You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shotty cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

“You aren’t listening to me.” Raina says as she sets her pencil aside and looks down at her unfinished homework. “She clearly saw us and we need to stop.”

Justin doesn’t say anything, but Raina can hear somebody talking in the background. “Yeah, I’ll be there in 20.”

Raina sighs, she knows that’s just code so Jamie doesn’t get suspicious of who he’s talking to on the phone. It had been 3 weeks since Raina was questioned by Kendell and Raina insisted that her and Justin stop seeing each other for awhile. Justin was more than a little upset, but Raina knew it was for the best.

Now she’s sitting on the phone with Justin. Trying to get him to make an agreement to stop fooling around but it’s not working.

“I know that Jamie is in the room, but I just have to tell you that you are really selfish right now. You are acting like a toddler that didn’t get his toy. You have an amazing family and you should be happy with them, why are you giving that all up to be with me?  I’m nobody and you know that.”

She hears him walking somewhere. Probably a different room.

“I was really starting to fall for your stupid crap, but since I’ve stepped back and took a look at what we are doing, I’ve realized how bad and messed up it is. We never talk anymore, it’s like all you care about anymore is the sex and that when I did see you the two times in the last month all we did was fool around in bed. I just think we should stop now, before one of us gets hurt.” Raina finishes with a large exhale and leans back in her desk chair. She can feel the knot growing in her throat.

“You will never understand or realize how much you mean to me.” Justin whispers into the phone. “It’s not about the sex, it’s not about any of that. It’s about who you are and how innocent and refreshing you are. If I only wanted sex, I wouldn’t be hiding in this closest and I wouldn’t call just to see what happened with you today. If you want to stop, we can, but I just have to see you one last time.”

She sighs and her mind is telling her to say no, but instead a soft “ok” comes out.

They say goodbye and Justin says he’ll be at the park nearby and they agree to meet there.

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

: : : : :

Raina pulls her sweater closer as she walks up to Justin, who is sitting on a bench looking out over the small pond. “Hi,” she mutters hardly looking at him.

He smiles and pats the spot next to him. “Sit, I have some things I need to say.”

She sits, but makes sure there is enough room between them. “What?”

Justin rubs the back of his neck and looks over at her unsure of where to start. “I’m not sure how you’re going to take this, but I have to say it anyways.”

Raina looks over at him confused. “Ok,” she says urging him to continue.

“It may be a surprise to you but Jamie was always the only woman I had ever loved and then you came along and I was confused because I fell in love with you so damn fast. I thought that was impossible, but I realized I fell in love so fast because you are an amazing young woman.” He stops and looks at her. It’s dark out, but she can see the tears that are threatening to fall.

“Justin,” she grabs his hands “stop. Please don’t do this. You’re just making this harder than it has to be.” She rubs his knuckles softly and watches as he turns to look at the water instead of her. “I know you love me and I’m sorry if this is killing you, but you have to know this is wrong.” She let’s go of his hands and smoothes her skirt out. “I’m going to go home.” She whispers as she puts a hand on his shoulder. “Please don’t be upset, just remember how much I care for you.”

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

“If you cared you’d stay.”

“If you loved me as much as you claim, you’d let me go.” She stands up. “I’ll see you around.” She says as she walks away.

She doesn’t look over her shoulder. She doesn’t pause to rethink her decision. She doesn’t stop to let him stop her. She just walks straight back to her house and finishes her homework.

Saying it was easy to walk away from Justin would be a lie but Raina knew that it was the best thing. Their relationship was affecting her grades and her mom was starting to wonder about why they needed her to babysit so much.

Raina walks to her closet and looks at the calender hanging on the door. The word DANCE! in all red gets her attention and she remembers when Justin bought the dress for her and she stopped at his house to show him before heading to the dance. He was so happy to see her in the dress. He couldn’t stop smiling, but he wasn’t too thrilled about her date being there.

“Why’s he here?” Justin mumbles as he looks over Raina’s shoulder as she walks in the door.

She smiles, “Cause he’s my date, Justin.” She hugs him lightly and pulls away before her date gets suspicious “Justin this is Ryan, Ryan this is Justin. He paid for my dress.”

Ryan puts out his hand and Justin stares at him for a few seconds before shaking it. “You better be home before 2 am.” Justin says as he glares at Ryan. “No parties afterwards.”

“Ok, dad.” Raina says jokingly. Justin turns to glare at her, but his expression softens without him realizing.

“Don’t make me rethink this.” Justin says jokingly.

Ryan stands there confused by their exchange. “I think we need to get going or we may be late.” He touches Raina’s arm to guide her towards the door and he can instantly feel Justin’s eyes on him. “It was nice meeting you, Justin.”

“Nice to meet you too. R - Rai - You look very nice together.” Justin says as they make their way out the door. Raina doesn’t say anything but she smiles over the fact that Justin had stumbled over his words.

That night was the first night Raina had seen Justin get jealous of another guy. Ryan kept asking Raina if she was somehow related to Justin, because he was confused as to why Justin would have just bought her a dress and then wanted her to stop by so he could see it on her. She tried to make up a reason, something like he felt bad that she couldn’t get the dress she wanted, she even went as far to lie about his job and say he was with a company that sponsored young ladies so they could go to dances.

It was a lot of work to keep that lie straight all night, she was happy when the night was over and Ryan dropped her at home. That was the same night that Justin texted her and then had called her at least 3 times at exactly 2 am to make sure she was home.

Raina and him ended up talking on the phone for hours, about everything. Mostly about them. Raina sits on the edge of her bed and sighs as she remembers that weekend.

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

That weekend was the most special and emotional weekend she had ever had. That was the weekend they first had sex and that Sunday morning Justin dropped the bomb about him leaving town for the next two weeks. Raina was devastated that he would choose to tell her then and even more upset that they had slept together right before he left.

Looking back on it she just laughs because nothing happened. They talked on the phone almost everyday and he came back the same person he was before he left. She had it in her mind that he would come back completely different.

Raina rubs her eyes as she lays back on her bed and stares up at the ceiling. She still can’t believe she left Justin and told him what she really thought about their situation. The whole time she knew it was wrong, but he was just too much and she couldn’t say no, but then her mind cleared and she realized what they really were. Justin kept saying he loved her, but she could see right through him.

“It was always about the sex,” she mumbles to herself.

“No, it’s about how much I love you.”

She sits up quickly and sees Justin standing in her bedroom doorway.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He walks up to the bed, “I couldn’t let you get away.”

“That is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.” she says standing next to her bed. “You’re pathetic.”

“I don’t care. I love you and I care about you. I can’t let you leave.”

“Like I said before, if you really cared, you’d let me go.”

He walks towards her and places a hand on her shoulder. She tries to shrug it off, but he just replaces it. “Stop running.” He whispers.

She is looking anywhere but in his eyes. He places a hand on her cheek and she subconsciously leans into him.

“I love you so much. It hurts me to see struggling. I promise I won’t hurt you, ever.” he whispers as he pulls her against him. He wraps his arms around her small frame and kisses the top of her head.

She quickly backs up and shakes her head, “No, it’s not that easy. You can’t just make things better by telling me you love me and making promises that you won’t keep.” She takes a deep breath and walks out of her room before Justin can say anything.

She walks into the kitchen and stops in her tracks “Mom!? I thought you were at work.” she says as her mom takes a sip of coffee.

“Nope, I came home about 15 minutes ago, right as Mr. Timberlake showed up.” her mom sets her mug down and turns to look at her daughter. “What’s going on, honey?”

Raina’s eyes move from her mom to the floor and the back quickly. “Nothing, mom.”

“I heard you yelling at him just now. You need to tell me what’s going on.” She can tell her mom already has an idea of what’s happening, but Raina knows her mom has no clue how much the two have them have done.

Raina swallows hard and closes her eyes for two seconds. “I don’t know how it happened.” she says just above a whisper. She can’t even look her mom in the eyes as she says it. “I don’t remember how it started.” Her eyes cloud over and suddenly she can feel tears on her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“You have to stop crying because I can’t understand you. I want to help, but I don’t know what’s wrong.” her mom says as she guides her daughter to sit in the chair across from her. She gasps and quickly asks, “Did Justin touch you? You can tell me if he did, you won’t get in trouble, honey.”

Raina shakes her head and continues to cry into her hands. “I never stopped him, that’s the problem.” she says through tears.

“Ok, you need to start from the beginning, because I have no idea what happened.”

Raina sniffles and wipes her nose with her sleeve. She tries to take a deep breath, but she chokes up halfway through. “I... Ju....” she stops when she feels the urge to throw up. She swallows the feeling down and tucks her hair behind her ears. “I’ve been sleeping with Justin.” she murmurs as fast as humanly possible.

“Excuse me?!”

Raina can’t stop crying as her mom looks at her with disgust.

“You’re having sex with Justin? Is that what you just said?”

Raina nods in response, because she knows she won’t be able to find her voice.

“For how long?” Her mom asks as she turns her coffee cup and takes a sip.

“That’s non of you business.”

“Are you sick or delusional?” her mom stands up and walks towards her putting a hand on Raina’s forehead. “You, my sixteen year old daughter, have been sleeping with a guy who is at least thirteen years older, has two kids, is married, and you’re telling me that’s non of my business?” Her mom is practically yelling. Raina cringes at all the hard cold facts her mom is yelling out. It sounds horrible when it’s put in such a way. “I think it’s all my business.” she finishes up.

“I’m an adult-”

“No, Raina, you aren’t. You know why, because adults wouldn’t do such stupid things!”

“Just stop yelling and listen to me.” Raina whines as her mom sits back down. Raina can see she is furious.

“Fine, you have the floor.” her mom says as calm as possible considering the state she’s in.

Raina takes a deep breath and then begins, “I’m in an adult situation. I don’t know how it got to this and I can’t seem to get out of it.” she pauses and closes her eyes when she feels tears. “I want to go back to being a normal sixteen year old. I don’t want the filthy cash I earned. I just want...” she stops and wipes her nose and eyes. “I just want you to be proud of me again.” She can’t control the sobs that come out as she finishes her sentence.

Her mom doesn’t move, “You got paid to sleep with him?”

Raina nods slightly, “It started out as babysitting, but then I did less and less actual babysitting and he kept paying me the same.” She cries even harder as the realization washes over her.

“I can’t believe you. Why would you throw everything away for some low life guy?” her mom can’t stand to look at her. “You never answered my question, how long has it been going on?”

“For....for about 6 mon...months.” Raina says between sniffles.

“6 months!” her mom yells as she stands up and brushes past Raina. “I’m going to kill him.” she mumbles as she pulls on her jacket and grabs her keys.

“Mom,” Raina yells trying to stop her mom. “Mom!”

Cynthia turns and looks at her daughter. “You need to shut up and go to your room. I don’t want to hear anything from you all night.” Then she gathers her phone and walks out the door.

Raina wipes her eyes and immediately turns to run up to her room. “Justin?” she yells as she opens the door. He’s sitting on her bed with his head in his hands. He gets up when he sees her and pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles into her neck. “I promised nobody would find out, I promised I would never hurt you and I broke both promises.”

She shifts and pulls away, “I don’t care about that. My mom just went over to your house to find you.”

“Oh man!” Justin says as she quickly pulls out his phone and dials Jamie’s number. “Shit.” he mumbles as it goes to voicemail. He tries again and this time she picks up.

“Hey,” he says quietly. “I need to tell you something and it’s real important you listen carefully.” he takes a deep breath. “Raina’s mom is on her way over and she is very upset.”

Raina can hear Jamie  asking why the hell Cynthia is upset.

“Just listen, ok. She’s upset because she found out Raina and I have been sleeping together.” He says it all in one breath and is surprised at how it just flowed out.

Raina cringes when she hears Jamie yelling at him. She walks up behind him and wraps her arms around him, pulling him close.

She’s suddenly aware that he’s all she has right now.

And through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.