care what goes on between me and Justin? We're kids right? You were the one who pushed us together. Why is it that now, you still want me to be the little girl who giggled every time you spoke to me? Why do you need to have the upper hand over me, JC?" I asked. I was now angry. He used me to support his macho ego and I wanna know why. I deserve to know why.
JC looked me square in the face and walked away from me. No answer. No debate. He walked away. I became frustrated, but mostly I was hurt. I thought he was my friend, I thought I was his. No way did I know I was some game to be conquered. I went into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I had to call Justin. At least he was still the closest thing to a genuine friend I had.
"Hey Zee, you sound so upset. What's going on?" he asked me.
"Nothing, just a little tired, that's all. Finals are coming up, it's almost the end of the school year," I responded.
"I feel your pain. I'm so ready to be done with school. I told you that I'll be doing home-schooling so I can graduate earlier, right?" he said.
"Yeah, I remember. I hope that goes well, I wouldn't wanna give my mom the chance to hit me with a ruler more times in a day," I teased.
"Ha. Ha. I forgot to tell you, I'll be seeing you in a couple weeks. Anyway, so yesterday wa--"
"Hold it!" I exclaimed.
"What?" I could imagine him smiling devilishly.
"H...Who...how is that possible? I thought you promised me you'd wait before you moved out here." I was so excited I didn't even know what to say.
"I'm not moving, I'm keeping the promise. Only for a two week visit, just so I can get a feel for LA.....and finally see you. It's been so long. And it was JC, he paid for my ticket and everything. Wasn't that cool of him?"
He didn't. Tell me JC didn't. What's he up to?
"Yeah it was. Um, so you'll be staying in the basement with him?" I asked.
"Yeah. The best part is....we'll, um, get to feel each other's bodies," he laughed. I giggled quietly. It was the first time I actually smiled in days.
"Justin you'd better be good when you're here. I don't want any girlfriends coming after me," I joked.
"You're gonna come after yourself?" he asked. I didn't get it at first and once it set in, I was shocked.
"Wait what? What are you getting at, Justin?"
"I know that I've avoided talking about a me and you, but now that I plan on moving out there, I don't think I can anymore. I've always liked you Zahra, I just never knew how to say it. And I know I'm asking for a lot, but I need to see how far this can go.....and if you're willing..."
"I'm willing," I said. It was the first thing that I thought and it came out. So I know it had to be a genuine response, truthful.
"Really? I mean...really?" he said.
"Yes really. Why are you so shocked?" It sounded as if he didn't even believe me.
"Come on Zee, I'd have to be blind not to see your obvious crush on JC," he replied.
I sighed heavily. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. “Justin, please...."
"What? For all I know you could be dating him," he said. I choked. I coughed. I was fine.
"Dating? Have you forgotten how illegal that is?" I asked.
"In about a year or two, 4 and a half year age difference won't matter, Zahra," he replied.
"Trust me, even when I'm 21, you won't have anything to worry about," I assured.
"You don't know that. Things change, people change.....you'll change."
He sounded really worried, when he had no reason to be. Me and JC had nothing to do with one another relationship-wise because there wasn't one. One kiss for JC's own revenge hardly counts. Right?
"But how I feel about you, won't," I said.
"I hope not. But anyway, I'm excited. Four years is way too long. We'd have to get to know each other physically, I mean not like THAT, but like....you know, getting used to the different changes and mannerisms."
I smiled. "I get what you mean, J. The last pictures you sent me, I barely even recognize you. I'm digging the slicked down look, WAY better than the bleached blonde. Matter of fact, never do that again," I teased.
"Oh shut up, I told you I was experimenting and got carried away. I like this toned down color though, and pretty soon my natural hair color'll be sproutin' out."
"Oh my gosh, you should let it just grow all the way out. I LOVED your hair when it was curly," I suggested.
He chuckled. "The only reason you did is because you used to put your fingers in my hair and rub my scalp. Now that I think about it, maybe I will grow my hair out again one day."
"Swe-- Ooop. I can hear your mom calling you. Guess that means we'll talk later?"
"Of course, my sweet."
"Tell your mom I said hi. Later, Curly."
"Bye....whatever nickname I haven't thought of yet."
I laughed and hung up the phone. I knew what I had to do. I slammed my head back into my pillow. Why would JC bring Justin here after what happened between us? Even if it was planned before, why would JC still go through with it? Doesn't matter. Either way, I have to go and say thank you....or something. Pretty sure, no scratch that, positively sure that JC'll clearly mention he did it to see his best friend, not for me. With that notion being dead set in my mind, I rolled off of my bed and reached my hand for the doorknob when a knock startled me. I opened the door and of course, it was JC; my mom NEVER knocks and if I
ever told her to do so, she'd give me this whole speech and then stick her foot down my throat. Honestly, the speech is the killer.
"We truly have gotta stop doing that," I said.
"Um, your mom wanted me to let you know that you bought the wrong brand of canned peaches and....she said some other stuff, but let's just stick to the clean version," JC explained.
"Oh joy. Come in and sit down," I said. JC raised his eyebrows. What, now he doesn't trust me? He shrugged and took a seat on my bed. I sat down next to him, taking the Indian-style sitting pose, for my liking of comfort.
"Look Zahra...I apologize for earlier and everything that happened between us. You were right. I liked the attention you used to give me and once I realized that you were giving it to Justin instead, I wanted to change that. I suppose I'm not accustomed to you not hanging off of my every word. Either way, I shouldn't have come onto you the way I did. And I definitely didn't mean to take away your first kiss. I'm sorry," JC explained.
"Thank you, but you're not the only one who should apologize. It takes two to tango. The kid who hung on your every word, grew up to be the one who still couldn't resist you. I shouldn't have let you think that you were taking advantage of me, because you weren't. I let you kiss me, I wanted you to kiss me, it was mutual," I responded.
"It's fine, totally fine. So...we're good?" JC asked.
I nodded. He pat my shoulder and stood up to leave.
"It wasn't bad," I called out.
JC turned around. "What wasn't bad?"
"My first kiss....it, it wasn't bad. It was great, actually....really great."
"Good. Um....why did you want me to kiss you?" he asked.
"I can be in denial about the crush I had on you, but it wasn’t a secret," I admitted.
"I don’t think it’s a secret now." JC closed the door behind him.
1997: The Long-Awaited Visit
I was so giddy. JC invited me along for the ride in his Jeep. There wasn't much chatter along the way. There wasn't much chatter for the two weeks up until today, either. I had a lot on my mind, as did he. He admitted to knowing I like him, he never said when he found out though. I never thought about how warped he must feel. I can't imagine how weird the feeling is. Especially since I’m sure the younger MMC girls had crushes on him, too. I didn't think about it at all. It only bothered me because I didn't think about how he might’ve felt. It bothered me because we weren't talking. Is this all my fault?
"Stop the car," I said.
"I'm in the middle of the road, I can't stop."
"Then pull over, please." He didn't ask questions and pulled over to the sidewalk.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"I don't like what's been going on between us lately. So before we get Justin, we have to fix it. And fix it now," I replied.
He nodded his head. "Okay. What's to fix?"
"Let's try being open and honest with each other. When did you realize I had a crush on you?" I had to make this quick and to the point. So there'd be no time to think, and the first response was the most honest.
"After I moved here I started to realize it. In getting to know who you really are, it became more obvious," he replied. "Why were you in denial about liking me?"
"You're older. Nothing would ever happen between us, so what was the point in fawning over you? None," I bluntly replied.
"People grow up and things change. I mean, I knew, but you weren't aggressive about it either."
"What about you, JC? Is there anything you feel about me?" I asked.
"We're friends, nothing more nothing less," he replied. “Where are your feelings right now?”
"Truthfully, I can't say that I don't like you anymore. It takes time to stop after I have for so long. But we don't have to avoid each other. I don't want to avoid you."
"I don't want that either, but I get it. We kissed, and you don't want it to happen again. But it won't, I don't want to confuse you anymore. I promise it won't happen again."
It didn't matter if it happened ever again, all that mattered was things were out in the open. I didn't want to act like there was nothing between us, when there clearly was. Obviously was, at least on my part. He was right, there was no telling what the future held. But I couldn't predict the future, I was only certain about right now.
"I understand," I said.
"Great. Now can I un-pull over so we can pick up a probably pissed Justin Timberlake?" he smiled.
I chuckled and nodded. Justin. My stomach was in knots thinking about the moment when I'd finally see him. There was so much we had to catch up on in only two weeks. The only reason my mom didn't care was because she didn't see either of them as a threat. If she only knew.
The Jeep came to slowing stop in front of the airline Justin gave JC. I rubbed my hands over my knees and exhaled.
"You should go find him," JC suggested. I looked at him, and it must've been obvious I was nervous. "You'll be fine, Zee. Go on."
I got out of the car, looking around in case he was outside. I realized that all I knew of Justin was from pictures. I knew what he looked like, but he changed. He's a lot older and probably not as short as he was before. How would I even be able to tell it's...
"Justin!" I screamed. As I ran over to him, his face brightened with a smile. I jumped into his arms, hugging him. The tears flew out of my eyes before I could catch them, I was so happy to finally see him again. The way his arms felt when they were wrapped around me, his fingers on my back, made me forget about everything prior to that current moment. He smelled so good.
We broke out of our embrace and I took one good look at him, top to bottom. He was taller, so much taller. His hair was different, but his face was as angelic as they came. Eyes were still that beautiful blue, and his smile still evoked a fluttering in the pit of my stomach.
"Damn," I said.
He laughed. "I was just thinking that."
"Come on." I grabbed one of his bags and led him to the Jeep. I watched as Justin and JC giddily greeted one another. They were too cute for their own good. I willingly gave up the front seat so Justin could get in his male bonding. I loved listening to him speak. His voice was smooth and soothing. Or maybe to me it was. I stood a little and reached in between both the seats and flipped on the radio.
"Wow, I see at least two things that weren't there when we were 12. My how they've grown," Justin teased. I gasped and smacked his arm. And.....yeah, I was giggling like a fool. As I sat back and put on my seatbelt, JC turned up the stereo. "Don't Speak" by No Doubt was playing. JC quickly tried to turn it down.
"Josh!" I yelled.
"Oh God," he said.
Justin looked at us like we were both crazy.
"She blasts this song all the time at home. All the time," he explained.
"I really feel like I'm losing my best friend, I can't believe this could be, the end," I sang.
Justin turned his head to smile at me. "Me and Jace will show you how it's done."
"Oh yeah? Go on then, hotshots," I challenged.
"Ready C?" he asked. JC looked up at me through the top mirror and smiled.
"Don't speak, I know just what you're sayin', so please stop explainin', don't tell me cause it hurts."
I should have never challenged them. They had to throw harmonies and everything all up in the song.
"Okay! Simon and Garfunkel, no one likes show-offs," I laughed. They both giggled like small children. I found it cute how close they really were. "You guys sounded great together. Sure put chills down my spine."
"Thank you, I've been trying to get JC to consider doing this music thing with me, but you know JC." JC nudged Justin and shook his head.
The next song that came on was "Wannabe" by Spice Girls. Let's just say, I was surprised that they knew more of the words than I did. Justin even did the dance when he got out of the Jeep. The words to describe how I was feeling was beyond the description itself. I haven't laughed so hard and had so much fun. JC was so much more different when Justin was around and their chemistry together was almost explosive. From singing to a simple joke, it was fun.
"You get two tours. JC's basement, and then everywhere else," I joked.
"Ha. Ha," JC said as he gave me the finger. I laughed as I opened the fridge. "He can go on yours first. I wanna go hide all my candy.....that I don't have."
I waved him off and pulled Justin. I showed him the living room, dining room, downstairs bathroom, then took him upstairs and showed him my mom's room, my brother's room, the bathroom, and the not course, my room. I opened the door and the light shoe through from the blinds.
"Wow, sweet." He walked around my room, acknowledging my posters. He
stopped at my huge bulletin board and it had every single picture that he, JC, and Cel sent me over the years. "I can't believe you kept all
of these."
"Of course I did. They're all I have of the people I met during one of the best times of my life." He looked at me and smiled. Holy crap. My smile was for sure, wider than the next two blocks.
"Have you talked to Cel, lately?" he asked.
"No, not recently, she's in the midst of moving to Arizona with her Dad. College life gets crazy I guess."
"I was so nervous about seeing you. I didn't sleep at all last night." His comment was so off-topic, sorta threw me for a loop.
"Really? Why, it's just me." I felt embarrassed. He was nervous about seeing......me? I was nervous about seeing HIM.
"Not to me....with you it's different. I can talk to you about things I wouldn't wanna tell JC and you understand. It's weird, I know, cause phones and letters. But it makes me seeing you so much better. I probably sound super cheesy." He waved off his comment, leaning against the wall.
"No, it's not cheesy. It's sweet, really. I feel the same way about you. I can't tell Celeste everything, she's 19, I don't want her to
think I'm uncool or anything. You understand and you get me."
I walked over to where he was leaning and intertwined our fingers. I didn't feel scared with Justin, and that actually scared me even more. I bravely looked up at him, waiting for his eyes to meet mine. When he did look down, there was a sense of fear in his eyes that I was all too familiar with.
"Justin....you don't have to be scared of me."
"That's what's so scary....because I'm not."
"Kiss me..."
Time out. Where the hell did THAT come from? Kiss me? Who's all of a sudden bold now? I didn't have time to think about it because almost immediately Justin's lips were against mine. My fingers caressed the back of his neck. I could tell that he was afraid of being too forward and kept his hands on my waist. His lips were soft, lightly damp, and a little red after bit on his bottom lip when I pulled away. I felt all these weird feelings that were new and exhilarating, all at once. Our first kiss....I mean, well, you know what I'm trying to say. Go with it.
"Thirteen days together and you kiss me like that on the first day? I'm trying to go back home a virgin," he whispered into my ear. I pushed him, and we hugged. I soon realized how much I was liking the feeling of his body so close to mine with his hands on my lower back.
"Come on, let's go back downstairs before J--"
"A tour doesn't take five hours. Are you showing him that weird Care Bear collection, Zee?!" JC called.
We have GOT to stop doing that.
"Before JC grounds me," I said rolling my eyes as we walked downstairs into the kitchen. "I'd hardly talk about my Care Bear collection when you collect menu's from the Hard Rock Cafe."
He squinted his eyes at me and I laughed. He doesn't know how cute he looks when he does it and I’ll never tell him. I watched as him and Justin disappeared down into the basement. I shook my head and went into the living room to watch Nickelodeon. Justin was here. JC was here. And I was here. I liked this.
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
