Tonight, I have a date.

And even though it makes me sound like a chick, I’m kind of excited about it. Granted, Trace and Kyle aren’t too thrilled about it, but is it really my fault that they have zero game, and I beat them to the punch? I think not.

And ok fine… I’m not a hundred percent sure that it’s an actual date, but when I asked Lyla if she wanted to grab dinner tonight, and she said yes, I kind of assumed that was the case. Don’t know what she thinks, but I mean… come on… two almost strangers going to dinner together? I think most people would classify that as a date.

I haven’t told Burke yet, but that’s mostly because I don’t need another fucking lecture. I mean… I get where she’s coming from and yeah, I agree with some of what she said, but the thing to understand here is that outside of our little world here in Memphis, Burke doesn’t know a whole lot about life.

I’m not saying she’s some socially retarded hermit or anything, she just doesn’t have the experiences to back up her ideas and opinions on how relationships are supposed to work. She’s never had a boyfriend, never been on a date.

And you know… a lot of people form their opinions of relationships based on their parents, and Burke can’t even do that. I don’t think Joe’s so much as even looked at another woman since his wife died.

So yeah… I get where B’s coming from and I can even appreciate the fact that she’s looking out for me, but I’m good. Besides, how am I supposed to get to know Lyla if I don’t go out with her? I’ve only hung out with her a couple times, but I liked being around her enough to want to get to know her. I don’t know why that’s so fucking hard to understand.

“You totally violated the chain of command dude.” Kyle shakes his head sadly and sighs. “The oldest has first dibs. We came up with that shit in the third grade! You waited till now to fuck it up?”

“Like you had a fuckin chance.” I snort and roll my eyes.

Leave to to Kyle to bring up an almost 17 year old pact. And come to think of it, I’m pretty sure that chain of command shit was about toys and food. Chicks hadn’t even entered the equation yet.

“Alright look… neither of you has a shot in hell.” Trace chuckles and shakes his head. “You got a pity date. Big fuckin deal. This time tomorrow that chick’s gonna be begging me to-”

“Tie her shoes so she doesn’t have to bend over?” Burke grins as she enters the office and tosses her stuff on the floor. “You know Kyle… I could have sworn there was a shit ton of work to do around here. Which means the idiots brigade’s gotta go.”

The hostility leads me to believe that Burke probably heard more of that conversation than I wanted her to. And really… I don’t get why she cares so damn much. I mean, ok fine… be concerned for me, worry about whether Lyla has ulterior motives… that I understand. The anger however, makes no fucking sense.

Then again, hostile is kind of Burke’s thing, so maybe I’m analyzing it a little too much.

Kyle and Trace head for the garage while I hang back. One way or the other, I’m gonna figure out what B’s getting all weird about.

“You need something?”

“Depends. What’s up your ass?”

“Last time I checked… nothing.” She shrugs and begins flipping through the car parts manual in front of her. “Why?”

“You just… you’re… never mind. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Wise choice.” She mutters as I exit the office, shutting the door behind me.

You know… I’ve gotta be out of my damn mind to think Burke gives a shit about who I date. There are three things in this world that she’s ever concerned about. Her dad, her dog and cars.

Clearly, I’m not one of those three. So, if there is something bothering her, at least I know it ain’t me.

*****************

I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting. I mean… obviously, the place wasn’t gonna be the fuckin Ritz or anything, I just… I didn’t think I’d be walking into what looks like some sort of crack den. Lyla comes across as the type who’d want to live somewhere clean and fairly nice. So this is… well… this is weird.

Before I can even reach the second floor, she meets me on the stairs and ok, yeah… she looks awesome and I just got real fuckin nervous.

“You ready?”

“Whenever you are.” She grins as we head for my car.

She stops before climbing in and looks around curiously. “Are the others meeting us there or…”

“The…ot-others?”

“Yeah… your friends. I figured we were…” She frowns for a second before her eyes widen, and I suddenly feel like the worlds biggest jackass. “Oh… oh my god! Is this supposed to… is this a date?”

I am a fucking tool.

I try to play the good guy card, be myself… not throw my name in her face, and it shoves me right into the friend zone. Of fucking course.

I’d be totally fine if one of the crack heads from the apartment building comes down and shoots me in the face right fucking now.

“What?” I laugh incredulously and shake my head. “Are you… what? No! God… no. I don’t even… I barely know you lady. I just… Kyle and Burke had to work late, and Trace lives on the other side of town. We’re gonna go pick them up.” I nod and she breathes a sigh of relief.

“Oh… good.” She nods quickly. “I just… we just met, you know? And I don’t have a job yet and I don’t… you’re a nice guy, but I just can’t get involved in anything, but if we’re just hanging out as friends, none of that matters. So… I’m… I’m gonna stop talking now.”

Seriously… where the hell is a crackhead with a gun when you really need one?

*****************

My first stop is Kyle’s, and if there is a God, Lyla will be perfectly happy to wait in the car, cause there’s no telling how long explaining this shit to his dumb ass will take.

“I’m just gonna run in real quick… you cool to wait out here?”

“Yeah… no problem.” She smiles.

I enter the house and roll my eyes at the sound of Sum 41 blaring throughout the house. I take the stairs two at a time and find Kyle sprawled out on his futon, a bottle of Captain Morgan in his hand, and clad in only a pair of bright green briefs.

I honestly don’t know why this fucking idiot has been one of my best friends practically since birth.

I begin rummaging through his closet for the first set of clean clothes I can find and throw them at him.

“Uhh… what the hell dude? Who the fuck popped your boner?”

“Get dressed, and meet me in the car in five minutes.”

“Five minutes? Are you for fucking real? It’s gonna take me at least 20 minutes to find the will to even want to put on pants. The actual putting on could take twice as long.”

I will not knock his teeth down his throat. I swear I won’t.

“Kyle… how many times do I ask for your help? Honestly?”

“Umm… there was that one time you made me carry one of your suitcases to a limo. A limo I never got to ride in, mind you. But I totally helped. Didn’t even complain. And honestly… what kind of douche makes his friend carry his shit, and doesn’t even give said friend a limo ride? This is a seriously fucked up friendship we’ve got going here J-Man.”

“Kyle… please… just get dressed and meet me downstairs.”

If I have to beg for his help… I am going to be seriously pissed.

“Fine, fine. But I expect a limo ride at some point, and free beer. And I’m not talking fuckin Bud Light either. I want the good imported shit!”

“Whatever. Just put some god damn clothes on! Lyla’s out in the car waiting and I don’t have time for this shit!” I jog back down the steps and out to the car, doing my absolute best to keep my cool.

Even though Kyle is a jackass 99 percent of the time, I know he’s going to come through for me on this. Believe it or not, the dude always manages to step up when you really need him. It’s like he’s got a sixth sense about this kind of shit. Once he gets down here, he’ll know what’s up and it’ll be totally fine.

Provided Trace and Burke don’t somehow fuck it all up.

Picking up Trace takes virtually no time. Because it’s Trace, and honestly… what the hell does he have to do on a Friday night besides sit in his parents basement and get high?

Burke’s the one I’m worried about. I mean sure, I could totally do this without her, but I feel like it’s more believable with her here.

I stroll up to the door and it opens before I have the chance to knock, and there stands Joe, glaring at me like I’m 12 and just ran over his flowerbeds with my bike.

“Hey Joe… how’s it goin?”

“It goes.” He nods slowly. “You need something Timberlake?”

“Uhh yeah… is Burke home?”

“Yeah. Up in her room.” He stands aside and lets me in and I can feel my shoulders tense.

It really is fucking sad that this dude makes me so nervous.

“Alright. Umm… thanks.” I nod and slide past him toward the stairs.

“Door stays open.” He damn near barks at me before disappearing into the living room.

Uhh… what the fuck?

Not exactly sure why I wouldn’t leave B’s door open, but whatever. I don’t have time to decipher Joey and his scary dad shit right now. I’m on a mission damnit.

I enter her room and find her seated on the floor, what I can only assume are car parts scattered all around her.

“Hey.”

“Oh… hi.” She looks up from the mess in front of her and smiles. “What’re you doin here?”

“I..umm… I need a favor B.”

“Why am I not surprised?” She rolls her eyes playfully and laughs. “What is it this time? Help you bury a body… chase teenage girls away from your house? Pretty sure my ball bat would come in handy for that one…”

“B… so not the time. I… I asked Lyla to dinner tonight, and she said yes. So, ya know… I figured it was a date. I pick her up and she totally wigs out on me. So, I played it off and told her we were all going.” I can’t help but wince when the smile immediately falls from her face, and her eyes dart back to the car parts.

Shit. That’s not a good sign.

And maybe I’m crazy, but I’m kind of getting the feeling that she’s doing everything she can to avoid looking at me.

“You… you actually… you asked her out?”

“Yeah. I like her.” I shrug. “Burke… please. Kyle and Trace are coming… I’m paying. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“Ok, so… riddle me this. You’re supposed to be such hot shit with all these chicks hot for your ass. You spend more time than could possibly be healthy bragging about how many broads you’ve banged, and how you can get anybody you want. So, if there’s so many just waiting in line for their shot at you… why do you give a shit about this one?”

“B… I promise we can get all philosophical later, but right now I just really fucking need your help, ok?” She’s silent for a moment before she finally rolls her eyes and nods.

“Let me get changed.”

”Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Seriously… if it wouldn’t feel like incest, I’d totally kiss you right now.”

“Umm… lets not go there. Cause… just… ew.”

It doesn’t take Burke long to change into a clean T-shirt and jeans, and then we’re off.

The car is damn near silent until I make it to Main street, and just when I’m starting to feel like this might turn out semi ok, Kyle has to go and open his big fucking mouth.

“Ok, so… why are we here?” He leans forward in his seat and stares at me curiously.

“What? I laugh and pray that it doesn’t sound as nervous as I think it does. “Dude… we’re going to dinner. We’ve had this shit planned for the last three days.”

“We have?”

“Yeah man. We drove by that new Chinese place on Tuesday and planned this out.”

“Impossible. I’m allergic to Chinese.”

“Yeah man… Chinese food is fucking gross! No way would I have agreed to this.” Trace shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

I swear, these two are the biggest fucking idiots on the planet. And that is precisely why I’m major screwed for the remainder of the evening.

I mean shit… even if they don’t know that I’m trying cover up the fact that this was a date, why aren’t they smart enough to realize that I’d like Lyla to not think I’m a total fucking loser? And what is with Burke and all her ‘you can get any chick you want’ shit?

Have my friends suddenly made it their mission in life to dick me over and make me miserable?

And ok fine… I’m whining like a little bitch, but guess what? I’m allowed to, cause this is a bunch of bullshit. Any hope I’d had of ever possibly hooking up with Lyla is shot to hell, and it’s all because of my fucking friends.

“Seriously dude.. I’m allergic to Chinese. You can ask my Mom.” Kyle nods seriously. “If I die tonight, it’s totally your fault. Hope you’re ok with losing a friend to death by Chinese food on your conscience.”

You know… I just may have to leave Memphis three weeks early.