My house was so different without JC being there. Things felt almost the exact way when my brother left for college. I already got used to missing Justin so much it hurt, but now having to miss them both again
in such a long time, I hated it. My life went on of course, I didn't sulk around, but things were definitely different. I spent my 17th birthday with my mom and a few friends from school. Justin nor JC forgot though, they called up with their bandmates and sang me happy birthday. It was by far the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. The only thing that did totally explode my brain was that kiss. JC's last words and that kiss. I wasn't able to sleep without hearing his voice and feeling his kiss. This wasn't right. He was with someone and JC knew it, I knew it. Why did he kiss me anyway?
1998: Big News
I was so bored. Words couldn't even express how much I missed JC. I know he thought he was boring and not much fun, but that was quite the opposite. If I wasn't smiling and laughing, I was mad at him. And that in itself was rare as I got older. We disagreed, yes, but it was never anything so big I'd avoid him for longer than three days. It wouldn't be normal if we didn't argue at all.
Everything with the group was going extremely well. They got another bass singer at the last minute, Lance Bass and that was JC's proof that they all were connected by fate. Their names all spelled out NSYNC, like how their harmonies and dance moves were, and that became the name of the group. See? Fate. I was worried that in the midst of all this, I'd be forgotten. But I wasn't, any chance Justin got, he told me what was going on. I hadn't spoken to JC. I guess he might have been ashamed of him kissing me. But he's not the only one.
As I said, things got boring. To kill time I was in the living room chilling on the couch, watching television. I just left MTV on and turned up the tv when it was my favorite video. I was about to blast the tv when the phone started ringing. I got up and ran to the kitchen, grabbing the cordless off of the charger.
"Hello?" I greeted.
"We got a record deal."
There was no mistaking that it was Justin on the other end of the phone, but what he said was what made me froze. I've been hearing
things a lot lately. They got a record deal? Justin was calling my name repeatedly.
"Yeah J, I'm here," I finally said.
"We got a record deal," he repeated.
I was in shock. My heart was beating so fast, palms were a bit sweaty. NSYNC got a record deal! Oh my God....they were gonna be big, I felt it. I felt it deep in my heart.
"Oh my God....Justin, I'm so proud of you. This is amazing," I said.
"Thank you, I can't wait to see you so we can celebrate. We're all so excited. I've been jumping around all day."
"Are you ready for this?" I asked.
"I feel like I am. I've never felt so sure of anything before."
"Oh my....this is crazy. So are you guys gonna be working on a CD? Or what's the next move?" I asked.
"We recorded and have been rehearsing our first song. The next move is to start in Europe and see where it takes us," he replied.
"That's great, J. Am I ever gonna meet the rest of your bandmates?" I asked.
"Definitely. I think you'll love them. We've all been clicking so well," he eagerly replied.
"How sweet. Anyway, I'm so happy for you and the guys. I'm very proud. Make sure you tell them I said congratulations. I don't wanna keep you, since you're gonna be all famous now," I teased.
He chuckled. "I'll tell them. And don't you worry, nothing's ever gonna change about me. I can bet money on that. I miss you, bye Zee."
"I miss you, too. Bye J."
I hung up the phone and screamed, jumping up and down doing my happy dance. A record deal. I couldn't believe it. NSYNC got a record deal. No matter how many times I said it, I still couldn't believe it. It was almost official, Justin and JC were gonna be famous. Or in their case, even more famous; I'm sure the fan base from MMC would revive. I walked back into the living room and took MTV off mute. I couldn't wait for the day I'd see NSYNC on there. One day.
1998: Surprise, Surprise
I couldn't stop playing "I Want You Back", it was the NSYNC's first recorded song and I was in love with it. Justin sent me another song, "Tearin' Up My Heart". I laughed for about five minutes, the title itself was so cheesy. But when I actually listened to it, I knew. This song was gonna be the song that catapults them. I didn't even take it out of my CD player. I also got a tape sent to me of both the videos. Justin told me they re-shot "I Want You Back" because it was a little dated. I didn't care either way, since I finally got to see the other guys in the group. And they were some cute guys, at that. I tried to guess who was who, and the only one I knew that I for sure had right, was Joey. Come on, he was screaming Italian the second I looked at him. I wasn't so sure about Chris and Lance. They both look like they could be a Chris or a Lance. In the end I deemed brace-face as Lance and
blondie as Chris. I just hope I'm right.
Then of course, there was my beloved Justin and JC. I honestly didn't like his hair in that Ceasar style, but I know who did, that damn
Bunny. I guess she's the reason he hasn't talked to me in awhile. Just like I told him. I understand that things between JC and I are far more friendly than we both let on to be, but I'm not a threat and I don't think I'll ever be....
"Zahra! Get the door!" my mom called. I'm all the way up in my room, isn't she closer? Before I let the slip of my mouth get me in trouble, I rolled off my bed and walked downstairs.
"Mom, you're right here in the kitchen," I said.
"Yeah, but I had kids for situations like these," she joked. I shook my head and walked on to the front door. I didn't even bother to ask who
it was, I just swung the door open and I froze at the familiar face. My mom was evil. Pure evil.
"JC?"
Stunned is an understatement. He smiled and looked me up and down. I completely forgot what I was wearing: a black ACDC shirt and some shorts, which was almost close to nothing even on my short, stubby legs. If JC was still here, I'd never have these on and the one time I do, he pops up. Great timing, Josh. Great.
"Hi, nice to see you, too," he said.
I stepped aside so he could come in, my mind totally blanking. Now who has a heart attack when she sees JC? By this time I shouldn't even have to say it. I think she knew he was coming and purposely didn't tell me. And she knew I looked like I was auditioning for an LL Cool J video. Okay.....maybe I deserved it. I didn't do the dishes until late last night, my bad. Next time if I don't want Justin to pop in when I look like Shiva from Mortal Kombat, I'll take the trash out early. My mommy.
I didn't even notice I hadn't expressed the slightest bit of excitement that JC was back. To tell the truth, I didn't know how I felt about him being here. He hasn't spoken to me, personally, since the day we were at the airport. I was.....I was irritated by his presence right now. I shook my head and headed back upstairs in my room. I plopped down on my new, comfy chair that I had placed near my window.
"Care for some company?" It was like my past echoing. Those were his first words to me. Did he actually remember that was what he said to me or was it a coincidence?
"I don't know," I replied.
I heard the door further open and I looked over to see JC laying on my bed, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I didn't know what to say. I
know that no matter how I tried, things were gonna sound like I was bitter.
"You don't look happy to see me, Zahra," he said quietly. I saw the hurt in his face, in his eyes. Did he see the hurt in mine?
"I don't know if I am, Josh."
See? Bitter.
"Why not? I'm really happy to see you."
"You kissed me and I don't hear from you until today. I don't get an explanation or a simple 'hey, how are you'. Maybe I'm overreacting. I
keep expecting you to give me these boyfriend courtesies. Not failing to realize, you’re already someone’s boyfriend and the someone isn’t me. I'm just stupid because I continue to let you have your way with me...."
"Zee, we just kissed a few times, three times to be exact. I should've spoken to you about it, after the day at the airport. I assumed you
would be mad that I kissed you again....since you're with Justin."
I am? I feel this is something Justin should've told me.
"Where did you hear I was with Justin?" I asked.
"Oh...I just sorta figured since you kissed when he left...you're not together?"
JC saw that? Oh no. I hope JC's kiss wasn't him trying to one up Justin again. Was it? No, JC wouldn't do that to me. I think.
"No, we're not," I replied
"Oh..."
"But that's beside the point. Kissing me and never speaking to me about it, doesn't make it go away. The kiss itself was confusing enough
without your not speaking to me."
"I know....it was the first instinct I had. I felt like it was right to kiss you, even though I knew it wasn't." JC exhaled loudly, running his
fingers over his short hair. "Zahra Camden, what did you do to me?" he asked.
"Say what?" I blurted out.
"Why can't I stay away from you?" he asked.
"I don't know, JC. That's definitely something you have to figure out on your own..."
I stood up and walked over to my dresser. I could feel his eyes on my body. I knew what was about to happen.....and yet I was curious to see if I was right. I opened my drawer and began to search for a pair of basketball shorts to throw on over the ones I was wearing. Without missing a beat, I felt JC's body heat behind me. I didn't even have to glance up at my mirror to know he was there. Him being so close to me evoked the same feelings: a racing heart, nervousness, and raging hormones. The real question was, what did he do to ME?
JC just stood behind me, gradually moving closer, until I could feel his jeans pressed up against the back of my thigh. I should be stopping him and I can't get my mouth to open. I felt his lips touch the side of my neck and I gave in. He won. So much for me having the upper hand. He focused on one spot and lightly teased the skin in that area. I reached
for his hands and he locked our fingers.
"Zahra, I'll be right back!"
My mom's voice didn't even scare me, I was completely lost in him. "Okay!" I managed to call out.
The door slammed and JC slowly placed his hands on my hips, biting down on my skin. I gasped, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. I reached my hand up and held onto the back of his neck. I stared at our reflection through my mirror, and I caught his intense eyes looking back at me. I stared at his right hand as it trailed down my hip, feeling exactly where he was starting to place it. My heart almost stopped. Tell him to stop. Tell him!
He removed his lips from my neck, never breaking our eye contact through the mirror and he pushed his hand up through the bottom of my shorts. I felt his fingers press against my sensitive area and in slow, circular motions, he caressed me with ease. I could feel his fingers touching me in places I only dreamt he would. He seemed to be so in tune with my body, knowing what I wanted and how slow or fast to do it to me.
"I wanna hear you...," he whispered into my ear.
My grip on his neck almost loosened, but he held onto it with his free hand as the other continued to explore me. My knees felt like jello, he was making me feel so good. I was in a state of bliss. All I could manage to do was gasp in short, quick, breaths. I could swear I saw him smile a few times. And right then I knew that driven JC was an entire new ballgame. It was his goal to make sure I was in the palm of his hand, so much so, that I'd do anything he asked me. He seemed to like the control....and for the most part, I had to obey. I've yet to have any sexual experiences, and with that, I'm still immature about what it is I want and what I could get.
Unable to keep quiet any longer, I moaned and almost immediately I felt his erection arise in the middle of my behind. He began to pick up the speed of his motion, while I tried to release my arm down from his neck. The pressure he placed upon his focused area, drove me wild. I could barely keep my hips from bucking against his unique motion. JC held onto me tighter; I could see his eyes whenever I would occasionally get them open. He was beyond being in lust. It was embedded into his stare.
I leaned my head back against his chest, eyes closed tight. I felt myself about to climax. I knew that he would be the first to take that away, too, and in the heat of the moment, I didn't care. I was moaning with every stroke he made and as soon as a tingle arose, it was non-stop. He calmly and softly continued to whisper dirty things into my ear. I placed my hand on top of his as he sped up his pace. My voice rose, unable to be contained, until I produced a piercing loud moan. I came. I came hard. And for my first time coming, my body was doing so many things at once, it was hard to ride just one wave. My knees gave out and I dropped.
Being JC, he caught me. He carried me over to my bed and laid me down. His body hovered over my own and slowly fell between my thighs. I was breathing heavily, eyes watery, legs tightly clenched, but I could feel his excitement between my thighs and it induced my own. He kissed my lips but this time, shockingly, I pulled HIM into a deeper kiss. I rubbed my hands down his back, adjusting my position beneath him slightly. JC stared at me like always, but it was different this time. I grabbed his chin, and roughly initiated another kiss. To my surprise, he pulled back quickly. Everything changed the minute I took the initiative. Almost like my wanting to go further, shocked him. The look on his face was hard to read.
"I've gotta get going," JC said quietly.
"No....no, come on," I whispered. What was I saying? I wasn't supposed to want him to stay. Damn it, what the hell DID he do to me?
"I can't." JC stood up and walked away from my bed. He stopped in the doorway, looking back at me. "You were right Zahra. We’re not kids anymore, we’re getting older....and I'm beginning to ache for you..."
............
This wasn't right. Nothing was how I expected it to be. Okay, at 12 I foolishly thought, "Yeah, JC doesn't like me now, but when I get older he'll love me". At 14 I correctly thought "JC's probably never gonna see past my age, no matter how old I get." The latter being the one I still believe. BUT, that was all when I thought I was in control. I didn't think I'd be the one on the other end of all the teasing. I wasn't supposed to give in.
Actually, now I don't know what to believe anymore. The entire situation is confusing. He acts like he wants me, something happens, then he apologizes and vows it won't happen again. And it happens again.
If it's unnoticeable, JC's presence was completely unexpected and extremely brief. He left to who knows where right after he spoke his last words. And he echoed them with so much confusion and shame, but the intensity in his eyes was still present. Am I really irresistible to him, or is he just saying that so I can be a side toy whenever Bulky doesn't give him what he needs?
JC's always been sweet, in terms of his behavior, around my mother and myself, but I can't speak for how he is with women that seek something beyond friendship with him. I could easily conclude that he's not faithful because of our encounters, but it's been a long time coming, whether he wants to admit it or not. Regardless, I'm the one who ends up wanting more or wanting to go further. How does he DO that? And why do I let him? It has to stop. It WILL stop.
1998: Almost....but no cigar. Damn.
After me and JC's steamy moment, all I could think about was that day. I couldn't get it out of my head. When I was in the shower, I'd get a flash in my head of his eyes and sexy smirk, and my body would get hot. This kind of power over me was crucial. JC had no idea what he'd done to me. And shockingly, incredibly shocking to be exact, JC called me no
later than a two weeks afterward. Two weeks, I know. But if you take into account that him and the guys are always traveling and working, two weeks isn't so bad. I thought our conversation was gonna be awkward, but it wasn't. We talked like we always did, almost like it didn't happen. But then...
"About what happened in your bedroom...," he began.
"Yeah.....what about it?" I asked.
"I don't wanna say. I don't want you think I'm weird," he replied.
"Josh, you can't hit a home-run and not run the bases. I already think you're weird and you're still more normal than I am," I teased.
He chuckled the most sexy chuckle. I'm gonna need a shower after this phone call, I can already foresee that.
"Fine, um...." He's nervous? "Hearing you....I really liked it."
His voice was soft, but so masculine at the same time. Yeah. Definitely need a shower. Ice cold. Besides that, I was surprised. I was
speechless, to be honest. How do I respond?
"Um, thank you...? I'm a little taken aback, I wasn't expecting you to say that."
"I wasn't expecting that you'd sound like that, it was a new feeling," he admitted.
Game. Set. Match.
"What were you gonna do if you didn't walk away?" I asked.
"I don't know what I was gonna do."
"I bet you sound great, too." I was in it to win it. I wanted back the reins. I needed them back.
JC chuckled softly. I could tell I had his face red. "I don't know about that."
"True. I’d have to hear you to defend what I just said."
I was focused. I was ready for anything he could throw at me to flip this thing around. I had this in the bag. I could picture him biting
his lip and pushing his fingers through his hair. Got him.
"You're being bad," he said.
"Am I? I thought it was just me being curious," I said. "I think regardless of what goes on between us, I'd be curious."
"Wow...now I'm shocked. What all has been going on since I left?" he asked.
"JC, shut up, nothing's been going on. But...I'm getting older and I wanna know things. One of those things are....wanting to know how you
sound when you moan." I replied.
He sighed heavily. "Zee, you’re going too far.”
"What's wrong with that?" I asked.
"Everything. I've gotta go, bye."
And like that....JC was off the phone. Wait, wait! That's....damn it! I thought things were going well. I can't fathom why he's so scared of me. I mean....forget it. I think it's finally sunk in. Josh will never get past my age. Ever.
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
