1998: Today is the Day
I was beyond excited. I was so excited, I could barely comprehend the excitement of my excitement. *NSYNC was gonna be on MTV. Their album had already dropped and of course I got sent five copies, on top of the
two I actually bought for me and my mom. It didn't do so well here in America at first, but after their Disney special, sales went crazy. I
loved that day. Disney had a marathon of MMC episodes and it was fun to catch see how things changed. JC, Justin, Britney, Christina....and Ryan. Oh. My. God. I saw him in a movie recently and....whoo! He was cute back in the day, but I didn't think he'd grow up to be so hot. Cel and I laughed about that for hours. I was so happy for them all. Their dreams were coming true right before their eyes. I almost get choked up thinking about it. They all worked their asses off for this and now they can begin to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
"Mom! They're about to come on! Bring the popcorn quick!" I called.
My mom scurried into the living room with a bowl of popcorn in her hands, sitting down next to me on the couch. I placed the bowl on the coffee table and grabbed the remote so I could turn up the volume. I saw five faces. My mom and I screamed. Justin was just sprouting up. God, he looks so hot. Once the music started, I was so into it. I saw the cute facial expressions Justin and JC gave one another. Awwww. I became engulfed in everything. Every move, every note, every smile, that I didn't notice one thing.
"What the hell are they wearing?!" I blurted out.
My mom smacked my leg and laughed. "I was thinking the same thing!"
We both laughed. That sweater of all sweaters, Justin? JC's vest wasn't so bad, but the orange shirt? Chris...I'll leave Chris alone. They're never hearing the end of this. Never. Actually, I'll call Justin later and tease him about it. I bet JC picked out that outfit. Or at least that's what I'll say. Hehe. When the performance was over, I stood up. My mom stood up. We both cheered at the television like we were there in the audience. I giggled when there was a shot of Celeste in the audience. Lucky her, I would LOVE to have been there.
"Wow, that Justin is a nice, handsome boy, I can't believe you don't like him," my mom commented as we walked back to the kitchen.
Oh gosh...
"Ma, what are you talking about? I do like Justin, he's one of my closest friends," I said.
"I know that. I meant like him as more than a friend. I know he likes you," she said.
Why is she even talking about this? I'm just trying to enjoy the high I've got from seeing the guys on tv. When did this become about me?
"Ma, what makes you think he likes me?" I asked. Justin and I already made it known between ourselves that we liked each other, so how does my mom know?
"It's obvious. I wasn't born yesterday, I saw the way he was every time he got around you. He's really into you," she replied. "You would know that if you weren't so in love with JC."
I dropped the cup I was holding and it rolled into the sink. I certainly heard what I thought I didn't. I only wish that my mom didn't say it. Geez, Ma.
"In love with JC? Mom you've gotta be kidding. I don't love JC," I said.
"You like him a hell of a lot then," she corrected.
"Now what makes you say that?" I asked.
I was doing my best to hide my embarrassment and even trying harder to not show any emotion. I didn't want her to see, in my face that is, she was right. It wasn't a surprise that I liked JC. Duh. But loved? Uhhh,
no I don't think so.
"The way you look at him, and the smile you get on your face when he's just around the house singing. You kids today think that all adults haven't been through what you're going through. But we know and understand. I understand. And I know what love looks like."
"Mom, I think you’re wrong about this one," I smiled.
"Okay, go ahead and deny it. But the sparkle in your eye when I said ‘JC', that's all the proof I need."
She walked back into the living room and I was left standing there dumbfounded. After every dumbfounding situation I've been in, I have to
ask....what the HELL just happened? I leaned back against the counter simply shaking my head in disbelief.
Me in love with JC? Pfft. That's almost as true as Zebras with wings.
1998: Like Old Times.
I couldn't get what my mom purposefully planted, out of my head. Why would she do that? She knows I tend over-think everything and she planted a ticking mental nuclear bomb inside my head. Number one, not only is she aware that Justin may have some feelings for me, she's also wrong about me not having those same feelings for him. I like Justin...a
lot. And JC....I don't know what to feel about him anymore. I don't know if I should like him or not. I feel that he's manipulating me. Like he knows I turn into puddle of goo, foaming at the mouth from everything he does. I could be thinking too much into it. Or just not thinking enough....
I was in my room, sitting in my chair, writing in my journal. Yes, I still keep a journal. I do have a life outside of Justin and JC, even though it seems that I'm living like a nun. I had a thought, it'd been on my mind all day, and I was finally able to put it into words.
"I can't believe this hideous picture is on your wall."
Oh my GOD. I snapped my head around, allowing my journal and pen fall to the floor. I was in awe of the beautiful woman who stood before me with a bright smile on her face.
"Cel!!!!!!" I screamed as I ran and threw my arms around her. We jumped and screamed, unable to contain our obvious excitement. "What...what are you doing here?!" I asked.
"This really hot guy called me and asked me if I wanted a real Christmas vacation. I think you know him...hold on.."
Celeste walked out of my room and brought back a favorite face of mine, with a golden smile to match.
"Justin!" He quickly swept me up in his arms and lightly grazed his lips against my cheek. Oh God.... I quickly released him, knowing that
my flushed face was probably noticeable.
"Yeah, so you DO know him," Celeste laughed. "Anyway, so this hot guy Justin offered and then this other hot guy bought me a plane ticket. Wait, you may know him, too...." Celeste left my room once again and came back with my sworn enigma.
He quickly caught my eye and looked away. Even in that brief moment, I felt my cold heart soften. I walked over to him and we hugged. He whispered into my ear "Hi".....and I....I melted. God DAMN you Josh.
"I knew you'd know him, too! So yeah, anyway, hot guy Joshua bought my ticket and now beautiful girl Celeste is here to visit sexy and
gorgeous girl Zahra. And I must say, you did NOT look like THIS in '93," she complimented.
"I um....I agree," Justin said as his sized me up, biting his lip. Wow, Justin was asking for it. I smiled and laughed away their compliments.
"Girl stop, you guys flatter me," I teased. "I should say the same thing about you Ms. Exotically Beautiful Celeste. I'd kill for those hips," I said as I put my hands on them to compare hers to my own.
"Okay, you guys are screwing with me and C, right? We can't handle all this at the same time," Justin joked. I tapped his arm gently.
"Thank you hot guys, Justin and JC," I said. Justin soaked up my thanks and JC simply nodded his head in my direction. He hasn't said one word after his personal greeting to me. Is it because of me he's so quiet?
"Oh yeah, before I forget, let's go downstairs. After the gorgeously beautiful people first, no not you this time, JC," Justin laughed. JC
shook his head and I followed Cel downstairs.
"What did you fo— uh, why is SYN of NSYNC in my living room?" I asked, completely shocked.
"How many times did you bug me about meeting the guys? Here's the guys, meet 'em!" Justin said.
I rolled my eyes and went over to each person, introducing myself. I felt so little compared to everyone standing in my living room, even
though Chris was the shortest. I made small talk with them. I was interested to know who these guys were, at least a smidgen of their
background. How did it all come to this, them being one of the biggest, if not the biggest, groups right now?
"How has the globally famous life been treating you guys?" I asked. Everyone was seated down in the living room, just hanging out and relaxing. I'm sure that both were important in the collective mindset of the room.
"It's definitely weird...the madness, adulation...the women," Chris replied. I saw the glances the guys all exchanged between one another. I saw a few sly smirks, one in particular that I was too familiar with. Oh is that so?
"Okay, ew, I don't like where this conversation is possibly heading," Celeste said. She still knew how to voice what I was thinking.
"We could easily make it about you and how you've.....grown," JC flirted. My smile quickly faded. I narrowed my vision and cut my eyes
at him. Excuse him? What was THAT? JC flirts with Celeste now? Really now....hmm. She giggled and swatted his advance away.
"Oh wow," I mumbled. I looked at JC again and accidentally caught his eye. He licked his lips and I glanced away. Is he finally graduating
from unintentional jerk to an actual jerk? Perhaps.
"Does that mean I'd be allowed to mentally undress you, Zee?" Justin asked. Joey quietly laughed.
I shook my head in shame. "Justin...I....shut up."
"You guys are more sickening to be honest, my response was great," Chris said.
I smiled and stood up. "Anyone thirsty? We've got some bottled water in the fridge." I took a poll and came up with four hands.
"Um, I'll help you with that," JC quickly stood.
I ignored him and pressed on into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and saw that there really was not any water inside. Great. Now I'm a lying, water hand.....outer. Something like that. Whatever.
"The water's in the cooler...in the basement," JC said.
I nodded and brushed past him and damn near flew down the stairs. I went to the cooler, that was set near the backdoor, and opened it. I bent over to grab some bottles, but it was hard trying to do so while holding up the lid. No more than a minute later, I felt the lid being
held up with pressure against my backside, all while I was still bent over. Never fear, Zahra, JC's here. I quickly snapped upright, to find
that I was in JC's possession. Meaning, my ass was pressed closely against his....stuff. Whoo-hoo. Big. Surprise.
I turned to have my back safely against the cooler, away from JC. He leaned in close to try and kiss me, but I moved away. I was being
resistant to his advances, but not because I truly didn’t want them. I was being petty and jealous. I could tell that he wasn't fond of it either. JC grabbed my hands, pinning them behind my back. Pressing his body tightly against mine. I was breathing heavily. JC was scaring me.
"Let me go," I warned.
His grip on my hands became tighter and he was now so close against my body, I could barely breathe.
"Kiss me....," he breathed against my cheek. I felt my eyes roll into my head, my shoulders drooped down from their strong, unwilling posture.
"No...," I breathed.
Okay, that's what I said. I said "No". So why did it sound EXACTLY like "Yes"? I didn't think it was possible for me to be drawn in any
further. But I was. He was turning me on. I hated him so much, yet I wanted him so much more.
"You know you want to...” He moaned softly in my ear.
Once I let it travel through my ears, it seeped into my veins; I screamed inside my mind. I could feel the reaction of my body to his sound in my underwear. God, it was sexy. It was exhilarating. It was the sound I was craving to hear. Now that I have, I had to hear it again, over and over.
"Fuck," I whined.
I wanted so badly to push him away, but his grip on my hands weren't letting up. Everyone was gonna start to wonder where we'd gone. JC wasn't making things any less discreet by doing this now. He had me on the brink of wanting to rip off his clothes and take myself down a road I'm probably not ready for. What if we got caught? What if it was Justin who caught us?
"You like it," he moaned again.
I finally gave in and smashed my lips against his. The second he felt my flesh, his body exhaled and the grip on my arms was released. My mental instinct was to slap him, but what my body did was nowhere near
that. I grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him closer to me. I rubbed my hands up his chest and slowly brought them back down again. I stared into his eyes, slowly teasing my hand down his stomach. His breathing became labored as I walked my fingers down further, finally cupping my hand against his package. And yes, it was indeed a package. We both glanced down at where my hand was then back at each other.
"Where's the water!" Celeste yelled.
"We had to put another package in the freezer, we're about to....come right now!" I bit my lip and he smiled, catching my naughty puns.
I placed more pressure against his now apparent erection and for the first time in all our times teasing and flirting, I had JC watering at the mouth. Beckoning at my whim. He was two seconds from eating out the palm of my hand, if he wasn't there already. I had the reins. I had the control. I loved it.
"Be available.....and here, tonight," I whispered, pulling away. I opened the lid once again, and handed him four bottles of water. JC needed a taste of his own medicine. I confidently walked back upstairs, hoping I left him thinking the exact same thing I did when he pulled this: What the HELL just happened?
I gave JC no sort of undivided attention for the remainder of the day. I had to show him how it felt to have someone do treat you like you
didn't exist. It may not seem mature, but JC's so stubborn sometimes, the only way he can get it is if he feels it. I didn't want to make him
feel how I had felt, but how else can I get him to be considerate about my feelings? How else can I get him to sort out his own? We can't keep playing dirty, eventually we'll get caught or someone will catch on.....if they haven't already.
The guys ended up having to leave for some performance or some kind of appearance they had to make. I honestly wasn't listening well enough to find out. Cel and I were invited, but I politely declined because I knew I had homework I had to catch up on if I wanted to be free for the rest of the weekend. I encouraged Celeste to go without me and she
sadly, but willingly decided to go. I waved them off watching as they got into a rental car. Justin, on the other hand, was still inside the
house with me.
"Hey....I'll see you in the morning?" Justin asked.
I smiled. "Yeah, of course you will. Thanks so much for getting Celeste here. I owe you and JC big."
"It's no problem....but um, you know how you could really thank me?"
"How?" I asked.
"You could let me have something I haven't had in a long time...."
Like what? I raised my eyebrow at him. I heard JC gently tapping on the horn. Justin opened my front door and yelled out "Five seconds!" then shut it back.
"Like what, J?" I asked.
He grabbed me by the waist, staring into my eyes. Next thing I know, Justin has me backed against the door, kissing me. His tongue was doing things his tongue never did before. At least not when we kissed those other times. I moaned softly. What was this? Where did he learn how to kiss like this? He let me go, touched my chin, and smoothly walked through my front door.
"W....shit..."
I hit the door with my fist. Damn that was a wild ride. And he walked off knowing that his kiss was amazing. I have one who knows that he wants me and I have another who can't decide if he does want me. Who would've thought finally growing up is what's now biting me in the ass.
1998: Like Old Times, Part 2
Later that night, I was vehemently regretting what I said to JC. I paced the floor of my living room in a small t-shirt and shorts, hoping he wouldn't show up, but I know there's no way he wouldn't unless it had something to do with the group. Even so, it's almost 11:30, so I
can finally go to b--
"Hey..."
Shit! I stopped in my tracks and turned around. He wore a black Nautica t-shirt and some track pants. He dressed comfortably. I sure put my foot in my mouth earlier today.
"JC, we need to talk."
He looked at me with his 'uh-oh' eyes, striding over to the couch and taking a seat. I took a deep breath before going to sit down next to
him. It was crazy how easily he could flip this. We could be talking and next thing I know, he's covering my mouth, telling me I'm too loud.
I know JC and JC isn't picky about places when he's turned on.
"Can we talk about why you're acting like you're terrified to sit next to me?" he asked.
"Josh.....you had my hands pinned behind my back earlier..," I replied.
"I would never intentionally hurt you, Zahra. I can get aggressive when I'm in the mood and....I noticed you can, too. I think if you felt you were in any real danger, you would've defended yourself. I didn't mean to really scare you, I'm sorry."
The worry in his eyes were real. His apology was genuine. My heart softened....like always. He sure has impeccable timing, I was just
about to release the vicious hawk on him. Now I have to use a fluffy bunny rabbit approach on him.
"I accept your apology...," I finally responded.
"Great. Um....what was it you actually wanted to talk to me about?" he
asked.
Okay Zahra. Lay down the law. "Um...I..."
Great start. No, really.
"Zee....is this about that whole Celeste thing? Look, I was just kidding around," he explained.
"No....it's not that, wait no, ugh. It is, but it isn't," I tried to explain.
"Yeah, I don't follow."
"Seeing you flirt with Cel made me finally realize something," I said.
"Which is?"
"We can't keep doing this back and forth. I know I said it before and we still did, but this time I mean it," I replied.
"Zahra...."
"Josh. This isn't fair. I may not care too much for your girlfriend, but I can't keep allowing you to hurt her so you can make me feel good.
I was so annoyed by your flirting with Cel. To me, that means we've gone too far.....with everything."
"I get what you're saying, Zee. I'm not trying to hurt Bobbi or you. I'm just confused about everything I've been feeling lately. I think
you're right."
Huh?!
"Excuse me, did you say I was right?"
"Yeah....why, is that wrong or something?" he asked.
Yes, it's very wrong! This wasn't the way I pictured our conversation happening. He wasn't supposed to agree with me, he was supposed to be convincing me not to mean what I say. I feel like he has some weird
plan in mind. He may not be plotting against me, but it's hard to tell with JC sometimes, he's so much more smarter than I think. Something is going on here, I know there is.
"No...no, it's not wrong. I wasn't expecting you to agree with me," I replied.
"I've been doing some thinking and I'm not being a good friend. I care about you and I don't wanna be the one that hurts you. So, it's best if we just spend some time apart from one another," he explained.
"Spend time apart?" I repeated. He nodded his head slowly. "Don't we do that already? You travel all the time."
How were we going to spend time apart from one another when we lived in the same house? Joshua Chasez has something up his sleeve and I know it. What in the hell is he up to?
"I mean I won't just intrude in your space. I'll stay downstairs when I'm here visiting."
I stared at him blankly. What the bloody hell is he talking about? JC read my look and shook his head.
"I won't be ambushing you, is what I'm saying."
"Fine, we agree then," I said.
"What if I accidentally bump into you and I rub my arm against yours? Is that still too much?" he asked, smiling.
I nudged his arm with my elbow. "Shut up."
"I guess that's a no," JC chuckled.
"JC, you know how I feel about you and I don't want you to think for a second that I don't like it when we kiss. I love it when you kiss me,
it's the guilt that follows which makes me uncomfortable.."
He smiled at me, placing his hand on the side of my face. His fingertips gently caressed my cheek. His eyes scanned my body and he bit his lip. I saw that look buried deep in his eyes, I felt it. I wanted his lips, more than I was willing to admit to myself. JC played with me, passing his lips against mine, barely kissing on my cheek. I felt his faint breath against my skin, while his fingers interlocked with my own. I leaned in closer to JC, trying to initiate a
kiss, but he swiftly dodged me. I smiled, knowing he was trying to tease me. I gently kissed his chin, moving under before biting down on his skin. He sighed heavily.
"Kiss me, Jace," I whispered.
JC placed his hands on my back, finally putting me out of my misery by kissing me. It was slow, sweet, and smooth. He took his time and I actually got to experience his sensuality. He brushed his nose against mine, licking his lips, giving me a small smile. His fingers gently
caressed my back. He didn't grab and attack my lower backside, he rubbed his hands across slowly. His lips nuzzled against my neck, I giggled softly.
I touched his face, still deeply infatuated with his incredible bone structure, marveling at how even though my complexion was a few shades
darker than his own, we still blended so well. This was different from his previous, beastly ravaging and it confused me. JC was being so much more careful, he was taking his time.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this," JC said.
He leaned down to kiss me again. Our last kiss. I walked him all the way out to his car. We hugged and I watched him leave me. God damn you. What is it about me that you're even attracted to, JC? I'm not Betty, or whatever her name is. But he risks everything with her when he kisses me. Why risk everything for me? What is it that he can't do anymore? I'm thinking maybe my mom was right about one thing: I've been too wrapped up in JC.
It's time to let him go.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it took so long. I have the chapters done and I start working on the next, forgetting I'm done with one already...lol.
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
