I haven't spoken to neither JC or Justin in about two months. It's safe to say that I didn't go insane because of the lack of contact, but I
did get so worried sometimes I couldn't focus. It's getting closer to Justin's 18th birthday, so I'm really hoping to at least get a call before then. I think my decision to finally put a stop to me and JC's affair was the best decision I've made. I'm too young to be in such a dramatic situation. The last thing I want is Blondie coming after me with a chainsaw of some sort. I've heard her when she and JC get into it, I'm positive that she has one. But I digress. That whole thing with him, now that it's over, I feel free. I've got this new breath of life. School is the best it's ever been. I'm a senior now, and I'm soaking up all the great moments instead of treading on the bad ones. My friends are great, I'm with them a lot more now.
It's funny how I was never officially with JC, but I was still attached to him for years. I guess in some way, I'll always be.
1999: 18
What does one do on her 18th birthday? She throws a party in the basement after hiding all of JC's things in his room. Yup, that's what she does. I planned my 18th birthday and it was a quiet talk around school for a week. I invited my senior class, which isn't that big, only about 220 at most. I knew only a few were going to show up, so I invited some underclassmen as well. Of course, there were people at my house who I didn't even know, so I guess inviting was useless to some degree.
I had my cousin DJ and I guess he'a doing a great job because no one has sat down from dancing yet. I love that guy. I myself was on the floor dancing in the midst of everyone, having fun, until I felt hands softly grip my hips. I knew it had to be one of my guy friends getting in a birthday dance, so I just let myself be pulled against him. As I danced carefree, I recognized how familiar I was with this particular hold: hands placed right at my lower hip, fingers tampering with the denim of my jeans. I felt his fingers, the length, the texture. I know who this is. I know exactly who this is.
"Justin, what are you doing here?" I asked as I turned around to face him. His jaw was dropped wide open.
"How did you know it was me?!" he asked.
"The way you had your hands on my hips, and your fingers....I'm weirding you out, aren't I?!" I asked.
"What?!" he yelled.
I smiled as I took his hand, and led us through the dancing crowd to the kitchen upstairs. I saw the rest of NSYNC sitting around the
kitchen counter. What the hell?
"You guys are here, too? What's going on?" I asked.
"We're here because you're finally 18, Zahra," JC replied. I gushed on the inside. Why is it every time I see him after a long period, he
looks even hotter?
"Yeah, and thanks for informing us about this great party you're having," Justin added. I flew my hand against his jacket gently and he chuckled.
"You guys came here, for me?" I asked.
Justin nudged me. "Again, thanks for believing we're assholes and wouldn't bother."
"I second that," JC shot.
They were both giving me death glares and I was trying not to laugh. Seems they were actually being very serious. It's not that I thought they were assholes, I only thought they would've been too busy.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I'm shocked to see you all here. I wasn't expecting this at all,"I apologized.
"Ah, I can't stay mad at you, but yes we are here for you. I don't know anything more important than my best friend's 18th birthday," Justin smiled.
Awww, how sweet of him. But did he mean that? Am I really his best friend?
"Since you guys are here, you know it's impossible to keep your identities secret, right?" I said.
"What are you planning in that head of yours?" JC asked me. I stuck my tongue out at him. Have some faith in my plans, sheesh.
"You go sing and make my party the best one that can never be topped," I responded.
They all looked at one another. I don't know why they're doing all that, the moment I said sing, all their faces lit up at the same time.
They know they wanna perform for my friends. I've never seen any of their performances live and I'd love to actually see what they can do.
"Fine, we'll do it. But this counts as my, Lance, and Joey's birthday present," Chris said as he walked past me.
"What about those two?" I asked.
"They still have to get you something," Chris replied.
I chuckled softly once I saw Justin letting what Chris said sink in. That face.
"There's no stage down there," Justin said.
"I'll clear a big enough space. Oh come on, what's different performing in front of me and my friends than the rest of the world?" I asked.
"Your opinion matters to us," JC replied.
Oh....
"Trust me, I'm not a critic. You have nothing to worry about. Those people down there will be the most excited crowd you've ever performed
for. Come on, we have a few karaoke microphones you can use. I'll help you set up," I said.
I saw them both exchange a glance and shrug. They were such a sitcom sometimes. I let Joey and Lance head into the basement ahead of me, and I stopped Justin and JC at the top of the stairs.
"I love you both, so don't ever think that I'll be someone who's rooting against you. No matter what happens between us, I'll always be
on your side. You WILL kick ass tonight, because you always kick ass. Got it?" I said.
I blushed seeing both of their flirty smiles being thrown in my direction. Damn it. Couldn't one of them be at least a LITTLE unattractive and repulsing? I mean for crying out loud, ONE of them.
"Yes ma'am," Justin said. I nodded and quickly brought them back down into my party. I pushed them all into JC's room and closed the door.
"You guys figure out what you wanna do so I can get the music and give it to my cousin," I said.
"You wanna do...."
"I don't know."
That was basically the conversation for like five minutes. That is, until I got impatient waiting for them to figure it out. You perform
the hits, what's to figure out?
"Okay Tearin' Up My Heart, I Want You Back, and Sailing, it is. Good job, guys. Be right back."
I turned on my heels to head out of the room. I sighed heavily as I walked over to my cousin's booth. I let him in on what was going on, found the songs to give to him, and he even hooked me up with some microphones he had in his equipment. I gave the go for ten minutes and I tracked back to the room. All eyes shot to me. I felt like I murdered someone with a candlestick in the living room with the way they were looking at me.
"You've got ten minutes. My cousin'll bring you on. I can't guarantee things not getting crazy, but I'll try to keep it under control. You guys ready?" I asked.
"Of course, we're always ready. Don't worry, we've got this, Zahra," Chris assured.
"Great, cause I'm nervous," I said.
"How are you nervous, we're the ones performing," Joey teased.
"I've never seen you guys perform before. I'm so happy you're all even doing this to begin with. I know that it's thin ice because this sort
of thing requires money," I said.
"Hey, hey, don't mention money. This is for you, and it's from us because we want to do it," Justin said.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. I stepped out of the room and began to clear a space next to the DJ booth. Everyone was confused, asking me what was going on.
"I need everyone to move back! Move back!" I called out.
The large crowd followed my instruction and in that moment, I realized I had WAY too many damn people at my house. I gave my cousin the go, and he hopped onto his mic and began. I was excited. These people knew
who NSYNC was, but had no idea that I actually knew who they were. Nor were they expecting a free performance. Man, I owe the guys big for doing this.
The level of screams that flew by my ear once the guys were on the stage, I wasn't prepared for. My so-called, calm and laid back classmates were all over the place. Girls were reaching over me, to get a small touch of the guys. Meanwhile, I'm standing in the same spot thinking, it's only Justin and JC. Not failing to realize that they evoked these same reactions when I got to see them live on MMC. Guess some things never really do change. I was pushed into their performing area so many times, I made the crowd move further back. People were standing on the stairs and such. This was definitely a real basement party.
After things calmed down from an 11 to a 10, I was finally able to enjoy their performance. I couldn't get over how mind-blowing they were
onstage. It was like watching magic in motion. I finally was able to understand why NSYNC blew up the way they did. Their talent was fresh and real. Most of all, their talent was pure.
................
"Thanks for staying and helping me clean up, guys," I said as I tied up the last trashbag.
"Whether I'm here all the time or not, this is still home," JC smiled.
I noticed how ebullient he's been tonight. Definitely had to be the high he got from performing. They all had this glow and it showed. I walked into the living room and saw all the guys passed out, two on each couch.
"Aww," I said quietly as I walked back into the kitchen. "Your boys must've been tired, they are making sweet love to the living room furniture," I told JC.
He chuckled softly. "It's been a long day, that rest is well needed. Um....you look great, I didn't get a chance to tell you that earlier."
"Thank you," I said. I sat down at the counter, sipping on some water.
"You're welcome. You're 18 now, Zahra. I can't believe it. I knew you when you were this cute little girl and now, you're this beautiful
young woman. Time flies," he commented.
"Cute little girl? I was practically a teenager when we met," I defended. JC shook his head. "I completely missed the point, but I got it nonetheless. I can say I've watched you grow up, too."
"Oh yeah? How so?" he asked.
"You were like, 16 when we met. I mean, you've matured into an intelligent, talented, and not to mention, an extremely great looking man. I remember you totally got annoyed when me and Christina would follow you around the lot. Even then, I was happy to know you. I've really gotten to know you as a person and I'm glad we're friends," I said.
Ugh. I was choking back tears, I hated the emotions I could have in the presence of JC.
"I'm glad, too. And I never was annoyed," he said.
"Yes you were, even though I completely only did it for the laughs. I got a kick out of seeing you irritated," I smiled.
JC shook his head as he chuckled quietly. "Hey, come with me, there's something I wanna show you," JC said.
I nodded and followed him down into the basement. I walked into his room, sitting down on the bed. I wonder what he has to show me. I know it's not an ambush, because tonight, there hasn't been any tension between us. It's been really pleasant. I watched JC sit in his favorite chair with his guitar. He began to strum a few chords. Once I knew he was going to sing for me, my entire body pulled a "shut up" lockdown.
"Stop looking at me like that, you're making me nervous," JC said.
I giggled. "It's just me, you know how I get when you start singing. Come on, let me hear what you've got, I know it'll be amazing."
I saw JC's cheeks flush a rosy color. It was those little things that I simply loved about him. He began to pluck his fingers across the strings again, quieting all my movement.
I see the things he does to you
All the pain that he puts you through
And I see what's really going on
Staying out at night, while you're by the phone
His guitar-playing was slow and his voice was smooth. God, JC, that voice is remarkable. It put chills down my spine, bringing forth urges I couldn't carry out. I'd never heard this before, so my only guess was that it was something he was recently working on.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"It sounds really great, Josh," I replied.
"It's not done yet. I'm still debating on whether I want it to be up-tempo or a ballad."
"I'm not an expert on songwriting, but I think after you finish and sing it through, stick with the first vibe you get from it," I suggested.
JC pat my thigh. "Sounds like a plan. I'll sing it to you when I'm finished."
"I'm looking forward to that, and not only because it's you singing," I joked.
"Thanks. Um....this is completely off-subject, but I have to ask you something," JC said.
"Go for it."
"I know this isn't my business or anything but....have you um, like, you know....?"
"Jace, I don't know what the hell you're talking about," I replied.
"Have you already had sex?" he asked.
I coughed. Of all the things to ask me. Why is this a question he's asking me? I wonder if someone JC and I both know, recently lost his virginity. Actually, who's to say Justin didn't lose his virginity ages ago. Ugh, it doesn't matter. Why is JC asking me about sex?
"Where is this coming from?" I asked.
"I'm not here all the time, and I know you wouldn't tell me or even Justin, for that matter. I'm only curious," he replied.
"You're right, I wouldn't tell you guys. But no, I'm not having sex."
"Oh," he mumbled softly. "I mean....it's great you're not rushing anything."
I nodded my head. "What made you wanna ask? And give me a real answer, please."
"I'm only curious to know if you're curious. I just wanted to throw it out there that, I'm always available for any questions you have or
anything you wanna talk about," he replied.
"Thanks, Mr. I Get Around," I teased.
"Shut up. You know that's not true."
I rolled my eyes. I'm surprised he'd ask if I was still a virgin. JC and I have never talked about sex. Whether it be in general or in regards to ourselves. I don't think he asked because HE wants to be my first, I just think he's glad his ego is still in check and I haven't been dating anyone else to replace him. I'm trying to have fun with my time, not be bogged down by what comes with having sex. I am growing up, but for right now, sex isn't even on my radar.
1999: Bad, Bad Girl
The guys were on tour. Oh, excuse me, they were on their "Ain't No Stopping Us Now Tour". Justin felt it was funny to correct me every time I called it just a tour. He was such a dork. In the mean time, I was finally starting to get used to them being gone, I knew I wouldn't see them again until around April, since their tour was coming to LA. I wouldn't get to see them perform, because I'm gonna be studying, but one day I'll see them in concert. One day. I could easily get tickets from the guys, but it's senior year and I've gotta focus on getting my things together so college isn't as tedious.
"Zee, pick up the phone!" I heard my mom call.
I reached across my desk and picked up the phone.
"I got it!" I yelled. Once I heard the phone click, I ran to close my door. "Hello?"
"Hey, Zee." It was Celeste.
"Hey Cel, what's going on?" I asked.
"I have something to tell you," she replied.
I was beginning to feel my heart rise up into my throat. Did something terrible happen to the guys? Oh God, oh God.
"What is it?" My voice was shaking.
"I....I lost my virginity last night."
"OH THANK GOD!" I released.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Cel exclaimed.
"I'm sorry, I thought you were gonna tell me something bad about the guys," I explained.
"Oh, well I did sound a little dramatic," she laughed.
I caught my breath and it suddenly sank in. Did she say she did it?!
"You had sex?" I asked.
"Yeah....it happened last night." Her response was uneasy, filled with
nervous energy.
"Tell me about it. Who was he? How did it feel? Come on, come on, details," I said.
She went off to tell me this whole epic romance between her and the guy
she's been seeing. Last night he took her on this romantic date and, things unfolded from there. I was surprised to even hear all of this. I had no idea Celeste was even with anyone. But she is 21, a grown woman, and I'm happy that she finally found someone she wanted to share that moment with.
"I kept hearing that having sex for the first time would be extremely painful for the female. But it wasn't all that bad for me. It felt like constant pressure, but it wasn't so painful that I was screaming bloody murder. In all honesty, it depends on both people involved," Cel
explained to me.
"Wow, that's a bit scary," I said.
"At least if you do decide to take that route, the guy you choose will be experienced," she said.
"What? How could you possibly know that, Celeste. It could be any guy."
"Zee, come on, be for real. You live and breathe Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez. No matter who you date, it always comes back to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum."
"That isn't true, I mean they have their own lives, I'm not waiting for either of them. I haven't taken any relationships serious because that's not where my mind is right now. I just wanna have fun while I'm young and vibrant. I don't wanna be tied down to anyone, Celeste."
"I understand that, Zahra, I do. But....there's something about you and those two. Maybe I'm just finally seeing this now because we're older. I could be wrong and I apologize for over-stepping any boundaries. You and one of them need to just screw each other and be done."
I gasped, my intake was so quick. "What?!"
"The tension was so high the last time I saw you guys, it was almost breathtaking. Okay, we've never talked about the guys like this ever, so tell me honestly, who do you like?" she asked.
That had to be the most difficult question I've ever been asked. Who do I like? For some idiotic reason, it never occurred to me that someone would ask me a question where I had to choose one or the other. That seems almost unfair to choose only one. They're both incredibly great guys. How do I pick one?
"I like them both," I replied.
Oh, that's what I do. I don't pick one, I choose them both.
"You like them both? If you had to choose, who would you want the most?" she asked again.
"I want them both the most," I answered.
I heard a heavy sigh followed by a light chuckle. I wasn't trying to make this difficult, but there were qualities they both had that I
loved.
"Zahra, I hate to burst your bubble, but there's gonna come a time where you'll have to choose. I know you don't want to and you probably won't have to, but what'll happen if they're the ones who want you to choose?" she asked.
"It won't ever get that far, Celeste. As of right now, there's nothing going on with either of them," I reassured.
"This is my opinion but, if you're thinking of someone to go that far with, I'd suggest Justin."
I scoffed. "Why Justin?" I asked.
"Because I don't think you'd want Josh to be your first. I feel like, you'd need to work your way up to anything substantial with JC."
"Yeah okay, I do not wanna talk about my nonexistent sex life, let's move on, please."
I wasn't feeling so great anymore. Number one, why would I even up and decide to put Justin or JC in a position to intentionally be intimate with? I'd like to be in a relationship with a guy and at least like him enough to consider being with him sexually. Number two, the idea of me being so blindly obsessed with Justin and JC makes me sick to my core. It's just not true. I don't keep tabs on them, I don't call everyday just to hear their voices. I don't do any of that. I treat them like they're my friends, which they are. Well, okay, besides all that other stuff that happened, I treat them like my friends.
How am I already stressed about sex and I haven't even done it?
1999: Pop Princess & Sobriety
There wasn't a day that went by where I couldn't get away from NSYNC gossip. Actually, Justin Timberlake gossip. Any time I turned on MTV, there it was, Justin and Britney Spears. It was like 1993 all over again, except no one was globally famous. I could call and ask, but why should I care? Justin's never been my boyfriend, we've only kissed a few times. I don't know why I thought those kisses would turn into something, that was stupid. I know I shouldn't believe gossip, but it's being repeated and repeated, now there's supposed pictures of them together. Why wouldn't Justin tell me this? Better yet, why wouldn't JC?
Once I saw where the news on MTV was heading, I quickly changed the channel and got up from the couch.
"Ughhh! If I hear Justin and Britney in the same sentence ONE more time."
"Hey, did you hear about Justin dating that Britney Spears girl?" my mom asked me.
The universe WOULD test me in that way.
"Mom, please! I can't take hearing about it anymore. It's on television every five seconds, like nothing else in the world is going on," I
snapped.
"Don't be mad at me, I told you to date him," she said.
I rolled my eyes. This woman. Is she my mom? Isn't she supposed to be consoling me and not throwing it in my face? Nope, not my mom.
"Mommy, I'm not upset that he's dating someone else. I'm upset that I have to hear about it all the time. When I wake up, when I'm awake, and right before I go to sleep. It's beyond irritating."
"It's only gossip, you don't even know that they're really together. You could easily confirm it, I don't know why you won't ask the boy," my mom said.
"Because I don't care, ma. If he wants to tell me, he will. If not, then it's still cool."
"He'll come back to you, Zahra. Since you were kids, I knew there was something between you guys. Trust me, he'll come back."
I don't know what the HELL my mom was smoking, but if it has her that psycho, maybe I should try some. I nodded and walked over to the basement. I wanted to be as far as possible from my mom and her 1996 Romeo and Juliet behavior.
I closed the door behind me and trudged downstairs. As I stopped at the bottom of the steps, I saw that the lid to the freezer was lifted open. I darted my eyes around the entire area. My mother wasn't down here earlier, neither was I. I slowly reached for the broom, placed neatly in the corner next to the staircase, clenching my grip around it tightly. I tiptoed to the freezer and gently closed it. I kept looking behind my back, as I continued to step near JC's room. I stretched my arm out to open the door and it swung open.
"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
I started swinging the broom. I thought I was kicking the shit out of the burglar's ass, until I realized, I didn't even have the broom in my hands anymore. My hands were completely empty. What the flying hell? I stopped swinging my stubby arms and opened my eyes. Oh crap, it was JC. Did he open the door at the same time I was, AGAIN?
"We have GOT to stop doing that!" I exclaimed.
"What is WRONG with you, woman?!"
"JC, what are you DOING here?" I asked, trying to catch my breath. "And how did you get the broom from me?"
"My things are still here, so I can only assume I live here. You were swinging it at me, so I took it. Why are you creeping around down here
and with a broom as a weapon?" he asked.
I plopped down on the couch. "I wanted to get away from my mom and television. Oh, and I thought you were a burglar."
"Why?" he asked.
"I'm tired of hearing about Justin and Britney," I replied. I could hear the annoyance in my voice, I only hope JC didn't.
"Oh....yeah."
JC walked over by the staircase to put the broom aside and walked on into his room. I waited for him to say something. Anything. And like always, he was silent. Okay.....? What's that about? Did I say the wrong two names?
"Joshua..," I called out.
"Zahra," he called back.
"Is it true? Is Justin with her?" I asked.
"How much does it matter to you, Zee?"
"Not so much," I replied.
"Then I don't have to tell you if it's true or not." His head popped out from the doorway with a smile plastered across it.
"But I still wanna know. Josh, don't torture me, just put me out my misery," I suggested.
"Why do you have to know if it doesn't matter much to you?" he asked me.
"Why can't you tell me, JC? Did he make you swear or promise not to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's it. He made me swear," he replied quickly.
"Liar, but fine. I won't ask anymore," I said.
I kept quiet. I turned my body, facing forward, with my feet on the coffee table. Why wouldn't JC tell me if it was true about Justin and Britney? Does he think telling me will hurt my feelings? Justin's my best friend, I'm happy for him no matter what. Right?
"Fine!" JC suddenly called out. He scared the living daylights out of me. My heart can't take all this excitement in under twenty minutes. It's too much.
"Fine what, Joshua Scott Chasez?" I asked. I was such a snot, calling him by his full name so he'd know I was disowning him.
"I'll tell you, but you heard nothing from me," he called out.
"Can you at least come out of your room? I'd like to see a face when I'm being told such devastating news," I sarcastically remarked.
"Don't be a jerk, I'm coming out right now."
He stepped out of his room, wearing a black sleeveless shirt, denim jeans, and a pair of black combat boots. Or at least that's what his shoes looked like to me. Either way, my attention was diverted to how hot he was looking in front of me. I've been JC sober for about 4 1/2 months. I can do this. Don't be sucked in by those arms, Zahra. Those incredibly toned arms.
"I don't like being ogled, Zahra, but please continue," he teased.
I blinked my eyes repeatedly, looking away. Great, now I've been caught and can't play it off. First I get my weapon stolen from me and don't notice, now this. My luck.
"I....shut up. Just tell me what I wanna know," I said.
JC sat on the edge of the other chair and stared at me and I blankly returned the stare. I blinked repeatedly. I hated being stared at, in
all honesty. It made me feel like I'd done something wrong. JC was making me quite uncomfortable at the moment. There's no way he could tell I was thinking not so pure thoughts of him all of a sudden.
"Josh, what are you looking at me like that for?" I asked.
"Doesn't feel good to be gawked at, does it?" he smiled.
I sucked my teeth, tossing a throw pillow at him, knowing he'd instinctively catch it.
"You're killing time on purpose, Jace, come on," I pleaded. I was beginning to beg? Maybe I don't need to know.
"Okay, Justin isn't with Britney, in public...yet. They're sort of in the process...."
Oh.
"Oh."
I know, I know. I didn't have anything to say, obviously.
"Oh? What does that express? Anger? Hate? Jealousy?" JC asked.
"Uh, no? I'm surprised is all. I didn't know anything was still there between them after all this time," I said.
"So you're not hurt?" he asked me.
"No, not at all, I'm fine. Thank you for wanting to spare me, though," I replied.
"You're well being still matters to me. I always wanna make sure you're okay," he smiled.
4 1/2 months. 4 1/2 months.
"Thanks, Joshy," I said.
"Oh do NOT call me that," he warned
"Why not? It's a cute name!"
"I won't answer to that."
"Oh fine you big baby. You never told me what the crap you're doing here. How come you didn't tell me you were stopping by?" I questioned.
"Remember I did tell you that I'd stay away from you to decrease “ambushing"," JC replied.
"You still have to inform someone, almost....well I poorly attempted, to murder you with a broom," I said.
"Your mom knew I was coming....I made her promise not to tell you, though..."
"Wh...why JC?" I asked. Okay. Now, I'm hurt. Everyone's keeping things from me.
"I'm not trying to tempt you....or myself. If you didn't come down here, you wouldn't have even known I was here," he replied.
This was getting ridiculous. I didn't want JC to avoid me and plan heists with my mom. Oh, and she's the next one. How could she act like
she didn't know JC was here? I just didn't want to be caught up in what I KNEW was going to end up blowing up in my face. It wasn't fair, and I'd never want the same thing to happen to me. I also didn't want to be the "other woman". I never did
"Let's make this clear. You hiding from me won't make me want you any less. If I wanted to kiss you, I would've done it the second you stepped out of your room. But I didn't. Know why? Because I know how to control myself. JC your so...I can't.....you just....ugh!" He was
beyond frustrating sometimes.
"You look so cute when you're mad," JC chuckled.
I held back a smile and rolled my eyes. "Bottom line is, you don't have to hide from me."
"Okay then."
I guess the way I explained things, I wasn't very specific. Didn't he have more to say to me? JC cleared his throat, and I looked over at
him. He obviously was trying to get my attention.
"Would you really kiss me?" JC asked.
"If I wanted to, yes I would," I replied.
4 and a half freakin' months. Is he trying to ruin our streak? JC...please don't take it there.
"Do you want to?" I noticed how uneasy he was. His body language was all nervousness. I can only wonder what's going on right now in the mind that belongs to JC.
"Why does it matter?" I threw his own question back into his face.
JC shrugged. "How much more obvious can I be, Zahra?"
"You tell me," I replied.
"I'd be a lying jerk if I told you that I didn't wanna kiss you right now. I'm merely curious if you feel the same way," he explained.
I sighed heavily. I couldn't take it. With the way he was looking at me, his beautiful eyes locked onto mine, I was losing absolute composure inside my body. I kept glancing away from him, I wasn't going to allow myself to be pulled in. 4 1/2 months. Can it seriously be that difficult to stay away from JC?
"I already said that if I wanted to kiss you, I would," I answered.
"You're still not saying that you'd want to kiss me or not."
"Because we've been doing so well and I can't allow myself to ruin it. I can understand just wanting to let things happen. But when it all boils down, you're in a committed relationship. I'm not willing to mess that up any more than I already have," I explained.
"You could’ve just said that to begin with," JC said as he stood up and walked back into his room.
I sighed heavily. This wasn't serious, right? I got up and followed him, even though I KNEW it was a bad idea. Nothing good was about to come from me following him. Nothing ever did.
I walked through the door frame, watching as JC placed a few items into his duffle. So that's what he was doing here, getting a few things then disappearing? Makes me wonder how many times JC's been here in the past four months without my knowledge. JC zipped his bag close and grabbed it before spinning around. Obviously he was about to leave. But, there I stood in front of the door, blocking the way.
"Excuse me," he said firmly. Attitude? Seems I had made Joshy upset.
"Are you mad at me? You can't be fucking serious?" I asked.
"Watch your mouth, and no I'm not mad at you," he snapped.
Watch my mouth? I am not a child, who does he think he is?
"Really JC? You're not mad at me? Okay well....give me a hug before you
leave," I said.
"I should really be going, I'm already late."
"A hug should take less than 30 seconds, I'm sure you can spare that since you're
already late."
JC walked over to me, with his bag still being gripped between his fingers. He threw his arm across the top of my shoulders and his fingers roughly tapped against the top of my back. Um......ouch? He's not mad yet he's bruising me with his monster fingers from a hug? Right. Once his arm left my shoulder, I reached for his duffle. I lifted it up and dropped it on the floor.
"What the hell is your problem, Zahra?!" JC shouted.
I wasn't in the least frightened by his shouting. I threw my hand onto my hip, and leaned into my stance. "Hug me."
He growled under his breath. "Did I not just do that?"
"Not if you call leaving a dent in my back a hug," I snapped. "Hug me and hug me the right way."
For the first time in a very long time, I saw JC roll his eyes at me. He rebelliously stood in his place, arms crossed an resting against his
chest. JC was watching me with annoyed taped to his forehead. I stepped back in complete disgust. What did I do to him? He can be so damn stubborn! How dare he be mad at me? How dare he not hug me?! Screw
this. I walked over to him and forcefully wrapped my arms around his torso, my palms placed against his back.
"Hug me," I said as I looked up at him.
He wouldn't return my hug nor even glance down to catch my eye. I pressed my body closer to him, holding him tighter, but keeping my touch tender. I placed my head against his chest. I could hear how heavy he was beginning to breathe. Was I making him angrier? Nervous? Uncomfortable? It was hard to tell, but I only wanted him to hug me back. I didn't need him to confirm that he was mad at me, I knew he was.
After not feeling him respond to me, I reacted in the only way I knew JC would in this situation. I unwrapped my arms from around him. I reached my arm up and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look down at me. Once his eyes were locked onto mine, I felt some of my anger dissipate. I was reading into his eyes. And you know what I found? That....no matter what was going on between us, those eyes could still strike me at my core. In addition, his eyes were screaming for me to kiss him. He
was angry at me, but I didn't see anger in his eyes. I saw his need. Did he ever look at Bobbi this way? I shook the thought.
I didn't think. I didn't gasp. I didn't breathe. I placed my lips against his, keeping a smooth motion until finally, his arms were covering my body. I felt those strong hands rub up and down my back, squeezing the tops of my shoulders. His head cocked to the side, his fingers caressing the back of my neck. JC was kissing me back and he was kissing me like we'd never kissed before. I felt his deep moan on the tip of my tongue. His lips were hungry, he kept biting down on my bottom one, his teeth scathed against my tongue. After 4 months, I almost let myself believe it was worth it just for this moment. JC pulled away from me, eyes darting from left to right, breathing heavily.
"Why...why did you do that?" he asked.
"I don't know. But don't ever give me attitude for something stupid like this again," I replied.
I walked away, leaving the basement, not in the least worried that this would be the last time I saw him for awhile. If he didn't want to be found, I'd stop searching.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I shouldn't have waited so long to post this chapter, but I did quite a lot of reading and reviewing so I wouldn't feel the need to change it. Also, a BIG thank you to those who submitted this story to be featured. Words can't express how much I appreciate it and I'm grateful. :)
Story Tags: friendsturnedlovers mmcera firsttime tourj nsasync tour jealous triangles roommates hotel otherwoman debutsync presync tourjc jc justin friendswithbenefits cheaterjc
